by Jean Oram
"You're wrong. Not all guys..." Beth paused, doubting herself. "Katie showed me a note Oz wrote—"
"Oz is a lemon drop, Beth. Everyone loves a lemon drop, even when it's covered in lint. Aren't you getting tired of sucking the lint and getting cavities?"
"He wrote it after we'd been dating for two and a half months. It was beautiful. Poetic. Romantic. He knew me."
Silence.
"He carries it around with him and has since he wrote it."
"Why are you telling me this? Are you hoping I'll magically make Nash poetically gifted? Or is there something more?"
"I'm talking to you because you're my sister and I need help."
"Help how?"
"To share the indignity of it all." Beth flung another satin cushion across the room. "I mean, I'm marrying Nash, who can't write a vow to save his life, and here's Oz carrying around an old note that would make perfect vows."
"Really? Is that all?"
"That's all."
More silence.
Beth would not tell her sister the truth. Ever.
"Do you know what I think?" Cynthia waited a beat before continuing. "You're still in love with Oz. Which is understandable since, from what I've seen and heard, Oz is getting himself back together. Back to the good ol', familiar, easy-to-love Oz who you've drooled over for years. But the problem is that Oz doesn't seem to want you back, now does he? He gave you up."
Beth blinked back tears and tried to swallow.
"So, little sister, you need to ask yourself, do you love Nash more than Oz and your perfect, unrealistic dream that goes along with him? Because you can't marry Nash in good conscience if you are dreaming of Oz. You need closure with Oz, and quick. You need to ensure he isn't sitting there waiting for you to come back to him."
"Do you think he is?" Beth asked in a small voice.
"I don't know. Is he?"
Hope erupted within her.
Cynthia's voice turned firm. "Because he isn't acting like it. You've both moved on. Making a move toward Oz could upturn the apple cart. You need closure. You need to get your head in the game and start drooling after what you have, not what you used to have."
Beth stared at the ceiling and blinked back tears.
"Did you hear me?"
Beth nodded and sighed. "Yeah."
"You know, Oz is different. And so are you. You've both been through a lot and pulled some punches. Nothing will be the same." Pause. "You can't have the past, Beth. Only the future, and the future is, of course, completely uncertain. As uncertain as Oz wanting you back. Whatever you decide, I'll support you. This is your life, after all."
Beth closed her stinging, sore eyes. She let out a slow breath between her lips, spraying teardrops. She was going to have to say goodbye to the man she loved. A man who was just as good today as he had been the first time she said yes.
But which man was that?
PART 3: The Wedding Day and Where Things Begin to Unravel
(April)
Chapter 19
Beth paced the small upstairs room in the church. She hadn't gone to Oz for closure. And she hadn't broken up with Nash.
Of course she hadn't. There was no reason to do either. She'd merely had cold feet because she didn't know Nash as well as she knew Oz. It was so obvious now. Anyway, she and Oz had their closure ages ago. She had just been miffed that Oz was still a great catch.
She and Nash were in love and she was ready to do this. She was ready to get married. She was ready to live a new life.
Pasting a smile on her face, she took a deep breath. She kept smiling and breathing until the smile felt real. Excitement started to build inside her. She was going to get married. To Nash. Today.
This was the beginning of something new. Nash would get more in tune with Blueberry Springs, her outreach program was in full swing, and now she was getting married. It couldn't get much better than this.
She paced the room in her bare feet and checked the clock. Where was Katie with her special order shoes from the city? And where was Cynthia with her necklace? She checked the time again. Maybe she should get someone to run to the condo and grab the stand-in shoes with the same height heel she'd worn for her fittings. She picked up her cell phone, debating who to call. She already had her two best gals on the job.
The large wood door squeaked open and Mandy hesitantly stepped inside. She was decked out in designer jeans that hugged her tush and she had a familiar tote. "I hope I'm not too late. Katie called from the city and asked me to get your stand-in shoes but I had troubles getting into your place. Nobody has a spare key and you keep the place locked." She frowned and thrust the bag at Beth. "Here are your shoes. Congratulations."
"What's wrong with Katie? I can't get married without her!" Panic raced up her spine.
Mandy shrugged. "She said she ran into a slight problem and you might have to go down the aisle without her. Is there anything else I can help with?"
Beth clutched the bag. "Why are you being so nice?" Beth whispered.
Mandy's expression lost its friendliness. "I'm actually a nice person, Beth."
"Sorry," Beth said quickly. "I didn't mean..." She waved the bag. "I just didn't expect this." As much as she wanted to give Mandy the benefit of the doubt and even thank her for trying to break Oz away from his father years ago, she couldn't help but think that Mandy was getting what she wanted: she was free to pursue Oz to her heart's content.
But maybe it was better this way. Everyone got someone they cared about.
She met Mandy's eye. "Thank you, Mandy. For everything."
Mandy gave her a look. "It's just a pair of shoes."
Katie burst in, looking harried and unsettled. She was still in her jeans and ratty old winter coat. "Sorry, I'm late. Thanks, Mandy. I have the real shoes." She waved a shoebox. "These bloody shoes cost me my car."
"What?" Beth took the box as Mandy slipped out the door. "We prepaid for them. Please tell me they didn't charge you again?"
"I'll explain later." Katie shook her head and glanced around the room. "Where's my dress? That man better have brought my dress or I swear I'll—"
Beth slipped into one of the beaded shoes and pointed to the garment bag hanging by the door. Katie snatched it up and bolted from the room. Holy hell, these shoes were going to kill her. She winced and shoved her foot in the second shoe. Oh well, all she had to do was wear them for a couple of hours and then she could change into the stand-in shoes.
The door squeaked again and Cynthia entered, tugging at her pantyhose. She was wearing a short t-shirt over pantyhose and nothing else. "Who pissed in Katie's cornflakes?" Cynthia grumbled. She stuck out a hosed leg. "Does this color look okay?"
"Why aren't you in your dress?" She checked the clock. "I'm supposed to be going down the aisle in five minutes!" She turned to shove her sister out of the room. "And I need my necklace."
"Right!" Cynthia snapped to, returning an instant later with necklace in hand and dress over her arm. She dropped the dress on the couch and held out an opened necklace. "Come here."
Cynthia clipped the necklace in place, her familiar perfume reassuring as she adjusted it. Beth breathed in and tried to relax. Was everyone this nervous before they got married?
She adjusted her engagement ring. This was the right decision. Nash wanted her and she wanted him. They were in love. People in love got married.
But she couldn't help believing real closure should feel more definitive. That she should feel a little more sure of herself. Or at least a little less curious about what Oz was up to today.
Her sister spun her around and held her in place. "There, now you have something borrowed."
"Well, I suppose I'm ready to get hitched!" Beth's voice cracked on hitched, and her sister's grasp tightened.
Cynthia whispered, "You can still back out, if that's what you need to do. I'll support whichever choice you make."
"Nash is my choice," Beth said, standing tall. "He's right for me."
Her
sister gazed at her for a long moment. "You didn't get closure, did you?"
"Of course I did." Beth turned away.
There was something in Oz's eyes the day she smacked him with his love note. Something she couldn't put her finger on and it was making it difficult to let go. She shook her head. She was standing in a wedding gown, about to marry a great man and all she could think about was her ex? She needed to get her head on straight.
She quietly drifted to the window seat, mindlessly admiring how Mother Nature had gifted her with a lovely layer of snow for her wedding day. The snow twinkled in the bright spring sunshine and she sat at the window, trying not to think.
"Life's too short, Beth," said Cynthia quietly.
Beth looked up, having forgotten her sister was still in the room. "I know."
She could feel Cynthia staring at her while she slipped into her dress. "Do me up?" she asked, coming over. Beth quickly sipped up the dress and turned back to the window.
Her confidence sagged. What the hell was she doing? She was like a yo-yo.
Up.
Down.
Yes.
No.
I do.
I...
She tried to suck in a deep breath. If she could breathe, everything would feel right.
Her sister slipped out to check on Katie, and when she returned Beth mindlessly chatted, waiting to head downstairs. With her sister beside her at the window, she caught a flash of black tuxedo below and loud voices filtered their way up to her perch. She stood, nose pressed to the window in an effort to see directly below. She gasped, and ignoring her sister, fled to the heavy door blocking her exit. She wrenched it open and took the stairs as fast as she could. She reached the front doors of the church in time to witness Nash throw a punch at Oz.
Oz ducked. The momentum of Nash's swinging arm twisted his body like a corkscrew and his shoes slipped on the ice. His body arched through the air, a look of surprise, his mouth curving into a perfect, comical O.
He landed, head first, his body crumpling in slow motion.
A scream shredded the silence.
Chapter 20
Beth stood on the condo's threshold, hating everything in it. Everything she used to admire about the place angered her from the decorative chair that sat uselessly at the front door to the silly ornamental kitchen lights that shone on dust-catching sculptures. She'd like nothing more than to break everything in sight. Nash's perfect condo lacked the comforting, cozy, homey feeling she craved. She wanted her saggy old velvet couch under her, not cool, elegant leather.
She dropped the small bag of things her sister and Katie had brought to the hospital, along with her blood-stained wedding gown. She held the door for Nash, offering her arm as he swayed.
"You okay?" she asked tightly.
"Just a touch of lightheadedness." His complexion matched the bandage spun around his forehead. "Hey, look. Nobody did up our condo while we were away."
Bitter rage brewed and her vision flashed with wild colors as she fought for control. "That's because we didn't go on our honeymoon," she bit out, fighting tears. "We missed the flight while you were in the hospital. And it wouldn't have been a honeymoon anyway because we didn't get married. And nobody rearranges your furniture when you end up in the hospital for acting like an ass instead of getting married like a civilized man."
She kicked the mangled pile of wedding dress and tossed her jacket on the floor, heading to the kitchen in search of a beer. Seeing how she'd hardly slept in the past day and a half, maybe she should consider a coffee. Either that or go straight to bed. Angry.
Really freaking angry.
If she went straight to bed, she wouldn't have to discuss anything lack-of-marriage related with Nash: the one topic they'd carefully skirted for the past thirty hours.
The anger surprised her. Everyone expected her to feel hurt or disappointed. But it was anger. One-hundred percent, barely-bridled anger oozing from her pores like lava from a volcano before its eruption. Anger at Nash. Anger at Oz. Anger at herself.
Nash appeared in the kitchen doorway, as Beth stood, frozen with indecision, staring at the oak cabinet door which was really nothing more than a dressed-up fridge.
"What?" she snapped.
"Are you okay? You seem upset."
Beth inhaled through her nose and bit her tongue. Nothing she would say right now would be good for their relationship.
Nash continued, "It bothers me that our wedding got ruined. It bothers me a lot."
Beth popped a hand to her hip. It bothered him? What about her? Hello? Only been waiting for her wedding day all her freaking life and then he went and ruined it with his stupid inferiority complex.
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you swung at Oz and landed on your head. Hmmm? Ever thought of that?" She stepped up to Nash. "Ever think that maybe you don't have to act jealous, because, oh, I don't know—I'm wearing YOUR RING?" She thrust her ringed finger in front of his face. "That I chose YOU!"
Nash frowned and squeezed his right hand, the hand that had connected with nothing but air in his jealous, male rage. The hand that had ruined everything by doing nothing. "Beth... I've seen the way you look at your ex." He tipped his head down, watching her.
"But I chose you, Nash," she said, her voice wobbling horribly. "I chose you. But maybe I need someone who understands and trusts me." She sobbed as the burning realization of what they'd said sunk in.
***
Beth hid in the bathroom, submerged in a hot bubble bath. When the water had finally cooled she slipped out, checking to see if Nash had fallen asleep. She found him on the couch, cramped in the short space, a thin line of drool stringing down onto the leather. She grabbed her purse and skimmed the note he'd left on the kitchen island suggesting they book a local getaway and elope during their week off. Leaving the note as she found it, she slipped out the door.
She wasn't ready to move on like nothing had happened. They needed to figure out their feelings if they hoped to ever be truly good together. And ever since Nash's concussion there had been an uncertainty in his eyes that made the idea of elopement feel similar to a wrong turn down a one-way street. A one-way street where they were speeding headlong toward an approaching semi.
She shook off the feeling, certain she was looking for a way out of something that would be right for her in the end. She strode aimlessly through the fresh spring air and, spotting Katie's dented car outside Will's, entered the building. Anything to get away from her whirling thoughts.
Katie opened the door and did a double-take almost like Beth wasn't welcome. Beth stepped back and started to apologize when Katie opened the door wider. "Come in," she said quickly. She paused, then stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind her, shutting them out. Katie crossed her arms, her shoulders hunched like she was cold. "What's up?"
Beth hesitated. "I was just popping by to ask what happened to your car, but if it's not a good time..." She hadn't talked to Katie since her failed wedding night. Beth had expressed how angry she was with Oz for crashing and ruining her wedding, as well as hinted at wondering why Oz had shown up in the first place. Katie had been unusually reserved and simply stated that it had been Nash who had ruined the wedding, not Oz. Either way, she'd planted doubt in Beth's mind about Oz's intentions, making it easy to blame Nash for hurting himself and ruining everything. Especially when she'd suggested that maybe Oz had been helping Mandy bring her shoes to the church and Nash had overreacted to Oz's presence.
A torrent of body-shaking anger consumed Beth just thinking about how stupid the men had been. How stupid she had been. She could have prevented all of this by getting closure and making certain that Oz knew to stay away.
Katie licked her lips and glanced over her shoulder at the closed door. "Oz is here. You're welcome to come in, but I thought I should mention it."
The apartment door swung open and before Beth had a chance to beat a retreat, Will reached out and swept her close with an arm. "Beth!"
He pulled her into the apartment.
"I was just—I don't want to—I should—" Beth stuttered, resisting Will. There was no way she was going to hang out in the same room as Oz. Someone was going to get hurt and it sure as hell wasn't going to be her.
Oz popped off the couch and flushed with color, looking uncomfortable. One of Will's favorite video games was paused on his television, coffee cups littering the table. A handmade toy box sat in the middle of the space between her and the sitting area, filling the room with the scent of fresh pine.
She stared at Oz, feeling as though someone had poured a jug of ice water down her back. She turned in Will's grip. "I've got to go."
Will held onto her arm, a serious look in his eyes. "Please don't. Stay."
She turned back to Oz who was struggling to get a grip on the large toy box. "No. I'll go. Beth probably wants to talk to Katie."
"You have every right to visit your sister and best friend," Beth said tightly. No way was he going to be the better man. She was leaving. Besides, what had she been thinking coming here? She couldn't vent to Katie—she'd take her brother's side just like she had so many times before.
Will's grip remained steady and Beth glared at him, mere feet from her escape.
"No." Oz ran a hand through his hair, his eyes still cast down. "I'll leave."
"Before you go," Will said, coming to check out the toy box, his hand still gripping Beth's arm, "tell us what's up. Why did you bring this by?"
Beth glanced down at the box, its lid bordered with carefully carved alphabet blocks. She had to admit, its cuteness certainly did nothing to help quell her inner desire to have kids. She took in Oz's appearance as he dropped lightly to his knees, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket. There was the familiar tuft of hair poking up at his crown from running his fingers through it. The same broadness of his shoulders. The deep warmth of his voice. How every word seemed carefully chosen when he was feeling shy. But today, what had once been so familiar, felt almost foreign.
It was surreal. It was as though their love had been a dream. So vivid and real, yet intangible. And to know she'd never be with him again. Blinking, she looked away.
