by Susan Laine
Toby smiled. He’d never realized how cryptic and lyrical Jimmy could be when he wanted to. “Why’d you think of that now?”
“’Cause that’s how I felt after graduation, I guess. Like the world was wide open and ready for me to tackle it head-on and grab it by the balls.”
Toby snickered. “God, you always had a way with words.”
“Shut up.” Jimmy smacked Toby on the head, rustling his hair, but Toby could hear the smile in his voice. “That first summer right after graduation, I spent days just hanging and chilling, not doing anything. I already knew I’d gotten into Harvard. I should have studied but….”
“I hear you. I did the same.” Toby remembered the leisurely bike ride to Boston through the country. There he’d sold his old motorcycle to sustain himself and buy essentials before he got a job. He’d not missed the old rust bucket that tended to shake in hard turns.
Jimmy’s hand stopped. “Yeah, but just not in Miller’s Grove.” Toby gasped. He had hoped they had gotten over it by now. Then Jimmy resumed his caresses. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You had to get away from your dad. That’s something I can definitely understand and relate to.”
Toby grimaced. The souring mood upset him. He decided to change the subject. “When I think about summertime, I recall a different literary quote. ‘It was rapture… to sit there beside him… in the summer night… out of the pine woods.’”
Jimmy kissed the top of Toby’s head, chuckling. “It’s night, and the stars are out, sure, but we can’t see the trees because of the curtains. Who wrote that anyway?”
“L.M. Montgomery in a book called The Blue Castle. Also paraphrased.”
“Don’t know that book. Wait. Didn’t the author write those chick books? Hmm. Is it any good?”
“Molly recommended it to me. It’s a… a romance.” Jimmy snickered. Toby blushed. “She is my sister, after all. I couldn’t refuse. In any case, the main character’s relationship—”
“Oh God, I’m bored already,” Jimmy whined and pouted, exaggerating both.
Toby laughed. “What? Guys can’t like romance—in movies or books or anything? That’s a bit childish, don’t you think?”
“Okay, fine. Whatever. Please just skip to the relevant bits.”
“Sure. Well, Molly thought it was a prefeminist book since the girl, Valancy—”
“What the hell kind of name is that?”
Toby grinned. “The hero’s name is even weirder. Barney Snaith.”
“Jesus Christ.” Jimmy blew out a breath, his chest deflating. “How horrible. And unsexy.”
“Anyway, she had an overbearing mother—”
“Ah, now I get the connection. And she, what, breaks free from her familial shackles?”
“Yes.”
“Any other themes you identified with or related to?”
“I suppose the titular blue castle, which she dreamed about. It was a kind of metaphor for a place where a person feels true happiness, joy, love, and contentment. I definitely never felt that at home, so….”
Toby shrugged. The book had awakened a few ideas in his head but beyond that not left many lasting impressions. Except for the fact that he had memorized a line. Did that mean he was into that sort of literature after all? Perhaps it had merely been the themes that reverberated in his own life.
“I see.” Jimmy was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed, a sound of longing. “You’re right. We all need a retreat and want a safe haven from the beatings life doles out to us.”
Toby smiled. “How sweetly phrased. But true nonetheless.” He wondered if he’d ever find such a fantastical place where he belonged, where he had a purpose, and where he knew love, give and take alike. “Perhaps that old saying is true. You know, how summer is a state of mind.”
“What does that have to do with imaginary castles in the sky, so to speak?” Jimmy played with Toby’s hair, winding locks around his fingers tight, then releasing them and repeating the cycle.
“Your quote mentioned summer, as did mine. I was thinking about Summerland.”
“What’s that?” Jimmy’s touch kept distracting Toby, who felt the rising warmth of arousal spreading through him, slow but sure.
“First year in college, for a month or so, I dated this guy, Dylan. He was a neopagan.”
“No shit?”
Toby chuckled. “Yeah. The way he explained it, Summerland is a magical place where the souls go between one life and the next. A kind of respite. It’s supposed to rejuvenate souls, a place of beauty and peace. If you understand the meaning of life, you can stay there forever.”
“Hmm.” It was hard to determine from Jimmy’s tone what he thought about it all. “Like a spiritual layover. Cool.”
“I’m not a religious man,” Toby mused. “I don’t believe in gods or spirits or whatever. My faith is in myself. Or it used to be, anyway. What I mean is that maybe this Summerland could also be a state of mind, an affirmative outlook on life. You know, a positive perspective.”
Jimmy chuckled. “That’s a really nice thought, Toby. A cool of way of looking at things.” Then he touched Toby’s cheek with tenderness. “Is it weird that when you mentioned Summerland, I thought about Limbo?”
Toby snorted. “Why?”
“’Cause, as beautiful and peaceful as that place might be, it’s still nothing more than a way station between two lives, the past and the future. Limbo is sort of the same, isn’t it? Except that it doesn’t pretend to be a place to dream about.” Jimmy shrugged but Toby sensed a weight pressing him down. “That’s where we both are, isn’t it? We’re traveling from state to state, along highways and byways. Only… you see Summerland, a vast country of beauty, promise, and peace. I see Limbo, a purgatory of suffering, desperation, and hopelessness.”
“Jimmy….” Toby gulped, barely getting the word past the lump in his throat.
“I attribute the cause of our differing points of view to our decisions,” Jimmy continued in a stark, cold voice. “We both encountered trials and tribulations. You did the right thing. I did not.”
Toby swiveled around and leaned his arms on Jimmy’s chest to be able to see his face. “So you’re saying you don’t deserve peace of mind since you made one mistake? That’s stupid. Adults make mistakes all the time, just like kids. That’s life. We have to figure out what to do about it all. You know, not give up. Dust ourselves off and try again.”
Jimmy smirked. “Isn’t that an Aaliyah song?”
Toby wanted to slap some sense into his friend. “Look. You talk about Limbo like it’s Hell, but it’s supposed to be a place of cleansing, right? Perhaps that’s what you’re going through, a process of purification, not torment or punishment. It’s all in how you look at it.”
Jimmy worried his bottom lip and stared at the ceiling, a frown marring his high forehead. “I want to believe that, Toby, I do. But… I’m scared.”
“Of what? Their retaliation?”
Jimmy pffted dismissively. “Fuck that. No, I… I know there’s options but… I’m unsure.”
“Maybe it’ll help to talk about them with someone. Like me, for example. You can analyze your dilemma more in-depth then, right?”
Jimmy smiled at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’re the best, Toby. God, I’ve missed you so much.” His smile faded a little but didn’t disappear entirely. “I’m not ready for that talk yet, okay? But… later?”
Granting his friend a reprieve was an easy choice for Toby. “Sure.” He rested his cheek on Jimmy’s chest again, the hairs ticklish. “So what’ll we do now?”
Jimmy chuckled low, a seductive purr adding an erotic layer beyond amusement. “What do you think, beautiful?”
He cupped Toby’s face and gently brought him up to meet his lips with his own. The kiss deepened in an instant, their lips parting and their tongues touching, a hot and wet glide that made Toby’s toes curl and a slow fire burn in his groin. Jimmy had a peculiar habit of flicking his tongue in a sensual way that rampe
d up Toby’s lust into high gear.
The swarm of butterflies in Toby’s stomach surprised him. Why was he nervous? They’d already slept together, and quite vigorously too.
Jimmy shimmied Toby on top of him, then rolled them around and covered Toby with his body. Toby shivered, letting his hands roam freely around Jimmy’s strong frame. He fondled the firm muscles, traced the lines and curves, and raked nails across expanses of soft but hairy skin. He wrapped his limbs around Jimmy, his hips already bucking as he ground against him, pressing their hard cocks against each other.
The headiness of their coupling left Toby shaken. When Jimmy fucked him again, this time with Toby on his hands and knees and Jimmy draped over his back like a man blanket, Toby was no longer sure if he’d be able to live without this once it was gone.
Was it because Jimmy was the perfect blend of friend and lover?
Even with their problems, whether they parted ways or not, Toby knew their paths would cross again. Guess they’d have not just one, but a second date with destiny.
Chapter 13
“NOW TAKE a left on Door Creek Road,” Toby instructed Jimmy, who was driving. “Lake Kegonsa State Park should be at the end of the road, on the right.”
As Jimmy found a place to park, he asked, “Is there, like, a parking fee or something?”
“Yeah, an admission ticket. For one day, it’s $11, since we have out-of-state plates.”
“Okay, I think we can afford that.” Jimmy reversed into the available spot. “Whew. Thank God I don’t have to parallel park. Hate that in Boston. Hate it everywhere.”
Toby laughed. “C’mon, comedian.”
Twenty minutes later they’d purchased their ticket, put it on the inside of the windshield, and found a relatively isolated spot on the otherwise populous beach, close to the tree line. Jimmy and Toby both had changed into shorts and T-shirts. The sandy beach was hot and sunny, without a cloud in the sky. The glacial freshwater lake, spanning wide and blue, lapped gently at the shore. Lush and thick woodlands spread around them like an impenetrable wall of green hues, expanding along the edge of the entire body of water.
Toby spread a picnic blanket on the sand and plopped down, immediately lying there with hands behind his head. He sighed happily. “Ah, now this is beginning to feel like summer.”
Jimmy had to agree. “When we were young, like teens and stuff, we took summer holidays for granted. Now most adults, me for example, don’t have the time or the money to spend vacations on the beach, if anywhere at all. I miss those days.”
“Yes, well, let’s enjoy this while we can,” Toby remarked, closing his eyes and lying in the sun like he was born to sunbathe.
Chuckling, Jimmy leaned back on his elbows, straightened and crossed his legs in front of him, and watched the way of the world. Groups of kids and adults paraded along the waterline in their bathing suits. Some adults played volleyball with a net; a few kids kicked a ball around. The smell of grilled food floated in the air. Bottles clinked. Gulls shrieked in the sky and lazily glided above the people milling about. Music could be heard from various radios but none awfully loud.
“How many states have we gone through already?” Jimmy mused rhetorically. He’d not checked his car’s or his iPhone’s GPS.
“More than half the states along I-90, as a matter of fact,” Toby retorted absentmindedly. “We started out in Massachusetts. Since then we’ve been through New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, and now we’re in Wisconsin. That’s seven states out of thirteen spanning I-90.”
Jimmy blew out a breath. “Jesus. That’s a lot of states. How the hell did we get through them all so goddamn fast?”
Toby chuckled. “Stop cussing. As for our day trips, on that first day from Boston to Erie you drove, maybe, nine hours or so? And yesterday about the same from Erie to Stoughton, so like… eighteen hours? Yeah, I’d say we’ve made pretty good time. I checked the GPS, and all in all we’ve gone well over a thousand miles. Helps to have two drivers alternating and not stopping every half an hour for salty snacks or hot spots.”
Jimmy harrumphed. “Huh. I wonder how many sightseeing opportunities we’ve missed.”
Toby swatted a hand over his face, probably to ward off buzzing insects. “Well, excluding all the historical sites in Boston, there’s a Jell-O Gallery somewhere in the state of New York.”
Jimmy snorted. “You’re kidding. There’s an actual museum devoted to Jell-O? Is that, like, a big attraction? Never mind. Don’t answer. What else?”
Toby smiled wickedly. “There’s a ghost walk in some town in Ohio. Willoughby, it was, if my memory serves.”
Jimmy whistled. “Wow. That sounds like fun. Never been on one. You?”
“Nah. Ghosts and zombies don’t really do it for me.”
Jimmy chuckled. “That’s true. You were always more of a sci-fi nerd.”
“You can learn a lot from sci-fi shows, you know. Not just technobabble but important life lessons and—”
“Seeing hot alien chicks in skintight clothes?” Jimmy finished for him, sassy as ever.
“Not really my cup of tea, dude.” Then Toby gave Jimmy a half-lidded stare and grinned. “Anyway, apparently there’s a famous pumpkin patch in Pingree Grove in Illinois.”
“You’re making that shit up,” Jimmy huffed out in utter disbelief.
Toby chuckled. “What? Pumpkins don’t do it for you? Ahead in Minnesota, I think, there’s a Jolly Green Giant Statue. Fitting for the summer, being green and all, and us being two gay guys who wouldn’t mind seeing some gargantuan… schlongs.”
Jimmy gave him a dubious glance. “Why? Is the statue naked?”
Toby giggled, blushing. “Don’t know. Never seen it. Never been to Minnesota.”
Jimmy shrugged. “So all these things are along I-90? Are we continuing to follow it? We don’t have to, you know. We can drive anywhere. I have no specific destination in mind. You?”
Toby was silent for a long time. His gaze shifted to the lake. His smile diminished. He was growing serious, Jimmy noted. Finally Toby murmured, “Just, uh, how long you planning on being on this road trip?”
Jimmy frowned, studying Toby’s inscrutable face. “Why? Am I boring you already?”
Toby slapped Jimmy on the leg. “Dumbass.”
“Okay, then. What are you getting at? ’Cause I can fucking tell there’s something you want to say to me.” Jimmy tried to rein in his emotions and not overreact since he had no idea what Toby had in mind. But he sensed it was nothing good.
Toby frowned, seeming pensive. “I watch a bunch of sci-fi shows.”
Jimmy was baffled by the non sequitur. “So?”
“Over the years, those shows have taught me a lot. Not just about science, but ethics.”
Jimmy chuckled. “You’re the only sci-fi geek I know who never wanted to join Starfleet to explore the galaxy, become a Jedi to battle the Sith, or chase rogue androids as a Bladerunner. You never wanted to join SG-1 to wage war against the Goa’uld, band with the Conspiracy of Light to resist the Shadows, travel on Moya to fight the Peacekeepers, or pair up with the Doctor on his outlandish journeys through time and space.”
Toby smiled lopsidedly, a bashful gesture, and his cheeks pinked. “All true.”
“The only one you cared for was Firefly and their rebels standing against the Alliance.”
Toby snickered. “You can say it. They were borderline criminals.”
“You wore that ratty Browncoat T-shirt all the time till it disintegrated into tatters.”
Toby laughed. “Yeah. ‘I aim to misbehave.’ Loved that show. Too bad it was cancelled.”
Jimmy watched Toby, not sure where this was going, but he was worried. “As interesting as this trip down memory lane’s been, what’s your point?”
Toby’s frown returned. He cocked his head, as if listening. “You hear that song?”
Irritated at the interruption, Jimmy shifted focus to a group of four punk-looking teenagers listening to
an iPod with speakers attached. The melody sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it. The piece began slowly, with a single low male voice. Later, heavy-metal instruments joined in.
“I’ve heard it somewhere,” Jimmy muttered.
“It’s ‘The Sound of Silence’ by Disturbed,” Toby filled in the blanks.
Now Jimmy recognized the song. “Right, yeah. That Simon & Garfunkel cover. So?” But then he connected the dots on his own, and he snarled. “You think I’m running from my problems by being silent?”
Toby shrugged. “Running, driving, whatever.”
Jimmy punched Toby on the arm, hard enough to bruise. Toby gasped and scowled at him, rubbing his undoubtedly sore arm. “What about you, asshole?” Jimmy challenged. “You can’t pass judgment on me without being a total hypocrite, considering you’re on the run too.”
Much to Jimmy’s surprise, Toby deflated and appeared rueful, nodding. “Believe me, I’m well aware.” He sighed and looked out at the lake again, contemplativeness returning to his features that Jimmy couldn’t stop staring at. “Lately I’ve been watching this newer—and now unfortunately cancelled—show called Dark Matter.”
“Like the stuff scientists don’t understand yet or… like dark and dangerous people?”
Toby nodded. “Both, actually. Sort of. Six people wake up in stasis without their memories or identities. They assume new names and struggle to piece together what led them to their current predicament.”
“Uh-huh. And they turn out to be…?” Jimmy waved his hand about impatiently.
Toby winked at him. “You guessed it. They were mercenaries. The worst of the lot. The infamous crew of the Raza. They used to work for the corporations and quell any rebellions against them, usually involving a great deal of violence, blood, and death.”
“Ouch.” Jimmy winced. “And you like this show why, exactly?”
A cool wind from the lake blew in Jimmy’s direction, refreshing and welcome, chilling his hot face. He was uncomfortable with this entire discussion, how seemingly innocent topics led to dark and serious ones that threatened to drag him down to desolation. Yet he listened to Toby, expecting to hear some revelation that would miraculously solve all their problems.
