by Rebecca Shea
The boy from behind the counter saunters up, wearing his green apron and a big smile on his face. She turns her head to look at him and smiles. Words are exchanged and she accepts the paper cup of coffee. I see her turn the cup to see what it is that’s been given to her and she jumps up from the table, craning her neck as she looks around the coffee shop.
A smile pulls at my lips when I figure she must know it’s me. I can’t imagine anyone else knowing her coffee order. My radio alerts me to a call, and I push myself off the hood of my car and slide into the driver’s seat. I respond to dispatch, but before I leave, taking one last look at Lindsay, who is still standing next to her table and staring at the cup of coffee in her hand—a smile on her face.
One of my new favorite things to do is sit on the back patio of Landon and Reagan’s house every morning with a giant mug of coffee and watch the sun come up. It peeks just over the horizon and signals a new day; its ascent into the sky every morning marks another day to learn and love and live. I’ve been home from treatment for over a month and spend the days reconnecting with my family and helping Reagan with the wedding tasks.
The sliding glass door opens and Landon steps onto the patio. I’m huddled under a large blanket. The mornings are cool and the air is getting more brisk every passing day.
“Hey,” he says, closing the door behind him. He takes a seat in the large chair next to me.
“Hey, are you just getting home?” His clothes are wrinkled and he has dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.
“Yeah. Had an exciting night.” He winks at me. “You’re up early.”
“I am. I like getting up early. I like watching the sun rise. It’s kind of my thing now.” I smile at him and sip from the steaming mug of coffee. We sit in silence and watch the orange sky become brighter. A few leaves on some of the trees are just starting to turn in color and the dew looks frosty on the green grass. Fall is my favorite time of year.
“Can you believe you’re getting married in a little over a week, and going to be a dad in six months?” I ask, taking another sip of my coffee.
“I’m ready,” he says quietly. He turns to look at me and, for the first time, I see how much my brother has changed.
“I know you are, and I’m glad,” I tell him.
“Life just has a funny way of falling into place when it’s the right time.”
I snort and roll my eyes. “For you.”
“It’ll happen for you too when the time is right, Linds. Believe that.” He stands up and opens the door to go back in the house. “Oh, I tried calling you last night. Your voice mailbox is full.”
“I haven’t turned my phone on since I left for rehab.”
“Lindsay, do you realize how long ago that was?”
“I haven’t had a reason to turn it on.” I shrug.
“Charge it and turn it on.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave him off.
“Do it!” he mouths through the glass door. He’s so bossy.
I spend the day running errands with Reagan. We’ve met and finalized all the details with the florist, the church, the bakery, and the caterer. We’ve picked up programs from the printer and settled the final payment with the pianist and violinist for the wedding. The wedding details are officially done. To celebrate, Reagan pulls into a small bistro that overlooks the beach to treat me to lunch.
“They have amazing sandwiches and salads here,” she says.
“Did you finally get your appetite back?” I ask, stepping out of the car and closing the door behind me.
“I did. That nausea was brutal,” she said.
“Well, you don’t look pregnant, so I think your secret will be safe until after the wedding.” I giggle.
“I have one last fitting on Wednesday with the seamstress and I’m so nervous. She said not to worry, but Lindsay, my dress is skintight and fitted.”
“You’ll be fine. You don’t even have a bump.”
“A lot can change in a few days.” She laughs. “Trust me. I’ve seen it all!”
We take a seat on the outdoor patio and I order a bowl of chicken noodle soup and Reagan orders a salad. We both tip our heads back into the late afternoon sun, soaking in the last few rays of the day.
“Feels so good,” I mumble.
“I thought you hated the heat. Landon told me stories of you bitching that you thought you were living in hell when you were in Phoenix.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Let’s just say Phoenix is an entirely different kind of heat that you never hope to experience.” She laughs and shakes her head at me. Speaking of Phoenix,” I say, sitting up and clearing my throat. “I need to make a trip back there to settle a few loose ends.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asks me, genuinely concerned. She unwraps her silverware, sets it on the table, and sips from her iced tea.
“It is. I have to make a few amends, wrap things up at the condo, and I need to get to California too. I have to see Jess.”
“Lindsay, I’m just worried…”
“Don’t be,” I cut her off. “I need to do this and I’m ready. I’ve given this a lot of thought and it just seems like now is the right time.”
“Okay,” she whispers. “But Landon told me you haven’t turned on your phone.”
“I haven’t. I will tonight. It’s charging.”
“You cannot leave without us being able to reach you, Lindsay.”
“You’re already sounding like a mom, Rea,” I joke with her.
“We love you, Lindsay. All of us, and we’re just worried about you.”
“I love you guys too, and I appreciate your concerns, but I need to do this.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Babysitting. You’ll pay us back in babysitting.” She laughs.
“Deal. I think I can handle that.” Our server delivers our food and we enjoy lunch together, just laughing and having a nice afternoon. “Can you do me one more favor?” I ask Reagan as she pushes her plate away.
“Of course. What do you need?”
“Will you take me to get a car after lunch?”
“Yeah, sure. I mean, you can use ours. We’re going to be gone for two weeks after the wedding. There’s no need for you to rush and buy a car.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m ready for this too. I want to get a car and I hope to find a place of my own so that when you get back, I’m all settled.”
Her tone becomes more serious. “Are you going to stay here? I mean, stay in North Carolina?”
“Here or nearby. The furthest I’d go would be Charlotte or Raleigh.”
“Those are hours away, Linds.”
“I know. It just depends on where I can find a job. I’m going to start looking when I get back.”
“When are you leaving?”
“I was thinking about Sunday.”
She gasps. “Does Landon know?”
“No. Because he’s going to want to go with me. I need to do this on my own, Reagan.”
She nods her head. “I understand. But you have to tell him and turn on your phone.”
“Turning it on as soon as we get home from buying a car!”
“Whose car is that in the driveway?” Landon hollers as he slams the front door behind him.
“Welcome home, honey!” I holler back as I flip through the pages of my Shape magazine.
“Who’s here?” he asks as he walks into the kitchen and kisses the top of my head. I’m sitting at the large kitchen island, enjoying an iced tea, reading articles, and getting healthy eating ideas.
“No one. The car is mine.”
“You went and bought a car?”
“Yeah. Reagan took me. Why do you look so wounded?”
“That was kind of our thing to do together.”
“The only time you went with me, you embarrassed me. Matt went with me the last time I bought a car. And this time, I went with
Reagan. It was a fairly painless process,” I admit and turn another page in the magazine. He scoffs and pulls a cup out of the cabinet, pouring himself a glass of iced tea. My cell phone sits on the counter in front of me. I’ve yet to turn it on, but it’s fully charged. He’s eyeing it and looks at me.
“Did you turn it on?”
“Not yet.”
“You’re not turning it on to piss me off, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
“You’re just as annoying as always, you know that, right?”
“Yep.”
“Turn it on, Lindsay. I like to know how to get ahold of you, especially now that you’re driving again.”
“I was driving before.”
“In our cars, so we always knew where you were going.”
“I’m not twelve, Landon.”
“Just turn the phone on so we can get ahold of you, please, and stop being so difficult.”
I roll my eyes at my overprotective brother, but I push the power button on the top and watch as the screen comes to life. I set it back on the counter and drink my tea. The phone begins to buzz and hum and chirp and vibrate. The damn thing looks like it’s having a seizure.
“Jesus Christ,” he says, laughing at it as it bounces around the counter.
“This is why I left it off.” I laugh. I rest my hand over the phone and hold it in place and look up at Landon, who’s leaning back against the kitchen island. “Hey, Lan?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m leaving on Sunday for just a few days.”
“Where to?”
“I need to go wrap up some loose ends and hopefully make some amends.” His blue eyes grow slightly larger.
“No way in hell you’re going to Phoenix alone,” he says, rubbing the side of his face.
“I am. I’m ready and strong enough and I need to do this. I have to go pack up a few things and I need to go back to the station and talk to Rob. I have to apologize for my behavior and just have closure there.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he voices his concern.
“Then, I’m flying to California. I need to talk to Jess. She’s my best friend and I miss her, but a phone call isn’t going to cut it. I need to see her and apologize.” He nods his head.
“Okay,” he says quietly. “But that fucking phone stays on and charged the entire time.”
“It will be, I promise.”
“I don’t like this, Lindsay. But I trust you.”
“Thank you, Landon.”
He grumbles something as he walks away and I finally swipe the screen on my phone to see all the voice messages, emails, and text messages that I’ve successfully ignored for the last two and half months.
I sit on the patio with a notepad jotting down each and every phone call that I have to return. Most of the messages are from my agent, Jack, who I’m sure has all but given up on me. There were four messages from Jonah, begging and pleading with me to return his calls, and then there were a few surprises—Elaine, my old boss at WXZI here in Wilmington, and even one from Jess. I plan to speak to Jonah and Jess in person, so I don’t immediately call them back.
My finger hovers over Jack’s name in my contact list and I hesitantly tap it, pressing the phone to my ear. My heart thrums nervously as the phone begins ringing.
“Jack O’Toole,” his gruff voice answers.
“Hey, Jack. It’s Lindsay.” There is a moment of silence while he registers who’s calling.
“How are you?” he immediately asks.
“I’m doing well. I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls sooner. I finally turned on my phone today for the first time since I left Phoenix.” He mumbles something inaudible and I can hear the tension in his voice. “I just wanted to call to tell you that I know I screwed up, Jack. I know you put your neck on the line to get me that job in Phoenix.” There is a deep sigh on the phone and the rustling of papers in the background. “I also understand that I broke my contract and I’m not calling you to ask you for any favors. I’m simply calling you to say I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Lindsay. I know I pressured you to take that job in Phoenix and I knew you had reservations. I was selfish for pushing you, but I truly believed in your talent—I still do.”
“I’m headed back to Phoenix to clean out the condo, and I would like to stop by and apologize to Rob, unless you feel that it would be a bad idea.”
“No, I think that’s an excellent idea. He’s been asking about you.”
“Good. I’m headed there Sunday. I’ll make sure to stop by, probably on Monday. One last question, Jack. Do you have any idea why Elaine is calling me?” He grumbles again.
“Just call her, Lindsay. Today!” he barks at me before disconnecting the call. Since he’s still barking orders, I’m going to assume he hasn’t fired me as a client. I shake my head in confusion and cross his name off the list on my notepad.
I spend a few minutes calling and pushing out next week’s doctor and therapy appointments to the following week when I return from the west coast. I pull out my laptop and log in to American Airlines to book a ticket to Phoenix and spend a few minutes returning the insane amount of emails staring at me from my inbox.
I close the screen on my laptop and pick up my cell phone, searching for Elaine’s name in my contacts and press her name. She answers on the second ring—prompt as always.
“Lindsay Christianson, about damn time you called me back.” She laughs. Her laugh is more of a cackle. She is the tiniest person I’ve ever met, but her personality and voice are huge.
“Hi, Elaine. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to return your calls. I finally turned on my phone today after it’s been off for months—it’s a really long story,” I blurt out, trying to explain my lack of response without going into detail.
“No need to explain. Jack’s filled me in. Let me cut to the chase. I have something I’d like to talk to you about. In person.”
“Sure, um… I’m headed to Phoenix on Sunday to wrap up a few loose ends, and I’m planning to return Friday afternoon, but my brother is getting married, and I have the rehearsal and dinner Friday night.”
“Tonight, Lindsay. I know it’s last minute, but meet me for coffee tonight.”
“I can do that. Do you know the new Starbucks down on Main?”
“I know exactly where it’s at. Meet me there at seven.”
“I will.”
“Perfect. See you there.” I hang up, anxious to see what she wants to talk to me about, but more importantly, I only have an hour and a half to shower, clean up, and get there. Hurrying to my room, I pull a black three-quarter sleeve, button-down dress out of the closet along with a pair of open-toe wedges. It’s not too dressy, not too casual. I shower and style my hair into long, loose waves and actually put on make-up for the first time in months. I feel good and I’m happy with how I look. Grabbing my clutch and the keys to my new car, I head out the door by six thirty so I have time to park and be on time.
I push the heavy glass door open to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. The smell of coffee hangs heavy in the air and I inhale deeply, taking in the aroma I love so much. I see Elaine waving at me from a table in the center of the coffee shop with her cell phone pressed to her ear. She’s in a dark pantsuit with large-framed black-rimmed glasses. She’s insanely trendy for her age, and I can’t help but smile at her. As I approach, she stands up on her tiptoes and pulls me into a hug while finishing up her phone call.
“Lindsay,” she says, shoving her phone into her large handbag before she loops the straps over the corner of her chair. “It’s so good to see you.”
“So good to see you too. How are you?”
“I’m good. Busy as ever. Still single.” She raises an eyebrow and laughs. Elaine is the epitome of workaholic. She’s lived her entire life in the news business and made it her priority. While part of me respects her work ethic and commitment to her career, part of me is sad for her. “I bet you’re wondering why I a
sked you to meet me?”
“I am,” I answer her curiously.
“You know Jack and I go way back. I was so disappointed to lose you to Phoenix, Lindsay, but I understood it. Trust me. I understood why you’d take that opportunity,” she says with an animated sigh. I nod and listen intently and let her continue. “Jack and I had lunch and he briefly mentioned you weren’t in Phoenix any longer. Of course, I pressed him for details, but he was very respectful and just said I needed to talk to you. Of course, everyone in this business talks. I made two phone calls and heard a few variations of what happened there.” She tilts her head at me. I clear my throat and lace my fingers together on the table in front of me nervously. “I don’t know exactly what happened there, Lindsay, and quite frankly, I don’t care. You are talented beyond belief and you have a gift for telling a story. You were a part of the WXZI family for years, and I’d love to have you back if you want to come back.”
“You’re offering me a job?” I mumble.
“Of course I am. We need you. Our ratings have tanked, and I blame it on you leaving.” She winks at me and I laugh at her.
“Elaine, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll come back.”
“I have to think more about it. Something I promised myself is that I wasn’t going to jump back into a career that consumed me. And I’m not going to lie, WXZI consumed me. There’s a lot that Jack probably hasn’t told you…”
“Whatever you want, Lindsay. We’ll make it work. Just tell me you’ll come back,” she interrupts me.
“I thought for sure I would be blacklisted from broadcast journalism,” I say with a laugh.
“Oh, I’m sure there’ll be questions about my sanity in hiring you after what went down in Phoenix, but you know me well enough to know I don’t give a rat’s ass what people think.” I love her feisty personality and her no-nonsense attitude. “Just take a few days and think about it.”
