by Tamara Lynn
If I Should Stay
Tamara Lynn
For my wife. I’m completely sold out, smitten, obsessed with you.
Some would call it unhealthy.
I would call it love.
I hope you enjoy my love stories as much as I enjoy our love story.
Chapter 1
She was seething. Julia was so enraged that everything in her vision was blurry and pulsating with the same throb as her growing headache.
“You broke my heart!” she screamed. No one heard her. Just like at the Lincoln Memorial.
No one was there.
Julia dragged a metal trash can through the garage and into her studio.
“Paint me!” Julia yelled as she pulled out a painting that Lauren had requested.
She shoved the canvas in the trash can. Then she began cutting the other paintings with a knife. She slammed the larger ones on the floor, snapping their thin wood frames. A good number of them were thrown against the walls.
Julia’s greatest weakness has always been her ability to cope with painful emotions. Since suffering trauma in her childhood, she’d always pushed her emotions aside, never dealing with them. When they did surface, often in volatile levels, destruction ensued.
She felt completely out of control. She knew it. And she didn’t care.
Julia took lighter fluid from the garage and poured a generous amount of it into the metal trash can. Without even hesitating to question her actions, she lit a match and set fire to her life.
The trash can exploded into a roaring blaze, and almost immediately Julia felt the fumes burn her eyes. The inferno refused to stay in the can, and angry flames began climbing the walls of the room. Initially, she tried multiple times to bring water from the kitchen in vain attempts to douse the flames. But the fire spread too quickly. The combination of highly flammable paint, and combustible lighter fluid proved to be more than she could handle.
Julia fell to her knees on the carpet, choking on the smoke. She looked around, trying to get her bearings. She had to get out of that house. Fast. The heat was unbearable, and breathing was getting harder and harder. Before she knew it, smoke filled the room and she couldn’t see. Her first thought was to crawl away from the heat, rather than toward the nearest exit.
◆◆◆
“Thanks for driving me,” Lauren said as she tried to undress and get into bed.
“I’m sorry we missed her,” Holly’s voice was kind and gentle. She walked across the room to help Lauren. “Still pretty sore?”
Lauren nodded. Her injuries, from falling down the stairs in the cellar, were starting to cause her a lot of pain. Especially the severely sprained ankle. The pain was almost as powerful as the pain in her heart.
“What am I going to do?” Lauren asked. “I have no way of finding her.”
“Right now, you need to focus on getting better. Once we get you back on your feet, we will figure something out.” Holly gently rubbed Lauren’s arm. “I believe in true love. This has to work out!”
Holly’s ever-present optimism could on occasion be annoying. In this moment however, it was exactly what Lauren needed.
“Do you really think that people like us stand a chance at true love?” Lauren couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to be in a relationship with someone in their line of work.
“Absolutely,” Holly nodded. “When we meet the right one. Which I think you did. So, don’t worry Lauren. We will find her.”
◆◆◆
As she stubbed her fingers against another wall, Julia began losing hope. Though she had lived in this house for years, with the blinding smoke she was completely disoriented. And the heat was overwhelming, making it difficult to think.
She had to keep trying. As heartbroken and angry as she was, Julia did not want to die today.
Summoning all of her remaining strength, she crawled in a new direction. This time when she reached out her hand, Julia slammed her fingers into the boot of a fireman.
He quickly lifted her from the floor and carried her out through the garage. It was hard to breathe, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the smoke in her lungs or the way that he carried her.
“You’re going to be ok,” he reassured her.
Julia wasn’t sure she believed him. She looked over his shoulder at her house and saw that it was entirely consumed in flames.
This day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
◆◆◆
It was rare when all the women in the house were gathered together in the same place. Tonight, was one of those nights. Giancarlo and Luciana called an emergency meeting.
Currently, only three of the bedrooms were occupied. Lauren and Holly took one of them, the Asians took another, and then the third room housed two blonde women. So far, only one of the blondes made it down for the meeting.
Apparently, Luciana wasn’t waiting. She stood up and slapped her hand on the boardroom table.
“I’m enacting a curfew,” Luciana coldly announced. “Kylie ran away.”
Lauren looked at Holly and mouthed, “Who’s Kylie?”
“She has been returned to us of course,” Luciana continued. “And we will be transferring her to the ranch. You will not be seeing her again.”
Lauren and Holly locked eyes. What was the ranch? It couldn’t be good. Lauren’s curiosity was going wild. She did not want to be transferred away. That would make it even harder to find Julia.
“You need to know that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated.” Luciana paused to look each of them in the eyes. “Effective immediately, there will be an 11pm curfew. You are to be in your rooms by 11 o’clock. No wandering the house. The only exception will be if you are out with a client.”
Holly shrugged her shoulders at Lauren. They were dying to get back to the room to talk about what happened with Kylie.
“Any questions?” Luciana asked angrily.
Even if they did have questions, they would have been too afraid to ask. Luciana was terrifying.
◆◆◆
The first person that Julia called was Amanda. She was the one friend Julia could always count on. Olivia on the other hand? Julia didn’t even bother calling the heiress.
“You can stay with me until you rebuild,” Amanda politely offered as she made up the bed in the guest room. Her heart was breaking for Julia, and Amanda was determined to do all she could to help her friend.
“I don’t think I will rebuild,” Julia mumbled. “I know I can’t make that decision tonight. But I have been thinking it might be nice to get a place in the country. Now would be a good time for a fresh start.”
“I’ve always wanted to live in the country,” Amanda smiled. Maybe Julia was right. Maybe it was time for a fresh start. Ireland had been good for her friend. A new relationship with Lauren seemed to snap Julia out of her emotional prison. Julia had come back to the states as a new person.
“Have you talked to Lauren since we got back?”
Julia closed her eyes and sighed. “Can we not talk about that tonight?”
Amanda nodded. That conversation could wait. Julia needed rest. Still, Amanda’s curiosity was running wild. Did Julia call Lauren? Does Lauren know about the fire?
◆◆◆
Days later, Amanda sat across from Olivia at their favorite lunch restaurant. As usual, the restaurant was packed. Clearly this city needed more dining establishments.
“Did you hear that Julia’s house burnt down?” Amanda asked.
Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked at her companion. “You’re kidding me.”
Amanda shook her head. “It was an accident.”
“Julia’s fault?”
“Yeah,” Amanda felt bad talking about it. She almost felt like she was speaking ill of her best
friend. Time to change the subject.
“I hate that you won, and I lost,” Amanda grumbled. No matter what they competed in, Olivia always found a way to come out on top.
“What?” Olivia didn’t quite follow the shift in topics.
“Fixing Julia up with a new lover,” Amanda explained.
“Oh that,” Olivia laughed. “I got most of my money back. I couldn’t stand that girl.”
“What are you talking about? You complained to her boss?” Amanda asked.
“I believe they are called pimps,” Olivia corrected her.
“Why? She did her job and did it well!” Amanda was angry. Olivia always did these sorts of things. It didn’t make any sense. She was wickedly wealthy.
“She didn’t make me happy. And as the purchaser of her services, that is kind of important,” Olivia smugly explained.
“She made Julia fall in love with her, brought her back to life emotionally, even helped her get back into painting and you call that a failure?” Amanda scowled in disbelief.
“Pretty much,” Olivia shrugged on shoulder.
Amanda was seething. “I can’t believe you got her in trouble with her boss.”
“Pimp,” Olivia corrected again.
“I can’t even imagine what he would do to her. What do these people do when their employees…”
“Hookers,” Olivia interrupted.
“… lose money rather than making it?” Amanda finished.
“Beat them, I assume.” Olivia didn’t care. Not in the least.
“You know,” Amanda was clearly losing patience. “I don’t think you are a good person.”
“I don’t care what you think,” Olivia seemed entirely uninterested.
Why had she put up with Olivia for so long? She wasn’t even a good friend. You couldn’t rely on her for anything. And she was mean. Just mean.
“I’m done with this friendship,” Amanda announced. She grabbed her coat and walked straight for the door.
Chapter 2
It took over a week for her ankle to recover and almost as long for the bruises to fade. Now Lauren had cabin fever. Bad. “Let’s go shopping,” she suggested to Holly.
“Okay, but we have to get back by 4 o’clock. I have a job tonight,” Holly stated.
Lauren wondered how long it would be before she got her next client. Now that she knew love, Lauren hated her situation even more. The thought of anyone’s touch, other than Julia’s, was sickening.
“Try not to think about it.” Holly seemingly read her thoughts. “What do you want to go shopping for?”
“Perfume and a hand saw,” Lauren said it as casually as though she were rattling off a grocery list.
“Weird combo. What’s up?” Holly was intrigued.
“I want to buy a saw that I can hide in the cellar. That way if either of us end up in there, we will have a way to escape.” Lauren looked over at Holly, “I really don’t think I could survive another day locked down there. It was torture.” Lauren was not only angry, but very, very afraid.
“That’s a smart idea.” Holly had listened to all of Lauren’s horror stories and she was confident that she never wanted to find herself locked down there either.
“And the perfume,” Lauren continued with her explanation. “I want to buy a bottle of the perfume that Julia wears.”
Lauren was consumed with the agony of losing Julia. It was almost more than she could bear. She wanted to keep that pain fresh and keep her feelings for Julia strong. That way, when she did find Julia, the love would still be very much alive.
At night when she laid in bed, Lauren would replay every conversation and every touch. While it was absolutely tormenting, she felt it was a necessary process.
◆◆◆
The next day, in a large art studio at the university, Julia sat down with Professor Everly to discuss Julia’s use of the space.
“I’m glad you called,” Dr. Everly smiled as he cleared an area for Julia to work.
Gregory Everly was a respected artist and professor at Georgia Whitcomb University. Julia and Dr. Everly developed a friendship when she was a student there. In her life, there were many mentors who helped to guide Julia along her path. But none so dear to her as Dr. Everly.
“Thanks for giving me a place to work. Before the fire, I was able to paint about a dozen pieces. I want to see if I still have it, if I can do it,” Julia explained. “For so many years I felt void of any creativity. I’m just hoping that now it is back to stay.”
“Well, based on the graffiti, it never was too far gone,” he smiled. “You don’t have to say anything. I know your work. I always will.”
Julia gave him a mysterious little grin. Then she turned to mix some paints.
“How long will it take for them to rebuild your house?”
“I’m actually not going to rebuild. Instead I think I will buy a horse farm out in the country,” Julia shook her head. “I’m going to sell the land where my house was. Since I started the fire I can’t make an insurance claim on it.”
“That’s unfortunate, I know you didn’t mean to burn your house down,” Dr. Everly took a seat next to the canvas.
“No, that was not my intention at all. I guess I’m lucky that I was able to make so much money early in my career that I can afford to start over. I realize that not many people have that luxury.” Julia sat down next to the professor and looked intently at the canvas.
Then, as naturally as it ever had, the artwork moved through her veins, into her heart, and then out through the brush. It felt so right.
It only took a few strokes for Dr. Everly to recognize that Julia still had all the gifts and talents that she used to. If anything, she was getting better with age.
“Julia James,” the professor said. “Would you consider being a guest lecturer in one of my classes?”
Julia smiled over at her old friend. “I would be honored.”
Dr. Everly nodded. This was the beginning of his long-term plan to get Julia on staff at the university.
◆◆◆
Lauren leaned forward at the table in the boardroom. Giancarlo was going over the details of her clients for the weekend. Friday night she had an interesting one. Matt Kelly was the son of a prominent televangelist. Matt, unbeknownst to his father, was gay. Lauren’s task was to go to dinner with Matt and his family and pretend that she was his girlfriend.
The hard one for the week would be her Saturday night client. Jacob Powell, the Director of Technology for the U.S. Department of Education. In his role, he reported directly to the Secretary of Education. Given this, discretion was of the absolute priority. She would be meeting with him at a private estate in a gated community outside of the city. For this one, she would be required to sign a non-disclosure form.
“Part of your job is protecting the client,” Giancarlo explained. “Consider the importance of this assignment.”
“Absolutely,” Lauren replied. Out of fear of Giancarlo, Lauren tried to speak as few words as possible in his presence. She wouldn’t even barely look at him. Lauren was afraid her eyes would expose her utter detest of the man. While part of her wanted to tackle him and claw his eyes out, she was still very much afraid of him. Every time he moved near her, Lauren felt every muscle in her body tense into a knot. This was the man who chained her to a tree like a dog. The man who threw her down the cellar stairs. She had no idea what else he was capable of. Or even worse, what would set him off.
◆◆◆
She’d begun to think that she would never find the right farm. After days of touring potential properties, Julia believed she finally discovered her new home. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the stress melt from her shoulders.
Julia walked down the middle of a stone driveway lined with perfectly spaced oak trees. On either side of the drive were two large paddocks for the animals. Similar to the legendary horse farms of Lexington, the entire farm was framed by acres and acres of white wooden fences. The property housed
two barns. One for the animals and one for the feed. The carriage house, made to look like the stables, had room enough for six cars.
Sometimes, she wanted to pinch herself. Her life had been rough, sure. But she also had incredible high moments in her life. When she first fell in love, or when her art career blossomed. Now, even though she was still reeling from the loss of Lauren, she was hoping this would become one of the best chapters of her life.
“I think I will get a few horses, and some baby goats,” Julia said to her realtor. “I’ll take it. Draw up the papers.”
◆◆◆
It was half past midnight when Lauren and Holly snuck down the stairs. Lauren decided it was as good a time as any to hide the handsaw. For some reason, Holly was determined to join her on this quest. They’d removed their shoes to avoid making any sound as they tiptoed down the stairs and past Pete, one of the guards. He was so wrapped up in a game of candy crush on his phone, that he didn’t even see them.
They exited through a door in the back of the kitchen. As they walked past the refrigerator, Holly made them stop to steal some cookie dough from the freezer.
“This is serious business,” Lauren chided.
“So is this cookie dough,” Holly shoved a ball into her mouth. “Ok, ok, let’s get on with it then.”
The grass outside was cold and the air smelled like rain. “Hurry,” Lauren whispered. She had an almost primitive fear building in her chest. For a moment, she thought about backing out and returning to the safety of their room.
Lauren led her over to the cellar. As quietly as possible, the two women lifted the doors. Fearless, Holly was the first to climb down the steps. Lauren followed closely on her heels.
“This place is nasty,” Holly batted at a spider web near her face. “Just plain creepy.” She turned and noticed that Lauren stood frozen at the bottom of the stairs.
