by Susan Laine
“Maybe it’s ’cause you’re my best friend,” Jimmy murmured, his eyes screwed shut. Toby puzzled over his meaning as Jimmy whispered, “Being with you is so easy. I can be myself around you. Your hands make me feel like I can do anything. Love your fingers.”
Toby smiled. “Anytime, bruh.” It was a bit silly, he thought, and something of a copout to continue to use such a casual term of endearment. But he wasn’t sure what else to say.
Toby parted Jimmy’s buttcheeks, laved the flat of his tongue over the tiny hole, and then probed deeper with the tip. A sob escaped Jimmy’s lips, and his body was wracked with tremors. Toby went on to use every oral trick in the book to give his best friend pleasure and comfort. The odor of male musk thickened.
Soon Jimmy was a writhing, whimpering mess, babbling incoherently and begging for more.
Toby slid a condom on his cock. Then he snatched the tube of lube, wetted his fingers, and tenderly entered Jimmy’s channel, which twitched and constricted around his digits. Toby didn’t stop. Jimmy would tell him if something was wrong. So Toby moved in and out, slowly and surely, until his lover pushed back. Adding fingers made Jimmy moan and shiver.
“T-Toby, please,” Jimmy whispered, out of breath, his voice rough and raw.
Without waiting for another plea, Toby slathered his dick with lube, lined up his cockhead, and pushed in as cautiously as he could while bubbling with need. Toby rarely went this far with his casual hookups. It was seldom necessary, as they were rushed encounters with little to no finesse. But he yearned for this. Toby craved to be this intimate with Jimmy.
“Say if you want me to stop or slow down, okay?” he muttered to his lover. He didn’t halt his movements forward. Jimmy’s ass undulated around him, first choking his dick, then easing off. It was a kind of sweet torment.
Jimmy shook his head. “No, I… I’m… fine….” He waved his hand, and Toby gripped it. Right away Jimmy clutched it tight, dragged both their hands to his chest, and declared, “I want it rough, Toby. I want you to hold me down and fuck me hard and deep.”
Toby damn near swallowed his tongue. Obliging Jimmy wouldn’t be a hardship.
When his hips came into full contact with Jimmy’s butt, Toby sighed in relief. Seated to the hilt, the sensation burned permanently into his memory, into his dick’s nerve endings. “Hard and deep, got it. Ready?”
“Uh-huh.” Jimmy yanked on Toby’s hand until Toby covered Jimmy’s back like a blanket.
Toby peppered Jimmy’s shoulders and neck with kisses, some closemouthed, some open. He licked, he sucked, he nipped, he caressed with his lips, his tongue. Toby couldn’t get enough of Jimmy’s taste, the feel of him, his skin, the expensive spicy scent of his hair. Sensations floated and swirled around him like a whirlwind, making him dizzy with want.
Toby’s hips moved on their own, following a primal instinct, thrusting to a primitive beat, so engrossed that he surrounded Jimmy with his own body as he fucked him good. Long, thorough strokes prolonged both their pleasure as Toby took his time. A hot velvety tunnel encircled Toby’s cock from root to tip, and he groaned in delectation.
“Oh God. Oh my God. Please, yes, oh God.” Jimmy’s gravelly cries echoed in the room, as if stuck on repeat. The sounds, guttural and uncontrollable, made Toby beam and desire even more.
Toby straightened over Jimmy’s back, hovering on braced arms, and yanked the pillow out from underneath Jimmy. Toby increased the pace of his thrusts as he straddled Jimmy’s butt, his dick buried inside loving flesh. Jimmy moaned loudly, an animalistic howl that reverberated inside Toby’s rib cage.
Jimmy slithered a hand underneath his body, his hips bucking up, and Toby knew his lover was jacking off, obviously as near the end as he was. A zesty odor of precome reached Toby’s nose.
“You close?” Toby breathed into Jimmy’s ear. “Gonna fuck you through it. Ready?”
All of a sudden Jimmy started to squirm frantically. “Let me turn. Let me see you.”
Fumbling positions, flailing limbs, sweat, and grunts hailed their switch. Soon Jimmy lay on his back, his legs hooked over Toby’s shoulders, and Toby plunged his cock back into divine heat that welcomed him by practically sucking him in. One minute taut, pliant the next, Jimmy was a finely tuned instrument about to come to crescendo. Toby created sweet music from Jimmy in the form of sighs and mewls. Like trying to hold a live wire, static electricity danced along their skin.
“Kiss me, please,” Jimmy begged in a low voice.
Toby crashed his mouth against Jimmy’s, diving deep, shoving his tongue in and claiming Jimmy’s flavor. Jimmy returned the favor with equal fervor, all but devouring Toby. They clutched and clawed at each other, Toby’s hips snapping faster and harder till he surfed on the crest of waves of pure pleasure.
That was when Toby’s dizzy mind cleared.
Jimmy had his arms wrapped around Toby’s shoulders and his face buried in the nook of Toby’s neck. Fierce body tremors were a mere prelude to hot tears raining on Toby’s skin. The soft sounds emerging from Jimmy’s throat resonated with the agony in Toby’s heart.
Would they end their ride in fear, loss, and pain?
Chapter 18
“JIMMY? WHAT’S wrong?”
Toby’s hushed tone, fraught with worry, startled Jimmy out of his trance. The pleasure he’d felt had encompassed him so completely that he couldn’t hide from the tidal wave.
“Y-yeah, just a lot, you know. Please don’t stop. Fuck me, Toby.”
Toby came to rest on top of Jimmy, cupped his face with gentle hands, and kissed him. The languid, sensual caress of lips and tongue sent shivers up and down Jimmy’s spine. He answered to the kiss with all the passion he felt. His head hummed; his body buzzed. It was as if he’d discovered a frequency of sex and was finally in sync.
“Your taste,” Toby murmured, poised over Jimmy’s lips. “I can’t get enough.”
Jimmy’s belly lurched at the confession. So he wasn’t the only one so turned on by their frenzied coupling. “Gimme more.” He leaned up to capture Toby’s mouth for another series of slow kisses.
Toby cupped Jimmy’s right buttcheek and brought them together even closer, and Jimmy’s legs splayed open wider. Then he ramped up his speed and force of thrusts, fucking Jimmy through the mattress. Jimmy couldn’t hear anything over the rush of blood in his ears, his heart thudding like a jackhammer. His skin overheated, drenched in sweat. His balls hiked up, boiling and needing to find release.
“Gotta come,” Jimmy choked out, his breathing choppy.
A whole host of emotions flitted across Toby’s face, then melted into a wicked, happy smile, and he nodded. “Come, baby. C’mon. I’ve got you.”
Perhaps it was the tender entreaty in Toby’s tone, maybe his loving, sensual presence, but Jimmy found himself hugging Toby tight and crying his eyes out. His body wobbled, as if he was caught in an earthquake. An earth-shattering sexquake, maybe.
When Toby merely bussed smooches on his neck, soothing him with touches and whispers, Jimmy reached the end of his tether. His climax shot him high into orbit, where stars burned bright and he flew without a care in the world. Hot, sticky droplets burst out of his cock that jumped and jolted, sizzling on the inside. His balls actually hurt from the force of the orgasm.
Then Toby stuttered to a halt, suspended, ecstasy evident on his face, and hot liquid filled the latex inside Jimmy. He wished they’d gone bareback. It was silly, but he couldn’t dispel the hot fantasy.
“Holy shit, Jesus Christ, fuck….” Toby kept cussing, still rocking his hips lazily.
They kissed, Jimmy drinking from Toby’s succulent fountain. He wondered if he’d ever enjoyed kisses this much.
Eventually the sweltering fever cooled, and both men came down from their heights. Toby eased out of Jimmy’s abused channel, the hollowness making Jimmy gasp.
“Was I too rough?” Toby asked in alarm.
Jimmy shook his head. “No. You were perfect.”
Toby sm
iled shyly, his cheeks reddening. He discarded the spent condom in the trash can, retreated into the bathroom, and after a short splash of water, returned with a wet cloth. He cleaned them both, his caresses more sensual than actually purifying, Jimmy thought with a grin.
When Toby came back to bed, he snuggled close to Jimmy, embracing him at the waist and holding him tight. “That was… pretty damn awesome.” His voice, awed, gave Jimmy heart palpitations. Joy filled him.
“Yeah.” He sighed, contented. “Never knew it could be like that. But I hoped. Thank you.”
Toby chuckled. “You did all the work.”
Jimmy laughed. “Oh, I’m pretty sure it was your hips that did most of the work.”
“Not work. Enjoyment. Pure and unadulterated.” Toby rose to lean over Jimmy’s chest and swipe the dried striations of tears from his cheeks. “Feeling okay?”
“Better than. For a moment, a split second, I… all the troubles plaguing me were gone. I was free, flying high on endorphins. It was bliss.” Jimmy stared up at the ceiling. Cracks appeared in the plaster, like crackling lightning bolts, immobile and old. Specks of mold and tattered cobwebs shadowed the corner. “I know I can’t run forever, and I’ve stopped. Perhaps I would’ve on my own eventually, but I think this is mostly because of your example. I… sure, I’m scared. But that won’t deter me. I’ve got to do this.”
Toby traced the shape of Jimmy’s lips, his fingertips ticklish. “Do you… do you want me to come with you?”
Jimmy started at the offer, seemingly made of free will. God, but he wanted Toby to stand at his side, to grant him courage and comfort, promise to love him unconditionally, to wait for him. No. That was where the dream ended. He couldn’t ask that of Toby, he couldn’t impose on him as if he had a claim on him. Jimmy couldn’t do that to his once more best friend—whom he’d come to care for more than was wise.
“I appreciate the offer, I do, but—” Jimmy brushed Toby’s soft hair, savoring the fleeting contact. “—you have your own shit to deal with. And after everything, I kind of need to do this alone. With you there, I might feed off your strength instead of finding it in myself. If that makes sense.”
Toby smiled, his eyes shining with unshed tears he blinked away. “It does. I guess I just don’t want you to face your fate alone.”
“You can be with me in spirit. These memories will keep me warm for years to come.”
Toby’s smile cracked. “I was sort of hoping we’d continue to make new memories. You’re my best friend. I forgot that for a while, but… now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to lose you again. I….” Toby swallowed, his Adam’s apple jumping, and his skin paled.
Jimmy didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to understand what Toby had left unsaid. How could he not get it when he felt the same? Somewhere along the way on their summer ride, they’d renewed their friendship—which had then evolved into a different type of love.
They were lovers now.
Jimmy could brush it off for both their sakes. He should spare Toby from having to put his life on hold while Jimmy rotted in jail as penance for past mistakes. Was he selfish to want to keep Toby in his life even if they couldn’t be together, possibly for years?
But what if Toby was willing to do that for Jimmy? Could two wrongs make a right?
He pulled Toby closer for a kiss, brief and insufficient. “You’re my best friend too, Toby. You know as much. But we’re both in tough situations right now. We’ve got to settle things before we can consider… other commitments.”
Toby’s midnight-blue eyes narrowed. Jimmy could sense his suspicions. “I see.” He laid his head back on Jimmy’s chest and said nothing more.
Jimmy hated that the pleasant, erotic mood had shattered. But he couldn’t give Toby false hope. He spoke from the heart before his mind caught on. “If I could keep you forever, I would.”
Toby rubbed his cheek against Jimmy’s chest, a soft hiss emanating when Jimmy’s chest hairs met with Toby’s beard. “I missed you too, buddy. A lot.”
Not exactly a declaration of love but Jimmy accepted it nonetheless. Somehow it raised his spirits and warmed his heart. “Thanks.” He kissed the top of Toby’s head. Jimmy was physically and emotionally worn out. But he didn’t want to sleep yet. Who knew when he’d get the chance to be this close to someone he loved? “How come you don’t have a boyfriend or a husband?”
Toby chuckled dryly. “I’m twenty-three. Too soon to tie the knot. As far as boyfriends are concerned, I’m in college. Earning a graduate degree and finding a job are my priorities right now. No time for relationships.”
“But you have dated in college, right? Had, uh, casual sex?” Jimmy caressed Toby’s back with featherlight touches up and down his spine. Soon Toby’s skin turned goose bumpy.
Toby giggled. “Of course. Duh. Had plenty of hookups and one-night stands. I’m a college student, not a monk. Where the hell did you think I learned all those moves, dickhead?”
Jimmy raked his nails over Toby’s sides, causing him to squirm and laugh. “You know, you curse a lot more these days. You’ve become a foul-mouthed, black-bearded rebel. How come you didn’t talk dirty in bed?”
Toby looked up, his mischievous eyes crinkling at the corners. “I didn’t know you’d have liked that. We never did fuck in high school. And you never asked me to dish out details.”
“There were a lot of things we never talked about,” Jimmy confirmed slowly. “Even with each other. Best friends or not, sharing isn’t always an option.”
Toby frowned. “You think I would’ve… I don’t know, reacted badly? Like, hurt you or something?”
“No. You’re not like that.” Of that Jimmy was absolutely certain. “I guess I mainly worried about my secret getting out, my dad finding out, and high school turning to shit.” He smiled shortly. “Well, more shitty, to be exact. Let’s face it. High school wasn’t a picnic for either of us.”
Toby sighed in defeat, his gaze wandering aimlessly. “I guess that’s true. If my orientation had come out, no pun intended, back in high school, I’d have been just another lost teenager living in the streets.”
“I’d have taken you in,” Jimmy countered, angry at an imagined scenario of injustice.
“And once your father found out? He’d have thrown me out, and you too. Contaminated goods, or some bullshit like that.”
“Maybe.” Jimmy closed his eyes and envisioned his stern dad. His eyes weren’t hazel like Jimmy’s but so deep brown they appeared almost black. Jimmy had feared him once. “My dad’s a politician. He might’ve let you stay on condition that our shared secrets got buried from the light of day. He knows all about covering shit up.”
“I know you always say that, Jimmy, but… is that really true? Is he really that corrupt?”
Jimmy admitted to himself for the first time ever that the answer wasn’t written in stone. Perhaps it was simply easier for him to hate the oppressive asshole if he was shady and crooked in every sense rather than being a mere man, greedy and power hungry, an imperfect creature capable of making mistakes—and maybe learning from them.
One thing was certain. The man didn’t miss Jimmy. He never called, never wrote, never made contact of any kind. Jimmy had chosen law over politics and lost his father’s recognition.
And now Jimmy, despite having selected a different career, had become an almost exact clone of his dad: tainted.
“You think we’ll end up being exactly like our parents?” Jimmy pondered out loud.
“No.” Toby didn’t elaborate. There wasn’t a hint of doubt in his voice.
That one word gave Jimmy immense hope. He wasn’t his father. He still had a choice.
Chapter 19
“YOU SHOULDN’T keep your feet up on the dashboard,” Jimmy advised Toby, who lounged on the passenger seat. “If I have to push the brakes real hard, your feet could break in several places. I’ve heard it can happen, man.”
Toby smiled back. “You, a worrywart? Who’d a thunk it?�
� Still, he obligingly put down his feet and sat up straighter. “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask….”
Jimmy frowned, mostly out of curiosity. “What?”
“You have any campus horror stories?”
Jimmy snorted. “What?”
Toby licked a dollop off his melting raspberry ice cream, far too lewdly for Jimmy’s liking since he couldn’t do anything about it. “Well, for example, my first roommate—”
“First? You had more than one?”
Toby harrumphed, shoving Jimmy on the arm, but kept grinning. “Shut up. I’m telling the story. Anyway, my first roommate was a total nutcase.”
“Coed dorms?” Jimmy asked for clarification.
“Yeah, it was, but this was a dude, naturally. Steve. Or Steve-o as he wanted to be called.” Toby snickered when Jimmy made a small derisive laugh. “I didn’t like him eating in bed. It was disgusting. Especially since he rarely, if ever, did his laundry without being pressured. And I mean more than his sheets. I mean every damn thing he ever wore.”
“That it? A smeller and an eater in bed? Oh man, have I got you beat.” Jimmy winked, as if he had already won the competition, which in his mind he had. “My roommate, Denis, was a screamer, and I don’t mean sex. He had this weird notion that people came to college to study and nothing else. So he went to bed at nine, expected everyone else to do the same, and if he heard a noise after that, he went on a rampage. And I mean like a stampeding horde of howling bulls.”
“No shit?” Toby chuckled.
“He’d bang on people’s doors and walls, break lamps and dressers, throw people’s food on the floor, tear their laundry to shreds. We didn’t even have to go to the RA to complain about him ’cause he had a similar shit-for-brains moment in the library and was hauled out of there by campus security. Three days after that, he just wasn’t there anymore, all his stuff gone. I heard his parents hauled his ass to a clinic.” Jimmy made quick air-quotation marks.
