If she became pregnant, he would marry her. He wouldn’t have his child raised a bastard. But Annie was stubborn. She might never give him her love, which would be like a slow death. Or she could not tell him and run.
Either way, he knew he had to be careful. He respected her, he cared enough to keep her safe and he liked her enough to help her with her mission, but he did not trust her yet with his feelings. Annie was getting there but she was still liable to break his heart.
Until he could trust her, he wouldn’t risk getting more involved. He wanted to tell her that he was the kind of man that would warm her in winter. Keep her safe. He was strong; he was a survivor. But it wouldn’t help. She had to come to it on her own.
When they arrived back at the wagon, Rake was there but Tom and Mary Beth were nowhere in sight. Collin raised his eyebrows. He looked at Annie, and saw that her eyebrows were also drawing close to her hairline.
Rake gave them a dirty look, “You left the wagon and horse. It could have been stolen.”
Colling shrugged, “It’s our worst of both.”
Rake just glowered back. “They are still worth money.”
“You’re right.” He clapped the other man on the back. “This has been the toughest trip out here yet. Do you want to gather a few things and sleep on the ship tonight? Might be nice to have a little alone time.”
Rake nodded, looking relieved. “Two attacks in one trip have me spooked. I’ll tell you something else, the miners are riled about the Indians. I heard a group talkin’ while I was sitting here. They’re planning a revenge attack on the Injuns. We weren’t the only ones those Indians hit this morning.”
“Did you hear when?” Collin straightened up, tensing with fear.
“Tomorrow night.” Rake’s lips tightened.
Collin nodded. That didn’t give him much time but hopefully he could get them all off shore. That way in a pinch, they could just leave San Francisco. “We need to pack up today and get everything on the boat tomorrow. Once the dust has settled, we can supply ourselves for the journey home. I’m going to see if I can find Tom and Mary Beth.”
Rake nodded and Collin took off down the beach. He hoped they weren’t too hard to find because time was of the essence now.
***
Annie watched him walk away and a knot of apprehension filled her chest. Mack had just showed her something about love and about herself. And yet, she had the feeling that he was holding back.
She couldn’t blame him, she had all but shouted from the rooftops that she would never love again. All she had done was push him away. But now, she wanted to pull him close and it was he who was resisting.
She sighed to herself. Maybe it was better that way.
“What are you sighing for?” Rake’s voice grated over her senses.
“Excuse me?” Annie turned to the man she was with. She had been lost in her own thoughts. Which was silly. Rake had nearly staged a mutiny an hour ago and she shouldn’t trust him.
“I said, what are you sighing for? Mack’s the one who should be sighing. You’re pretty and all but I’ll tell you straight that women in general are nothing but trouble and you don’t seem to be any different. Mack’s so busy trying to keep you safe he ain’t hardly even looked for his brother. Don’t you feel the least bit bad running him around like that?”
“I haven’t asked Mack to do anything. It’s his choice.” She crossed her arms.
“I hope you realize what bull that is. I heard what you said about your first husband. He did what was best for him without taking you into account. But you’re turning around and doing the same thing to Mack. You do whatever is best for you. You don’t even see that what you are doing is dangerous and you allow Mack to chase after you because he was foolish enough to care about what happens to you. If you ask me, you’re no better than that husband you hate so much.”
Annie stood there with her mouth hanging open. She was completely speechless. Her fists clenched at her sides and she opened her mouth to tell him all the ways he was completely and utterly wrong when Mary Beth came around the wagon.
She looked glowingly happy, unlike Annie had ever seen her. She was free and she had said her piece to the man who hurt her. Mary Beth turned to Tom, smiling at him like he was the sun in the sky after a rain. Annie realized that Mary Beth was in love. Tom returned the smile and Annie closed her eyes to the sight.
She was happy for her friend but a small part of her heart ached that Mary Beth could so easily love again. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t get over own heartbreak.
Was Rake right? Was she acting just like Garrett?
Mack came behind him looking far more serious than either Mary Beth or Tom.
Annie’s insides clenched. He should look as happy as Tom after what they just did. Her old fear came back that she was unlovable and she would ruin every relationship she tried to have. What was wrong with her?
Everyone climbed into the wagon. Rake drove while the rest of them moved into the back. Mary Beth put her head on Tom’s shoulder. He put his cheek on the top of her head.
Annie clasped her hands in front of her, lowered her head, and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Annie, what’s wrong?” Mack’s soft voice penetrated her grief.
“Nothing,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to go to that new job tomorrow. How are you going to keep looking if you are working?”
She cleared her throat. “You’ll keep looking as you gather supplies. I just slow you down. Besides, you’re probably right. The chances of finding him…” She let her words die out.
Mack dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You never know. You might find him but if you don’t, you have to decide what’s next.”
“I already told you that I’m leaving with you, Collin. It just isn’t safe here and I have to think of my future, not my past. I don’t know what I’ll do yet but I’ll have a ship ride to figure it out.”
He beamed at her, lacing his fingers in hers. His hands felt strong and secure. “I’m glad to hear it.”
***
Once they arrived back at camp, preparations began for the next day. Since Annie and Mary Beth didn’t have much to pack up, they began fixing food for the entire camp so everyone else could work through dinner. Mack found a buyer for all the wagons and several of the oxen and horses.
Annie had a moment of fear, letting go of her oxen and wagon. Then Mack handed her her share of gold for the sale.
“I shouldn’t take this. You should have it for passage.” She tried to hand it back.
“I already told you, you’ll be working on the boat as a cook. All these men will tell you that when you work for the train, you don’t pay for passage. I expect you to mend sails, cook two meals a day and do whatever cleaning you can. You won’t make much by the end but you’ll have a little to start your new life. Put that money somewhere safe.”
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. Mack was a man who took care of others and she was, once again, receiving the benefits of his good will. “Thank you.”
He walked away, delivering money to other members of the wagon train. Reverend Michaels had elected to keep his wagon. He said he wanted to start a church. Annie shrugged her shoulders. Only San Francisco would believe he was a man of God. He gave her a long look as he left with his wagon. He was moving into a building in the city to begin his parish.
After a long evening, Annie was ready to collapse. She hadn’t slept much the night before and it had been a wild day. She laid her sleeping roll down but noticed Mary Beth was nowhere in sight. Annie sighed. It looked like she would be sleeping alone.
With no wagon, she felt exposed. She could see the other members of the group settling down. Mack and his men were clustered together, discussing their plans. Annie rolled over, turning away from them, as loneliness filled her heart.
Mary Beth didn’t come back for another hour. Annie finally fell asleep, but her sleep was restless and strange dreams plagued
her.
A strange sound permeated her slumber and she rolled over to settle herself when she ran into a solid form. Her eyes jerked open and she opened her mouth to scream.
“Hush,” Mack whispered in her ear.
She immediately wrapped her arms around him and clamped her mouth closed. If there was one person she trusted to keep her safe, it was Mack.
As she came more fully awake, she heard men’s voices in the woods. “This way, no over here.”
“Them Injuns camp down in the valley. This way.”
“Quiet down, would ya or they’ll know we’re comin’.”
Annie tensed but kept still and stayed quiet while Mack’s arms held her close.
The voices moved further off and Annie took a shallow breath. “What was that?” her voice quivered as she whispered.
“The miners are tired of the Indian raids. The Indians are desperate because the miners are using all of their resources. I’m glad we are getting on that boat tomorrow.” He gave her a squeeze and then started to roll away.
“Mack,” desperation laced her voice as she spoke.
He stopped and turned back. “Yes?”
“Will you stay next to me? I know you’re right across the fire but I…”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I’m just, I’m…” her voice caught. She couldn’t tell him her fears, the ones about herself.
“I’ll be right back.” He rolled away but was back in a few seconds. She watched as he set his roll down next to hers and then laid on top of it. Annie waited until he was still, then she rolled to curl up next to him.
Placing his arm around her, he pulled her closer. A tear slipped down her cheek. Somehow, the intimacy earlier that day had chipped away at her walls and she felt vulnerable and softer. “Thank you. I didn’t want to be alone.”
He kissed the top of her head and she closed her eyes. Now that she was close to him, his strength made her feel stronger. She breathed in his smell and she laid her hand on his chest. Rock hard muscles met her touch.
She rubbed her cheek ever so slightly on his shoulder. “Annie,” his voice was so soft, it could barely be heard. “We can’t.”
“I know. I just want to touch you. I…” She didn’t know how to say all the things that were crowding in her mind. Something in her shifted today. She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted to love again and Annie didn’t want just anyone, she wanted him.
He let out a low chuckle. “I didn’t have the release you did today. Every touch…” he sucked in his breath as her hand slid down his torso.
“I asked you earlier, why didn’t we―”
“The shortest answer is that you can’t get pregnant.” Every muscle in Mack was tense against her body.
She sucked in her breath. “Ohh.”
“Go back to sleep, Annie.” He didn’t remove his arm but he did grab her hand from his waist and put it back on his chest.
Annie closed her eyes. While Mack gave her support and aid, he was moving them very slowly into a physical relationship. All at once it occurred to Annie that he was giving her the time she needed to trust him. If they hadn’t been together on the trail, she would never have trusted him the way she did now.
Did he trust her? Rake had accused her of acting like Garrett. If she was doing that then he most certainly did not trust her.
“Mack, thank you for being my friend. I don’t know how I will repay you for all that you have done but I know that I am going to try.” Giving him one last squeeze and she snuggled into him and fell sleep.
She woke the next morning alone. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked around. Mack wasn’t there but almost everyone else was still asleep. Swallowing her disappointment, she got up and stoked the fire, then headed for the river.
It didn’t take more than a few minutes to find Mack down by the water. Annie’s heart twisted. Why hadn’t he stayed next to her? Why did he leave so early? She took a deep breath.
“Mornin’,” she said as she leaned over to wash her face.
“Mornin’,” Mack replied.
“My stuff is all packed. Can we head to the boat early and then I can load my stuff and still make it to work?”
“That should be fine.” He rubbed his hands through his hair.
She took a deep breath. “Collin, thank you for yesterday. It was a beautiful gift. I know it isn’t new for you and it wouldn’t mean the same thing but I,” she took a deep breath and then rushed through the next part. “I would return the favor.” A blush stained her cheeks.
Mack stared at her with his mouth open for a full three seconds. Annie started to squirm under his gaze. “Can you tell me why it was a beautiful gift?” he finally asked.
“Oh.” She paused collecting her thoughts. It was difficult to share her feelings that way but something in his eyes told her this was important. And if she wanted any future with Mack she had to answer honestly. She took a deep breath. “I didn’t know it could be like that for a woman. And I know you gave to me without taking for yourself because you care and…” she paused again. “I didn’t know this before but I know now that I can trust you to do what’s best for me.”
“Annie,” his voice was a husky whisper.
“Thank you for giving me the time to figure that out. Mack, I will try to find a way to show you that I can put you first. I won’t be like Garrett. I will…” her voice choked.
“Annie, thank you for saying those things. It meant a lot. We’ve got all the time in the world to make this work.” He gave her a beautiful smile.
She nodded. They both stood and headed back for the camp. Mack grabbed her hand and held it tight. “Thanks,” she squeezed his hand as she spoke.
“You’re welcome. Besides, I think you’ve forgotten. We’re getting married, remember?”
“How can I forget our engagement? Rake is downright irritated by it. He thinks you’ve gone mad for me.”
“He’s probably right.”
Annie gave him a beautiful smile. She didn’t know what the future held for her and Mack but she knew she was going to try.
THE GOLDEN RULES OF LOVE
CHAPTER SEVEN
Annie’s first day of work was a disaster. The only saving grace was that Mary Beth was there with her.
It was crowded and busy. The captain’s quarters had been turned into a dining room of sorts with mismatched tables and chairs. The stench of cigar smoke hung in the air. Men were drinking stale whisky and playing cards.
Annie tried to keep her face neutral but her nose kept wrinkling in distaste. When men weren’t barking orders, they were pinching her bottom or leering at her. She would have loved to disappear into the kitchen but Ed, the owner, insisted that she and Mary Beth wait on the tables. “Pretty women are good for business.”
Annie shook her head. “How could a restaurant on a boat be so crowded?” she mumbled to Mary Beth.
“The next boat over is an inn. If there is a stranger place in this country, I’d be surprised.” Mary Beth grimaced as she scanned the boats with her eyes. Giving her head a shake, she ran back down the galley for her next order.
“Hey Red, why don’t you join us? More than food, I could use some company.” A dirty miner smiled at her to show missing teeth.
Glowering at him, Annie moved to her next table. She wasn’t sure how long she could do this job. She might actually shoot one of the clientele.
Annie must have seen two hundred miners pass through and she asked a hundred of them if they knew a Fergal Mackinnon. She didn’t even bother to ask about Jasper. Apparently deciding to try to have a future with Mack had helped her to let go of her past. She didn’t care about the gold or about her questions. She knew why Garrett had left her. He was a selfish ass. Jasper was worse. She didn’t need to speak with Jasper to know the truth.
She didn’t turn up any leads on Fergal but she would try again tomorrow. By the end of the day, the till was stuffed full with gold and coins. Ed kept his promise and
paid each of them five dollars and fed them a meal.
It was a handsome wage compared with many jobs but it was barely a pittance compared with what Ed had made that day. “Will you ladies be back tomorrow?”
Annie shoulders sagged but she nodded. When they returned out to the main deck, Mack was waiting for them.
A flood of pleasure washed through her at the sight of him. She gave him a brilliant smile and he blinked a couple of times. “How’d it go?”
“Lousy,” Mary Beth complained.
Annie shook her head in agreement. “I must have asked a hundred people if they knew Fergal. Nobody did, though.”
Mack’s eyes pierced into her. “Did you do any better with Jasper?” His voice was terribly quiet.
She shrugged. “Nope.” She would tell him later that she was giving up the search.
They made their way into the skiff and Mack started rowing them to their new home. Annie was getting more used to the water but it still frightened her and when a wave rolled under them, she gripped the side of the boat and yelped in fear.
“You’re all right,” Mack soothed as he rowed.
Annie looked over her shoulder at him. The moonlight lit the features of his face. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she kept her hands on the side of the boat.
They finally pulled up to the side of the ship and Mack tied them off as Mary Beth began climbing up to the deck.
Mary Beth had already disappeared when Annie reached the deck. Granted, she was slow but her friend had disappeared in a flash.
Annie’s shoulders slumped. She wasn’t keen on spending the first night on the boat alone. Mack stepped up behind her through the gap in the rail. She cleared her throat. She had said some pretty intimate things this morning and she was suddenly nervous to be alone with him. “Get all the wagons sold?”
The Golden Rules of Love: Western Romance Page 8
