“He’s not my…” I pulled back to look at Luke’s grinning face. “Jealous?” I whispered back.
Luke tilted his head to the side, his grin still on display as he placed me back on my feet. “Just look at the scowl on his face.” He winked and turned to Nate. “Hey, asshole. What’s up?”
I turned to look at Nate. The scowl was there just as Luke had said. And it was directed at Luke. I was struck speechless. Nate was jealous? Bloody hell, Nate was jealous! Which meant he did have feelings. And maybe all he needed was a confirmation of mine? I didn’t know how to deal with that information. But it sounded cruel that Kay and Luke were trying to make him jealous.
Then again, what if the guys were right? What if this was what would get him to react and show his feelings?
Nate
Luke plopped himself beside me on the couch and smacked my back. “I said, what’s up, asshole? Don’t you know it’s impolite not to answer?”
I let out a small growl. I wanted to punch him. “What if I don’t care if I’m being polite to the man who calls me an asshole?”
He shoved me hard. “Maybe because that man has a reason to call you that? Maybe because you are?”
“Fuck off, Luke,” I growled in a low tone as Ali approached us. “You win. She’s yours. Now get off my back.”
Something flashed behind his eyes that kind of made me feel a little scared. “Then you really are an asshole.” He turned to Ali and held out his hand to her. “Come here, little thing.”
Ali looked at him for a second and then gave him a small smile. “I should probably help Evy and Kay in the kitchen.”
Ha. She didn’t tell him yes. Something inside me roared in triumph.
Luke laughed. “Evy and Kay don’t need any help. In fact, you should stay away from the kitchen if you don’t want to witness their foreplay.”
“Fuck off,” Kay called from behind us.
“He has a point, Kay,” I called back. “You and Evy need to tone it down a little bit. Or a lot.”
Ali chuckled and sat between Luke and me. Luke’s arm immediately wrapped around her shoulders and he pulled her to his side. A part of me wanted her to push him away, but she didn’t. Fuck! I was a mess.
“I think it’s sweet and quite adorable. They love each other so much they want to show it all the time. It’s really none of our business,” she said.
I wanted to argue, but then she lifted her hand and placed it on Luke’s chest. Anything mundane I could have said was immediately forgotten. I clenched my hands into fists. I wanted to rip her off him and have her lean on me.
Fuck you, Nate. Get it together. This is not what you want.
Luke’s other huge hand wrapped around her small one, and I gritted my teeth. I needed to keep my cool. She wasn’t mine. I didn’t want to fucking claim her.
“Careful what you say, Ali,” Luke said in a low tone. “You have no idea what those two are capable of.” Then his other hand climbed up her back and started tracing small circles over her tank top.
I couldn’t take this shit any longer. I shot up and did the only thing I hoped would get Ali away from Luke without being too obvious.
I went to the piano and played her song.
And when I felt her coming close and standing beside me, my heart leapt in relief. Luke had been right. I was an asshole. I didn’t want her for me, but I also didn’t want anyone else to have her. How fucked up was that?
I felt her fingers graze my bicep lightly and I tripped over the notes. I never tripped. Fuck! I’d never tripped before, not since before I finished high-school. And now, with just a touch from Ali, I had. What was this girl doing to me? I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Couldn’t forget the feel of her skin under my fingers. Couldn’t stand seeing her flirting with someone other than me. And I’d tripped while playing the piano.
And out of all that, a dark guilt was gnawing at my insides. I’d never tripped with Kiara. She’d always tried to distract me while I was playing – it had been a game between us – but it had never worked. I couldn’t remember what it had been like to touch her. And I caught myself spending hours without thinking of her.
I was really an asshole. A fucked-up, selfish asshole. I was betraying Kiara and messing with Ali’s head. Someone needed to knock some fucking sense into me, asap.
“Dinner’s ready,” Evy called as I wrapped up the song.
Ali leaned over my shoulder and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.
My stomach clenched and my pulse heightened. Yeah, I was an asshole.
I stood and walked behind Ali towards the kitchen, playing with the tips of her hair as they swung over her waist. The moment she saw what was for dinner, she gasped and clasped her hands under her chin.
“Kay! You made spaghetti carbonara?” She turned to Evy. “You told him, didn’t you?”
Evy shrugged but grinned widely. “He was the one who wanted to make you your favorite,” she said, pointing at Kay. “I just gave the information. You have this one mesmerized, Ali.”
“Two mesmerized,” Luke said with a smile, raising his hand.
“Three,” I added and I wasn’t even ashamed to admit it. She had us all mesmerized.
Ali grinned and her eyes glimmered. “Well, shite. Now I’m embarrassed.”
Everyone burst out laughing. “Jesus, this girl is a marvel to hear her cuss,” Luke said, taking his seat. “Even that sounds polite and elegant.”
Ali sat beside him and I took her other side, with Kay and Evy across from us. “Then maybe I’ll have to write down a few sentences compiled only by cuss words, to be prepared and all.”
“Enough talking,” Evy said in an authoritative tone and a British accent. “Carbonara needs to be eaten hot. So get stuffed.”
Ali burst out in giggles. I smiled and looked at her, her entire face glowing. She was gorgeous.
“What?” Evy asked in confusion. “What did I say?”
Ali shook her head, trying hard to regain her posture. “You just told everyone to leave.”
Evy groaned. “Oh, shut up,” she said in a British accent. “Just eat already.”
As always, Kay’s cooking was awesome. And the look of pure bliss on Ali’s face was even more awesome. I kept glancing at her while we were eating, and I couldn’t help smiling at her little sounds of happiness over a dish of spaghetti.
When we were all done with dinner and the kitchen was clean, we took our seats in front of the TV and put on the second movie of Thor to watch. Ali was sitting on the couch between me and Luke, and I swear I tried to keep my distance. But when half-an-hour later her head dropped on my shoulder as she fell asleep, I couldn’t stop my body’s reaction to wrap an arm around her and tuck her to my side. She fitted perfectly against me.
“Well, we should all go to bed then,” Evy whispered, looking at Ali and then me. “We can finish the movie tomorrow.” She gave me a big smile and ruffled my hair as she pulled Kay towards their room. My brother didn’t say anything, just gave me one of his stupid half-smirks as he followed Evy.
Luke stood and nodded towards Ali. “You’re okay there?” he asked me.
I looked at Ali’s peaceful face as she was sleeping. “Yeah,” I whispered without taking my eyes off her. “I’m okay.”
Luke chuckled softly. “No, man. You’re not just okay. You’re perfect with that perfect creature against you. Just stop being an asshole and do what your heart and your body tell you to.” He lifted his chin. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Luke,” I whispered as he showed himself out.
I kept my eyes on her, God knows for how long. Her golden hair were draped all around her, a soft blanket of silky strands. Her pink lips were slightly parted, and her eyelashes were touching her cheeks. I had the urge to trail a finger under them and then let it slide down to her lips, trace their bowed shape and feel how soft they would be.
Why now? Why did she have to come into my life now that I wasn’t ready for her? Why
was Fate punishing us both?
With the softest moves I could muster, I removed her glasses, lifted her in my arms and laid her on the couch as I lied behind her. I held her to me, not wanting to take her to my bed and lose this closeness I’d earned. I knew I shouldn’t, but I wanted her close to me, just for a little while longer. Just for now.
Just until she woke up in the morning and I had to knock some sense into me again.
Chapter 8
Alicia
Outside the sky was still dark when I opened my eyes. I didn’t know what it was that had woken me, and it took me a few moments to remember where I was.
I’d fallen asleep while watching a movie with everyone in Nate’s flat. I remembered leaning on Nate’s shoulder for a second before closing my eyes.
And now I was lying on the sofa, the television was off, the room was dark, and I was tucked against Nate, my back to his chest. His slowly-rising-and-falling chest. Nate was asleep.
A moment later I realized what that meant. He hadn’t pushed me away. He’d laid us both on the sofa, and held me close while I was sleeping. And he was sleeping too. Who knew how long it had been since he’d last had any decent amount of sleep.
I placed a hand over the one he had against my stomach. He was using the other one as my pillow and I pressed into it, brushing my lips over the inside of his elbow. He stirred slightly, and then pulled me even closer to him. His fingers laced with mine over my belly, and I felt him taking a deep breath. But he was still asleep. A small smile crept on my lips and I held it there, probably even after I fell back to sleep myself.
I felt his soft breath on the back of my neck. His free hand was still under mine and over my stomach, our fingers still entwined. The sun was up and its light was pouring through the window, bathing us in its warmth. For a moment I thought of the vampires in Twilight, and imagined Nate sparkling under that light behind me.
I smiled at the idea. And then I smiled bigger when I thought of what Mother would say if she knew I’d fallen asleep in the arms of a vampire.
I peeled my eyes open and met with Evy’s blue ones. A creepy smile was plastered on her face, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. Kay was sitting right beside her with an equally creepy expression.
Not wanting to move and chance waking Nate, I mouthed, “You’re being creepy.”
They both chuckled and Nate stirred behind me. I glared at them. They grinned and stood, going towards the kitchen. When I heard signs that they were making breakfast, I closed my eyes again, soaking in the marvelous feeling of being in Nate’s arms.
His lips brushed the back of my neck and I felt a pleasant shiver running through my entire body.
“Ali,” he breathed without lifting his lips from my skin, causing even more goose bumps to break out.
“Nate,” I answered in the same manner, only I brushed my lips over the inside of his arm.
His hand tightened around mine. “I slept.”
I smiled against his skin, feeling him doing the same. “You slept,” I confirmed.
“Thank you. It’s the second time in a week, and both times you were in my arms. Thank you.”
I pushed slightly back and pressed my whole body harder against his. “Any time.” The feeling of having him behind me was thrilling. I felt my blood starting to heat-up as it gathered between my legs.
“Ali,” he said again, only this time it sounded a little deeper, rougher.
“Nate.”
“I think maybe you should get up. I’m afraid my body is being an asshole again.”
And it was then I realized what had me feeling so turned on. His hardness was pressing against my backside. I felt him long, and thick, and hard, and my body responded, the burning in my core increasing. But I didn’t listen to his warning. I wanted to show him what I wanted. That it was okay for him to react this way with me.
I pushed back, grinding my ass against his cock, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “Ali,” he growled against my neck. “Don’t.”
Mortification coursed through me. I was clear about what I wanted and he still pushed me away. I was inexperienced, not stupid. I knew when it was time for me to bugger off.
I pulled away from him and started sitting up, but his arms tightened around me and he held me still. “I’m not ready, Ali. I think it’s obvious I like you, but I’m not ready for something yet. That’s why I’ve apologized again and again for letting my body react the way it has when you’re close to me. It’s not fair to you, to treat you this way, as if you were a toy. I wish we’d met at a different moment in my life. When I would be able to act on this… this need I have inside for you. But I can’t have you and it’s not fair to keep treating you like this. Please tell me you understand.”
I didn’t. And I did. I understood his reluctance, but not his need to push me away. I turned around so I was facing him, and placed my hands on his chest. His free arm wrapped around my waist and his hand pressed against my upper back. I didn’t know if he’d wanted to do that, or if his arm had moved of its own accord.
I looked into his emerald eyes that were hungrily roaming over my face. “I do understand you’re not ready. But I never asked you to be. What I don’t understand is your need to apologize over everything. All you needed to tell me was what you just did. I never asked for anything, so why would you think I’m expecting more than you’re giving me?”
He sighed, pressed his forehead on mine. “Because you deserve more. You deserve someone who can give you everything. And if I keep you close, even as just a friend, I can’t promise I’ll stop acting like an asshole. I can’t promise my body will stop physically reacting to you.”
“Then we’ll make a deal. We see where this takes us. I’m not asking for anything you can’t give. I just want to spend time with you, and not hear you apologize every time you think you’re doing something wrong. Just… let yourself go. You don’t have to think what you’re doing around me. And I don’t want to have to think before acting either. I’ve been doing that for far too long and I simply want to relax too. Neither of us has to do anything we don’t want to. If we just let go, relax, everything will find its pace. And we’ll see where we go from there. Nothing more than what each other can give.”
His hand came around, and he brushed some hair from my face, his fingers tracing the lines of my face. I shivered with pleasure, just from that soft touch. “But will it be enough for you? What if I can’t ever be more? What if I’m forever stuck in this limbo and you end up wanting more?”
“Then that will be my problem. We’re both adults, and we can both take care of ourselves. Right now, we want to spend time with each other. Free. Comfortable. If that changes then we’ll deal with it when it’s time.”
He exhaled slowly, searching my eyes intently. “So we just go on as friends that might flirt a little?”
I laughed softly. “You know, you’re worse than a girl right now, Nate. We don’t need labels. We’re most certainly friends, but why do we have to give any more detail than that? Just relax. This is not some scientific formula we have to analyze. This is just two friends, completely comfortable with each other.”
A slow smirk formed on his lips. “Completely comfortable, huh?” He pulled me closer, then flipped me on my back and brought his leg over my abdomen. “Now I’m comfortable.”
I laughed loudly and groaned. “Stop, you’re squashing my bladder. I’ll widdle all over you.”
He nuzzled the side of my neck, blowing his hot breath and making me ticklish. “I don’t know. You said we should be comfortable around each other. That’s what I’m doing.” His leg pressed against my belly.
“Nate, stop!” I laughed harder, in danger of relaxing a bit too much! “I will seriously wee-wee on you.”
He didn’t seem fazed by my warning. He just nuzzled my neck and pretended to fall back to sleep. And even though I had a serious bladder problem, I loved how he’d finally let go. I hadn’t been entirely truthful about what I’d said. I did want more w
ith him already, but I could wait. I knew that he would be ready one day, and I wanted to be here when that would happen.
“If you need any help,” Evy called from the kitchen, “just ask. Oh, and Nate is ticklish.”
I felt his body stiffen and he pulled his head back. I turned to look at him, an evil smirk forming on my lips, and he looked back at me in warning. “Don’t even think about it.”
His hand moved to grab mine, but he was a second too late. I dug my fingers in his ribs and started tickling him mercilessly. He burst out laughing and started wriggling, the whole sofa vibrating by the deep timbre of his voice still affected by sleep. I was relentless in my attack and enjoying every moment of it.
Until his flailing knocked me off the sofa.
I let out a startled gasp and felt my body falling slowly. My eyes opened wide, and I didn’t know what to grab to keep me steady. I was going to crack my head on the hardwood floor.
Nate’s arm wrapped around my waist, and within a fraction of a second I was pressed against his hard chest once more. I looked up and our eyes locked; our lips only centimeters away; our breaths mingling.
Nate took the remaining space between us and our lips almost touched. “So this is okay?” he murmured. “When I get close like this? It’s not overstepping any boundaries? It’s not risking our friendship?”
I swallowed and licked my lips. His eyes darted down, following the movement of my tongue. “It’s quite alright,” I breathed. “No rules broken. No apologies needed. It’s alright.”
His eyes came up again to look into mine. For a moment I was lost inside those green pools. “You’re really something, Ali, you know that? I’ve never met a girl like you before. Sometimes I can’t even believe you’re real.”
Bloody hell, his voice had made me dripping wet. And since I wasn’t wearing any knickers, I could have a serious problem. But I couldn’t let him know. I couldn’t scare him off now that he was finally himself. “If you keep putting pressure on my bladder, you’re going to know just how real I am,” I teased.
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