The memory of it still seared his insides. Because of it, he continued to harbor bitter feelings toward his father. It was like a festering sore that just wouldn’t heal. And even though he was a fully grown adult, thinking about his father made him feel like that six-year-old boy who’d waited up half the night on Christmas Eve for his father to show up with his presents. Presents that hadn’t made an appearance until a week later.
What kind of father will I be? Or husband? How can I give someone something that I never received? That I was never taught?
The questions roared through his mind like a freight train. He’d asked himself these things a hundred times or more. And even though he’d prayed on it, answers still eluded him. Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he glanced away from Holly and Frank, his throat clogged with a resentment that threatened to choke him.
* * *
“They’re getting on like a house on fire, aren’t they?” Her mother crept up on her while she was watching Dylan and her father standing side by side outside the trailer, talking and laughing as they sized up the horses.
“They seem to be,” Holly answered, casting her mother a sideways glance. A little while ago her mother had gone up to the house and changed into a pair of dark-washed jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Her father had been showing off the horses like a proud papa. She’d been content just watching Dylan’s excitement over the animals.
Her mother reached down and tweaked her nose. “Penny for your thoughts. You seem to be miles and miles away from here.”
“No, Mama. I’m right here.” She let out a contented sigh. “I was just wishing this perfect moment could stretch out a little longer.”
“Why? So you and your young man could canoodle as the sun goes down?” Maggie teased.
“He’s not my young man,” she said, a wistful tone echoing in her voice.
“Well, he could be if the two of you would only open your eyes and realize how right you are for one another.”
“Mama! You’ve only just met Dylan. How on earth could you know that?” she scolded.
“You’re so comfortable together. And you make such a handsome couple. With his dark head of hair and you being so fair, it’s—”
“It’s not that simple!” She cut her mother off. “Please, let’s not pretend it’s not a complicated issue. My life isn’t easy. Doctor’s appointments, daily medicine, doctor’s bills, physical therapy.”
“And everything you bring to the table counterbalances that—joy, laughter, support, faith.”
She fought against a rising sense of annoyance. Why did her mother always try so hard to be her cheerleader? She didn’t want anyone in her life to sugarcoat the situation with Dylan. That would only lead to disappointment and heartbreak. After everything she’d done to protect her daughter from hurt and rejection, surely her mother wouldn’t want that.
Rebellion rose up inside her. Looking at things through rose-colored glasses wasn’t going to do her any favors. “Dylan could be with anyone he wants! Look at him,” Holly said, jutting her chin in his direction. No doubt at her father’s insistence, Dylan had mounted one of the horses and was galloping around the arena, his every movement full of power and agility.
Her mother knitted her brows together. “And what if he wants to be with you? Is that so hard to fathom?”
Yes! she wanted to scream. In a world full of able-bodied women, why would he ever choose me? Why would he choose a difficult road when he could easily take the path of least resistance? She didn’t know why it was difficult to believe Dylan might have actual feelings for her. Why was it easier to believe she wasn’t good enough to earn Dylan’s love?
“Holly Lynch! Don’t you dare look at me like that. You’re good enough.” Tears pooled in her mother’s eyes and she choked out the words. “You’re plenty good enough, baby girl.” Without her even uttering a single word, her mother was able to read her like a book and tap into her innermost fears.
She glared at her mother, all her anger rising to the surface. “I’m not your baby girl, Mama. I haven’t been for a very long time.” Her voice bristled with things left unspoken. Tension crackled in the air between them. Her mother’s face crumpled, and she let out a ragged sigh.
“Is there something you want to air out with me?” A heavy silence descended upon them. She tilted up her head, meeting her mother’s gaze as she battled her bottled up emotions.
“Why did you do it? Why did you keep Cassidy’s letters from me?” Her voice broke and she stifled a sob. After leaving West Falls eight years ago in the aftermath of the accident, Cassidy had written her dozens of letters, all of which her mother had intercepted in the mail and kept from her. It was only when Cassidy returned to town that her mother’s actions had been uncovered. For months now, she’d avoided this confrontation, too frightened by the depth of her fury to deal with it head-on. She’d tamped down her feelings of betrayal, which had only made them fester.
“I can’t believe I didn’t come to you and admit what I’d done. Cassidy told me you knew someone kept her letters from you. By process of elimination, you must have guessed it was me.”
Holly couldn’t bring herself to speak. She simply nodded, acknowledging that she had indeed figured it all out. It was a painful discovery, but the facts had all pointed toward her mother.
“It’s no excuse, but I suppose my shame was too great. Your whole life I’ve tried to teach you right from wrong and to walk a righteous path, yet I failed to do the same thing when I was presented with a choice. What I did—I could say it was done of out of love, but that wouldn’t fully explain it. I was nervous and afraid—I was so angry at Cassidy for leaving after the accident. I blamed her for your injuries and for inflicting so much devastation. Not just on you but Tate, as well. He was heartbroken and humiliated when she broke off the engagement. And you were broken, in every possible way. When the letters started coming I told myself I would just tuck them away somewhere until you came home from the hospital. Until you were stronger. One day turned into another and another, until years had gone by...and the letters finally stopped coming.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Her voice was raised, and it must have carried over to the driveway. Dylan glanced at them, his face creased with worry. She nodded in his direction, letting him know everything was fine. Or at least as fine as it could be under the circumstances.
“I like to think that I would have come clean eventually,” her mother answered in a quiet voice. “I’ve learned from this, Holly. Forgiving Cassidy is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Gaining forgiveness from her for withholding those letters and keeping the two of you apart... It deeply humbles me. I can only pray you forgive me, as well.”
She folded her hands in her lap. As much as she loved her mother, there was no way she could ignore all the resentment bubbling under the surface. And it wasn’t just going to disappear because they’d aired things out. For eight long years she’d believed her best friend had turned her back on her. If her mother hadn’t intercepted the letters, she could have been spared a world of pain. There was no way she could put into words what the loss of her best friend had done to her. Losing Cassidy had caused a physical ache in her soul that had never truly subsided until she came back to town.
She cast her eyes downward and cleared her throat. “I need time, Mama. Forgiveness isn’t something I can just snap my fingers and give you. I wish it were that simple.”
Her soul felt heavy as she forced the words out of her mouth. She wanted to be merciful, but she still ached for all those lost years between her and Cassidy.
When she looked up, the tears glistening in her mother’s eyes made her heart sink. She’d been honest, but at what cost? Hurting a woman she loved beyond measure created an ache in her soul.
“Take it from me, Holly. Holding on to anger is debilitating. It wears y
ou down. I lived it for a very long time. It changes who you are as a person. I don’t ever want you to be in such limbo. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be here waiting for you.”
Holly felt her mother’s fingers lightly run through the ends of her hair as she walked away from her and into the stables.
Dylan made his way over to her in a few easy strides. “Is everything okay?” he asked, his brows knitted together.
“It’s fine,” she answered. Her voice sounded a tad wobbly to her own ears. She was doing all she could not to scream with frustration.
He cocked his head to one side. “You sure about that? Things sounded pretty intense.”
Raw emotion clogged her throat. “We’re just going through something at the moment.”
Keeping her family issues private was a habit she’d perfected during the years when her parents had been mad at the entire town. Furious that town officials hadn’t filed charges against Cassidy for the accident, they’d closed ranks and withdrawn from the West Falls community, including Pastor Blake and Main Street Church. As a result, she was accustomed to holding everything in and not confiding in anyone about her family. She’d learned at an early age to close ranks. Old habits die hard, she realized.
Dylan narrowed his eyes as he gazed at her. “I don’t know what the problem is, and it’s certainly none of my business, but I can tell she loves you very much. They both do. Take it from me. You’re real fortunate to have them in your life.”
“I know, Dylan,” she said with sigh. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t have our problems.”
Dylan shot her a look resembling disbelief. From the outside looking in, her family appeared to be picture-perfect. Dylan had no idea that her family had been embroiled in such a firestorm. Thankfully, things had changed for the better when fences were mended in the aftermath of the big storm. It had taken years for the emotional scars left over from the accident to fade away. And still, the residual affects lingered.
How could she put it all into words and make Dylan understand? She threw her hands up in the air.
“Okay. If you don’t believe me, here it is. For eight years my mother kept Cassidy’s letters from me and made me think she’d totally turned her back on me when she moved to Phoenix after the accident. Instead, she was reaching out to me and writing heartfelt letters I never got to read.”
She fisted her hands in her lap. “Those letters would have meant the world to me at a time when I hit rock bottom. I thought my best friend had abandoned me!”
Dylan let out a low whistle. “That’s pretty rough. I can see how that would make your head spin.”
She released a deep breath. “Our relationship has always been based on trust. I can’t believe my mom would withhold something so important from me.”
“Did she tell you why she did it?” Dylan prodded. “She must have thought she had good reason.”
“After the accident, she was overwhelmed by pain and fear. Her feelings toward Cassidy were ones of anger and rage. But that’s no excuse!” She shuddered as the dark memories swept over her. “It was a horrible time, that’s for sure. But it’s just so hard for me to accept the lengths she went to out of some misguided desire to protect me.”
A tremor rippled along his jawline. He opened his mouth, then shut it. His eyes were focused on her like lasers. Although looking into Dylan’s eyes wasn’t a hardship, there was something unnerving about his perusal. He was staring at her so intently. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was itching to weigh in on the situation.
She frowned. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
He stalled for a moment, chewing on his lip. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. “Holly, forgiveness doesn’t just work one way,” he finally said, his voice low and measured. “If I hadn’t forgiven you when I first arrived in West Falls, we probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now. And when you made your pact with the roses, you chose to keep information about the accident just among the four of you. Sometimes we all fall short of who we want to be. Perhaps you should remember that when you’re dealing with your mother.”
Chapter Nine
Holly’s reaction to his pointed comment about forgiveness was weighing heavily on Dylan’s mind. She hadn’t said much in response, making him feel as if he’d overstepped a boundary. Her reddened cheeks and the firm set of her mouth had done all the talking for her. As soon as Frank and Maggie emerged from the stables, she’d quickly excused herself to take care of Picasso. Although his gut instinct was to follow her and make amends, he’d decided to give her some space.
His intention hadn’t been to rile her up or get her all twisted up inside. Speaking from the heart, especially to Holly, was second nature to him. More than anything he’d wanted her to realize that her mother’s actions were rooted in fear, as much as her own had been when she’d failed to tell him about her being in a wheelchair and in the aftermath of her accident. Fear was not an excuse, but it did sometimes explain lapses in judgment.
Why are you getting so invested in this anyway? Why does it bother you so much that Holly and Maggie are at odds?
In the long run it wasn’t something life altering for him. He wouldn’t be around long enough to see the fallout. But why did it feel so very important to him? Why was his first instinct to step in and make things better? To help them both heal from their estrangement? Why was he allowing himself to get sucked into their lives?
An hour after his conversation with Holly, Dylan found himself enjoying some downtime in his cottage. After making some popcorn in the microwave, spending some quality time with Leo and taking a long, hot shower, he’d gotten his second wind. Even though it was just a temporary place to rest his head until he left town, he was enjoying the peaceful vibe of his abode. Located near the center of town, it was a cheerful little place with large windows that allowed sunlight to stream effortlessly into the kitchen and living room. He’d made a few fixes to the place—nothing major, just a little paint and spackle. But somehow it was beginning to feel like home. And for a man like him, it felt like a big deal.
Earlier that afternoon, Frank and Maggie had invited him to an event at the ranch this evening, a coming-out of sorts for the horses. He was honored to be included in the festivities. According to the Lynches, it was customary at Horseshoe Bend Ranch to usher in the new horses by putting them on display and inviting friends to stop by and admire them.
“It also gives us a chance to visit with everyone after being on the road for so long,” Frank had said with a wink in his wife’s direction.
By the time Dylan made his way back to Horseshoe Bend Ranch, a dozen or so people were gathered around the stables. He almost did a double take when he got out of his truck and laid eyes on the nicely decorated table set up in the grassy area next to the stables. A red-and-white checkered tablecloth, small vases filled with lavender and softly flickering lanterns created a festive vibe. The tangy smell of barbecue drifted in his direction, causing a low grumble in his stomach. The aroma made him realize how hungry he was for some down-home cooking.
Several of the ranch hands welcomed him with raucous greetings. They were a great group to work with—easygoing, hardworking and friendly. They’d gone out of their way to make him feel as if he was one of them, as if he was a part of Horseshoe Bend Ranch. Strangely enough, he did feel a sense of belonging, and it left a warm, settled feeling in his bones.
He cast his gaze over the area, hoping for a glimpse of Holly. Within seconds his eyes focused in on her. She was sitting a few feet away by the stable doors, her face lit up with joy as she chatted with a tall dark-haired man. Dylan gave him the once-over, honing in on the shiny gold badge attached to his khaki-colored jacket. Something about the way they were talking caused a kernel of discomfort to pass over him. Holly seemed so at ease, so lighthearted. Was there something about this particular man trig
gering these feelings in her? He shook off his irritation, not enjoying the stab of jealousy slicing through him, leaving his stomach in ribbons.
He felt a little hitch in his heart at the sight of Holly. Instead of her normal T-shirt and jeans, she was wearing a burgundy-colored long-sleeved shirt, a denim skirt and a pair of black cowboy boots. Her hair hung in loose waves around her face. A pair of dazzling earrings glittered by her ears. Her gaze locked with his. She sent him a hesitant smile.
In three easy strides he was at her side, drawn in by the welcoming look stamped on her face. He hadn’t planned on intruding on her conversation with the lawman, but there was something pulling him in Holly’s direction. It was a strong force he couldn’t ignore, like a magnet tugging him toward her. There was no point in fighting it, he reckoned.
“Glad you could make it,” Holly said as soon as he reached her side.
“Mighty glad to be here this evening,” he said, tipping his hat in her direction. “I’m grateful for the invite.”
“Cullen Brand.” A hand shot out in his direction, and he reached out to shake it, nodding at Cullen as he introduced himself. He had the distinct impression the other man was sizing him up just as much as he was taking stock of the lawman.
“Cullen works with Tate at the sheriff’s office. He’s a deputy,” Holly explained.
“I hear you’re just back from Afghanistan, Dylan.” Cullen’s eyes were alight with interest.
“That’s right. I’ve been back stateside for over a month now. I’m still getting my bearings, though.”
Heart of a Soldier Page 12
