But Lilly walked on, up the hill, and did not turn.
THIRTEEN
The next morning Mama burst into Lilly’s sitting room, grinning broadly. “Harlan would like you to join him on the veranda. I’m sure he ’s going to propose.” Unable to contain her glee, Mama clutched her hands to her bosom and gave a sigh of delight.
“All right, I’m coming.”
Lilly smoothed her skirt and followed her mother down the deserted hallway. She hated to admit her heart’s infidelity, but it was true she’d wavered in her devotion. Now was the time to renew her commitment, if not for her own sake, then for the benefit of her family. She ’d veered off course, but yesterday Jack had steered her back on track.
Her mother frowned. “You look like you’re going to your execution.”
“That’s nonsense, Mama. But marriage is serious business and I don’t take it lightly.”
Mama waved a hand. “Marriage is about love and happiness. It’s not somber like a funeral.”
Lilly sighed. “You’re right, I’m sure. But it’s also about commitment. That’s worth pondering.”
“Naturally.” Mama lowered her voice as they descended the stairs.
Lilly pictured marriage to Harlan as a contract between two like-minded individuals who understood and respected each other. That was how most of her friends viewed matrimony, too, though a few held out for romance. And love. Despite their ups and downs, Mama and Papa lived comfortably in a union based on a combination of love and commitment. She envied them.
With a clean handkerchief Lilly dabbed at Mama’s wet cheeks. “Now don’t get all sentimental about this. Harlan may have no intention of proposing today.”
As Lilly opened the doors to the veranda, she took a fortifying breath. What she needed was a strong dose of courage. She spotted Harlan, his back hunched, pacing the length of the veranda. Looking up, he flicked an uncertain smile. “Thank you for joining me.” He motioned her over to a chair.
Her every nerve ending tingled with anxiety.
Awkwardly he thrust a bouquet of pink roses into her hand.
She sniffed the delicate fragrance and gathered the blooms to the bodice of her silk blouse. “Thank you, Harlan. They’re beautiful.”
He jerked his head up and down. “I’m glad you like them. Shall we walk over to the garden? I have something important to ask you.” Swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbed.
Obviously this meeting was as difficult for him as it was for her. Lilly gave a reassuring nod as they strolled arm-in-arm toward the rose garden. Harlan led them to a stone bench at the end of the arbor deep within the shadow of tall, manicured hedges. It was cool here under the arms of a sturdy oak, and dew still moistened the grass. Sitting side by side, an uneasy tingle skipped up Lilly’s back. For the sake of propriety, she scooted over a few inches to the edge of the bench, inhaled the fragrance of rose blooms, and waited.
Harlan jumped up like a jack-in-the-box, and then bent his knee to the crushed stone path. He took hold of her hands and gently rubbed her knuckles. Anguish puckered his features.
“Lilly, we haven’t known each other for a long time, but during the last few months, I’ve come to admire you—as you undoubtedly know. And I’ve grown to love you.” He paused as if trying to recall the words of a speech. “I’ve considered our friendship, and I believe we could be content together.”
He looked up and studied the clouds as if they could infuse him with courage.
Releasing a deep breath, Harlan met her gaze. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Lilly’s voice snagged in the back of her throat. Harlan had declared his love just as she ’d anticipated; he ’d knelt and followed the proper form. By all rights, she should be bubbling with joy. She hadn’t expected fireworks or an explosion of passion, but she had anticipated some appropriate emotion, not this . . . numbness.
He dug into his pocket and snapped open a tiny box. A diamond ring glittered on black velvet like a shower of stars. Lilly blinked at the multifaceted gem. Ostentatious, though not vulgar, it caught the slits of sunshine streaming through the tree branches and flashed its brilliance.
“Oh, my. Harlan, it’s magnificent.”
He pushed the ring onto her finger. “Do you accept my proposal?”
Words failed her. She had waited for this invitation since last spring, but now . . . “Yes,” she said before she had time to reconsider.
He’d make a steady, companionable husband which was all that mattered. Months ago she’d decided they were compatible. There was no need to hesitate just because Jack had flashed into her life like a meteor. He ’d vanish just as quickly. Or so she hoped.
Together she and Harlan returned to the cottage and searched the library and game room before finding the Westbrooks gathered in the drawing room. All eyes turned toward them. No one spoke.
“Mama, Papa, everyone, Harlan has asked me to marry him and I’ve accepted.” Lilly offered her left hand for her family to examine.
A chorus of congratulations erupted. Papa and George thumped Harlan on the back. Even Jack shook his hand, although the scowl clouding his face belied his best wishes. He shot her a glance filled with regret and let it linger for several long moments. Then he turned away toward the window.
She tightened her grip on the back of the sofa to steady herself.
Jack still loved her.
For the first time, she ’d read it in his eyes along with sadness and dismay. How could she have been so blind? All his talk about never marrying meant nothing. The truth was there, all along. She turned away, unable to look at such naked pain.
“Is something wrong? You look pale.” Irene glanced from Lilly to Jack.
“No, I’m all right,” Lilly mumbled.
“She’s merely overcome with happiness.” Mama raised Lilly’s hand to examine the jewel. “My, what a lovely ring.”
“Exquisite.” Irene briefly frowned at her own diamond, not much bigger than a chip.
Mama pecked at Lilly’s cheek. “I’m so delighted, my dear.” She dried her tears with an embroidered handkerchief while she giggled with embarrassment at her own excessive emotion.
“You must excuse my exuberance. I’ll pray you’ll both be very happy, just as your Papa and I have been all these years.”
“Thank you.” Lilly forced a smile while her mood spiraled downward. She couldn’t imagine her marriage to Harlan resembling her parents’ marriage at all. But if it was sanctioned by the Lord, then He ’d see to it they were happy. Or at least content.
“When will the wedding take place?” Mama beamed. “Fall is a beautiful time in New York. Or perhaps winter, if you don’t mind waiting.”
Harlan strutted over and slipped his arm around Lilly’s waist. “How about late in August?”
Lilly’s stomach lurched with nausea. “That wouldn’t give us enough time to plan properly, would it, Mama?”
Her mother’s gaze darted from her daughter to Irene. “That’s very short notice, but perhaps we could manage.” Mama’s eyelids fluttered.
“A wedding at Summerhill is a splendid idea.” Irene ’s face lit up as she patted her mother-in-law’s arm. “I’ll help with the planning. I adore weddings. I only regret George and I had such a small one. It’s a pity we missed out on a grand celebration. But perhaps a gala anniversary party might do. What do you think, George?”
George shrugged. “Whatever you wish, my dear.”
Harlan pressed Lilly’s fingers. “The sooner we marry, the better.”
Fighting the urge to pull her hand out of his grasp, panic swelled inside her. Everything was happening too fast. She needed more time to consider the wedding—and most of all the marriage. Dizzy, she dropped onto the nearest chair. “I’m afraid I’m . . . overwhelmed.”
“That’s understandable, my dear.” Mama rang for a glass of water and then took a seat beside her. “But we should set a date or at least decide on the season.”
Lilly glanced at
Harlan, whose look of delight caused her pangs of remorse. She appeared to be the only one besides Jack not sharing the euphoria of her own impending nuptials. Excited faces glowed with anticipation. Lips moved, but she barely heard any words.
“Perhaps we should consider the date carefully and take our time.” Lilly forced a weak smile.
Harlan casually swept a glance from Lilly to Jack and back. “And why is that, my dear?”
A parlor maid handed Lilly a tumbler of water. She took a sip as she searched for an acceptable reason. “Weddings take meticulous preparation. Besides, I’ve always wanted to marry in the spring.” She was simpering, batting her eyes to gain her own way, a trick she ’d never in all her life employed before.
Mama rose. “We ’ll leave it to you two to decide the date. In the meantime, I’d like to ask Mr. and Mrs. Santerre to visit us here at Summerhill. Harlan, do you think they’d like to come?”
Lilly’s jaw clenched. Dolly Santerre, with the thunderous voice and imperious manner, intimidated and annoyed her as few people did. Lilly held her breath, hoping Harlan would decline for his mother.
“My father rarely takes a day off. But Mother would be delighted, I’m sure.”
Lilly closed her eyes, though ignoring reality didn’t alter it.
Harlan nodded. “She can offer suggestions for the wedding too. She ’ll have lots of ideas.”
Lilly tried to relax the tight press of her mouth.
WHEN THE JOYFUL group finally dispersed, she slipped off to her favorite retreat by the sea. Alone among the rocks, she listened to the crashing breakers and watched the seagulls soar and dip in the deep blue sky.
The hiss of the surf foaming over rock drowned out her sigh. The very idea of allowing Jack into her heart again was unthinkable. Yet she couldn’t erase him from her mind. Thinking of his broad shoulders in his well-cut suit coat, dark brown eyes that slanted in merriment, and the heartiest laugh she ’d ever heard, sent waves of heat surging through her body. Memories of their times together were as sweet as they were bitter.
But all her reminiscing wouldn’t bring Jack to his knee with a proposal of marriage. He might care for her, but a life together as man and wife wasn’t in his plans. He’d said so himself. I’d make a miserable husband for any woman here. Lilly scooped up a pebble and tossed it into the surf. He could easily hurt her again. She wouldn’t take a chance. Besides, even if she wanted to, the threat of him exposing Fannie Cole ’s true identity always lurked in the background.
Settling onto a boulder, she watched the sunshine spray thousands of shiny sequins across the waters. For once, the scent and sound of the sea failed to calm her spirit.
Poor Harlan. He deserved a loyal, adoring wife, not one who harbored a secret desire for another man. She should end their engagement before wedding plans gathered a momentum of their own, yet she couldn’t bear to disappoint her family. And undoubtedly Harlan would make a fine husband and father to her future children. They shared common interests and a similar background and he seemed to truly care for her. Their marriage might lean toward the dull side, but it would be solid and, hopefully, fulfilling. She shouldn’t expect the kind of romantic love she wrote about.
The sound of boots scraping against rock gave her a start. Jack jumped over to the ledge and lowered himself to the narrow spot beside her. A black curl blew across his forehead and the steady breeze billowed his tie out from under his navy jacket.
Lilly touched her bodice. “You startled me.”
“I apologize. I merely wanted to congratulate you on your engagement. At the ball I advised you to think long and hard about marrying Harlan, but I trust you’ve done that. You have my best wishes for a happy life together.”
“Do you mean that, Jack?” She held her breath, waiting for his answer.
His tie flapped like a sail. She leaned over to tuck it in, then thought better of it.
“Of course I mean it. If Harlan is your choice, then I approve. He’s an outstanding gentleman and eminently suitable. Your family seems delighted.” He looked her squarely in the eye and gave a bleak smile.
“Quite so.”
She waited for him to speak, to open up and admit he still loved her, wanted her. For those few moments in the drawing room when he’d let down his guard, she ’d felt sure their love had never truly been severed, even through the mist of time and circumstance. But his congratulations made her doubt her assessment. Maybe she wanted him to love her so badly she saw emotion that wasn’t there. If he truly loved for her, he ’d speak now, before it was too late. Instead, he gazed at the roaring breakers and said nothing.
Apparently she ’d misunderstood. “I’m going back to the cottage. It’s too chilly to stay out here.”
Jack nodded and followed her across the lawn.
And Lilly felt his shadow every step of the way.
FROM THE BACK veranda, Vanessa watched the pair return to the cottage. Jack lagged behind, his head lowered. How peculiar they didn’t walk together and chat. Well, there was no telling what splendid thoughts were spinning through Lilly’s mind on the happy occasion of her engagement. Perhaps she didn’t appreciate the interruption while she was trying to plan her wedding festivities. Maybe she just wanted to be alone to relish her triumph. But as Lilly approached, she noted her daughter looked glum, her shoulders slumped.
“What could possibly be the matter with Lilly?” Vanessa asked George, seated by her side on the porch glider. “This should be one of the most joyful days of her life.”
He shrugged. “Nothing, I’m sure. You shouldn’t read dire predictions into a person’s every expression.”
Vanessa wrinkled her brow. “I don’t do that. Do I?” More than once Thomas had accused her of smothering their children with too much unwanted attention.
George hesitated. “No, Mama, not really. But sometimes you probe too deeply. Lilly is probably just overcome with emotion. It’s not every day someone proposes to her.”
“That’s unkind. Lilly is a lovely girl. She ’s never been a wallflower. It’s just that no one caught her eye before Harlan, except perhaps Jackson when they were very young. You don’t suppose—”
“No, Lilly’s not interested in Jack. Thankfully. Lilly is sensible. She knows Harlan is imminently suitable.” George patted Vanessa’s arm. “She’d never do anything to upset you or Papa.”
Vanessa looked away, her lips pressed tight. Lilly was so unlike George, her mercurial, irresponsible, yet cherished son. She didn’t want him to think for a moment how much he’d disappointed her with his choice of a wife—or in his lack of business acumen. He had so many redeeming qualities, though at times they were overshadowed by his poor judgment and lackadaisical attitude.
Climbing the veranda steps, Lilly glanced up and flashed a strained smile. Vanessa peered closely. She ’d have to get to the bottom of this.
“Do join us, my dear.” She gestured toward a nearby chair. “You, too, Jackson,” she added as he approached, his face as serious as Lilly’s. And even more dour.
Lilly sat down between a fern and a large pot of red geraniums. Jack mumbled an excuse about reading manuscripts and disappeared inside with George at his heels.
“How about a game of tennis? Too much work will only dull your brain and ruin your disposition,” George said as he trailed behind Jack.
Vanessa reached across the wicker table and squeezed Lilly’s cold hand. “I’m so thrilled for you, my dear. I pray you’ll always be as happy with Harlan as you are today. You waited so long for the right man.”
Nodding, Lilly folded her hands on her lap. Her violet dress with white lace on the bodice and skirt was most becoming. If only she ’d relax her pinched face, she ’d be quite a beauty.
Before Lilly found a reason to leave, Vanessa continued. “I was fortunate. I fell in love with your father when I was barely eighteen and we married soon after. I’m confident Harlan will be a grand husband as well.” Lilly’s complexion was as white as a clamshell. “Are you gett
ing jitters already, my dear?” She spoke in a lighthearted tone, gone flat and critical.
Lilly took several seconds to answer. “Perhaps I’m a bit nervous.”
“That’s perfectly normal. All brides are apprehensive. But remember, my dear, marriage is a gift from God. He wants you to be joyful with your spouse.”
Tears brimmed in Lilly’s eyes. “We shall be. I’ll see to it.”
Vanessa laughed. “It’s not quite that easy. It takes both partners to make a marriage work. But with enough love . . .”
“I’m determined.”
Vanessa grinned broadly. “You’ve always been one stubborn girl, even when you were young. You’ll accomplish whatever you set out to do. Remember when you decided to win your piano competition even though you’d taken only a few lessons? You practiced your heart out and we were so proud of you when you won first prize. I never doubted you’d win.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“But marriage isn’t a matter of the will. It’s a matter of the heart. You understand that, don’t you?”
Lilly nodded, but her lower lip trembled.
Vanessa leaned closer. “Of course, affection grows. It can start with fondness and then blossom into love, even passion. Sometimes you must be patient and allow it to develop over time.” That’s what she ’d heard from her friends. Yet she ’d loved Thomas right from the start when he’d strode into her life as a tall, strapping man with a twinkle in his eye and quip on his tongue.
“Do you have doubts, my dear? Perhaps we should talk.”
Lilly shook her head as she rose. “Just pray for me, Mama. I want to do the right thing.”
“I know you do. And I shall certainly ask the Lord for whatever guidance you need.”
Blinking back tears, Lilly stepped into the cottage.
Vanessa sighed as she watched her lovely daughter leave. These were the most intimate moments she and Lilly had experienced in the last several years. Maybe if she prayed more the Lord would show them how to draw closer together. She ’d like that very much.
Love on a Dime Page 13
