Forgive Me

by Susan Lewis

  Archie was looking wary again. “He’s a PC. It means he knows at least some of the bosses’ business model, and who they are. He can still do damage.”

  Marcy tensed. This might not be an admission of Marcus’s involvement, but it was close.

  “His knowledge gives him power,” Archie added.

  Andee said, “So the order did come from Huxley-Browne?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying,” he protested. “I don’t know who was behind it. I only know what BJ told me and he never mentioned no names.”

  “If you can link Marcus Huxley-Browne to the crime you committed he will be charged and kept in prison pending trial. Can you do that?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not saying he had nothing to do with it,” he told her, “but I’ve got no way of proving it. Like I said, my instructions came from BJ.”

  “Did you ever make deliveries to Marcus Huxley-Browne?” she asked.

  He stiffened, but ended up giving a short nod.

  “To his home, or his office?”

  “Mostly his office, but a couple of times to his home.”

  “The one in West London?”

  He nodded again and looked suddenly panicked. “Listen, I’m not telling anyone I delivered to him . . . I don’t need any more on my rap sheet . . .”

  “This isn’t a police interview,” Andee reminded him. “We’re just establishing that you know who Huxley-Browne is and that you and your uncle had contact with him over a period of time for reasons unconnected to the fire.”

  Looking panicked again, Archie said, “You’re asking me to be a snitch and I just can’t do that. Sorry,” he said to Marcy, “I get where you’re coming from but if you knew what happened to snitches in here . . . Someone would put the word out and . . .” His voice trailed off as his eyes returned to his hands, leaving them to imagine what kind of horrors and abuse he might face if he helped them.

  Andee was not ready to give up yet. “If we can’t keep Huxley-Browne in prison by connecting him to the fire, he’ll be free in a few weeks, and if he does still wish Claudia harm, he could try to approach her. We have to do what we can to stop him. Would you agree with that?”

  Archie’s eyes went to Claudia, his face pinched with anxiety and indecision.

  “Archie, look at me,” Marcy said softly.

  He flinched, clearly knowing why she wanted him to meet her eyes, but he couldn’t do it.

  “I understand about your mother,” Marcy told him, “but if your uncle is taken into custody, we really believe she can be kept safe. We just need you to do the same for us by admitting that my son-in-law was the one who ordered the crime you committed . . .”

  “I can’t because I don’t know . . .”

  Andee said, “But you do believe it was him?”

  He said nothing.

  “If I can persuade you to confirm that you’ve had dealings with Huxley-Browne in the past,” Andee continued, “I can talk to a detective . . .”

  “No, just not going to happen,” he cut in, jerking back in his chair.

  “The detective I’m referring to,” Andee pressed on, “knows all about Claudia and why she left her husband. He hasn’t in all this time revealed her whereabouts, because he considers her safety to be more important than exposing why she left. This means there’s no evidence that Claudia was ill-treated, so he can’t do anything to protect her once Huxley-Browne comes out. But if there’s even the slightest suspicion that her husband was behind the fire it should be grounds for an investigation at least, and could also be enough to get a restraining order put on him.”

  To Claudia Archie said, “It’s not that I don’t want you to be protected, I swear I do, but if it ever got out that I . . .”

  “Archie,” Andee interrupted, “you need to get your head around the fact that the people you’re afraid of are no longer a threat. They’re not interested in you anymore. You’ve served your purpose, and as long as you don’t drag any of them into this they won’t care if you take down Huxley-Browne.”

  He didn’t look convinced.

  “You know how these people work,” Andee reminded him, “so you’ve got to know that whatever knowledge Huxley-Browne has, he can never use it, not if he wants to stay alive.”

  Taking some time to digest this, Archie said, “Why should I believe you about my ma?”

  “Because,” Andee replied, “your uncle’s the only one who ever posed a threat to her. No one else has ever come after her, have they?”

  Archie’s wide eyes confirmed this was true.

  “So as soon as we get him off the streets she’ll be safe. Now we need to do the same for Claudia and her family and make them safe too.”

  Archie clasped his head in his hands and Dan said, “Can we give him a few minutes? There’s a lot to take in and . . .”

  “Sure,” Andee said at once. “We’ll wait outside. Just let us know when you’re ready.”

  AS THEY WAITED, Marcy sensed so much stress and frustration building up in Claudia that she was afraid of what might be said when they went back into the room. She wished she could soothe it, that she could sort herself out too, but time out for Archie wasn’t proving to be a good time out for them.

  As though sensing Marcy’s agitation, Andee said, “I understand how difficult this is, but please try to remember the kind of life he’s led. Just about every minute of it has been spent living in fear of one sort or another, and it won’t be any different for him where he is now. It’s probably worse. He has trust issues the like of which we can’t begin to imagine, hang-ups, anxieties, complexes, but I think you’ll agree that he seems to want to do the right thing. He just has to find his own way there.”

  To Marcy’s relief Claudia nodded, and closed her eyes as Jasmine put an arm around her.

  Marcy said to Andee, “If you hadn’t found out about his uncle . . .” She shuddered. “What he’s done to his own sister and nephew . . . If ever anyone deserved to be taken off the streets . . .”

  “Mum, you’re making this about Archie,” Claudia protested, “when it’s about us, and what’s been done to us. He’s the offender, remember, we’re the victims. OK, I understand he wants to protect his mother, but after what happened to you, don’t you think we should be making ourselves a priority, not him?”

  “Of course,” Marcy agreed, “but isn’t the purpose of us being here to try and make some sort of peace with what’s happened, so that we can all move forward?”

  Claudia was about to respond when the door opened and Dan beckoned them back inside.

  Once they were seated Dan murmured something quietly to Archie before Archie fixed his eyes to Marcy’s. “I’ll tell whoever needs to know,” he said, “that I’ve had contact with Marcus Huxley-Browne in the past and I’ll also say that I think he was behind the fire.”

  Marcy gave a blink of surprise; beside her Jasmine hissed a yes under her breath; she didn’t know how Claudia was reacting, because her gaze was still on Archie.

  “I can’t say it for certain,” he continued, “because I don’t know. I’ve never had any direct contact with him over it, I just reckon you’re right, it was him.”

  After clearing her throat, Marcy said, “Thank you for that, Archie. It means a lot to us that you’re willing to help keep us safe from my son-in-law—and I hope you believed Andee when she told you that everything will be done to make sure your mother is safe too.”

  His eyes went down, and seeing the way his mouth twisted and tightened she realized he didn’t believe it, but he’d given them this anyway.

  Dan said, “I think we’ve accomplished what we set out to do today. Does everyone agree?”

  They all nodded, apart from Archie, who didn’t look at anyone as he got up to leave the room.

  A WHILE LATER, as Andee drove them away from the prison, Marcy realized she was feeling so low that she almost regretted coming. It had been a strain on them all, but on Archie too, she thought, and how was he feeling now about giving them th
is tenuous connection to Marcus?

  She sighed and pressed her fingers to her forehead. “So, we all get to go home to our comfortable lives and families, while he goes back to a prison cell with no one to talk to or even to care how he’s been affected by the day—or to bother about what harm comes to him.”

  Jasmine murmured, “I know what you mean. I’m having a problem with it too.”

  “But what can we do?” Claudia demanded. “We could hardly take him with us, and at least he has the solace of knowing he did the right thing in the end.”

  “If he believes that,” Marcy said.

  “I think he does,” Andee assured them.

  Marcy sighed again and her thoughts drifted to the way he’d looked when he’d left the room, young, lonely, trying to put a brave face on it all . . . He was nineteen, for heaven’s sake—a young man, but in some ways still a boy. Moreover, this was probably the only time they’d see him; there was no reason for any more letters and why would there be any further RJ meetings? As Dan had said, they’d accomplished what they’d set out to, so there was no reason for any more contact.

  “I’m not sure,” she said, “what I was expecting at the end of today, but it feels like . . . there ought to be more.”

  Jasmine said, “So you don’t think we’ll visit him again?”

  “I think you need to give it some time,” Andee advised. “These meetings often take a while to process . . . Hang on, it’s Dan,” and clicking on to answer her phone she said, “Hi, is everything OK?”

  “Fine,” he replied, his voice clearly audible over the car’s Command system.

  Marcy asked, not able to help herself, “How was Archie when you left him?”

  “Pretty subdued, but I’m sure he was glad he’d managed to try to make things up to you in the end.”

  “While we,” Claudia said, “are feeling bad that he did.”

  “Does he believe his mother’s going to be safe from the uncle?” Jasmine asked.

  “He won’t be fully on board with it until there’s been an arrest.”

  Marcy said, “Is that likely to be soon?”

  “Over to Andee for that. She’s the one with the police contacts,” Dan pointed out.

  “I still haven’t spoken to anyone,” she reminded them, “but I will as soon as I drop you guys off.”

  “And what about Marcus?” Claudia asked. “Do we know what’s going to happen with him?”

  “That’s more complicated, but now Archie’s saying he thinks the orders came from him it could start an investigation. What will come of it . . . Well, I guess we’ll find out.”

  After a moment Marcy said, “Wasn’t today supposed to be about forgiveness?”

  “If you wanted it to be,” he answered, “although Archie made a point of not asking for it.”

  “I know.”

  Andee glanced at her.

  “I’m realizing,” Marcy said, “that it’s easy enough to say the words, but . . . I can tell you that I don’t feel any hatred toward him now, or a need for vengeance, but as for forgiveness . . .” She only had to remind herself that he could have walked away, turned the job down . . . “Maybe I need to work out what it really means before I can be sure it’s something I’m able to offer.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  So here I am writing to you again like I don’t know how to stop. No Dan pushing me into it now. I suppose it’s something I’ve got used to doing and it doesn’t feel right to just give up on it.

  I don’t know what it was like for you meeting me today, I can only tell you what it was like for me meeting you. It did me up proper at first. I guess you saw that. Sorry if it hurt your feelings or embarrassed you; I honestly didn’t mean to. Seeing what the fire had done to you and knowing it was because of me . . . I’ve hated myself for stuff I’ve done before, but nothing’s ever made me feel as bad as I did then, and still do now. I can’t see anything else ever will.

  When it came your turn to speak it was hard for me at first to take in the things you were saying. I was ashamed to be in the same room as you, and couldn’t understand why you’d want anything to do with me.

  Then you go and decide that you’re not going to make me feel even worse than I already do, even though it was your right—that’s what these meetings are all about, I think. You get to describe how I’ve screwed up your life, and to twist the knife to make sure I never forget it. But you opted out of that. I’m still trying to take it in, that you’d give up the chance of killing me in the only legal way possible.

  So, if you’re wondering what made me give it up about your son-in-law in the end, it was you showing me how decent people behave. Not only that, you’d already thought about how my ma could be protected. No way could I hold back on you after that, I just needed to get it straight in my head. That was why I had to have some time out. Amazing how Dan understands these things.

  I’m really sorry I couldn’t tell you anything definite about Hux-B, but I just don’t have it. I just know it came from him. Tbh, I knew it the minute I saw your daughter, Claudia, outside the house. I’d seen her before while I was making a delivery. I don’t think she ever saw me, but I remember her and how scared of him she seemed. I thought he was a POS then, I don’t want to offend you by spelling out what I think of him now. I hope with everything in me that the cops find the trail that leads to him, but I know it won’t be an easy one. It’s not likely anyone’s going to take my word for anything, and BJ won’t rat him out, so I can’t say what happens next. (Do you really think, by the way, that they’ll be able to pull BJ in for something else without it being linked to me? Sorry if that sounds selfish, but survival instinct and all that.)

  This is going to sound weird now, but when I think back on today and the way you handled the whole thing, it just keeps blowing me away. You’re something else, you really are.

  I don’t suppose you’ll be wanting to hear from me again, and I guess Dan won’t be coming anymore, so time for me to get on with the other stuff I’ve got going on with my lawyer, the sentencing, and everything.

  Thank you again for coming to meet me and for reading my letters. I’m sorrier than I know how to put into words and I hope . . . Not sure what I hope really . . . Good stuff for you, obvs, for me too, if that’s all right.

  Please tell Claudia and Jasmine (hope you don’t mind me using their names) that I’m grateful to them for coming too, and I’m sorry for what they’ve had to go through. I wish I knew how to get Jasmine a new violin, but I’ve got no money and being stuck in here isn’t going to put me in the way of any. It wouldn’t mean much coming from me anyway, I get that.

  You people so didn’t deserve anyone like me coming into your lives, or that psycho Huxley-Browne. I hope no one like us ever crosses your paths again.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  “They’re here,” Marcy declared, as a car turned into their drive and stopped in front of the gates.

  Claudia pushed the release button while watching her mother with a worried expression. “Are you OK?” she asked. “You’re looking quite pale today.”

  “I’m fine,” Marcy assured her. “Please don’t fuss.”

  Claudia wanted to say more, but with Andee and Helen Hall, the town’s leading criminal lawyer, about to arrive, now wasn’t the time to get into how Marcy had been retreating into herself again since the meeting with Archie. She hadn’t even commented on the letter from him that had turned up yesterday with a fully credible apology and equally genuine-sounding appreciation of the way Marcy had chosen not to skewer him during the visit. However, Claudia could tell that it had affected her.

  She’d try to broach the subject again once Andee and Helen had gone. For now, as her mother set a tray of tea on the table, she went to let the visitors in.

  The introductions were soon made and Claudia found herself warming to Helen Hall, who was very like the photo on her law firm’s website with her mop of curly red hair, freckles, and sharp green eyes.

  Andee sai
d, “As you know, Helen’s come along to talk us through why things aren’t happening in quite the way we’d hoped, regarding the information Archie gave us last week about Marcus.”

  Helen smiled a thank-you to Marcy as she passed her a cup of black tea. “The problem we have,” she began, “is that Archie’s allegations aren’t carrying any weight. This wasn’t wholly unexpected, of course, given who and where he is—and the fact that there is no proof of a connection between him and Huxley-Browne really isn’t helping. To be blunt about it, his claim, at the moment, is being viewed by some as a ploy to try and shift some blame in order to reduce his sentence when the time comes.”

  Claudia’s mouth turned dry. “But surely someone’s asking why he would randomly pick on Marcus to accuse?” she protested.

  “Questions that deserve answers,” Helen acknowledged, “but I’m afraid none are yet forthcoming. Your champion in the Met, Detective Inspector Carl Phillips, has tried to open an investigation in response to the claim, but so far he’s getting nowhere. There’s no interest in allocating funds to a case that is seen to belong to another force, and here in Kesterly they don’t have the manpower to set up an inquiry that would largely have to take place in London.” She took a sip of tea, leaving a pale pink mark on the cup’s rim. “There’s also no evidence of your husband ever being abusive toward you,” she continued gently, “and without it I’m afraid a judge simply won’t—can’t—issue a restraining order.”

  Claudia’s face was pinched and angry as she looked at her mother.

  Marcy lowered her eyes, at a loss for anything positive to say.

  “Things could change,” Helen stated encouragingly, “and they often do, so I want you to know that we’re not giving up.”

  “I’m expecting to hear anytime now,” Andee told them, “that Archie’s uncle, the infamous BJ, has been picked up. The charges will be drug and trafficking related, so there’s a chance he might be willing to throw Huxley-Browne under a bus over the fire in exchange for a few charges being dropped, or a lighter sentence.”