by Ines Saint
Gracie panicked, which was ridiculous. Josh’s hair? She pictured it. First thing that came to mind? “Spiky, wet, my hands running through it.”
“His eyes!”
“Warm. Understanding.”
“His smile!”
“I want to kiss his dimple!”
Hope and Paige both giggled, but Gracie ignored them.
“His arms!” Grandma Sherry fired.
“Strong. I want to squeeze them. And I want them around me!”
“His hands?”
“Big. Warm.” Gracie shivered at the very thought of them, and her sisters laughed so hard they collapsed. This time Gracie glared at them.
“Talking to him?” her grandma asked next, after shooting Hope and Paige a death stare.
But that one made Gracie pause because it was more than a picture. It was a deep feeling. “I love talking to him. I really missed him today. I—I sometimes feel as if I’ve been missing him all my life.”
Her grandmother smiled. “Listening to him?”
Again, Gracie dug a little deeper. “He’s interesting and so funny and honorable and caring. . . .”
“The way he looks at you.”
Gracie looked up. “Like he’s always happy to see me, too.”
“Picture him with another woman now.”
Gracie did and instantly flinched. “Ouch.” She rubbed the middle of her chest with two fingers and glared at her grandmother. “Was that really necessary?”
“Well, then.” Grandma Sherry put a finger to her mouth, as if she were assessing her answers.
“Come on, what’s the verdict? I can’t wait to hear it.” Hope got up on her knees, still laughing.
“Crazy, mad attraction and deep friendship. That’s what you feel.”
“That’s exactly what I feel for Alex.” Paige looked surprised. “And it is love.”
Hope shook her head. “Hold up. I’m sorry to play devil’s advocate, but isn’t that also what you felt for Glenn at some point?” she asked. “And you and Alex have only been together for a few months.”
Paige stared at the bed. “I never had a deep friendship with Glenn. There was friendship for a while, and it was fun and interesting in its way, but it was shallow. When it got boring, he showed his true colors, but that took years.” She looked up and met Hope’s eyes. “Alex and I were in a situation where we saw the worst of each other right away. Usually it’s the other way around. You can show someone your best face for years and not ever tell them how you really feel or show them who you really are because you don’t want to rock the boat. Some people are content to sail on in still waters. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But when you have no choice but to navigate rocky waters, there’s no hiding who you are—your priorities, your character, your attitude—it’s on display with every choice you make. A strong friendship and partnership can be forged. And if you add crazy, mad attraction to the mix, I think you have no choice but to fall deeply in love.” She tilted her head and smiled, and it was obvious she was thinking about how she felt about Alex.
They were all quiet for a while, but when Hope finally spoke, Gracie saw her eyes had lost their sparkle. “But even if you love someone deeply, it doesn’t mean they’ll love you back. So is it love if they don’t feel the same way?”
Gracie knew then that Hope was no longer playing devil’s advocate. She wasn’t even talking about Gracie or Paige anymore. Knowing her sister would balk if she knew she was coming across as vulnerable, Gracie pretended she didn’t know what Hope was talking about but still tried to answer her question. “I do think I love Josh, but if I found out he didn’t feel the same, I know I’d grieve.” She blinked, then, because she’d inadvertently found the answer she was looking for, though she was more concerned with Hope. “And that’s what I’m afraid of... But him not loving me back wouldn’t mean I never loved him in the first place,” she said to Hope, as gently as possible.
Grandma Sherry nodded and put her hand on Hope’s shoulder. “It also wouldn’t mean she’d never fall in love again. And if she did, and the next person loved her back just as much, then I think those feelings could only deepen because there would be gratitude and faith in her heart, too, and maybe all of it together is what people call true love.”
Hope looked up at Grandma Sherry, and Gracie’s heart felt raw at the emotion she saw in Hope’s eyes. It had been a very long time since she’d seen anything but dry humor, strength, and protectiveness in her sister. “Do you think you and Grandpa had that?” she asked.
Grandma Sherry sighed. “I’d say we did, but I’d also say that love made us blind. He was dependent on alcohol for all social situations, even ones that took place early in the day, and for relaxing after work and even for getting up and going in the morning, but it wasn’t causing problems in his life that I could see, no DUIs, no despondency, no complaints.... Everyone loved him, so I thought it was just part of who he was and it was fine. But it did cause a problem, as the three of you well know. It led to your mother becoming an alcoholic. And your father and I didn’t even see that until it was hurting three other little people we adored. So I guess the lesson is that loving someone, and being loved by him, doesn’t make life perfect. Like Paige said, sometimes the imperfection will bring rocky waters, and you’ll be tested. And I think your grandfather and I passed the test, because we were both so very, very sorry for being blind, and we forgave each other. . . .” Grandma Sherry’s voice trailed off, and Gracie knew the words she hadn’t said were, if not ourselves. And it pained her. No matter what they said, her grandmother carried great guilt, and they wished they could relieve her of the burden.
“So lovingly but imperfectly ever after is the most anyone can wish for,” Paige said after a while. Lovingly but imperfectly, Gracie repeated to herself. She didn’t know what Josh truly felt for her, but she did know his parents hated her. That was something she’d never tell her grandmother or her sisters. They’d probably try to do something about it. The idea made her shudder.
“I guess that goes for families, too,” Gracie said.
They were quiet after that until they all fell asleep, and they didn’t wake up until late the next morning, when Alex’s Russian grandmother and great-aunt showed up at Paige’s front door, wearing identical brown track suits and carrying a dripping turkey so big, it took the two of them to hold it up.
Chapter 18
Alex came up behind his grandmother and his great-aunt, took one look at the turkey they were carrying, and shot Paige an alarmed look. Paige gulped. “Um, we should probably get it thawed, seasoned, and in the oven. I’d say it’s going to take at least ten hours.” Alex quickly took the giant bird from them and hauled it inside. He caught Paige’s eyes as he crossed the threshold and sent her a look so loving and grateful, it made Hope hide behind the door and pretend to gag.
They already had a medium-sized turkey and it was thawed, seasoned, and ready to go. Six hours in the oven and dinner would be ready by five. A jumbo, still-half-frozen turkey would easily push dinner to nine. Grandma Sherry and Gracie exchanged pained looks. Alex’s unfiltered and straight-shooting grandmother and great-aunt were usually a welcome respite, but ten hours of them was a bit much.
When Alex got to the kitchen, he cast Gracie a sideways glance and said, “Josh was looking for you yesterday. Said he needed to talk to you about Mrs. Wolf’s nonprofit.” Gracie’s heart sped up. They had a lot to talk about. Maybe he’d remembered his promise and
Mrs. Wolf’s nonprofit was an excuse. Was she ready to find out what he had to say, though? He’d talked about intense feelings and not being ready for them. Did that mean he’d never be ready?
“Nonprofit. Funny word for Americans,” Alex’s grandmother said.
“Yes, well, in the foreign country you are glad to see even the crow from your lands,” her great-aunt answered.
“Oh, get off your high horses. You’ve owned a profitable taxi company for years,” Grandma Sherry glowered at them.
Alex tossed them both a look. “You’re eighty and you’re millionaires. You can retire.”
Hope looked at Gracie and mouthed, Millionaires?
Gracie cleared her throat. They were completely off subject. It was only eleven-thirty and Josh had said Thanksgiving would be a late lunch at a friend’s house. “So, do you know if Josh stayed at the judge’s house last night?” she asked Alex.
“I do and he did,” he answered with a wink.
* * *
Josh tugged at his tie. It was eleven-thirty and lunch was at two, but he’d promised to get there early to help Kim set up. He wished he could’ve canceled, but after the whole scene with his parents, they’d think it was about them and then find a way to stage a whole other scene over it soon. Not to mention that it would be rude and unfair to Kim.
Why had he ever thought this would be a good idea? He stared at his reflection.
Because he’d been bored when he wasn’t at work or playing some sport. He was always looking for something to fill up his time. Only lately he hadn’t been bored. Or lonely. Lately he’d had a few things to look forward to besides work and sports. Someone to talk to, on a deeper level, someone to laugh with, someone to share ideas with, and a pretty smile and earnest eyes to engage him in new feelings. He felt more alive.
A knock on his door made his hands pause at his neck. Linda came to mind. She’d showed up unexpectedly once already and he’d been using the throwaway phone to try to get in touch with her.
He went to the window, looked down, and frowned. He couldn’t see her, but he was almost sure the car parked out front was Kim’s. What was she doing there and why hadn’t she called first? Moments later, he was opening the door with what he hoped passed for a friendly smile. “Hey, Kim, I was just leaving for your place. What are you doing here?”
“I came for my tour. You said I could stop by whenever, and after hearing what your parents had to say about the house, I had to see it.” She laughed.
“You’ve talked to my parents?”
“No, but your mom told my mom and my mom came over this morning to help, which means she took over the kitchen, and when she told me about the house, I saw an excuse to escape.”
Josh felt trapped. There was really no reason to deny Kim a tour of the house. His only concern was that someone would see Kim and that it would get to Gracie and . . . Gracie was right. The two of them needed to sort their relationship out.
He shook his head and invited Kim in. The tour wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the one he’d given to Gracie. Kim didn’t get what he saw in the house, but at least her good-natured ribbing made him smile a few times.
When he walked her out, he saw Gracie parking her car in front of her apartment and his heart sank. He waved at her, though, because he had nothing to hide. Gracie gave him a tentative wave back and he motioned for her to come over.
The introductions and small talk went smoothly. Gracie was her sweet self, while Kim was friendly. Soon Kim was on her way to the car, telling him, “Take your time; turkey time isn’t till two, okay?”
Josh nodded. The moment Kim left, Gracie cleared her throat and turned to him. “Alex said you wanted to talk to me about Mrs. Wolf’s nonprofit?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Right. Well. It looks like the nonprofit is going to net us both a lot of positive publicity because of everything that’s happened lately. It’s a feel-good, happy-ending story, as Helen says, but we’re worried it could anger this Pasts Matter character and cause him or her to lash out. It might not; whoever it is might have already given up, but it’s a real concern and I wanted you to be aware of it.”
Gracie nodded and began walking back to her car. “Thank you for the heads-up. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to any more attention. Good or bad.” She shrugged. “But I’ll look at it this way: It’ll be great for the nonprofit. Anyway—you look ready to leave and I need to get back to help Paige and Grandma Sherry. . . .”
Josh raked a hand through his hair. “Kim’s just a friend, Gracie.”
She stopped and turned to face him again. “Like we’re friends?” she asked, her clear blue eyes finally meeting his. There was no accusation there, only candid interest.
It took a lot for Josh, who argued for a living, to sputter. But that did it. “Not anymore. And not like us. It was . . . different.”
The kick in the gut Gracie had felt last night, when her grandmother had told her to imagine Josh with another woman, was nothing next to the belly-twisting that was taking place now. Josh was having Thanksgiving lunch with a gorgeous woman who either was or had been more than a friend, and his parents. How many friends did Josh have? This was another side to him. One she logically knew existed but hadn’t really thought about. She felt foolish, standing there in front of him, feeling as if she were wearing her heart on her sleeve. Could he see it? “You don’t owe me any explanations, Josh. I just . . . you said you weren’t seeing anyone, you know, when I asked you, to see if it was okay to flirt and, well, have fun together. And I believed you. But we’re neighbors and I’m bound to see people knock on your door. You don’t have to wave me over or run over to explain every time I see or hear someone or something.”
“Gracie . . . I know I hemmed and hawed last night about my plans for today when your sisters asked me about them, but that’s because I knew how it would look, and you and I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk about what’s going on between us. But I haven’t even thought about anyone else since the first night I came to see you and you smiled your sweet smile at me. Truth is, last night I wasn’t ready to talk because I like to be prepared, but I don’t even know how to prepare for this. For you.” He blew out a breath. “Meet me later, please? I already told Kim I’m leaving her house early.”
Gracie had been ready to talk last night, but now she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. Because it sounded like he didn’t know what he wanted to say. That wasn’t a good sign. Not when she knew exactly what she wanted from him. “I have no idea what time I’ll be back, but I’ll let you know.”
* * *
It was the worst Thanksgiving ever and that was saying a lot because Josh hadn’t had a good one since his grandmother died. In all fairness, lunch, the company, and the conversation were all good. Half of the guests were lawyers, and talk of cases and courtroom drama never got old for him. His parents also were on their best behavior, as they usually were in public.
When one of Kim’s guests got up to leave, Josh made his excuses, too, and Kim walked them to the door, where she held him back a moment. “What’s going on, Josh? You call to let me know you’re leaving early, you seemed upset that I showed up at your door, and now you’re only half here. Is it the election? Or is it Gracie Piper?”
The video of him and Gracie, and the fact that she’d met Gracie today, hadn’t come up, and he’d guessed it was because his parents were there, but he knew it would come up again eventually. “It’s everything,” he answered honestly.
Kim nodded and looked down, as if she were deciding what else to say. “I believed everything she and her family said during the press conference, and I thought it was pretty brave and brilliant of her when she had obviously worked hard to put it all behind her, but I feel as if I deserve to know if something’s happening between you two. Maybe I don’t—we did establish some rules—but as your friend, I’d like to know.”
Josh drew in a deep breath. That he hadn’t been prepared for. She was playing the friend card, and in a way, he understood. “Something’s happening,” he finally admitted. “I just don’t know what it is yet.”
Kim smiled a sad, knowing smile. “Isn’t that always the way?” Josh was at a loss. “I wouldn’t know.”
“Then trust me. Sometimes, it’s friendship that slowly turns into something more and other times it just hits you. But sometimes the more you feel, the harder it is to know what’s happening.”
“So
you’re saying it can happen more than once?”
Kim was quiet a moment before shrugging. “In my case, it didn’t work out the first time—and don’t flatter yourself, I’m not talking about you—”
“I didn’t think you were.” He smiled.
She chuckled. “And the second time it just hit us. Mad love. But we blew up after five whole years. We wanted really different things, but one of us waited too long to say it, and resentment built.”
“But can’t you just ask someone what’s happening inside them early on? I mean, if you trust them, you’ll trust their answer, right? And then you’ll have the full picture before moving forward.” That part, at least, seemed simple to him. He hadn’t been in love with Linda and it had taken him a while to figure that out, but at least they’d always been truthful about where they believed they stood. Even in the end.
She smiled again. “And there’s the problem.”
Again, he was at a loss. “What’s the problem?”
“Opening up is a big deal and fear usually holds one or both people back—usually it’s the man,” she added with half an eye roll. “But you can always ask, Josh, and you might even get straight answers. You just have to be willing to speak your heart, too, and that’s only easy when fear isn’t involved.”
* * *
Gracie had been even quieter than usual and everyone, including Alex’s grandmother and great-aunt, kept making comments. A change of subject was in order.
“Who did you buy the bakery from?” she asked Grandma Sherry. The Clyde Cupcake mystery would surely take attention away from her. “I know it used to be a general store, but who owned it?”
“Hank Taylor,” Grandma Sherry said. “He’d been a cashier at the bakery Ruby’s Great-Aunt Tilda owned, and he bought it when it tanked. Turned it into a general store because that’s what the mayor wanted. He was a charming man. Everyone liked him. The mayor, not so much.”
