by London Casey
I bit my lip.
I swore that I was still out of breath from the night before. That was impossible but just thinking about what we did took my breath away and made my heart race.
This was the reason why I bought the cabin. It was one of those quick decision things, call it real estate therapy instead of retail. In my heart there were times when I just wanted normalcy and simplicity. As I stared at Gavin I thought about a life with him. What if I had to go to a job? A waitressing job? An office manager somewhere. Even start my own consulting business. I could use my father’s name to gain some clients. Or just not do any of that. Go basic. Find something that required nothing but a smile and a good heart.
All these thoughts racing through my mind because of one man. A man who used his hands to make a living. A man that gave his heart to those close to him to help heal them or just to make sure they knew they weren’t alone. While Gavin was doing that I wanted to be the one who gave him my heart and made sure he knew he wasn’t alone.
“I can hear the wheels grinding, Liv,” he said without opening his eyes.
I smiled. “That obvious?”
“It’s too early to be doing that crap,” Gavin said as he opened his eyes. “What could you possibly be thinking about?”
“How to rewind time and live last night again. Maybe over and over for the rest of my life.”
Gavin slid a hand into my hair. “Darling, we can do that anytime you want. I’m not hard to find and I’m easy to get into bed.”
I kissed his chest. “You could never hide from me. I’d pay private security to track you down.”
“Level ten stalker with a cool million in her pocket,” Gavin said. “I’m really screwed, huh?”
“Totally,” I whispered.
I put my head back to his chest.
I listened to his heart thudding.
“I want you to be happy, Gavin. Whatever that is. It’s hard for me because I think I was forced into believing what happiness was. Instead of actually feeling it.”
“What does happiness feel like, darling?”
“This moment,” I said. “It has nothing to do with money.”
“Except that we’re in a cabin you bought with money. Using time, which is a luxury when you have money.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Don’t ruin this.”
“Why are you so worried about me being happy?”
“I care. Seems like what you do everyday is for others.”
“I told you already, it’s how we all survive.”
“You carry so many hearts.”
“My hands are big.”
“Do you have a comment to everything, Gavin?”
“Is this place equipped with normal coffee? Or is some guy going to be in the kitchen downstairs grinding up fresh coffee beans?”
I put my chin to his chest again. He smirked at me.
“Asshole,” I whispered.
I grabbed the sheets and rolled from the bed. I wrapped myself up and left him there naked. I thought I was going to tease him but he was the one teasing me. He didn’t care that he was naked, not that he should have.
Gavin slipped his hands behind his head and stretched his legs and feet. Muscles tightened, pulled, flexed, and ohmyfuckinggod it was a show before my eyes that was quite amazing.
“I’ll go make your coffee,” I said.
“Only if its freshly ground and freshly imported.”
“Again… asshole.”
Gavin winked. “I better give Rich a shout and tell him to open the garage. They’ll be lost without me for a full twenty-four hours. I’ll be lucky if the place is still standing when I get back.”
I smiled.
It doesn’t have to be standing, Gavin. It doesn’t have to be your problem. You can get out of it all. Get out of everything. Gavin…
“I’ll go make the coffee,” I said.
The next time I saw Gavin he was fully dressed, which was sort of a disappointment. Then again, seeing him in jeans and that white undershirt hugging his body was pretty sexy too. Considering his nice shirt was ripped apart upstairs in the bedroom.
He put his hands to my hips and leaned against me.
“I love that smell. Coffee.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“Oh, you smell fantastic too, Liv.”
“I hope you keep calling me that. I like hearing it.”
“Liv?”
“Yes.”
“Nobody else calls you that?”
“I’m too famous and proper,” I said. “The public thinks I’m The Princess and everything in business is way too proper.”
“Right. So, what do you want out of it all?”
“What do you mean?” I asked as I turned around to face him.
“You know exactly what I mean, darling. Are you doing all this for money? To kill time? What’s the… what makes you happy? And don’t say I do.”
“It’s been the same thing for so long, Gavin. This whole princess thing was sort of a joke. You can’t trust Whitney.”
“She said you were friends.”
“In my world, there aren’t friends. Friends are those you need to keep close because they can and will hurt you. My father and her father hate one another but shake hands and then stab each other in the back. That’s how I know Whitney. Growing up, anything her father did for her my father did for me. You used to play pretend as a kid, right?”
“Pretend?”
“Like cops and robbers. Or cowboys…”
“Aliens,” Gavin said.
“What?”
“Aliens. That’s what I used to play. Luke was always a cop. Chasing bad guys down. But me? I liked to play aliens. I would set up toys and pretend I was on a planet and there were aliens trying to kill me.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“Okay. I used to play princess. Every girl does it. My father saw that and played into it. When I was turning sixteen he told me to make a dream list for a party. I was fifteen, Gavin. What girl at that age wouldn’t dream of something huge, right? Why not? What I didn’t know was that my father would make all of it happen.”
“And that was a bad thing?”
I stared up at him. “It makes me sound like an entitled brat.”
“Not to me,” he said. “We’re just talking, Liv.”
“Yeah, it was bad. Because it was so over the top, it felt wrong. And my father did it, had it recorded, to make everyone he knew jealous. Then someone leaked a video of my father putting a crown on my head. And I suddenly became The Princess. He played into that to piss off Whitney and her father. I was then no longer a girl. No longer a teenager. No longer a young woman. I was a woman. Full on woman. Meaning I was thrust into this role in his company. The good image against all the nasty stuff he had done and would continue to do.”
“Shit,” Gavin whispered. “And let me guess. He masked it all with money.”
“There you go. Now, how can I stand here and complain? I have more than most people could ever imagine. But there really are just some things that money can’t touch in life. And that is so fucking cliché for someone with money to say.”
“I knew you were amazing, Liv,” Gavin said. “And that was before I knew all this about you. So you never have to worry about me changing my thinking about you. But you need to figure out what you want, Liv. And go for it.”
“What if I just throw it all away and run away with you?”
Gavin laughed. “Ah, fuck, darling, I have nowhere to run. Too much for me to take care of.”
Behind me, the coffeemaker made a spitting sound.
I let Gavin’s comment go, for the moment. I grabbed two mugs for us.
I bought the place as-is, meaning whatever was inside was mine. That included a mismatched set of coffee mugs. Mine was a light brown color with some weird looking bird on it. Gavin’s mug had a cartoon lake and a chipped sun.
Gavin took his coffee and walked to the sink and looked out the window. I watched him. I leaned against the corner of t
he counter and found myself amazed by him. His size. His strength. His body. His heart.
He then turned and smiled at me. “Mind if I go stand outside?”
“No. My cabin is yours.”
“Right.”
He started to walk and I threw my hand out to stop him. “Gavin, I’m serious. Anytime you need to get away. I’ll get you a key. No matter what happens with us. I mean… I don’t know. If you just want a night away. Bring Jesse. Bring Ava even. Or Nikki. You know?”
Gavin swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.”
He walked from the kitchen through the rest of the house. He exited through the back and went to the deck. I was only on the deck once. When I looked at the place.
So I joined Gavin.
The comfortable morning air. The thick trees. The sounds of the woods. Birds chirping and other animals making noises.
Gavin held his coffee mug in a weird way. He cupped the entire mug instead of holding it by the porcelain handle.
Every little nuance about him just captivated me.
“There was a time when I thought me and Nikki were going to be together,” Gavin said. He looked at me. “Honestly.”
“Oh?”
“It just made sense. The two of us were fucked up over Luke. We were the only two who truly understood it. But we ended up getting close in a different way. I mean, I saw how vulnerable she was. I couldn’t let myself cross any of those lines. But it always played through my head. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’m taking care of her, right? I’m taking care of Ava. She’ll always look to me as a father figure.”
“You’re good at what you do, Gavin.”
Gavin turned and set his coffee mug on the railing to the deck. “He brought home this pamphlet. Luke did. To him, it was his way out. It was his way of doing something good. Something big. Something for himself. Something for all of us. See, he and Nikki were so wildly in love. It was crazy to watch. I mean, come on, ten years old and you’re that much in love? It doesn’t seem right. But that was Luke and Nikki. Then things started to change. You grow up. Teenage years. All that crazy shit that goes on in your body. Stacey was sort of the wild side to things.” Gavin rubbed his jaw. “Nikki had to go to her grandparents one summer. It was a long summer for Luke. I think they both drifted and found other crushes. I’m pretty sure it was Nikki who told Luke there was a guy she sort of liked. Nothing serious. But when you’re a teenager, everything is serious. So Stacey put herself right in line to be there for Luke. It got really rough after that. Nikki and Luke broke up. Stacey and Luke became an item. I was in the middle of the storm. Just watching this shit happen. Trying to be there for everyone. But I knew Luke did not love Stacey. But Stacey loved him. When Luke got the idea to join the military, Stacey said he should go.”
That’s when Gavin paused.
I didn’t know Luke had been in the military.
Gavin looked at me and frowned.
“Gavin…”
He nodded. “Luke wanted to go that route so he could get to college and become a cop. His dream. I didn’t know how to feel about it. It was his life though. Nikki hated it. Stacey was for it. In a way, I agreed with Stacey more than Nikki. Luke was so smart. So fucking smart. So strong too. Plus, that was my little bro. If I could bust my ass and get him out of that town, why not? I was working at the garage for the old owner. Doing anything to make money. I gave everything to Luke. He didn’t need to live the way I did.
“He and Stacey finally broke up after Luke hooked up with Nikki at a party. Big shock there. Stacey was hurt but she knew. Everyone knew. Luke and Nikki were the ultimate forever thing. Simple as that. There was no stopping what was happening with them. But Luke was dead set on his life and his career. So off he went. And left behind I had Nikki. I had Stacey. I won’t lie, Liv, there was some comfort there with Stacey and myself. But that’s life.”
Gavin paused and I didn’t say a word. I just stood there, sipping my coffee.
Gavin was opening up. Trusting me. I loved him for it.
“He was gone for a good six months. Nikki and Stacey actually started to get a little close. Which was good. Luke came back and he was bigger, stronger, and looked like such a man.” Gavin laughed. “It was good. He was going to take care of everyone. There was some tension with him, Nikki, and Stacey. Fucking Luke. He would get himself confused even though he knew what he wanted. He told us then he was getting deployed. Going overseas. Going to fight. His goodbye to us…” Gavin cleared his throat. “He left without knowing Nikki was pregnant. I took him to the airport. I never hugged another person so fucking tight in my life. I told him to be fucking safe. He smiled at me. He made a joke about being able to see something other than the shithole town we grew up in. We laughed. It was our last laugh, Liv. I watched my little brother walk away and I never fucking saw him again.”
Gavin turned and hung his head.
“Gavin, I’m so sorry,” I said.
“He couldn’t wait to come back and see Nikki and the baby. He was supposed to be back two months before she gave birth. But something happened and he had to stay. He wasn’t going to be able to see the birth but I promised to be there. I was at the garage, working. I owned it by then. That’s when two men showed up. Full uniform. I was the contact person I guess since Luke and Nikki weren’t married.”
“No,” I whispered. I shook my head.
Gavin nodded. “Yeah. Roadside bomb. He was on foot patrol. Protecting a city. It, uh, sort of broke the town into pieces. Luke was semi-popular, more known for being a pain in the ass than anything else. But that didn’t mean he deserved his fate. It just brought this sense of reality to the town, you know? You see things in life. You see tragedy. War. All that stuff on the news, but never in our town. Our drama was dumb shit. A missing cat. Two drunk guys fighting. Someone breaking down. Dumb stuff. But this was real. This made us all feel vulnerable. Not to mention I then had Nikki and Stacey to deal with on my own. They were heartbroken. Nikki was fucking pregnant. She had to go to the hospital to get checked. Get the baby checked. I had to move her in with me. She gave up on everything until Ava was born. From there it was just a struggle. It took her a good year of living with me to finally put her feet on the ground. Then it became a juggling act so that she could work, I could run the garage, and we took care of Ava. That’s why I said about me and Nikki getting together. I love my brother, but to me, I would rather have him pissed at me beyond the grave than have some asshole step on what was left of Nikki’s heart.
“She finally moved out. But she has her moments. She misses him every day. We all do. I have a picture of me, him, and Nikki in my desk at the garage. It was a moment that just changed the entire course of my life, Liv. Sort of like you coming into the bar.”
Gavin stopped talking. I walked toward him and slipped my arms around him.
I understood it all now. Fully understood it.
“I never told anyone what I just told you,” Gavin said. “Everyone sort of looked at me for answers. The guys at the garage. The people in town. Nikki. Stacey. Ava.”
“You never grieved, did you?” I whispered.
“No.”
I looked up at Gavin. I reached up and slid my hands along his scruffy yet chiseled face.
“You can now,” I whispered. “You can grieve all you want. Right here. Right now. In front of me. I won’t judge you, just like you never judged me.”
“That’s what you want to see?” Gavin asked. “That I grieve? That I get angry?”
He backed away and slid my arms away. He grabbed his coffee mug from the railing.
“Maybe break this stupid fucking mug?” he asked.
He slammed it to the deck. Coffee splattered, along with porcelain as the mug shattered.
“Do it with mine now,” I said.
I saw his hands ball into fists. His chest puffed out.
“What the fuck is this? With us? Huh? What am I to you? Charity? Your attempt at making up for all the people you fucking hurt through your
father’s company? Huh?”
He was angry. Yelling. His face getting red.
I stepped toward him. He had gone from big man to giant beast.
I put my hands to his chest. “You really want to know what this is?”
Gavin blinked fast. He was letting go some more. His eyes were glossy.
“Yeah, tell me,” he said.
“This is love, Gavin. You and me together. It’s love.”
He grabbed me by the waist and turned, lifting me, putting me on the edge of the railing.
“You love me?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He blinked again and a tear eased out of his right eye.
“Fuck, I was hoping you’d say that,” he said.
His hands slid around me and he pressed his body to mine. He kissed me. Then he buried his head to my chest.
And I held him.
I didn’t speak a word because I had a serious question to answer.
Was I willing to give up everything I had in my life to keep from breaking Gavin for good?
Eighteen
Back to the Rich
(Olivia)
I sat at the small breakfast bistro table in my fancy apartment with a cup of coffee and a bowl of fruit. With my laptop open I found everything I could about Luke. Including a picture. He looked just like Gavin. Just a younger, clean cut version of Gavin. I thought about Nikki. Stacey. Ava. Three lives wrapped up in Luke. Gavin being the one who had to harness all that love, pain, loss, and somehow still wake up each day and keep things moving forward in his own life.
In my head I had a number that Gavin could get for the garage and the surrounding land. A number that a guy like Gavin would never expect. A number that would set him up for the rest of his life. But that number wouldn’t be enough compared to what he did for the town and what the town did for him.
I read the small press article about fifteen times. Four sentences as a reminder of a young man who was sent to war and never came home.
I closed the web page and grabbed for my phone. I bit my lip and didn’t text Gavin. It was stupid but I felt like we were two states apart. But he was right at his garage and I was right in the city in my apartment. A folder next to me with the financials of a small insurance company that I was supposed to help convince to allow my father to assist with their growth which would lead to an acquisition from the great and powerful Sterling himself. Me? I’d be the pretty faced facilitator and catalyst and the insurance company would be bought and completely stripped down to just its bare assets.
