by Ginny Dye
Carrie took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “Can we talk?”
“That would be a good idea,” Alice said, her voice an odd mix of sadness and anger.
Carrie looked around. “Where is Janie?”
“We asked her not to be here tonight,” Elizabeth said haughtily. “What we have to say doesn’t involve Janie.”
“And she agreed?” Carrie wasn’t sure if Janie’s absence was a relief or a disappointment. She longed for her friend to be here to support her, but she also didn’t want to make things harder for Janie. Just because she had made her decision didn’t mean anyone else had to follow her. Besides, she didn’t know how to interpret Janie’s actions the last few weeks. Had she decided to stay at the Female Medical College? Carrie realized they had talked of nothing substantial since the crisis in Moyamensing had begun. There had been neither time nor energy.
Florence shrugged. “Let’s just say we didn’t really give her a choice…” Her voice faded off as the door whipped open.
Janie entered the room as Florence was finishing her sentence. “And I find I am no longer willing to let others dictate my actions and decisions,” Janie said calmly. She stepped up next to Carrie and took her hand.
Carrie managed to keep from sagging with relief into her friend, but she squeezed Janie’s hand to show her gratitude. “Shall we go into the kitchen? I’m happy to talk about whatever you want, but I haven’t eaten since morning.”
Alice scowled, but did as Carrie asked. The rest followed and sat in the chairs around the large oak table.
Even though the atmosphere was stilted and cold, Carrie managed to eat around the lump in her throat, somehow forcing down the hot chicken noodle soup. She knew she would need food to handle whatever was coming, though she took note no one else was making the attempt. She was also aware it would be impossible to force bread down her constricted throat, so she ignored it, her eyes fixed on her bowl while she ate. For a wild moment she wondered if a miracle would make the bowl bottomless so that she wouldn’t have to face what was about to happen. She could just eat for the rest of her life. Carrie had known this time was coming, but she had hoped not to face it until she returned from Cromwell Plantation.
Eating the soup not only filled her stomach, it gave her time to think. Surely their friendship was stronger than a philosophical difference. A quick glance up at their faces, however, had her wondering. It had been a ridiculous hope that she could avoid this confrontation until after she returned. The very same women staring at her across the table were accompanying her to the Harvest Celebration. She had a brief thought that they might have decided not to come, but she quickly pushed it aside. All the women loved the plantation and had talked eagerly of returning. They would not be willing to miss the celebration.
Carrie eyed the bowl with sadness as she spooned the last bite of soup into her mouth, swallowed hard, and sat back. She calmly folded her linen napkin and placed it on the table. “I’m ready to talk.”
Silence stretched out for several minutes. Still, Carrie waited. She had not asked for this confrontation. She would wait to find out what was on their minds.
“Aren’t you going to tell us what you have been doing the last few weeks?” Florence finally demanded, her eyes flashing as brightly as her red hair under the glowing lanterns.
“I have a feeling you already know the answer to that,” Carrie said. Weeks of watching people come back from the brink of death had only deepened her commitment to her decision. She would not be bullied, and she would not be intimidated. That sudden realization brought a surge of energy that pulled back the curtains of fatigue.
“Carrie, you’ve been down in Moyamensing dispensing homeopathic remedies,” Alice said almost desperately.
Carrie nodded. “That is true.” She could have added much more, but she wanted to see where the conversation was going. Were her housemates open to examining their beliefs, or were they just going to criticize?
“Don’t you know that is forbidden by the American Medical Association?” Alice cried. “You’ll be kicked out of medical school.”
“Only if they do it before I withdraw,” Carrie replied. A shocked hush fell over the kitchen. Janie gripped her hand beneath the table and gave it a squeeze. Her touch filled Carrie with courage. “I am planning on withdrawing when I return from the plantation.” She could tell that her housemates had not seriously considered this possibility. She watched them exchange glances as they tried to figure out what to say next.
“You’ve missed weeks of classes,” Elizabeth said, her voice thick with accusation.
“I decided saving the people in Moyamensing was more important than going to class,” Carrie answered. “I thought you would understand that since Biddy is so special to your family.”
Elizabeth flushed. “Don’t make this about Biddy,” she said sternly. “What you’ve done is wrong.”
Carrie gazed at her friend, surprised at the formal rigidity in her voice and posture, though she wasn’t sure why she would be. Elizabeth’s father was a physician. He had been very involved in the founding of the American Medical Association. He was also, though his position was unpopular at times, a champion of the Female Medical College. “How is it wrong?” she asked, forcing her voice to remain gentle.
Elizabeth stared at her. “You know it is forbidden for anyone associated with the American Medical Association to be involved with homeopathy,” she said, her voice bordering on pompous.
“Which is a ludicrous position.” Carrie realized nothing about this conversation was going to be pleasant, so she might as well dive in headlong. She had a sudden vision of herself as a young girl diving off of a boulder into the James River on a hot summer day. She had always felt it was a leap of faith, and she had always been surprised by the silky feel of the water enveloping her, and the rush of breaking free to frolic in the river. The only way to have that experience was to dive in. The only way to deal with what was in front of her was to do the same thing. “Have you been to the cholera hospital, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth blinked and shook her head.
“I have,” Alice said, sorrow lacing her words. “It’s a horrible place.”
“How many people have left there well?” Carrie pressed.
Now it was Alice’s turn to blink. She thought for a moment and she, too, shook her head. “I don’t know of a single person.”
“That’s because no one comes out of there alive,” Carrie said. “The medicine we are taught to practice has no treatment for cholera.”
“That’s not true!” Florence said.
Carrie, now that she was pushed against the wall, realized she was more than ready for this. “Isn’t it?” she asked. “Every remedy being pushed on the poor people of Philadelphia is nothing more than mixtures of high amounts of alcohol and opium. Oh, they throw some herbs in, but they are nothing more than a cover for what is really there.” She saw Florence open her mouth in protest, but she kept talking. “The patent medicines being advertising in every newspaper in this city have never been proven to be beneficial, yet it is perfectly legal for people to advertise them and sell them. Have you seen the factory downtown? It’s a bottling factory for Parker’s Tonic.” She paused and stared at Florence. “Do you know Parker’s Tonic is over forty percent alcohol? Any ingredient, even if lethal or addictive, can be put into a bottle and legally sold without that ingredient being listed on the label. If that’s not bad enough, many of these so-called medicines are also full of opium. I found people taking it down in Moyamensing because it is touted as stopping pains in the stomach and bowel complaints. When they started feeling ill from cholera, they were drinking a tonic full of alcohol and opium. No wonder they were dying!”
“I’m not sure what that has to do with anything,” Florence said, only her eyes showing her sudden uncertainty. “You have broken the rules of the school.”
Carrie stared at her, wondering if she had ever really known her friend. When had free-spirited
Florence become controlled by rules? “The people of Moyamensing were dying, Florence. The cholera hospital was full of Irish people sent there to die.” She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t help them at the hospital because I wasn’t allowed to. I could help the remaining people. So I did.”
“Did you?” Elizabeth asked, skepticism dripping from her voice.
Carrie met her eyes. “We saved Faith from death. We saved close to two hundred other people who had already fallen ill with cholera. Only five people were too far gone for us to help. Every single one of them had been slated to be transported to the hospital. And we saved many hundreds more from coming down with cholera in the first place.” Her resolve strengthened as the words flowed from her mouth. They had done all that. “The homeopathic remedies have been proven to work. Proven. I simply used what I read would work. And it did.”
“But it was wrong,” Alice insisted.
Carrie looked at her with disbelief. “It was wrong to save hundreds of people? How can you possibly say that? You’re going to school to be a doctor. Doesn’t that mean you want to help people?”
“Yes, but we have to help them with medicines approved by the American Medical Association,” Alice responded, her voice sounding wooden and flat.
“Oh, I see,” Carrie responded, not bothering to hide her sarcasm. She could feel her anger growing. “I was supposed to save them with medicines that don’t exist? What you are really saying is that I should have just turned a blind eye and let them die, perhaps taking Biddy and Faith with them. Would that have been better?”
Alice stared back at her with blue eyes full of pain and confusion. “Carrie, it’s not that simple,” she stammered.
“Turning your back on people and letting them die is never simple,” Carrie retorted.
“You’re putting everything the school is about in jeopardy,” Florence said.
“How so?” Carrie asked. She knew the answer, but she was going to let Florence tell her. She hoped letting Florence hear it coming from her own mouth would enable her to realize how ridiculous it was.
“Several of our professors actually believe homeopathy can be effective, but they feel it is more important to gain the support of the American Medical Association if women doctors are ever going to be accepted and taken seriously,” Florence answered.
“So being taken seriously is worth the life of hundreds of Irish people in Moyamensing?” Carrie pressed.
“There is sometimes a price to be paid for change,” Florence responded. Her voice was weaker this time, but her eyes were just as stubborn.
Carrie suddenly felt sick. The fatigue pressed down on her again as she heard the words come from her friend’s mouth. She looked around the table. “And the rest of you agree?”
Alice nodded hesitantly. Elizabeth followed with a firm nod of her own, though she couldn’t erase the regret in her eyes.
Janie met her eyes squarely. “No, I do not agree with them, Carrie. I believe you did the right thing.”
Carrie wished that was enough to ease the ache in her mind and heart, but it wasn’t. Still, she was glad not to have to stand completely alone. “I will never agree that letting hundreds of people die a horrible death is worth anything. I chose to become a doctor because I want to heal people and help them stay healthy. If it is a requirement to ignore the suffering of people in order to become a doctor under the auspices of the American Medical Association, then all you have done is confirm I am making the right choice.” She had come to grips with her decision during her days in Moyamensing. This conversation was doing nothing but confirm what she knew she had to do. She pushed aside her sadness and sense of loss as she looked at Florence, Elizabeth and Alice. She dearly loved these women who had become close friends, but her integrity demanded she stand for what she knew was right.
“We have to move out,” Florence said stiffly. “I have spoken with one of my professors about this. Living with you doesn’t just put our own acceptance into the medical field in jeopardy. If we were to stay here, it would put the entire school in jeopardy.”
Carrie stiffened. She wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t lessen the sick feeling in her gut. “Are all of you leaving?” she asked. It wasn’t as if she needed them there, but she hated the wrenching feeling of losing people special to her.
“Yes,” Elizabeth said.
Carrie gazed at her, full of baffled resentment at the medical association that felt it could mandate the beliefs and actions of every member. She had seen Elizabeth fight for equal rights for women. She had seen her endure humiliation to become a doctor. Her ability to do the right thing, however, seemed to have reached its limit.
She looked away from Elizabeth and let her gaze settle on Alice. “And you?”
“I have to go,” Alice said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Carrie asked gently. “Sorry to leave here, or sorry you are making the decision to side with an institution willing to allow hundreds, and possibly thousands, to die because of ignorance and a ridiculous agenda against a legitimate practice simply because it takes profits from their pockets and won’t promote useless and dangerous drugs?”
Alice flushed and looked away.
“You’re being arrogant, Carrie,” Florence snapped.
“Am I?” Carrie asked, surprised her voice wasn’t reflecting the wild pounding of her heart. “I have not said one thing that is not true. If you can prove me wrong, I will be more than happy to listen.” She had a sudden flash of Abby talking to her on the streets of Philadelphia when she was struggling with her beliefs about slavery. The older woman hadn’t judged her for not being able to let go of all she had learned growing up. Abby had given her time. She had loved her and merely asked questions. She had given her grace.
Carrie took a deep breath and spoke into the long silence that followed her challenge. “I’m sorry our differing beliefs and actions have brought us to this point. I am going to deeply miss all of you,” she said. “I’m very grateful we had the chance to become friends, and I hope that somehow we can bridge all this and continue to be friends.” Elizabeth stared at her with cold eyes, but Florence’s face filled with sadness, and Alice made no attempt to hide the tears welling in her eyes.
Elizabeth turned to Janie. “Are you leaving the medical college, too?” she demanded.
Janie nodded. “Yes. I am.”
Carrie felt a deep surge of relief that this wasn’t going to come between her and Janie, but she could also see from the expression on her friend’s face that it had been an agonizing decision.
“Why?” Elizabeth demanded. “You’ve been going to classes. Why are you going to throw this away?”
Janie took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “I almost didn’t,” she admitted. “I was afraid of taking another unpopular stand. It’s not that much fun to be ridiculed and humiliated. When I feel it coming from my closest friends, it makes it even more difficult,” she said. “In the end, I simply chose to do what is right for me.”
Carrie watched as the impact of her words hit the other three women. Alice looked ashamed. Florence looked even more confused. Elizabeth, though her face remained hard, shifted her eyes away as she blinked back tears. Carrie suddenly realized this was just as hard for her housemates as it was for her and Janie. They were also doing what they believed was the right thing to do, but a disagreement didn’t have to undo all their months of friendship.
Carrie reached out and grabbed Alice’s hand while her gaze settled on the other two. “Just because the American Medical Association has mandated a policy against homeopathy, that doesn’t mean they can control friendship. So what if we disagree? We can still be friends, can’t we? We’ll figure out a way to navigate this,” she declared. “We’re women. We have to stick together. I understand you have to move out because of the policy, but surely that doesn’t mean you can’t still come to Cromwell for the Harvest Celebration,” she said persuasively. “We’ll all have a wonderf
ul time.”
Alice and Florence both looked hopeful, but Elizabeth shook her head firmly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I have waited a long time to become a doctor. I won’t do anything to put it in jeopardy. My professors would not understand if I joined you.”
Alice and Florence sagged with disappointment, but neither refuted her declaration. It was obvious who was in charge.
“So you are going to let the men of the American Medical Association dictate your friendships?” Janie asked. “Is that how you want to live your life? Are you really willing to give up all your rights?”
Elizabeth folded her arms and tightened her lips, but she said no more. Alice and Florence exchanged anxious looks, but still wouldn’t speak up.
A long silence suffused the kitchen. Carrie’s heart filled with both compassion and sadness as she realized this might be the last time they would ever sit around this table together. Visions of meals ringing with laughter taunted her. Thoughts of talks late into the night as they learned each other’s history and life stories tightened like a boulder in her heart. She had known there would be a price to pay, but suddenly the price seemed too high. She squeezed Janie’s hand and stood. “It’s been a very long day. I am going to bed now.” Janie stood with her.
Silence followed them out of the room.
Moses reined Champ to a stop as he waved his arm over the fields. “Our biggest challenge will be keeping the fields fertile.”
