It was okay, though. These things took time.
Time didn’t push the past away or make the future less certain. It did, however, offer clarity. It softened emotions, allowing the truth to shine through.
“You ready?” he asked.
“I am now.”
When Mike finally arrived with her Chinese, she didn’t even care that it was fifteen minutes late and a bit cold. It didn’t matter anymore.
All that mattered was their lives were heading in the right direction—together.
After putting the Chinese food in the fridge for later, she let Jackson take her hand and lead her out of the house.
_______________
“I don’t get it.” Sophia gazed at the Lanzel property, which was about two miles from her current house. The familiar redbrick house had belonged to the elderly couple since she’d moved here. It was a quaint house, a 1950s style charmer. Jackson had stopped his truck in front of it, but she wasn’t getting it. Had he gone mad?
“This past month, I’ve been thinking. About us, about you, about where I wanted my life to go. I just realized we were both going about this whole thing wrong. We were trying to meld the lives we had into one solid future. But maybe what we both need is a fresh start. I’m not suggesting we forget the past, and I don’t want to pressure you. But I want this to be a turning point for both of us. I want us to start carving out a new path. Life hasn’t gone as planned for either of us. I lost Logan, got divorced, and lost my best friend. You lost your husband and best friend all in one go. It’s time, though, Sophia. I think together we can find a new way, a new happiness.”
“I think you’re right. But why are we here?”
“I want to start fresh. So I bought it.”
“Wait... you what?”
“Yep. The Lanzels are retiring to Florida. I pulled some strings, scraped together a down payment, and made an offer. They accepted yesterday. This is mine.”
“That’s so great,” she exclaimed, smiling genuinely for him. This was a big step.
“Yeah. And the appeal is happening soon. So if all goes well, maybe I’ll be able to let Logan help decorate his room.”
“He’s going to love it. I’m so happy for you.”
“That’s the thing, Soph.”
She turned to him, sort of knowing where this was going but wanting to hear the words officially.
“I don’t want to pressure you, and it’s okay if you’re not ready. I know your house is full of memories, good memories. But I want you to know, whenever you’re ready, if you’re ready, this place belongs to you, too.”
She caught what he was saying. He didn’t have to elaborate.
She stared at the brick walls, gazed at the rockers on the front porch. She squeezed Jackson’s hand.
She hadn’t thought about moving out of her home. She never considered it because it hadn’t made sense. It still didn’t quite feel right. She wasn’t ready to let go of all of it, of the entire dream. She wasn’t ready to let go of their belongings, of the life they’d built, not completely.
Baby steps, she told herself. Grief took its time. It wasn’t a logical road.
She was ready to see where this thing with Jackson could go, was ready to open her heart again.
But she wasn’t ready to move in with him, to let go of the past completely. Not just yet.
“I love you. I want a life with you. This is a big step, a huge one. I’m not quite ready, not yet. I want us to take some time to really date, to build a relationship sans guilt. But when I’m ready, and I know someday I will be, you’ll be the first to know.”
He smiled and nodded. “I thought you’d say that. I did. I just wanted you to know the offer is there. I can’t wait to make new memories with you, Sophia. I don’t care if they’re here or at your house or if they’re in a box. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“Okay, so you can let me know when you’re ready?”
“Yeah. But I think I know when.”
He furrowed his brow. “But I thought you said...”
“I said not quite yet, which is true. I need some time to take things in. We need some time to date, really date. But I think, as long as you don’t get sick of me, I think in about, oh, seven and a half months we’ll be ready to move in with you.”
“That’s great. But very specific.”
She smiled again, putting a hand on her stomach. “Well, might be a little less. I mean, we might want to get the nursery situated.”
He froze, a dumbstruck look on his face. “Wait, are you saying... what?”
“I’m pregnant.”
He sat, silent, his hand momentarily covering his smile as he sat in disbelief. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
He reached across to grab her, to kiss her, to celebrate.
She let herself celebrate too. She hadn’t planned on this all happening so fast. But that was Jackson for you. Intense, to the point.
Passionate.
“This is amazing,” he whispered, pushing a piece of her bangs out of her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I was still working on my heart, sorting everything out. I just... I didn’t want you to feel obligated.”
“Are you kidding? Are you blind?”
“Okay, Mr. Hot Shot. Not all of us are super egotistical. I just wanted to make sure if you wanted to be with me, it wasn’t out of moral obligation.”
“I’m with you out of love. And maybe a touch of carnal obligation.” He winked.
“So are you seriously okay if I don’t move in right away?”
“Hey. Seriously. Take all the time you need. We’ve got a lifetime.”
“Okay.”
“But one thing.”
“Yeah?”
“We can maybe, I don’t know, put sleepovers in the cards as possibilities?”
“Yeah, I think.”
“Okay. Deal.”
“Deal.”
They kissed again. “Sophia, I’m so happy. Seriously. I know this all happened so fast. But I’m glad it did.”
They took one last look at the house, the two of them taking in all of the twists and turns from the past hour. Then, he drove away.
He pulled back in front of her house. “So, where did we leave off?” he asked as they got out of the truck.
“Well, I believe we left off between ‘let’s be lovers again’ and ‘we’re having a baby.’”
“Well, what do you say we explore the middle a bit?”
“I’m game. But only if the middle involves eating some Chinese. I’m starving.”
She succumbed to him, body and heart, as they headed inside to reheat the Chinese takeout. She let herself feel the happiness she’d been afraid to feel. Suddenly, the future seemed more than survivable.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
JACKSON
Jackson was a bundle of nervous energy, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He sipped on his third cup of coffee—perhaps this had something to do with his ceaseless pacing—and then jaunted to the back bedroom, just to eye up the furniture one more time.
He had made the executive decision to go with green, Logan’s favorite color. He hoped it wasn’t a mistake now.
He didn’t have time to think about it too much because the doorbell rang. Jackson covered the distance from the back bedroom to the front door in record time.
“Daddy!” Logan exclaimed when Jackson opened the door.
“Hey, buddy,” Jackson said, stooping down to give his son a hug.
Chloe stood on the doorstep, a few of Logan’s suitcases in hand.
“Here.” She practically flung the suitcases at Jackson. Logan ran past him, heading to check out the house.
“Do you want to come in?” Jackson offered civilly.
Chloe snorted. “Fuck you.” She turned, sunglasses hiding her face, and stomped toward her car.
“Chloe,” he called after her. Despite everything, his heart panged a bit.
He didn’t want it to be this way.
She stopped at her car, scowling at him.
“Chloe, I want things to be okay with us. It’s not good for Logan for us to be fighting.”
“You should have thought about that when you appealed.”
“My son needs me in his life.”
“Don’t count on it,” she said. “He better be on my doorstep in two weeks at exactly nine.”
With that, she slammed her car door and peeled out of his driveway.
He sighed, shaken from the encounter. Even Chloe’s foul mouth and attitude, however, couldn’t kill how happy he was.
Logan was back. His son was back.
Granted, it was shared custody. Every two weeks, Logan would flip back and forth between Chloe and Jackson. It wasn’t ideal. It was going to be tense until they all settled into a routine. But it would be okay. Logan had both of his parents in his life, which was what every child deserved.
“Logan, come check out your room. I started decorating it, but we can pick up some new stuff today.”
Logan raced back down the hall, and Jackson followed.
“Dinosaurs!” the boy shouted, heading to jump into his dinosaur-themed bed.
“Do you like it, buddy?”
“I love it. Do I get to sleep here?”
“Yep. It’s your room.”
“Cool.”
Jackson couldn’t think of any better word to describe what he was feeling.
Life was back on track.
_______________
“Hi, Logan,” Sophia said when she came in the front door the next night bearing pizza and ice cream.
“Hi. Want to see my dinosaur?” Logan asked, handing her his stuffed animal. Sophia smiled.
“Do you remember Sophia?” Jackson asked.
“Yep. The lady you like.”
Sophia and Jackson looked at each other and smiled.
Sophia had been worried about overwhelming Logan. She insisted she should stay away these two weeks, give him time alone with his son. But Jackson disagreed.
“Soph, you’re a part of his life now. You’re going to be having his brother or sister. We need to start building a relationship between you two.”
“Chloe isn’t going to like it.”
“Chloe doesn’t like anything.”
“I don’t want to tell him about the baby, though, not yet.”
“Deal. We’ll wait a little while. Plus, I should probably tell Chloe first.”
“That’s going to be a fun conversation.”
Jackson had grimaced, knowing she was right.
The appeal had been even uglier than he anticipated. Chloe’s lawyer pulled out all of the stops, from Jackson’s struggles with alcohol to his near breakdown after he returned from Iraq. He’d been forced to talk about things on the stand he didn’t want to talk about—he rarely broached the subject of his time in the army with anyone.
Sophia had sat beside him the entire time, holding his hand when he needed it, being a shoulder to cry on when he felt like it was hopeless. She never judged, never pushed him. She was exactly what he needed the entire time.
Sophia, Jackson, and Logan headed to the kitchen table to eat pizza and Henry sat under Logan’s seat hoping for a pizza crust—Logan quickly obliged. Logan animatedly talked to Sophia about his new room, the puppy he saw at the park yesterday, and his favorite cartoon. She smiled the entire time, a genuine smile. She was going to be an amazing mother, to both their unborn baby and his son.
Sitting at the table, Jackson felt like a new man. All of the heartaches he’d dealt with, first in Iraq, then with Chloe, then with the loss of Tim; they felt miles away. He looked around the table and he saw happiness, he saw his future. He saw everything he ever wanted.
The three spent the evening and several more that week doing what families do—going to the movies, watching television, walking to the park.
By the end of the two weeks, Logan was holding Sophia’s hand more than his. Henry was already Logan’s best friend, according to the boy—the two were inseparable. Jackson was more than okay with it. They were becoming a family, a family with baggage, but a family nonetheless.
_______________
On the weeks Logan wasn’t home, Jackson felt like there was a hole in his heart. The custody agreement was certainly better than what he’d had, but it would never be perfect.
Still, he made the best of the situation. He used the weeks without Logan as weeks to build his relationship with Sophia, to make new memories.
That first Saturday without Logan, he headed to Sophia’s house, handing her a box.
“What’s this?”
“Open it, woman,” he teased, nodding toward it. She smiled coyly but obliged.
Inside, she pulled out an orange bikini.
“What’s this?”
“Your attire for our first surprise date.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”
He walked closer, taking the bikini from her hands and setting it on the counter. “Well, you said you wanted to give this whole dating thing a go before you even consider being ready to go to the next level. So I figured a woman like you needs some pretty mind-blowing dates to be impressed.”
“Yeah, clearly, I’m super high-class.”
“Well, I’m not taking any chances. I am going to impress you if it kills me. So you see, I’ve planned twelve surprise dates. Twelve.”
“Twelve?”
“I figured twelve was a respectable number of dates to impress you enough to move in.”
“You think twelve dates equals moving in status?”
“No. But I think twelve amazing dates with me might equal moving in.” He flashed his killer smile. She just shook her head.
“Well, that might be true, but listen, if you’re going to impress your pregnant girlfriend, shoving a bikini in her face probably isn’t winning any points. I don’t even want to think about putting this thing on, let alone going anywhere in it.”
He nuzzled against her cheek. “Stop. You’re gorgeous. And while it is tempting to keep you here all to myself in this bikini, we do have somewhere to be. So go put that on, put something over it, and meet me in the truck in ten minutes.”
She sighed, but the sparkle in her eye told him she was enjoying this surprise thing, bikini or not.
_______________
“This is the best,” Sophia said, lounging in her inner tube.
“Agreed. See, I told you I was going to wow you.”
They floated down the lazy river at Great Wolf Lodge, inner tubes tied together, hands joined. There were kids splashing and other couples linked together nearby, but Jackson barely noticed them. All he was focused on was the beautiful blonde floating down the indoor river with him.
They’d driven three hours to the indoor water park, Jackson figuring a lazy river was a perfect way to end the week, a perfect new memory to make.
He’d been right. They spent the next few hours laughing, lounging, and floating their worries away.
When they were completely waterlogged, they dried off, putting some clothes over top of their swimsuits. They found a coffee shop and bakery inside the lodge, both getting the biggest cupcakes the shop had along with some herbal tea.
As they shoveled in the glorious pink frosting, talking about the date and how they would have to bring Logan back sometime, Sophia grew serious.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” he said, wiping chocolate crumbs from his mouth
“Why don’t you ever talk about Iraq?”
This had sort of come out of left field. He paused for a moment, catching his breath and contemplating how to respond.
“Sorry. Mood killer,” she said, wincing.
He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It’s just... it was a rough time. I saw some stuff no one should have to see. I lost some people. It’s just not something I like to dwell on.”
She shook her head. “Fair enough.”<
br />
“Really? You don’t need to know anything else? You’re not curious?”
She put her spoon down. “No. Jackson, I love the man in front of me, no matter what happened in the past. Your past can stay there. I want to live here, in the moment. Whatever you went through, it made you the amazing, strong, sexy man you are today. That’s all I need to know. When you’re ready to tell me more, I’ll be here to listen.”
He nodded. “You’re amazing, you know?”
She shrugged playfully. “I mean, yeah, I am.” She winked, finishing her last bite of cupcake before leaning in for a kiss.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
JACKSON
As the weeks passed, their connection morphed into the relationship Jackson knew they could have. He continued to surprise her, to date her, to get to know her.
The more he found out, the more he found to love. He loved the way she laughed hysterically at certain commercials, especially the one with a monkey in it. He loved the way she ate mustard on her French fries. He loved every piece of her, the sexy, the smart, the sassy, and the broken.
He just loved her.
Over the weeks, he continued taking her on surprise dates. He wanted to make sure they had a lifetime of memories, new memories, memories free of guilt. They went to another water park, they went fishing to a new fishing spot he’d never been to. They went on a picnic. They went to a drive-in. They took Logan to DC for a weekend, to a book fair, and to the aviary.
They ate fancy dinners. They visited mom and pop restaurants. They went shopping, swimming, ice cream eating, and all sorts of things in between. They did all of the cheesy dating traditions he, not long ago, had sworn off.
Things weren’t rosy. There were still moments of melancholy, dates that hit her hard, dates that hit him hard. There were moments of indecision, moments he wanted them to move faster, moments she needed to slow down.
They were navigating tricky waters, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
He came with his own share of baggage, too. Chloe was none too happy when he told her about the baby. There were screaming fights, attempts to sabotage his time with Logan, and copious amounts of expletives. But they were navigating those waters, too.
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