by Nicole Helm
Trevor’s hands curled into fists and he took that last step toward her so their bodies were pressed together. When he spoke, his voice was little more than a growl. “Stop pretending like half of what I’m dealing with isn’t wanting to get you naked right this very second.”
That knocked some of the fight out of her, but her fists didn’t loosen any more than his did. “You’re being a jackass on purpose.”
His eyes took a slow tour of her body, tormenting himself with what he knew he shouldn’t have. “Are you so sure about that?”
“Yes.” Her voice was strong, but the breath she exhaled afterward wasn’t steady. Still, she met his gaze and let him crowd her. “Taking it out on me doesn’t change your reality. And I’m not sleeping with you so you can blow off a little steam.”
The words deflated him because that’s what it had sounded like, and maybe that’s even what he’d meant. Hell, he didn’t know anymore, but with the power of his anger gone he felt defeated and lousy and like one sorry son of a bitch.
As if she could read all of those feelings in his face, she reached out for his hand and uncurled his fingers with hers. “You need some sleep.” Her voice was soft and comforting. Either new Callie was really good about not holding a grudge, or he was such a pathetic mess Callie felt sorry enough for him to let go of anger. “Come on.” She took his hand and she pulled him through the Canteen and then the main office.
“There’s a lot of work to do.”
“Em and I are used to a lot of work. If you’re going to be any use to us tonight, you need some sleep.”
“I will. Tonight. Today there’s too much to—” She stopped in front of the stairs that led up to Fred’s old office.
“Up,” she instructed, pointing.
“Callie.”
“You be a good boy and maybe you’ll get a reward.” She smiled and batted her lashes at him, and if it hadn’t caused such a disturbing electrical current he might have asked her what kind of reward. Instead, he turned and took the stairs.
“Now, go lie down. We’ve got a pillow and blanket all set up. Take a bit of a nap. Em and I will take care of some things, and then we’ll wake you up in time to go get the cake. Deal?”
He didn’t want to lie down, didn’t want to face all his swirling problems. If he was running around getting crap together for the party, he could at least partially pretend he wasn’t a man torn into a million different pieces. “And what do I get if I follow orders, ma’am?”
“What do you want?”
She stood with her hands on her hips, chin angled up like she was daring him to answer honestly. He stood next to the makeshift bed and managed his best reckless smile. “I can’t have what I want.”
She pushed him down onto the window seat and then leaned over him to pull the curtains closed. It made the room murky, though not quite dark.
“Then I guess your reward is a few hours of rest.” She pulled a blanket on top of him though it wasn’t cold enough to warrant it. “This is a magic sleeping place. All your problems disappear for a few hours. And when you wake up, you’ll know exactly what to do.” Her voice was soft and dreamy, like a mother telling a fairytale to her child.
“Really?”
“No.” She smiled down at him, and if he weren’t so tired, if he hadn’t been such an ass to her this morning, he would have pulled her down on top of him. “But a few hours’ sleep might bring back the Trevor I know, not the bastard currently invading his body. That would be magic.”
“I’m sorry for what I said.” He wanted to reach out and tuck the stray strand of hair behind her ear, but he knew she’d move away from him if he did. “Not the getting naked part, the ten years too late part.”
She shrugged, plumped up the pillow under his head. “It was true.”
“No, it wasn’t. And it wasn’t fair to judge you when I’m such a fucking nightmare right now.”
She studied his face with a look he couldn’t read. “I figure I’ve lashed at you plenty. You owe me. We’ll call it even. I bet when you wake up, you’ll feel a million times better.”
He wanted to believe a little sleep would cure it all, wanted it to be possible. “Are you taking care of me?”
She looked at the hem of the blanket rather than his face. “Maybe.” Then she brushed her lips across his forehead. “Get some sleep, Trev.”
Before she’d even gotten down the stairs, he was asleep like the dead.
Callie hopped out of the Stearman. For looks purposes, it still needed a few tweaks, but she’d gotten the plane itself up and running in time for Shelby’s graduation party and, to soothe Em’s frugal soul, she’d been offering rides to the party-goers for five bucks a pop. She’d made a small fortune off of Dan and his brother and cousins and couldn’t keep the smile off her face.
It had been too long since she’d flown. Wrapped up in the day-to-day of AIF, working on the Stearman, prepping the big house for Lawson’s impending arrival. It had been months since she’d taken to the sky. Part of her had forgotten the simple joy in maneuvering a small plane over the world below. She was above it all, in control. Nothing gave her quite the same rush as flying.
Well, almost nothing. Trevor was making his way through the crowds of people, toward her. Ever since he’d gotten some sleep, he’d returned to the normal Trevor, not the broody, miserably guilt-ridden, depressed Trevor who had been going through the motions ever since Shelby’s graduation.
Hell, he was smiling now as he crossed toward her, and that was some kind of miracle.
It didn’t seem fair he looked so good in baggy khaki shorts and a blue polo shirt that brought out his eyes. She was sure she looked the same as she always did, dressed in jeans and a black shirt, probably dirt on her face and her hair a mess from flying around most of the evening. What could he possibly find alluring about that?
There were half a dozen women drooling over Trevor as she watched him continue to cross to her. They all looked put together, clean, charming.
But he was walking to her, his eyes focused on her, and she knew that he wanted her.
Dangerous ground. Her mind always seemed to be traveling there. Somehow she’d turned over the new leaf and completely lost the ability to block out any attraction to Trevor.
“Hey.” They were far enough away so the crowd was a low buzz, so they could be hidden by the plane or the darkening sky.
“Hi. Want a sunset ride? It’ll cost you double.”
He looked at the plane suspiciously. “Nah, I’m good.”
Callie shook her head. “You face down criminals with guns and you’re afraid of a little flying?”
“I’m not afraid of flying. I’m afraid of hurtling to my death in a tiny piece of scrap metal.”
“Wuss.”
“Besides, you’ll cut the engine halfway through, pretend we’re crashing until I’m about to puke, and then laugh the rest of the damn flight.”
“Dan and his cousins loved it.”
“Better men than me, I guess.” He grinned and leaned against the airplane, facing west and the setting sun. They couldn’t have had better weather for Shelby’s party, and now the sunset was the perfect capper—a riot of purples and blues and oranges and pinks, the kind of sunset that made the biggest cynics sigh.
“I haven’t had a chance to thank you for this morning. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but I needed that sleep. Or I’d probably be around here snarling at everyone.” He reached out and took her hand in his, squeezed. “You’re a life saver.”
Callie shrugged, squinted at the disappearing sun. “I guess it was my turn. You’re usually the one saving my ass.”
His fingers linked with hers and she had to fight the urge to curl them around, to hold him there in this perfect moment.
“You know, right now, watching this sunset with you, this is the first time in two months I’ve wondered what it might be like to stay and the answer is, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”
Her hand dropped f
rom his. Hearing him say it, watching his profile glow in the orange swath of fading light, had her heart doing an uncomfortable dive in her chest.
Not with hope. No, she refused to call it hope, but it was something akin to hope and it was tempered with a very large dose of fear.
What if he did stay? Didn’t that put the events in her grandparents’ basement into a new and very possible light?
Fear multiplied. Her fingers curled into her palms, as if she could fight her way out of this blinding new fear.
No. He was just talk. A trick of some sleep, a great party and a beautiful sunset. She’d lose him in the predictable way—on a flight out of Pilot’s Point with everything as it should be. She wouldn’t have to be crowded with worry. She’d lose him to Seattle, the way she was supposed to.
He turned to face her then and everything shifted inside of her; the fear gave way to unknown warmth. He cupped her face with his hand and she tried to step away, but his other arm rested on her hip and pulled her toward him.
“Let me kiss you, Callie. Just for a minute. Or two.”
His lips skimmed hers, a feather-light touch. There was such a big part of her desperate to give in to it. Give in to him. She was so certain it was going to happen sooner or later. Why not let it be sooner?
When his tongue skimmed her bottom lip, she gave in, let herself be pulled into the perfect moment.
It was unlike any kiss they’d ever shared. It was soft and sweet, nothing demanding or impulsive. A completely new experience. A low, humming buzz along her skin, a slight shiver in her heart, and the slowest warming in her core.
His thumb whispered along her jaw, his other hand grazing up and down her side, but it never became anything more than druggingly sweet, achingly innocent.
Then he pulled away. He was always able to, and she always took it. Every good moment, every bad moment, he brought them all crashing to a halt. “We can’t keep coming back to this place.” She hated that her voice was breathless, that she couldn’t pull away from the warmth of his body.
“I know.” He didn’t sound as convincing as she wanted him to. His fingers traced her jaw, her neck, and she tried very hard to fight off the shiver.
“I don’t want to ignore this anymore.” His lips touched hers again, a brief, light touch, then her cheek, then her other cheek.
She had to hold on to his arms to steady herself against the shuddering feeling inside of her. “But—”
“I’m thinking about staying.”
It was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head. Him actually uttering the words, and not in some kind of guilt-induced heat of the moment. He was really thinking about it, really considering staying. “You can’t.” She clutched his arm, desperate to convince him this wasn’t the answer. Only she didn’t know where the desperation came from.
“Yes, I can. I could probably get my old job at county. The bottom line is Shelby. She’s made it impossible for me to be happy in Seattle. It isn’t her fault, but if I go back there the guilt is going to eat me alive. I’ll be just as miserable as if I stayed here, but if I stayed at least there’d be you.”
Her heart flipped even as panic leaped into her throat. As miserable. Maybe if he thought there’d be a chance to be happy she could accept it. Maybe if she knew without a shadow of a doubt these feelings wouldn’t fade if he stayed. Maybe if he could somehow promise forever.
But he couldn’t. If he stayed, if they pursued this, she could lose him in a million different ways. Ways she couldn’t predict. Not just to Seattle, or boredom, or life. To the realization they were too different, that she wasn’t good enough for him, that someone else who came along would be better. It would drive her crazy until she drove him crazy too. She had to know how he would leave her, because some way, somehow he would.
Love always left her.
He was watching her and she knew she had to say something, but it was hard to do anything in the grip of all this panic.
“Trevor, you can’t stay.” She sounded as scared as she felt.
“I just told you why I can.”
“But, it’s a mistake. It would be a mistake. You’re not thinking clearly. You’re letting guilt influence your choices.” She tried to take a calming breath, but it was shallow and ineffective.
“The guilt is there, Callie. I can’t ignore it. It’s there and it’s killing me. Jesus, I don’t get you.” He pulled away completely, shoved a hand through his hair. “You keep saying you want me to be happy and I’m telling you maybe, somehow, I could be if I stayed here and you’re still desperate for me to leave. I don’t get it.”
“This isn’t about me.”
“But it is. It is about you. You don’t want me to stay. Why not?”
“I—” She couldn’t find an answer, nothing, not lie or truth or something halfway in between could work its way out of her lips. “I don’t know.”
“Figure it out.” He looked out at the sun, his face hard and his hands tucked into fists. She wished she knew what to say, wished she knew what to do. All she could feel was a drumming panic pumping through her veins and a tightness in her chest that kept any words stuck somewhere between mind and mouth.
Callie closed her eyes, Em’s words pounding into her brain. You keep up walls with us, Callie. Maybe it’s not the people you love you’re trying to protect. Maybe it’s yourself.
“I don’t want to be the only thing that would make you happy. Even if I thought I could be, I don’t want that kind of pressure.”
Callie opened her eyes, surprised the words had come out of her mouth. Now that they had, it was a light bulb moment. The ding, ding, ding of a right answer. Beyond not wanting to ruin their friendship, beyond not being sure she could do the serious relationship thing, was the very real fact she couldn’t take on the responsibility of his happiness. It was hard enough taking responsibility of her own. She’d never be able to live up to it.
“You’re right.” He sounded tired again, exhausted beyond measure as if this conversation was taking away all the energy he’d gotten from the nap. “That isn’t fair. I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on you.” He shoved his fingers through his hair. “God, this is such a mess. How did I get here? I had a plan. It was a good plan.”
“Plans rarely work out when it comes to stuff like this,” Callie murmured. “You’ve got a lot on your plate.” Hesitantly, fearfully she reached out to touch his arm. A friendly gesture. She hoped. “It takes a while to sort things out. You’ve got time. You don’t have to decide to stay or not today. You’ve got months. Think about what you really want.”
He nodded and visibly swallowed. “I want you, Callie.”
The words wreaked havoc on her system, and she was about five seconds away from giving in, from ignoring everything she’d just said. The whispers of fear coated her brain just in time to pull herself together.
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, under the circumstances. Attraction isn’t everything and if we give in, it has the potential to ruin a lot.” She tried to believe the truth in her words, tried not to let her mind rehash that kiss. “It’s not a good idea.”
“No, it isn’t.” He grabbed her chin, gave her a hard, frustrated kiss. “But that’s not going to stop me from thinking about it. You’re a part of this. If I decide to stay, I’m not going to give a shit about potentially ruining anything.”
When he walked off, Callie felt no closer to a resolution than she had when she’d been honest about some of her feelings with him.
So much for breaking down walls. It hadn’t helped a damn bit.
Chapter Thirteen
“This is our last chance to get the permit in time since it takes ninety days to jump through all the hoops once Dana signs off on it.”
Shelby looked at the binder Em had been putting together, then at the bathroom door where Callie had disappeared almost half an hour ago.
“Maybe I could go with Callie. Dana and my mom were pretty tight. I could help.”
>
Em smiled so wide it made Shelby want to squirm, especially when Em slung an affectionate arm over Shelby’s shoulders.
“Aw, you’ve fallen under the spell.”
“Huh?”
“The AIF spell. You love it. You want to help. Just like your brother.”
Shelby squirmed away from Em, who was right even if Shelby didn’t want to admit it. In the week Shelby had been volunteering for AIF she’d given way more than the ten hours she’d promised. There was something comforting about being there. Being a part of something. A weird something. Almost like a family.
Not that she would ever admit it to anyone. But she got it, why Trevor was always eager to leave in the morning. AIF was so different than the Steele house with its interminable silences and ghosts around every corner. AIF was a breath of fresh air, a place to feel relaxed.
“Of course, I think your brother might have some ulterior motives to being around here so much.” Em wiggled her eyebrows, and Shelby’s stomach jumped with hope.
“What ulterior motives?”
Em closed the binder and nodded her head toward the bathroom door. “My sister, I’d guess. Don’t you think?”
“I heard a rumor in town that they’re together,” Shelby whispered conspiratorially, hoping to get some kind of confirmation besides whispers and gossip.
Em leaned her head closer, keeping her gaze glued to the bathroom door. “I heard that too, but I haven’t seen any solid proof. They’ve been acting the same as they always do around here. Have you seen anything?”
“No.” Shelby frowned. “Dan said his cousin said he heard from somebody they were making out at my graduation party.”
Em chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know. You know how rumors are, and I think Callie would have mentioned it.”
The bathroom door opened and even if Em and Shelby hadn’t been discussing Callie, they both would have stopped talking. Callie stepped out looking like an entirely different person.
Her straight black hair was pulled into a French braid and she was wearing a business suit. It was black, but the dark purple shirt underneath was a really good color for her.
