“No, I like her. She’s just looking out for you.”
Jackson wasn’t so sure. Between Gretta’s comments about Tim and her discussion of some of Jackson’s less than lawful times during high school—vandalism incidents involving an enemy’s car—he was quite sure Gretta was just trying to ruin his life. Or at least tear Sophia away from him.
All in all, it had gone better than expected. Over a dinner of stuffed pork chops and mom’s homemade apple pie, Sophia had graced his family with her witty charm, her spunk, and her smile. His mom loved her from the first moment, talking hair and nails with her and promising to stop by the shop later in the week. Gretta, too, gave her the unwritten stamp of approval, complimenting her killer shoes and asking to see pictures of Henry.
Everyone was taken with her, which wasn’t surprising. Sophia was a perfect fit in his family. She was sweet enough to win over his delicate mother but sassy enough to stand up to the loudmouthed Gretta. She’d even won Jace over, playing Legos with him for a half an hour after dinner.
She was perfect.
“My family loves you already, I can tell. You’ve probably replaced me in the will.” He winced. “Sorry.”
“I’m fine. Please stop apologizing every time you say death or hint at it.” She glanced out the window, seeming peaceful. “It was nice to be there with your family. It felt right.”
They drove back to her place, and he pulled in the driveway.
“I had a great time tonight,” she said.
“The night’s not over yet.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What do you have in mind?”
“Go get Henry. We’re heading back to my place.”
“Why?”
“Just trust me.”
“This is how all horror films start.”
He shook his head. “Really? A pork chop dinner with the crazy family and then a murder in his apartment—with your mastiff puppy? What kind of B-rated movies are you watching?”
She laughed. “Let me get a few things and I’ll be right back.”
_______________
“Should I be nervous?”
“Terrified actually,” Jackson said as he checked his watch, mentally noting it would be there any minute, as long as Sebastian was on schedule.
“I just don’t understand why we’re standing outside in this brisk weather with Henry.”
Although spring was certainly on its way, tonight was one of those nights that flashed them back to the winter months; that hinted spring wasn’t quite ready to take over.
“Would you please just be patient?”
“That’s not my thing.”
“I see that.”
He tapped his foot, starting to worry this would all fall through. Just as he was about to text Sebastian, a friend of Evan’s brother, he saw it coming down the street. Actually, he heard it coming before he really saw it, the familiar clomping and slight squeaking the telltale sign his plan to sweep Sophia completely off her feet was back on.
Henry let out a pathetic woof as Sophia turned her head to the right to gauge what was happening. “What the?” was all she could manage. Jackson smiled.
“Ms. Clawson, I do believe your chariot awaits,” he said, happy to have made her speechless.
“A carriage ride? Here? Now? How did you manage?”
“A man never reveals his secrets,” he said as he pulled on her hand, leading her and Henry to the curb.
“Can Henry come?”
“Why not? It’ll be his first carriage ride, too. You did say the other week you’d never been on a carriage ride, right?”
“Yes. But I didn’t think you’d go about setting one up for me. I sort of feel like Cinderella.”
“Good. Just don’t label me your fairy godmother. That would get a little weird.”
The carriage stopped in front of his house, and the driver gave a command for the horses to stop. Henry let out a few more barks, but the horses, beautiful white creatures with manes that truly did look fairy-tale inspired, didn’t move.
“Thank you so much,” Jackson said to the driver, dressed in a tux.
“My pleasure.”
They crawled into their places, Henry between them, looking perplexed but intrigued at the same time.
The carriage slowly took off, leading them down the familiar streets of their hometown, letting them see it from a very different vantage point. A light wind blew as the stars sparkled, creating a scene straight from a movie. Sophia looked entranced.
They sat for a few moments in silence, taking in the scene, his arm stretched across the back of the seat and resting on her shoulder.
“How did you manage all of this?” she asked with an air of apparent gratitude.
“Evan’s brother is friends with Sebastian, the owner of the carriage company. With the holidays long gone, it’s sort of a slow time, so it was pretty easy to book a personal ride.”
“This is so special. I can’t even tell you,” she said, leaning on his shoulder over Henry as the carriage rolled on, hooves clomping the only sound on the silent street.
“I hoped you’d like it. I remember you talking at dinner about how much you wanted to go on one.”
“I can’t believe you remembered.”
“I remember everything about my time with you.” He knew if Evan were here, he would be poking fun at him for the cheesy line, but Jackson didn’t care. He meant it. He cherished every moment, every memory with this beautiful woman.
For a while, he’d tried to avoid this feeling, the shame of the situation barring him from his own heart. He’d since realized what a gift it was she had come into his life. Maybe in a strange way, fate had brought them together when they’d needed each other the most.
Before Sophia, life had been dismal, no hint of happiness on the horizon. He’d felt empty, focusing on his losses. He didn’t see a way out of the gloom.
Sophia showed him a different path. She made him feel as if things would be more than okay, no matter what happened. The situation with Chloe, with Logan, and everything in between seemed survivable. With her by his side, he could muster the courage and faith to get through anything.
She turned to him, her eyes fully engulfed in him. “I don’t want to move too fast. I know I said I wanted to be careful. But Jackson Gauge, I think I love you.”
His heart froze, the words an unexpected gift on this night. “I know I love you,” he replied confidently, leaning in slowly, savoring each second of the magical moment between them. He kissed her then, a soft, careful kiss, as if he were afraid of tainting the magic around them. The clopping of horse hooves lulled them into a whimsical state. Even Henry was quiet, still, as if revering the atmosphere of the carriage.
Things weren’t perfect between them, and they probably never would be. The start of their relationship would always be marked by a seemingly insurmountable tragedy, a heart-wrenching loss.
Nonetheless, through the wreckage of the sadness, through the feelings of emptiness, they had managed to resurrect something breathtaking, something worthy of a romantic carriage ride in the brisk night.
_______________
“Thanks again,” Jackson said as he tipped the carriage driver, Sophia heading into his apartment. He followed her, his hands numb from the plummeting temperatures.
Once inside, he walked to the kitchen and he retrieved the bottle of wine from the fridge.
“I had a great time,” Sophia said, setting Henry down on the floor. The pup turned in a circle five times, plopped on the floor, and conked out.
“We’re not done yet,” he replied, pouring two glasses and then carefully handing one to her. He clinked glasses with her softly before saying, “To new memories.”
“I like it,” she nodded. “To new memories.”
They both sipped, and he put his glass down. From the living room, he picked up a wrapped box he’d stowed behind the couch before returning to Sophia.
“And I’m also toasting to the preservation of them. Here.” He handed Sophia
the box, and her eyes again twinkled.
“You’re just full of surprises tonight, huh?”
“Are you complaining?”
“Heck no. Keep them coming.”
She set the box on the counter to open it. He came behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he put his head on her shoulder to watch the process.
When she unwrapped the box and lifted the lid, she grinned. She turned to face him, and they were nose to nose. “What’s this for?”
“Us. Our memories.”
“I love it.”
“Open to the first page.”
She complied, and found a page with a blank spot in the middle. Underneath the blank spot, he’d written Our first carriage ride.
“I wondered why you were so adamant about taking a selfie.”
“What, did you think I was just vain?”
“Sort of.”
He tickled her and kissed her neck. Spinning her around in his arms, he leaned her gently against the counter. “I know these past few months have been hard. I wanted tonight to be about us making new memories, memories you could think about that just contained us. I want us to never forget our past. Seriously. But I also want us to start to build our own album, our own moments. That’s what this is about. I can’t wait to fill the pages with you.”
“Thank you,” she said, tears flooding her eyes.
“Don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you cry,” he smiled, kissing her on the cheek.
“You’re beautiful,” she said to him.
“I was thinking the same thing about you. But I think it’s more acceptable for me to call you beautiful.”
“I mean you’re a beautiful person. Thank you.” She kissed him, a soft, gentle kiss. They ignored their wine and she led him backward toward his bedroom, toward the sanctuary and privacy of his room.
That night, there wasn’t the hungry passion between them they’d found once before. It was a sweeter, more sensuous experience because they knew without a doubt both of their hearts were in it.
Lying in bed with her in his arms, Jackson felt like he’d finally found peace in his life, like nothing could possibly go wrong. Things would work out, his life was back on track, and he had the most amazing woman in his arms.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
JACKSON
“If you need anything, you know, like a gorgeous hunk to scrub your back, let me know.”
Sophia rolled her eyes. “I thought you were making lunch?” she asked, as she prepared to step into the shower.
“I could be persuaded to join you. I mean, it would be tough, but I could be convinced,” he teased, eating up the sight of her and not hiding it. She shook her head playfully and stepped into the stream of hot water, shutting the curtain to block his view.
“Okay, okay. I’m off to make the pizza.”
They’d spent the morning lounging in his apartment. Other than taking Henry outside for a bathroom break, they’d basked in the solitude, perhaps not wanting the real world to break into the magic of their past evening.
He meandered to the kitchen to scrounge up the ingredients. He’d promised to make her his famous white sauce pizza for lunch before they joined the real world and both headed to their responsibilities. He felt himself almost dancing around the kitchen, an unfamiliar jauntiness to his step. They’d turned a corner, and everything had changed—in a good way.
There was a knock at the door, which, although puzzling, wasn’t uncommon. He figured it was one of his neighbors who had locked themselves out or a mailman delivering something.
When he tossed the door back to appraise the visitor, though, his jaw literally fell open. His stomach lurched. This couldn’t be good.
“Chloe? What is it?”
She was smiling at him demurely. It was unlike her to seem so shy, so calm. For the past several months, he’d only met fury or condescension when he dropped Logan off after his weekend visitation.
She brushed straight past him into the kitchen, not waiting for an invitation.
“Is Logan okay? Where is he?” Jackson’s head raced with worries.
“He’s fine. He’s with my mom,” Chloe calmly said. “I wanted to come see you alone.”
She smiled at him, which made his stomach lurch even more. What was going on? What the hell could she possibly want?
“Okay, so what is it? What couldn’t wait?”
She leaned against the kitchen island and took a breath. “I’m here because I want to say I’m sorry. I messed up.”
He almost laughed out loud, sheer shock making him pause long enough to appraise the look on her face. She wasn’t kidding. She was serious.
“What the fuck are you saying?” he said, emboldened by the ludicrous behavior of his ex-wife.
“I’m saying I still love you, Jackson. I messed up. Seth and I are over. I want to come back.”
There was a pause, both Jackson and Chloe weighing each other, staring at each other. Jackson waited a few breaths, determined she was serious and then exhaled with a hint of nervous laughter.
“Are you kidding me? You still love me? Funny way of showing it, Chloe. Taking Logan away. Making bitchy comments to me. Keeping my son from me every chance you get. What’s this really about?”
Her gaze didn’t waver. “I do still love you, whether you want to believe it or not. I know my behavior has been crazy lately. But I want to come back. I do. Things are over with Seth. I want to be with you. I just... I was out of my mind. I hit a low spot. I’ve realized I wasn’t the woman I want to be. Without you, I’m not even close to the woman I want to be. Think about it, Jackson. I know you’re still mad at me, and rightfully so. But we could live together again, as a family. I know it won’t be perfect. In time, maybe you could forgive me. We could raise our son together, like we always wanted. We could give him a gift—two parents in one house.”
He stared at her, uncertain how he could ever have gotten to this point. When she’d told him she was pregnant, he would’ve never imagined someday they’d be here.
“Chloe, this is crazy. You know we’re over. You’ve burned me too many times.”
“So you’re willing to give up your son?”
“No. I’m not. I’m going to fight for him. I’m not going to move in with you to have him back. That’s not fair to anyone.”
“I know you still feel for me. We were so good together. We could have it all back.”
“Chloe, no. This isn’t going to happen. You’re crazy if you think I can forgive you for what you’ve done.”
“Like I said, I know it’s not going to be easy. Please think about this. Think about what a good thing this could be,” she said, walking toward him now, resting a hand on his chest. He looked into her eyes and saw a glimmer of the woman he had once loved.
The glimmer faded away quickly. This was surreal. Unbelievable. How could she expect to just walk back into his life? Behind the confidence, the apologetic woman, behind the sliver of the woman he once loved, Jackson saw something else.
He saw a desperate woman, a woman he could never love again.
He loved Logan and would do anything to have his son back.
But not this. This was too much.
“You need to leave, Chloe,” he hissed, feeling something for her he hadn’t felt before.
Pity.
She was obviously not in a good place in her life to be here like this, begging for him. It wasn’t like her.
Tears formed slowly in the corner of her eyes. “I’m not giving up on us.” She turned to leave.
He wanted to scream at her, say she’d given up on them when she cheated on him, when she fought for sole-custody. She’d given up every time she made rude remarks to him, looked at him like he was scum.
He didn’t, though. No matter what Chloe did to him, no matter how much she’d hurt him or how ridiculous and insulting her behavior was now, she’d always be Logan’s mother. He would always have some sort of place for her in his heart.
“If
you need anything, call me. We’ll talk later.”
She scurried out the door, off to her car. He took a deep breath, weighing what had just happened, still shocked, enraged, and confused. He looked up, ready to return to his cooking, to push the whole encounter out of his mind, when he saw Sophia standing in the hallway, dressed in the same clothes from the night before.
She also had the suggestion of tears in her eyes. She eyed him cautiously but with a peaceful look on her face.
“I should go,” she said, somberly turning to get her things.
“Sophia, wait. Why?” He rushed to her side, spinning her around. The tears were flowing.
“You should go back to her, Jackson. You’d get to be with your son. You can’t throw that out.”
“How can you even suggest that? I love you. We’re just getting started. I don’t love her anymore.”
“Think about Logan. Isn’t this what you wanted? To have him back? Isn’t that more important than whatever this is between us?”
He was taken aback by her words, surprised by how hurtful they were. “Whatever this is? What’s that mean?”
“It means, Jackson, we’ve had fun, sure. But do you really think we can be something more than... this? How could we ever make this work, especially now? How could I be with you knowing if it weren’t for me, you could be with your son? I won’t come between you and him.”
“Sophia, this is ridiculous. I’m not going back to Chloe. We can be together and work out things with my son.”
“I won’t do this. There’s too much at stake. We knew this was a bad idea from the beginning. We both tried to fight it because we knew it was wrong. Here’s another sign, another reason, we shouldn’t be together.”
He tried to stop her, to pull her back to him both literally and figuratively.
She was already gone.
“What’s happened? Just a few minutes ago, we were great, more than great.”
She dropped her gaze to the floor. “Things are great, Jackson. I meant every word. I love being with you. I love you. But this, this is just a bad idea. We can’t make this work in the long run, not with Chloe, and my feelings for Tim, and everything working against us.” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, avoiding his gaze. When she finally looked up at him, tears in her eyes, she spoke so softly he could barely hear her. “Thank you for everything,” she said as if he were a grocery store clerk who had just finished ringing up her order instead of the man she’d professed to love just a few hours ago.
To Say Goodbye Page 16
