by Jean Oram
Her mind leapt to his comment about his dad saying he needed to smarten up. Another snow boulder in the avalanche. "He brought a rose."
Beth caught her sister flashing a raised eyebrow as if to say, That's all? You're going to hang your hopes on a flower? and the fight boiled up within her. "He's a guy! He can't just blurt out his feelings. He came to dance and to do something we both used to enjoy. He was telling me to wait." She was sure of it.
"Oz used to write you poems, Beth. I think he could muster up a few words to ask you back if that's what was on his mind." Cynthia turned to face her, her expression kind. "He doesn't want his mom sending him to rehab. You're failing to see the whole picture. You can't wait forever and he's not changing. Despite him saying he loved you at the intervention."
Beth sunk her head into her hands. Her sister's argument felt a lot more solid than the one her heart was whispering in her ear. His words and actions failed to add up to happily back together again.
"I'm sorry, Beth. And the fact that he was drunk..." Her sister sat down beside her and gently rested a hand on her shoulder. "It doesn't say good things about his intentions." Cynthia's voice became low and convincing. "I say screw it all to hell and make your move. Nash is hot shit and someone will grab him if you don't." Cynthia let out a low chuckle and said somewhat wistfully, "A doctor who knows how to dress and how to listen? If you want to have that family you've been dreaming about, you need to seize the moment." She patted Beth's knee and stood up. "You don't need Oz for that dream. You need a man. A good man like Dr. Love Buns who can make those dreams come true." She snapped her fingers. "Easy-peasy like he's buying a new Beemer."
Beth massaged her bare ring finger and tried not to think about having a family with someone other than Oz. Thoughts like that felt out of place. Greedy, even. Especially since Nash was the kind of man she could fall for. He was patient, kind, and stable. He'd make a good husband and a good father. And he believed in her in a way nobody else seemed to. And the way saw her through a fresh point of view gave her confidence. Add in the way his blue eyes danced when she tickled his funny bone and she was almost smitten.
"I'm right about Oz, aren't I? Just like I was with you going off to college."
Beth gritted her teeth; she didn't want Cynthia to be right about Oz this time. Going to college to get away from Oz and Mandy had been one thing; this was entirely different. She stood and dusted off her pants. She'd think about it later over a thick slice of chocolate maven pie. "Shall we check on Gran?"
"Yeah." Cynthia gave Beth a look she couldn't decipher and entered the room first, her legs moving stiffly. "Hey Gran!" Cynthia turned all smiles, her voice strained and overly perky. "How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?"
"I'd like a cup of tea," Gran said. She was flat on her back, eyes cast to the ceiling, tubes running into the back of her hand. "Make sure it's cool enough I can slurp it through a straw."
"I'll get it," Beth said, turning to go. She'd already checked in on Gran twice, and figured Cynthia might want a chance to visit Gran alone.
"No," said Cynthia shoving past her, face pale. "I've got it."
Gran shook her head sadly. "That Cynthia. I can't believe she's still so bothered by hospitals."
"She loves you, Gran. That's all." She took the chair beside Gran. "She can't see that some people leave happier and healthier. She can't see the hope that resides here."
"Well, quite frankly, neither can I. I hate the smell. I hate the shitty sheets, and most of all," she said, her voice rising, "I hate the fact that everything is so bloody controlled and mandated that I can't get a decent sip of sherry!" She smacked the bed beside her with her free hand. "I need a goddamned bootlegger!"
Beth bit her lips, trying not to smile. "Maybe there's something I can do?"
Gran gave Beth a slight smile, her fight gone. "I'm okay. That city doc will look after me just fine. Even said he'd see what he could do about getting me some sherry." She raised an eyebrow at Beth and waited half a beat. "However, I don't think you need to go chasing after his love buns just yet."
"What?" Beth jolted like she'd touched an electric fence with a wet hand.
"I heard the two of you girls out in the hall. I'm not deaf, you know." She gave Beth a stern look.
"I know," Beth said quickly. She scanned their conversation in her head trying to think what all Gran may have overheard.
"It was my decision."
"What was?" Beth asked.
Gran winced as she shifted her position. Beth stood to help fluff a pillow, guilt clinging to her like a thick fog. Her issues with Oz were affecting others, endangering her gran, and the town was going to rightly blame her for it. Gran was one of their own and she'd let her come to harm.
She had to make it stop. She had to cut the cord even if it meant starting over.
"I said, it was my decision. My decision to dance with Oz."
"Gran." Beth blinked back tears. "I should have—"
"Oh, enough already. We're all adults." Gran gave her a disgruntled frown. "I know you got in some serious trouble from Justin, but don't you go thinking for one second that it changes anything between us. You are not my babysitter no matter what those numbskulls in their fancy offices think."
Beth gave Gran's hand a light squeeze. "I love you, Gran."
Gran waved her off with a frown. "Enough. You're going to make me vomit."
Beth chuckled and released Gran's hand.
"Now," Gran said. "Damn, I wish I could sit up." She wiggled her shoulders, snuggling into her bed.
"Can I—" Beth asked, reaching again to help fluff or adjust.
"Sit! Quit fussing over me," Gran snapped. She pointed a long finger at Beth. "And don't you let me die of boredom in here. You wheel this goddamned bed into the common room every morning, you hear me? I can still chat, play cards, and do crafts while lying on my back."
Beth lowered herself into the chair and nodded, unsure how she'd get past the protesting nurses and their rules.
"If I stay in here my brain will rot and then what good will I be?"
"I'll bring guests by, Gran."
Gran narrowed her eyes. "I want to be where the action is, you hear? There's a good reason they pay you to provide recreational therapy. Now. About these men of yours. I asked Dr. Leham—my heavens, that man has a nice tush—I asked him to check under that chair for my slippers more than once, I tell you." Gran made a satisfied sound. "Mmm-hmm."
"Gran!"
Gran gave her a silencing look and continued, "I asked him not to ban Oz. But that was all for naught. Rules this. Regulations that." She shot Beth a sour look and raised her voice slightly, like she did when making a point. "However. I do not agree with Cynthia. As smart as that girl is, I disagree. Dr. Leham is a fine specimen of Y chromosome and fun to spend time with while Oz gets his life sorted, but it should end there. For now." Another stern look. "Oz is not the type to take kindly to you spending time with another man."
"He told me to move on. He's not—we're not... anymore, Gran."
"Sure you are. And if you think spending time with the lovely doctor is going to swing that man of yours around, you've got another thing coming."
"But Gran—"
"Shit storms are no fun to walk in with your mouth open. And don't you but me, young lady. You listen to what I have to say."
"Yes, Gran." This felt a lot like the time Gran found out she'd gone to the doctor for The Pill while in high school. She'd been so sure she was going to hook up with Ricky Fallows and she wanted to be prepared. Gran, on the other hand, had laid into her for settling for less, and so early in life. How Ricky was less she never found out because once word had gotten out that Gran didn't approve, that was it. He'd avoided her like she'd been sprayed by a skunk. It had taken her a long time to forgive Gran for that. Well, at least until she'd spotted Oz.
"I know Oz suggested you move on while he works through his issues. He's doing the honorable thing because he's realizing he has more iss
ues to work through before he is ready to start a life with you. You can't figure out what your dreams are in a half a second. You young kids think everything should happen on your own terms like it's a grand PVR and you can fast forward to the parts you want right now. Give him time. You're young and have time. You don't need to rush and have regrets later. Anyone else you may be thinking of, if they're worth it, will wait."
Beth clenched her hands into fists as her throat closed.
Gran's smile softened like it did when she saw Reggie. Beth looked over her shoulder, thinking he'd entered the room, but nobody was there. "Actions speak louder than words and sometimes that's all a man has," Gran said softly. "Listen carefully to his actions, not his words. The two of you were good together."
"Like... what kind of actions?" Beth prodded.
"He tried to dance with your patients and especially with me. And the rose? Actions. Signs."
"But he was drunk," Beth said in a hard voice. "I asked him what he wanted and," Beth tried to bite back the bitterness seeping into her voice, "he said he wanted exercise. He didn't come because he wanted to. He's still trying to please his father. Not himself."
Her grandmother laughed. "Oh, Beth, dear. He's a big ship. You can't turn one of those on a dime."
Beth shot Gran a look.
"Men are much more complicated than we give them credit for. You and I both know he didn't show up for exercise. He's reaching out in the only way he can without wounding his pride. Men can't always say the words we need to hear."
Beth paused. That would mean her gut was right and Cynthia was wrong.
Except the real Oz wouldn't have let his pride stop him from saying that he'd come for her.
"I'm right, aren't I?" gloated Gran.
Beth brought her attention back to her grandmother. "I don't think so," she said slowly.
Gran's expression grew grim like she'd received bad news. "Don't rush one of the most important things in your life. Trust yourself, Beth. Trust your instincts. Trust your heart."
Chapter 9
Beth sat in her car with the window rolled down. Being July, her car's air-conditioning had decided it was truly an option. An option her car no longer had. Parked in the shade of an old elm, with the steering wheel clammy in her grip, Beth thought of the overnight bag waiting experimentally in her trunk. All she had to do was start the engine and head down the road, take a left onto Second Street, another left onto the highway and straight out of town and into a new life. A life where she wouldn't burden her sister. A life where she wouldn't put Gran at risk. A life where Oz could do whatever he needed to do without feeling any obligation to her.
A clipping for a new apartment building in Derbyshire lay beside her and she glanced at the address once again. A nice part of town on a quiet street, not far from where Katie's boyfriend, Will, grew up. She'd be far enough away from the gossip and guilt, but she'd be close enough to visit Gran, Cynthia, and Katie whenever she wanted. And Nash.
She would miss their long chats on the phone, his awesome ice cream, and the way he made her feel relaxed, special, mysterious, and elegant. When she was with him it felt as though there was more to her life than just Blueberry Springs and her past. It felt as though there was a completely unwritten future just waiting for her to walk into it.
It was silly. Dreaming about Nash was like a girl dreaming about being adopted by movie stars. And of city men who wouldn't mind settling down with country bumpkins.
She sucked in a deep breath. It was over. She could keep deluding herself that there was hope in Oz's actions—just like everyone in town seemed to have—or she could move on like Cynthia suggested.
Beth gripped her steering wheel and sweat trickled down her back. Oz was right. There was a new Oz in town and he wasn't at all like the old one. She should start her engine and go. New life. She reached to start the car.
"Nice wheels."
Beth jumped. "Oh jeez, Nash! You scared me."
"Sorry." Nash propped his arms on her open window. "Where are you off to?"
Beth casually flipped over the apartment ad. "Um..."
Nash gave her a grin. "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going, huh?"
She gave him a sheepish smile.
He slid over her hood like he was in The Dukes of Hazard. A thrill raced up her spine. She had no idea he could do that. He had athletic, nimble, agile, and sexy hiding behind his professional doctoral visage. He slipped off the edge of the hood, landing on the ground and she laughed. He popped into the passenger's seat, looking embarrassed.
He snagged the ad he'd almost sat on, giving it a quick once over. "Nothing for rent in town, I take it?" he asked.
"Everything seems to be taken by the time I get to it," she admitted. She focused her attention out the windshield at the leaves wiggling and dancing in a light puff of air. The leaves showed their pale underbellies, then hid them again.
"So? You're heading out?" He checked the backseat. "Reconnaissance mission?"
She nodded and they sat in silence.
Nash, hands clasped between his knees, shot her an apologetic look. "Sorry about your job."
She frowned. "I didn't lose it." Although being on probation was almost the same thing as being fired when you were searching for a new job. Neither was considered a positive strike during the inevitable reference call. It was one of the small things keeping her from turning the key and driving off into a completely new life. That, and the fact that the nearest hospital, other than theirs, was well over an hour away and wasn't in need of a recreational therapist. Plus, she couldn't leave her outreach now that people were actually coming besides Gran. Nash had been right about holding a grand opening and advertising in the paper. She now had about sixty percent of her spots filled, making it worth getting up early every Saturday.
"I feel partially responsible for you being placed on probation, and I'm sorry."
Why was he apologizing when Oz hadn't?
It was another sign. And another reason why she needed to distance herself from Oz, despite what Gran had said, and what her heart wanted.
Nash continued, "If there had been a way for me to avoid reporting it, I would have." He rubbed the back of his neck. "But I can't admit a patient, especially one from continuing care, without writing up a report." He gave her an uncertain look. "You know?"
Some of the tension riding her shoulders eased away. "Yeah, I know." Her mind shot down a new avenue. What if she followed her sister's advice? What if she leaned over and kissed Nash? Placed her warm lips against his soft, pouty lower lip... closed her eyes and dreamed of the future? A whole new her. A future where Nash made her feel smarter and elegant just by being him. She'd no longer feel like she was yanking both ends of her life together in furious hopes that one day they might connect.
"What?" Nash asked, a bemused smile lighting his face, a twinkle in his eyes.
She held her breath and leaned forward. His eyes changed and Beth couldn't tell if it was longing or uncertainty. She lowered her gaze and reached across to open the glove box.
Big chicken.
She bit her lower lip. She deserved to be stuck in romance limbo. She didn't have the guts to pull up her pants and make a real decision about Oz other than to perpetually give him more time in hopes that he would change and ask her back. And she didn't have the courage to kiss Nash.
"What are you looking for?" Nash asked as she rummaged around.
A real life.
She straightened suddenly, bumping Nash's nose on her way up. Nash made a pained sound and Beth reached for him. "Oh, my God. I'm so sorry."
Nash clutched his nose.
"You're bleeding!" she scrambled in her glove box for a mini pack of tissues.
He took the tissues, jamming them against his nose. "Don't worry about it," he said in a plugged-up voice.
She sat helplessly. "I'm such a moron."
He laughed. "Relax. It's just a nosebleed. Why don't you drive me around town—in your non-domestic car
—and give me the full local's tour with history and insider jokes included."
A warm smile grew, its heat working through her in a way that told her that maybe, just maybe, things could be different in her life. Should she choose it.
"Volvo is owned by Ford, you know." She grinned and cranked her engine. "Hold on to your hat, Farmer Nash." She frowned and looked him over. "Wait... where's that freebie hat I worked so hard to get? Not just anyone can get one of those out of Alvin's box, you know."
He ran a hand through his hair. "I uh..."
Beth laughed. "Never mind. Let's go." If she'd been walking she would have grabbed his hand and skipped down the street; her heart felt so light. "Let me show you the town."
And then you can show me the world.
***
Beth slipped into the cool air conditioning of Benny's Big Burger just before the lunch crowd. She paused at the counter near the door, scanning the large room to see if she could spot Benny talking to customers.
Driving Nash around town yesterday had given her an idea of how she could take control of her life right here in Blueberry Springs. While running away to Derbyshire was still as tempting as all get out, she didn't want to have to deal with Bear's Pass during winter storms nor rely on her old car for a twenty-minute, mountainous commute. What she needed was a roof over her head—which made Benny the man to see.
Mandy came out of the kitchen to Beth's right, carrying a tray of pizza that smelled divine.
"I'll be with you in a minute," Mandy said. She barely looked at Beth as she slipped pizza slices into the counter's revolving glass case. She adjusted the Pizza-by-the-Slice sign and turned to Beth, eyebrow arched. "Party of one?"
Some party that would be. A lovely pity party.
"Actually, I was hoping to talk to Benny."
Mandy smirked. "Need a job?"
