"This is not right, Shawn Everett McPherson! And you know it!"
“You have her all the time now, Deidre. She’s my daughter, too!”
“Then act like it, and be here when you’re suppose to!”
“Considering I live in Wisconsin, Deidre—that makes it a little hard!”
“Oh, well, and whose fault is that?” she countered.
“Can we just go?” Angela entreated softly to her father. Shawn gazed at her, and then back up at Deidre.
“You know where to find me, and her. We have to go.” He closed the discussion, hand on the stick. Sighing, Deidre stood, then leaned sideways to look at her daughter. “Call me if you need anything, Angela.” Her daughter nodded, but wouldn’t look at her. She stood and backed away. The gears shifted, the trans kicked in, and they were off. The day was starting to close, the sun was setting. Deidre felt heavy at heart. No matter how she battled it, she still had desires for him she could not explain. All while they were married, she was discontent and realized that it was because of her parents and the seeds they had planted in her head. Were she to be completely honest, they were not entirely to blame. Why hadn’t she trusted him and just followed him to his little farmhouse and land? Why hadn’t she just given it a chance, instead of making excuses? Her mother had always been in the background, planting the seeds of doubt. Convincing her that he could not offer her the life she was accustomed to. Always focusing on the differences between them. Where he'd come from. Where she’d come from. Him, the son of a farmer; a starving artist, and now, an artist of romance novels. Her mother had shuddered at the thought. Shawn Everett McPherson was nothing more to them than country white trash. Now that he was making money, and quite a bit of it…it made no difference. It was new money. They had been overjoyed to hear that he’d sold the house and finally moved back to where he belonged.
As for Deidre, she was feeling those tingles of regret again. Remembering back, she’d discussed with her mother the possibility of maybe going with him to Wisconsin. She’d thought about it long and hard. The next thing she knew, her father was sharing her husband’s indiscretion with her. Humiliated, she’d stopped all thought of giving in and did what her parents told her to do. Now three years later, she knew…her biggest mistake in their marriage had been in not leaving her parents and following her husband’s dream. She’d failed to stand behind him, she’d failed to stand up for him. Now it was over. A cool chill blew past, making Deidre shiver. Crossing her arms over her breast, she gripped her upper arms and wished she could go back.
“Why are you standing in the driveway? Come in now, it’s getting cool out,” her father called from the door. For just a moment more, Deidre stood staring down the empty driveway where her daughter and ex-husband had disappeared. Finally she turned, obeying her father once again, slowly climbing up the steps.
The large solid oak doors closing her within.
Chapter 15
“Precious cargo onboard…buckle up,” Shawn sounded out as his daughter giggled doing so, with them turning out of the driveway. “You hungry, pum'kin?” he asked, his whole driving manner changed with his daughter in the car.
“Well, actually, no. I had just eaten right before you called.”
He glanced from the side of his right eye, raising the eyebrow as he did. “Aye, an' wud’tha lass be wantin’ dessert?” he asked with a thick Irish brogue. Angela smiled. “Nooo…but you should get yourself some dinner. I have to watch my weight,” she simpered.
“Hey! Don’t wanna be hearing nothing about my nine year old daughter watching her weight. Cut that out! You’re beautiful and not even remotely close to having a weight problem, understand?” Angela, still grinning, nodded. “Good. Now, since this is Thursday evening and you still have school tomorrow, you bring clothes for school?"
"I did - kind'ah, sorta."
"You - did kind'ah sorta?" He returned.
Smiling, giving her dad that look that would get her anything, she confessed, "I brought something to wear just incase you didn't feel like picking Tia up, to take us to the mall so we could pick up a matching outfit for a part in a play we're doing?" She flashed him a hopeful adorable smile.
"And your mother didn't know about this?"
"I hadn't figured out how to ask her, she's always so busy, and then you called - and I thought, yeah - my dad's here, he'll take us."
Shawn sighed, of course he would take them, it's what you did when you had to make up for lost time. "You know me so well, okay, give Tia a call, tell her we're on our way."
"Yaaay! Oh thank you daddy, I knew you would, you never let me down."
Shawn smiled, scratched her scalp within the dark silk of her head, rerouting them towards her friends house, watching the time. He still had loads of it on his hands and figured what the heck, it was his first night back with his daughter, her wish was his command. After she clicked the phone off with her friend, he informed her, "I’m going to get myself something to eat while you two shop, how about desert for the two of you? A strawberry parfait with nuts and lots of whip cream perhaps?"
"Okay daddy, sure." They picked up her friend Tia - and headed for the mall. While there, he sat in the food court eating so they could shop in the area, full sight of him. Once he was done, the rest of the time was spent escorting a high strung, giggling, chirpy, nine and ten year old from shop to shop. He was caught up himself in looking at things that he might get as a gift for Sylvia. Besides his daughter, she was heavy on his mind; for one, hoping she was there to meet him on the chat. Time flew as he patiently trailed them carrying packages and of course getting distracted with bits and bobs on the way - the minutes, hours spent were getting away from him. He had to spoil her, indulge her, it was one of the ways he grappled with his guilt over leaving her here while he'd returned to Wisconsin. Besides, she was happy, laughing, full of joy, skipping about, her face full of light and animation, he needed that, needed to see her that way. Next thing he knew, it was mall closing time, 9:30. Realizing how quickly things had gone on, made him panick a bit. He had one hour to be online for Sylvia; he still had to take Tia home.
Hustling the girls on, he got them back to his car, stuffing their purchases inside, explaining, "I have to get back to the condo by 10:15..."
"Why? What's the hurry?" Angela asked seated, seatbelt back on, her friend in the backseat listening.
"I have a meeting online with someone, that's all."
"Who?"
"Nosey." He called her.
"Sounds like it's private, you know what that means?" Her friend Tia suggested with the flexing of her brows.
Shawn made a face in the mirror, even more anxious to drop her off, she'd set Angela's wheels to turning now.
"Is it business daddy?" Angela asked.
"I bet it's pleasure." Tia added, nodding her head as if a sure thing.
By the look on Angela's face, Shawn could see, that wasn't something she cared to hear. "Never you two mind that, it's well past your bedtimes, I've kept you out too late as it is." He said trying to steer the topic away from his affairs. After droping Tia off, they were quiet a moment until he asked, "You two get everything you needed?"
"Yep, we did, thank you daddy."
"No problem, you enjoy your desert?" It was inane idle chit chat, but it needed it as a distraction, he could still see her wheels turning.
“Mmm yeah, mom would never let me eat anything like that this late at night. She says it’s not good to get into the habit of eating food after 6pm; going to bed on it can make you fat.”
“Well your mom is not here. Every now and then can’t hurt. Anyway, how are things otherwise?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Okay? You guess?”
She shrugged, having no reply. He let it pass, moving on to other topics, “How are you doing in school?” That made her smile.
She giggled, they had a game, a little something between them on how to discuss school, “Fine,” she answered.
Shawn
smiled. “Fine, how? Fine as innn… Absolutely the best? Fine as in, BuildingBridges to the best? Fine as in, Contemplating being the best?”
She giggled more. “Em-hm,” was her response.
“Em-hm, what? Absolutely? Building Bridges? Contemplating? Or Distantobservations? Surely no Fierce dislikes for any subjects?” She started laughing then. “Daddy…no, there’s no subjects I 'Fiercely dislike'”. She laughed out. “There’s one I’m 'Absolutely the best' at. Social studies—”
“Really? That was one I 'Contemplated' a lot with,” he admitted.
“Well, I’m 'Absolutely' the best at it. 'Building Bridges' to reading, math, and music. And I’m 'Contemplating' science,” she informed him.
“Hmm? Sounds good to me. I think that’s pretty fair,” he finished in their special discussion on grades.
They sat in silence now as they grew closer to home, Angela noticed him watching the time on the dashboard, fighting with the speed limit and keeping himself from hurrying; which made her ask, “Why don’t you want to see me more, daddy?”
Shawn sighed deep, swallowing as he did. Keeping his eyes on the road, he reached his right hand over and cupped the silky back of her head. “Angela…I love you. There’s never a time, ever…that I don’t want to see you. You should be with me always, and I’m sorry for neglecting you. It’s just hard, pum’kin…” This part of the visit always hurt. Growing up as he did, it was the last thing he had wanted or planned for his life to be like, or that of his children…child, he amended in thought. He’d always wanted more, but after adjusting to the accident that was Angela, Deidre had wanted to wait until things were more steady with them to have more.
“I wish you didn’t move away. Now I hardly ever get to see you,” this came out as almost a whisper. He could hear the tears in her words.
Shawn swallowed the growing moisture in his mouth, his eyes watering against his will. They were almost at the condo. “I know, pum’kin, but California and I don’t mix. I’m in the house now and this summer, I want you to come and spend it with me, okay?” That brightened her up.
“Okay! I’d really like that!” she exclaimed.
“You sure you’d really like that?” he teased, trying to bring them back up. She nodded enthusiastically. “Uh, well, I would…if mom will let me.” She sank back in realization.
“Don’t you worry about that, she’ll let you. I won’t have it any other way.”
Trying not to fret it, he was going to be late signing on, but it couldn’t be avoided. He prayed she waited for him. Maybe she had work to do on her computer and was online anyway. He sure hoped so, but he wasn’t going to cut things short with Angela. His daughter was the very depth of him. God, I have to get my life in order! he instantly thought and immediately following the thought, Sylvia came to mind. He wanted her. He wanted her here, right now. He wanted to see her with his daughter.
He couldn’t help but wonder as he got comfortable and she got ready for bed, how Angela would receive her. He needed to test the waters a bit. He waited for an opening in her young chatter as she brought him up to date on the events of her life in school, and with her grandparents, which he just as soon not think about right now. Angela was leaping into bed with him following her there. Under the covers she went as he sat on the edge beside her hip. “Comfortable?” he asked. She nodded, grinning. Her hazel-blues shining brightly. Shawn couldn’t help it, he laid over her and hugged her to him, lifting her up in his arms as he did, pulling her from beneath the covers onto his lap.
“I love you and I miss you so much! Please believe me—I’m trying. I want to make things better for you, so that you can be with me as much as possible…do you believe me?” he asked at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Her head nodded and he felt tears on his neck. “Oh, pumpkin’…don’t cry now…papa’s gonna work things out. I promise,” he soothed, stroking her long hair as she clung tightly to him, his arms wrapped securely around her. She pulled back to settle on his lap. “I don’t like it when we’re not together. Gran’pa Oscar says such mean things about you. He gets on my nerve. I don't like him, I don't like living there.”
“Don’t you mind the things he says. You know that I love you. You know that I would do anything in the world I could for you—”
“Can’t you move back here…to be with me?” she pleaded gently, knowing already how much he disliked living where money dictated so much in one's life. He sighed, looking down at her fallen expression. Her eyes were huge and sad. Her skin dewy, young, and fresh. Her small mouth pouty and full…rosy pink and soft. Jesus Christ…look at my daughter…look what I did, he thought proudly. It sucked being a father, divorced and away from your child. There was no fair end in that arrangement and he knew he hadn’t made it any easier by not sacrificing to stay near her, but he just couldn’t, he had needed to break all ties to California…for several reasons.
“I promise you…this summer, okay? You’ll love it where I am, and you get to visit my mom and dad…you love it at the farm, you always have. We’ll spend a good deal of time there, okay? Don't forget your Uncle Derrick and Tia Meribel.” She gave in, quickly nodding, then leaned away from him and off of his lap back into bed under the covers. He changed his mind about bringing Sylvia up. Maybe later…at a better time, but not tonight. Looking over at the clock on the table, it was 11:25pm - time in Wisconsin, 9:25pm. He sighed, wondering how would he make this up to her when it was he who pushed for them to meet online at 8:30…God, why’d I do that? He knew he’d be going to get Angela, why hadn’t he just agreed with her for the following night?
“School in the morning…get to sleep now.” He leaned down and kissed her brow. “Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
She grinned. “Goodnight, see you in the morning when the sun’s up bright,” she returned. He stood, smiling down. She yawned contentedly and turned on her side away from him.
Quietly he walked to the door clicking off the light, pulling her door to. From there, back downstairs to the table, there sat his laptop—in standby mode. He reached pulling his chair back, hitting the enter key as he sat and thought about the dinner he had with Sylvia just the night before. Imagining what it would have been like to have gone to bed with her and stayed the night. He had been hoping that would be how the night would end, but Sylvia was different. She was firm in her belief about sex and its place. Nor was she casual about who she went to bed with. It meant something serious to her. He knew from the beginning, he would have to be serious to get anywhere with her. Sitting there right then and entering his password to his desktop…he knew that he was. He wanted her now more than he ever did. He wanted a family setting. He wanted someone he could trust with his daughter. Someone with strong values and principles…and from what he’d observed so far…Sylvia Payne was that someone.
But she was black…and that’s where the difficulties may lie, or not. He double clicked on the yellow smiley face with the big red Y! behind it on his bottom tool bar. The ID/password entry form popped up. He signed in and a moment later, his friends list opened up. Quiet_Storm was in the list, but not darkened in. She wasn’t online and she hadn’t left an offline message, or it would have popped up. He sat back in the chair. His long, hairy legs stretched out beneath the small table, wearing only his sleeping shorts and tank t-shirt. His toes wiggling and flexing as he chewed on the inside of his lip. “Now what?” he thought out loud. “You could have left me a quick message, even a mean one. 'Oh no you did not— white man!',” he mimicked what he thought she would say in a high pitch, then chuckled at himself. "I must be crazy," followed that chuckle. "About you, Sylvie," he continued seriously. “I couldn’t help it, Sylvia, I was with my daughter,” he spoke as if she were there to explain this to. “Ach, woman, you and your darn stubborn pride!” Sighing, he brought up his email…just as he thought, no email to him. Sitting forward, he began an email to her.
Sylvia stretched long and deep, so hard she shook a bit. She laid on her back trying to b
ring herself awake and turned, looking to see what time it was; she felt something poking her in the side. Looking down, it was a photo album…then she remembered and became alert, jerking her head up to look at the bedside digital clock. “11:45! Holy cow…nooo!” She lunged up from the bed. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh noooo!” she cried, rushing to put her shoes on beside the bed. Her heart was pumping madly, actually feeling tears form in her eyes, not stopping for a moment to try and figure out why. She ran and grabbed her coat off of the kitchen chair, clicking off lights and stopping at the still playing stereo to shut it off. “I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry,” she breathed out loud, sniffing as she snatched on her coat. Opening his door and stepping outside, she shivered. It was freezing, the snow had stopped but there was enough of it on his steps and on the ground to layer up to four inches. She carefully trudged through it across the road and to her yard, yawning and shivering from the sudden wake from sleep and out into the cold. Her house was lit up and warm. She welcomed the feeling, though remorseful at having missed being online for him.
“Oh, Shawn…I didn’t do it on purpose, but I know you think I did,” she cried, going straight to her office room where she grabbed her chair and sat in it right up to her computer. Hitting the enter key and going through the steps to bring her instant messenger up. His name was on her list, but not bold. The smiley face was dull gray and sleeping. He wasn’t online.
“Well of course he’s not, idiot! You were supposed to be here for 8:30 your time …Uggggh!” She sank back dejected, noting that he hadn’t left an offline message to her. “You could have at least left me a message that you were here,” she whined, then sat up to check her email. When the list of sender’s names came up, his was number four…mcharley60
“Yes! Uh-oh…oh, oh, oh!” Nervously she shivered, excited. The subject line read…Stubborn, Proud, Sylvia Payne…I’m Sorry!
“Hm? Now why are you sorry?” she asked aloud, clicking on the blue-lit message. The email opened to read…
BOMAW 1-3 Page 12
