Living With Him

by J. L. Ostle

I get ready for bed and head to Jackson's room and curl up in his bed. I lie there thinking about today and how he seemed fine this morning. I thought we would have had some fun getting ready for bed and he would make me laugh with jokes, but it never happened.

  I hoped if something was bothering him he would talk to me, as we have gotten close as friends. The longer I lie here, the smell of him surrounds me, and sleep finally takes over.

  I wake up again and look over at the alarm clock to see that it's after three in the morning. I hear noises downstairs and I turn to see the other side of the bed hasn’t been touched. Is Jackson just getting home now? Did he have a gig he forgot to tell me about? I get up and walk down the stairs and see the door ajar, and I can hear Jackson’s and Jayce’s voices.

  “You should have messaged her or something, she has been watching the front door all night and it’s not fair that you did this to her. She’s different. Fragile,” I hear Jayce say.

  “Don’t you think I know that? I know she is different. I messed up.”

  “Well don’t mess up again. She worries. I know she cares deeply for you. Anyone can see that. Just don’t be a dick like you are towards the other girls. Riley shouldn’t get ignored like you do the girls you sleep with.” I can’t believe they are talking about me.

  “I know, man, I know. I like who I am when I’m around her. She sees me as me, not this title all the other people around school see.”

  “I don’t know her past, but from what I can tell, she has had a bad upbringing and you of all people can get that.” Jackson had a bad past too?

  “I think that’s why I care so much, why I’m so protective of her.”

  “Please tell me you aren’t trying to sleep with her.”

  “What the hell, man.” Jackson's voice rises. “I just told you I’m protective of her. Do you really think I would go near her? She is too good for me and any fucker on this campus.”

  “Just making sure, now that you will be sharing a bed. I don’t want to see her getting hurt.”

  “And neither do I.”

  I head back upstairs and lie back down on the bed. Ten minutes later, I hear the bedroom door open and I hear him shuffle in and I feel the bed dip. I lie still, pretending to be asleep.

  “Kitten.” He shakes me softly. “Kitten, are you awake?”

  I pretend to stretch and sit up, wiping my eyes. “I am now.”

  He chuckles. “I want to apologize about today. I shouldn’t have left school without telling you, especially leaving you on campus with no ride home. I just needed some time on my own.”

  I sit up straighter. “Are you okay?”

  He nods. “Yeah, I just feel bad for being an asshole.”

  My body relaxes a bit and I crawl to him, sitting on his lap and I put my arms around him, hugging him. “Why did you need space? Are you upset about something? You know you can always talk to me.” I say into his chest.

  “I know I can. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He strokes my hair.

  “I am. I’m just happy you’re home.” We sit like that holding one another.

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life, but I’m glad you’re in it.”

  I think about what Jayce said about Jackson having had a bad past, a bad childhood. Probably just as bad as mine. I know I don’t want to talk about mine, as I don’t like the memories to flood back, and I’m guessing he will feel the same way.

  “I am so happy you are my friend, my roommate. My life is so much better with you in it.” I sit back and his eyes connect with mine and I can smell mint from his breath and my eyes go to his lips. My body heats up by how close our bodies are to one another and I notice his expression change. He leans forward a little, but we both jump when his phone rings.

  He pulls it from his pocket and answers. “What the hell, man, do you know what time it is?” Jackson rubs his forehead. “Please tell me you’re joking.” There’s a pause. “Right, okay. I’m on my way.” He looks at me and then down at the phone. “I need to go. It's Kev, he’s in a bad way and got himself drunk to the point he can’t walk.”

  I get off his lap and stand. “Let me come with you.”

  He shakes his head. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “You are going to need me. Sometimes when someone is drunk they don’t want to listen to people close to them, they need a stranger to tell them what to do.”

  “But you aren’t a stranger.”

  I shrug. “I’m near enough to one. I might need to drive while you all keep him in the car and carry him and stuff.” I don’t know why, but I feel like I can help. I could never help my dad, but he was beyond saving, and I know for whatever reason, Kev is only like this because he is hurting.

  “You aren’t going to let this drop are you?”

  I shake my head.

  “Fine, get dressed and let’s go.”

  I grab my jeans and T-shirt I wore yesterday and pull them on quickly, and I sit on the bed, putting on my shoes when I turn towards Jackson. He is watching me and I realize that I got undressed and redressed with him in the room but in that moment, I didn’t think.

  “I’m ready.”

  He nods and grabs my hand. We head out to his car and he drives to a bar that looks like it could collapse at any moment. The neon sign says Fritz, and from the motorcycles I see parked out front, this place looks rough.

  “Right, when we get inside, you stay by my side. You don’t leave. Got it?”

  “Got it.”

  He looks at the bar and then back at me. “I must be crazy.”

  We climb out and he holds my hand, guiding me inside, where it looks even worse. The room is full of smoke and the tables and chairs are scattered around and look like they could fall apart also.

  Jackson looks around the room until we see Devon and Carl, who wave us over. I see Kev sitting in his seat, his head on the table as he drinks his beer. Like his head is too heavy to move.

  “Kev, man, come on, we are going to take you home.” Jackson kneels so they are face-to-face. I look around the room and see a load of bikers with long beards and I turn back around when one winks at me. Maybe I should have stayed at home. “Come on, man.”

  “No, I’m drowning my sorrows,” Kev slurs and I see a tear roll down and my heart breaks a little for him.

  “Come on, man, please.” Carl pats him on the shoulder but Kev shrugs him off.

  “I am staying here until I can’t remember my name, or hers.” The last two words he says so softly that no one heard them but me. He lost someone. Someone dear to him.

  “Can I try?”

  Jackson stands and looks at me and the guys. “Wouldn’t hurt.”

  Devon shrugs and I kneel down so my eyes connect with Kev’s and I can see the pain shining at me. He is about to take another drink, so I place my hand on top of his, stopping him and he looks at me, really looks at me.

  “Hi, Kev. Remember me? Jackson’s cleaner.” I laugh and I notice his smile. “We had fun the other night, right? All those girls seemed to surround you like flies.” I see another tear fall. “Do you miss her?”

  He blinks a few times and then nods.

  “Was she special?”

  He nods. “Very. She was my everything.”

  “You loved her,” I whisper.

  “With my whole heart,” he says softly, and I take the bottle out of his hand and entwine my fingers with his.

  “She passed away?”

  He nods and I see another tear fall. “I lost her. Four years ago, today.” I feel my eyes brim with tears for him. “It’s not fair. I miss her so damn much.”

  “I know you do. I know you are going to miss her until your last breath but would she want this for you? Would she want to see you like this? She would want you to be happy, to keep your love alive in your heart. She would be hating to see you like this.” I wipe a tear away.

  “How do you know?”

  “Because that is how I would feel if I had to witness a love
d one go through this.” He closes his eyes and more tears form. “Come here.” I grab his face and place it on my chest, as I feel his body shudder with tears and I just hold him until he calms.

  “I love her. I always will.”

  “Then show her by being happy and keeping her in here.” I place my hand over his heart and he nods.

  He staggers up and Devon and Carl go on either side of him, helping him stand and start taking him outside.

  “Thank you. I didn’t get most of what you two said, but thank you.” Jackson hugs me.

  “He lost his girlfriend?”

  He nods. “His fiancée. She died in a car crash on the way to see him. He blames himself.” That is so sad. The one person he loved, who he was going to spend the rest of his life with, taken away from him. “How did you know he would listen to you?”

  “I could tell in his eyes when I first met him that he was in pain. I guess he just hid it from you guys but it was there, bubbling under the surface. I thought hearing a softer voice would help.”

  “You should go into counseling. You would be really good at it.” He takes my hand and we head out and I see Devon leaning against his car. We walk over to him and I see Kev fast asleep in the back.

  “Thanks, Riley. I don’t know what you said but it helped.”

  “It's fine. Call me if you ever need me.” Devon’s eyebrows go up and I hit his arm. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I do. Thanks again. Will see you later J-man.” They bump fists and Carl waves goodbye as he gets in the car and we watch them drive off.

  “Come on. I am in need of some sleep and I am hoping I get some cuddles.” Jackson smiles at me.

  “Well, we shall see when we get home.” I return his smile and all the way home we sit in comfortable silence and when we do get in bed, he holds me until sleep takes over again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I wake up the next morning and I feel arms around me, and I smile knowing that he didn’t move away from me. He stayed in the same spot. I turn my body around so I’m facing him and I smile seeing him sleep. His hair is over one of his eyes so I sweep his hair away, and by my touch, he wakes and smiles at me.

  “Morning, kitten.” He stretches.

  “Morning. How did you sleep?”

  “Like it was the best sleep I’ve had in ages.” We both smile at one another, and when there is a knock on the door, I groan and get up to answer it to see Kendra jumping up and down on the spot.

  “You are so lucky I am awake.” I open the door and climb back into bed and Jackson is in the same spot.

  Kendra runs in and jumps on the bed. “Guess what today is?” she squeals.

  “Saturday?” I lean my head against the bed frame.

  “It’s your date with Dante.”

  I roll my eyes. “It’s not a date,” I groan.

  “Whatever, but it's tonight.”

  I turn to Jackson and the smile on his face is gone. “Is Jayce still going?”

  This time Kendra rolls her eyes. “Yeah, even though he won’t stop complaining about watching eighties movies. I love Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. I think it will be fun.”

  Jackson looks at me for a moment before standing and I look at his muscular back as he stretches. I turn away towards Kendra, who is watching me.

  “Is he taking you there?” Jackson asks me turning around. I try to keep my eyes connected with his even though he is shirtless. Why didn’t I notice that before? When did he take his shirt off?

  “He just said to come.” I shrug.

  “It’s not that far. We can walk, and besides Jayce is with us, so we will be fine,” Kendra says.

  I nod. “What about you Jackson, are you coming?”

  He looks back at me. “Yeah, why not.” He shrugs and puts his shirt on and leaves the room.

  “I think it is going to be so much fun. I really think Dante is going to ask you out.”

  “I think you need more of a life if you get excited over a possibility that Dante may ask me out.”

  “Hey,” she whines and grabs a pillow and hits me. “I have a good life, and I just want to see you happy.”

  “I am happy.”

  She holds my hand. “I know you are. You smile so much more now.” We climb out of bed and head downstairs where we find Jayce and Jackson sitting on the couch, watching TV. “Jackson is coming with us tonight,” Kendra tells Jayce as she sits on his lap.

  “Thank God, at least I’ll have someone to talk to now.” Jayce throws his arms up in the air in gratitude.

  “Hey, you could have talked to me,” Kendra pouts and Jayce leans forward to kiss her nose.

  “Babe, you will be busy watching the movies or watching Dante and Riley.”

  She looks at him and nods. “True.” They chuckle.

  “Right, I am going for a shower,” Jackson says and climbs back up the stairs.

  The day flies by quickly as we hang out at home and watch TV. When it is time to get ready, I shower and Kendra lets me borrow her fancy black pants and a halter top that hugs me. I look nice and casual and it shows that I’m not trying too hard.

  I keep my hair down and straight and I wear only minimum makeup. I am putting my shoes on when there is a knock on the bedroom door and I yell for whomever it is to come in. I look up to see Jackson smiling at me.

  “You look so beautiful.”

  I beam. “Thank you. You look great too.” He is wearing jeans and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up his arms. He takes my hand when I’m ready and we head downstairs where Kendra and Jayce wait for us.

  “Can’t wait to see Dante’s face when he sees you,” Kendra squeals and comes towards me, taking my hand and pulling me out the front door.

  When we get close to the fraternity, a few cars line up the street, but unlike the last party, students don’t fill up the front lawn and music isn’t being blared out. We walk on in and turn to where the noise is to see a few people talking or sitting in front of a wide-screen taking up half a wall.

  “That TV is huge,” Kendra whistles. We all grab a seat at the front and I look around to see how clean it is.

  “I am going to get us all some drinks, be right back,” Jackson says and stands. Jackson comes back a few minutes later with a bottle of water for each of us and Jackson holds my hand. “Are you okay?”

  I nod and smile, and then I notice Dante standing behind him and Jackson turns to see who I’m looking at.

  “Riley, you made it.” He smiles.

  “Of course,” I say, returning his smile.

  “You look amazing.”

  “Thank you.” I grin. I look at Jackson and his lips are pressed together and I see a line formed between his eyebrows.

  “Is it okay if we talk for a little bit before the first movie starts?”

  I look at Jackson and then at Kendra and she is nodding frantically. “Sure.” I stand and follow Dante to the far end of the room.

  “I’m so happy you could make it.”

  “I hope it was okay that I invited Jackson and Jayce too?”

  He nods. “It's fine. I just didn’t think they would be into these kinds of movies.”

  I laugh. “They aren’t. I think they just came to look after us both.”

  “Ah, so do you both get up to mischief?” he jokes.

  “Oh, yes, we are real party animals. We go crazy,” I joke back and his head falls back as he laughs. A few girls come in and I hear one shriek when they notice Jackson and they take seats behind him.

  “The joys of being a rock star—girls fawning themselves all over them.”

  “Yeah, I would hate to get that attention all the time.”

  Dante smiles broadly at me. “Most girls love to have all the attention on them.”

  I shake my head. “Not me. I am the quiet type. I’m happy to watch a movie or read a good book.”

  He places his hand over his chest. “A girl after my own heart,” he chuckles.

  “This place looks so dif
ferent without hundreds of students dancing and drinking.” I look around the room again.

  “Yeah, I hate the morning after when we have to clean up but it’s what fraternities are known for aren’t they? Parties.”

  “You have to clean it all up?” I remember the last party and I know how messy it looked and I can imagine how it would have looked with everyone gone.

  “Yeah, we have a rota on who gets to clean.”

  I nod. “I enjoy cleaning, but I would hate to tidy this huge place.”

  “A quiet girl who also enjoys cleaning? You are like the perfect wife.”

  I smile shyly.

  “Sorry, that was cheesy.”

  “No, it’s just me. I am still getting used to all of this.” I wave around the room.

  “Parties?”

  “People …” I pause. “I normally keep to myself and study. I don’t normally go to events.”

  “What changed?”

  I bite my lip. “I wanted my last year of college to be a memorable one.”

  “Well, cheers to having a fun last year.” He taps his bottle of water with mine.

  “So, do you live here?”

  He nods. “Yup, been here four years. I’m getting my own place soon, though. With finals just around the corner, I need more quiet and fewer parties in my life.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, I can imagine.”

  “So, what are you going to do after graduation?”

  I sigh. “I have no idea. I’m hoping to get a job but it’s between journalism or accounting.”

  “Well, you are a whiz with numbers. You are like in the top three in our class.”

  I feel my face turn red. “I get math. What about you? What are you going to do?”

  “My dad is a CEO of McKibben Enterprises so I will be going to join him there.”

  “Ah, that’s impressive. You will have a busy life after this, then.”

  He nods. “Yup, that’s why I’m enjoying college while I can, since my life will be work, work, and more work after this.”

  The movie The Breakfast Club starts but I’m having such a good conversation with Dante that we stay put and continue talking. We talk about our favorite movies, our favorite foods, and how I became friends with Jackson.