by M. O'Keefe
“That’s where you went skinny-dipping?” I asked. I didn’t think Rabbit was watching the campground, but that didn’t mean someone wasn’t. But the campground was far away and the trees around us were silent. And it felt like we were the only ones around. “Anyone could see you.”
“I’m not an expert, but isn’t that the point of skinny-dipping?”
“Annie, we can’t just pretend everything is normal right now.”
Her smile faded a little and I felt bad for doing that to her, taking away some of that light.
But that, I thought, is what you do. That is the very point of you.
“Why not?” she asked. “We’ve done all kinds of pretending together, haven’t we?”
I couldn’t deny that. Half of what we were to each other was lies. The other half, the hard honest truth I never told anyone.
“Give me today,” she said. Plaintive and real. Beautiful and broken. Brave and scared all at once.
I was used to being one thing. And one thing at a time. That’s all I could hold. And what she wanted from me, what she was asking, was messy. It was human and fraught with disaster. And I had no idea if I could do it.
And I knew that I really shouldn’t. For her sake.
She put the mower’s key into her back pocket and cocked her hat over her eyes, like she was some kind of desperado.
“Stay or go,” she said. “But I’m swimming.”
This was a bad idea. All the way around.
Silent, I watched her go and then, before she got to the edge of the cattails, she lifted her shirt up over her head and dropped it on the ground behind her.
I didn’t know what a hero would do.
But the beast followed.
ANNIE
He followed.
For a second she really didn’t think he would.
Because he was worried. Because he wanted to protect her. Because of whatever secret she was forcing him to keep from her.
Good lord, I’ve lost my mind. I just asked a man to lie to me.
Whatever. A one-day reprieve. That’s all she wanted.
He was here. And she would take him. With a smile, pretending her heart wasn’t in play, she would take him.
She hacked through the cattails and the murky mud that sucked at her boots and got to the rocky edge of the beach. The bushes around the swimming hole were dense and intact. No one was here.
The water was completely undisturbed.
It was a solid disk of reflected blue sky, dotted with white clouds. It seemed a shame to ruin it.
But that it would return to this state when she walked away, that was a comfort.
That it would not be changed by her shattering its surface buoyed her.
She could hear Dylan behind her, stepping through the cattails, surprisingly quiet, and she quickly stepped out of her boots. And when she knew he could see her, she unbuttoned her shorts and bent over to push them down.
His quick, hard intake of breath turned her blood to kerosene.
That’s right, buddy. I said we were having fun.
She gave him one quick glance over her shoulder and was totally satisfied by his heavy breathing, the way he was clutching her shirt in his hands, like he wanted to be touching her.
The water when she stepped in was cold and bright, and it went straight to her head, clearing out the cobwebs. The confusion. The uncertainty. And it made everything so clear. The sky was bluer. The cattails, bending so slightly in the breeze, were a perfect green, tipped with a deep, rich brown.
When the water was deep enough she dove in, turning underwater so when she came back up she was facing him.
He stood on the shore, in the shadow of the big tree, in jeans and a tee shirt. His arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re not coming in?” she asked.
He glanced around like someone might be hiding in the cattails.
“No one is here, Dylan. We’re all alone.”
Still he hesitated, and she gave him a chicken sound for good measure.
Finally, he pulled off his shirt, too. The sight of his body was a predictable turn-on. The thick slabs of muscle across his chest and stomach. He wasn’t one of those super-cut models, he was a man. Who worked. And his body showed all of it.
In the cool water her body warmed.
The bandage was gone on his side and his scar, five inches wide, was pink and dotted with stitches.
“How is your side?” she asked.
“Fine,” he said, which was bullshit. When would they stop lying to each other?
“Then, you should try the rope swing.” She pointed to the frayed rope hanging off the thick branch of the oak beside the water.
“You think I won’t?” he asked.
He shucked off his pants but left on the black boxer briefs.
“Cheating!” she said.
He shot her a caustic look, which made her repeat the chicken sound, and he rolled his eyes before pushing his underwear down to his feet.
“You know,” he said, “if swimming is your idea of fun I can send you to the Caribbean. Or Fiji. You can have your own private house right over the water. You can skinny-dip all day.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” she asked.
“I’m trying to keep you safe.”
She smiled at him. “I feel very safe right now.”
“You shouldn’t,” he told her. Completely seriously. “Not here. Not with me.”
The truth of his words slid right through her, right into something real and vulnerable that she didn’t want to think about. He was talking about her body, about her coming to physical harm, but of that she had no fear.
It was her heart’s fate that was in question.
“Don’t come in just as a favor to me. I don’t need any more pity sex.” Ah, she hadn’t meant to say that. To reveal her vulnerability like that. But there it was, insisting on being dealt with.
You wanted to tell the truth.
“What does that mean?” He ran his hand down his cock, pulling it a little before he took his first steps into the water. She loved that little masculine gesture. Wanted to see more of them. She wanted to watch him brush his teeth and read the newspaper. She wanted to watch him eat his favorite food and get frustrated putting together a bookshelf.
“Last night,” she said.
“You think that was a pity?” His eyebrow went up.
“I know it was.” He held his arms up as the water came to his waist. “Don’t be such a baby,” she said and splashed him.
He scowled at her and finally dove into the water, his white back and ass a quick flash before disappearing under the blue-sky reflection.
In the middle of the pond it was deep and she could see him swimming beneath her feet. His sturdy legs and strong back. He popped up behind her but she turned and swam away, keeping distance between them.
“Last night wasn’t a favor,” he said, sucking water off his lips, pushing back wet hair.
Annie made a face at him.
“I don’t fuck women as favors,” he said.
“We didn’t fuck.” She threw the words at him and it was thrilling. The electricity between them was thrilling.
“Fine. I don’t let women suck my dick so they can feel better about themselves. I’m just worried about you.” They were agitating the water, creating little waves between them. A storm.
“Well, stop. You don’t own the corner on fucked-up shit, Dylan. You don’t get to be the king of crappy childhoods. You can’t protect me from what’s already happened!”
She waited for him to say something. To reach out and grab her, to respond in any way, but he didn’t.
His quiet face provoked her.
Fuck you, she thought. You can only pretend to be so removed. I know the truth and the truth was last night. The way you touched me and let me touch you.
She swam over to one of the big rocks and climbed up onto it. Naked and sleek and dripping, she leaned back on her elbows, watching him unde
r lowered eyelids. She had zero practice being seductive, but the heat in his eyes told her she was doing something right.
“Where did you used to go skinny-dipping?” she asked.
“There was a beach my brother and I would go to back home. A kind of locals-only thing.”
“You and your brother went skinny-dipping together?”
“Me and my brother did everything together for a while. But there were usually some girls involved in the skinny-dipping.”
“Do you miss him?”
He swam toward the rock. “I thought this was supposed to be fun?”
“It is.”
“You need a better idea of fun,” he said with a leer, but it was practiced and only for show. He was trying to distract her because she’d gotten a reaction talking about his brother. And she wanted more.
Just as he pulled himself up next to her, she jumped back down into the water, splashing toward the middle. When she surfaced he was standing on the rock, grinning at her. He liked this game. This coy bit of pretend. The pursuit and retreat. And that made her like it even more.
“Come on, you know everything about me. I know so little about you.”
“I’d say you know more than most.”
It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Not for her. Not with Dylan.
“Your brother,” she said. “Tell me one thing.”
“He was a shitty car thief. And he made me go to school when other kids were dropping out. There’s two things.”
“Do you miss him?”
“What do I get if I tell you?” he asked.
Everything. She would give him everything. But that was entirely too much truth for right now.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“To take you away from here. Anywhere you want to go. I’ll stay with you and fuck you day and night and I’ll leave when you tell me to. Whatever you want.”
Water ran down all of his scars. Over his muscles. His face. Those intense eyes. That beautiful mouth, no longer smiling at her.
Desire hummed under her skin. Her heart lurched under its heavy weight. Her lungs shuddered.
“You’re beautiful,” she said.
“That concussion is fucking with your vision.”
She shook her head. “I know what I see.”
“You’re looking at a beast, baby.” He lifted out his arms and turned. The scars on his feet and legs were red and shiny. Hairless. He was muscled and thick. A fighter.
“You’re my beast,” she told him.
He jumped off the rock and walked out toward her. His cock getting thicker as he got closer. She took small steps away. Not serious retreat, just keeping the game going.
Once he was close enough he caught her wrist, yanking her against him. His skin was hot even in the cold water and she gave resistance a token effort, trying to swim away, but he held on to her. Wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her still. Against her leg she felt him, hard and long.
And mine. Mine for as long as he lets me claim him.
“I’m not scared of you,” she said. “I’ll never be scared of you.”
Every breath they took was pulled from the same air. Their bodies nearly fought for the same space. She felt a sudden need to bite and claw and rip and tear, and as if he saw it, too, he grabbed her. He held her head still in his hands.
“Well, I’m sure as shit scared of you,” he said.
“Good,” she whispered, all bravado and lust. “You should be.”
He kissed her with a barely restrained mean edge that didn’t bother her in the slightest.
Yeah, she thought, show me. Show me everything.
His hands were rough against her skin, her breasts tiny in the palms of those hands. She reached between their legs to cup him in her own. He got hard at her touch and then harder still.
His hands slid around her back to cup her ass and she loved that. She’d said as much at his house days ago. And now, like he did then, he grabbed her with both hands, squeezing her tight. Holding her hard.
And then his finger slid down over her asshole. And stayed.
Her breath stopped and he leaned back just a little so he could stare into her eyes. She was shaking in his arms, her eyes locked on his. Slowly, slowly he pressed in.
“Look at you,” he breathed into her open mouth. “So bad. Is that what you want? You want to be bad, little girl?”
She whimpered. Part yes, a little no. Less no every second.
“I want to fuck you there,” he whispered, pressing tiny kisses against her lips and cheeks. A sweet counterpoint to the dirty things happening under the water.
“You think I’m going to say no?” she managed to whisper.
His smile was oddly sad. “No, I don’t think you’re going to say no.”
He pushed his finger in farther and she cried out.
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
“No.” Her voice shook and he sank in a little deeper, making her cry out again. She closed her eyes. Too much. It was too much.
“Shhhh,” he said, putting a hand over her mouth. “Listen to me, Annie. Open your eyes and listen to me.”
Her eyelids fluttered open. She felt pinned, by his gaze, by his finger. His hand. Him.
“I haven’t had sex with a woman other than you in years. I’m clean.”
“C…clean?” What was he talking about? She could not think past the burning pleasure he was giving her.
“No STDs. You?”
“What? No.” Her eyelids closed again. He was moving his finger inside her and she could not concentrate.
“Open your eyes,” he said. “Now.”
She had no choice. No will. She was a creature in waiting. Her eyes snapped open. A bird flew across the blue, blue sky, so far away and right there. Everything all at once.
“Look at me,” he said, and she could barely focus. Oh, that mouth. That mouth of his was so beautiful. She put her lips against his, tasting him. Salty and sweet. She sucked that fat lower lip into her mouth. Bit it, just a little.
Everything was suspended. Time. Pleasure. Pain. It was like the entire world held itself in waiting.
For her.
But then with his other hand he pushed his cock down so he slid between the lips of her pussy and she leapt into his arms, her face bumping his. She cried out again and his hand came back over her mouth.
His eyes were hot and focused.
“Shhhh,” he breathed.
His cock brushed her clit. Once. On the retreat of his hips, it brushed her again. No matter how he moved, or how she moved, her clit got stroked. Again and again. He slipped high and hard against her. She jerked over and over again, feeling like she was being pulled to pieces. His naked skin against hers was soft. Silky. Hot.
“Can you be quiet?” he whispered, his hot breath against her cheek. “Nod, baby. Can you be quiet?”
She nodded. Still he stroked her, more teasing than anything. Too much teasing, it was starting to hurt, the pleasure plateauing, and she reached down and cupped her hand on the other side of his cock, pushing him harder against her.
Surprise flashed through his eyes. And heat. So much heat.
The water around them had to be boiling. How was the water not boiling?
“I want to fill you up,” he said. His cheeks were flushed. The scars white hot. “All the way. Do you trust me?”
Trust had long ago stopped being her problem with him. That’s what he didn’t understand.
She nodded.
His cock pushed inside her. All the way. One long, steady stroke. She nearly screamed, impaled by his cock and his finger. And the orgasm came out of nowhere. She felt like she had to chase it, hold it. Her hips were a piston against his.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, groaning and crying. She wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face there, her body convulsing. “I can’t stop. I can’t…”
“It’s okay. I got you. I got you, baby.”
And she came so hard she bit h
er tongue. She saw stars. The blue sky above them was filled with birds, startled from trees by screams she could not swallow.
The second it was over, the second she was still in his hands, he pulled out. Stepped back. Both his cock and his finger were gone. Unsupported and surprised, her head dipped under the water before he grabbed her and she started to tread.
“You okay?” he asked, holding her up with one hand.
She was a rag doll. Her head full of stuffing. Her body boneless.
“Fuck, look at you. Just…” His hand disappeared under the water and she could tell he was jerking off.
“Let me,” she breathed, reaching for him, but he slapped her hand away and before she could get outraged he was groaning low in his throat, his lip between his teeth. His eyes clenched hard.
The water was too deep and she pushed away from his hand until she could stand on her own. If he wouldn’t let her help, she didn’t want to detract from what he was doing.
He was silent, so alone seeming, with his back turned to her. His shoulders jerked. Once. Again, and then…stillness.
Slowly he took deep breaths. He opened his eyes, but still he didn’t look at her. She stared at his profile, wondering what he was thinking.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said.
Ah, she thought, bitter sadness leaching through her bliss. He was thinking of regret.
“For what?”
“We didn’t use a condom—”
“You pulled out. I mean, you didn’t come in me.”
“Still,” he said with a sigh.
She was electrified by what they’d done. His hands on her body made her feel small and huge at the same time. She wanted more. Endless amounts of more.
And he was sorry.
All that good she was feeling since waking up. The brave and strong shit, it fell around her in shambles.
I just keep hurting him. Even when I try not to.
“Is this what sex is going to be like?” she asked. “One person feeling great and the other person sorry?”
His dark eyes touched hers and then looked away. “Let’s get dressed.”
He walked to the shore ahead of her. And she thought of how she’d taken care of this swimming hole with this very moment in mind. Perhaps not consciously, but subconsciously, she’d made it a place that was private and secluded. Lilac bushes on one side, cattails and the big tree on the other.
