“I don’t know,” I admit honestly. “All this sounds surreal to me.”
“God dammit, Sara, nothing about this is a joke to me. You, my dear, are driving me crazy and you’re absolutely clueless about how and why. And I really can’t blame you for that. You don’t know me, Sara. You have no idea….”
“I want to know you,” I intervene before he can even finish. “I want to see the real you, Nathan. You’re nothing like how I had imagined or guessed. Give me a chance to get to know you better.”
I have no idea why I said that but one thing’s for certain- I didn’t want him to, even for a minute think that whatever is transpiring between us is one-sided. It’s not. Not at all. This new face of Nathan’s is gelling with my personality. His desire for me is so transparent, so lucid- I can drape it on my body as a robe and soak in his masculinity.
But I shouldn’t be doing it. It’s morally and ethically wrong. But then again, it need not even be completely sexual. As long as I tell him where, when and how to draw those lines, we can be safe and morally just.
“You don’t have a choice. Won’t be giving you one.” That authority is back in his tone and I find myself submitting to him even without putting up a fight.
“You’re the boss after all.” My voice is a sultry whisper.
“I’m well aware of that and that’s exactly why this has a thrill of its own. It’s something forbidden. Something wrong. Something deliciously sinister. I had been waiting for you to stumble into my life.”
I should stop now. He’s clearly reminding me of the reasons as to why this is so wrong. But dammit, my heart has chosen to ignore the defeaning roar of my conscience. Maybe this excitement was what I was missing in my life too. I don’t know what awaits us if we start this journey together, but right now my mind is too hazy to think about any consequences.
“What about me made you think I’m the one?” My voice doesn’t shake. There is no hesitation. Now it’s my time for interrogation.
“Wrong question,” He admonishes. “It started since the time I first learned about you. I can’t forget the moment when I first heard you. That’s when your voice held me captive and that’s also when I realized I still want to walk down this path. The path that leads straight to you, Sara.”
The rumble in his voice when he utters my name pulls at the strings of my heart. I still don’t know what the path that led him to me entails, but if he gives me his hand to trudge further along the same path, I’ll probably hold onto it.
“Nathan…..”
“Wait,” he cuts me. “I need to drop. Thanks and I’ll get back to you soon.”
And just like that the call drops. He did take a one-eighty pretty soon and my only guess is he was interrupted by someone else. He’s in the office after all. He will have to be twice more careful over phone- anyone will be able to eavesdrop. But the sinful words falling from his lips are a bigger threat in his home.
While I lock my phone, I get two pings simultaneously. One is from my boyfriend and the other from Nate. Against my better judgement, I first click open the one from Nate.
Busy now. Don’t call back or ping. I will call back soon.
My smile drops reading it. Whatever he has going on with me should remain a secret for pretty obvious reasons. I get it but still reading it pricks my heart. My life was flowing smooth up until this point. One encounter with Nathan and I’m being pulled into whirlwind of confused emotions.
The text from my boyfriend lights up my face. It’s exactly what I was hoping for.
I miss you. I’ll be coming over in some time. Be wet and ready for me, babe.
He addressed me as babe. It’s supposed to excite and please me since he does it only when he’s in the best of his moods. But it doesn’t. It just reminds me of the way Nate calls me baby and the swarm of butterflies I feel fluttering in my tummy every time he says it.
Maybe I am just too overwhelmed to think straight now and that’s also why I shouldn’t be overthinking anything. This excitement about Nate is temporary. When my Bryce’s lips will be back on me again, I’ll be back to normal. As normal as I can be with my boyfriend.
“Who was that on the phone? I heard you saying Nate. Was it really your boss, Nathan?”
My sister puts her cardigan around her neck and buttons up her winter-coat. When I don’t answer her immediately, she gives me a quizzical look.
“Yeah. He had some work related query.”
I hate lying to her, but I can’t admit the truth to her just yet. I’m unsure of where I stand with Nate and what exactly he has in his mind. Revealing what he feels for me to my sister will make her outright say no to having any kind of unofficial talk with him. It’s not like she gets to decide what I do and don’t but I have always looked up to her and valued her advices.
“Really?” Her eyes go wide in surprise and she shrugs. “Good, Sara. That’s a big step and as much as you dislike your job, you’re actually creating visibility. It’ll help you in the long run.”
I’ve been noticed by the hawk and if my guess is right, I will be soon becoming its prey. A rather willing prey if I can’t help it.
“Yeah, forget him, Bryce is coming over. He seemed to be in a very good mood and I really hope to get some alone time in the house. An hour ow two, maybe?”
My sister smiles widely and gives me a thumbs-up. “Your wish is granted. I’ll be hitting the bar with Christy and gang. It’ll take me few hours, until then the house is all yours.”
That’s what makes my sis the best. She is very understanding and always keeps my happiness at the forefront. She never tells no to me. Never.
“And Sara?” She asks with her hands on the door handle. “Do talk with Bryce seriously. You guys will have to talk sooner or later and if he’s in the best of his moods, it’s the right time to talk. He will have to listen to your take on the solution to your relationship issues. Until the both of you are in sync with all your problems, it won’t work out.”
“I understand. This time we’ll do more talking, I promise.”
“You know what I love the most when I’m with you?” Bryce asks with his head buried between my open thighs. He breathes me in and groans. I fist the sheets, balling them as I thrust my pelvis into his face, urging him to put his tongue into play. But we have already done it quite a few times for me to realize that it’s a futile attempt. Bryce always takes his own sweet time with me. He always gets to decide how he takes me. It’s not that he’s always soft and slow. He can be pretty feral too but it’s always his call and since I like surprises, I don’t complain. But this time it’s different. I want Bryce to be real hard, rough and almost violent. I want to lose myself so much in the act that I want my thoughts to not wander even in the perimeter of Nathan. Thinking about him in such a compromising position is really wrong, but Bryce is not making this easy either.
“Sara?” He looks up at me and I can clearly see his eyes hooded with lust. My boyfriend loves me and he craves for me physically. That should be enough. I ought to be happy and content, but I am not. He is well aware of this. “Answer me.”
“Is it my pussy always wet and ready for you?” I ask with a smile.
“Close, but not there yet,” He laughs before thrusting his tongue on my clit and licking it thoroughly. I screech his name that ends with a loud moan.
“This,” he declares, sucking my folds into his mouth. “The way you scream my name when I’m feasting on your pussy. This is what I love the most.” He looks up at me again and this time I see love twinkling in his eyes for me. I know we love one another, but over the years there is something I have learned that I can’t be blind to anymore. For us, at least at this stage, it’s not going to be enough.
“I love you, Bryce,” I scream out loud as he plunges his fingers inside of my opening. My walls close in on him and my back arches off the bed as the euphoric sensations start to build form within my core. Bryce continues to unravel my body that he is so familiar with and I let myself go. His to
ngue creates magic with its gentle strokes, which is more like sweet torture. I am so close, but not there yet and he’s well aware of that. With his thumb pressed down on my clit, he creates a beautiful suction with his lips and I almost come, but in the last second he pulls away. I fall down on my bed frowning at him. He just smiles as he gets ride of his pants and pulls down his briefs. I gasp seeing how hard and ready he is for me. Beads of precum that coat his crown shine in the dull light cast by the table lamp. His size is modest and we fit together perfectly. It’s not like our sex has become like a routine dance, but just by the look on his face and his posture, I can make out which position he’s going for.
“I need you to come as I fuck you, babe.” His voice has an earnest undertone to it. I willingly oblige, spreading my legs wider. With his knees propped on the bed, he pulls me closer. With his hands gripping my thighs, he enters me in a single thrust, filling me all the way to the hilt. His name slips past my lips as pleasure zips through my spine overruling any other rational thoughts. As always I am consumed completely by him. He keeps his usual pace, working my body, making it bow to his wishes and relishing the feel of it.
I need not even signal him that I’m about to come. The moment he feels my walls clenching around him, he leans forward to capture my lips to his.
The kiss that elicits a moan from me has lost the serenity that it once possessed. His thumb that presses down on my clit uncurls my nerves but fails to trigger my erratic heart beats. The arm that bands me provides safety but the contentment I used to feel in his arms is missing.
I fall apart beneath him, clenching him hard, seeing stars when I reach my peak, but it’s my heart that’s stuck in a corner, completely unaffected and uninvolved in the whole act. Even my mind and thoughts are in sync with his, but the passion between the sheets fails to reach my heart and the warmth of his embrace is lost amidst the icy thorns fogging my mind.
I feel the liquid heat seep my insides as he comes with a grunt. It feels good like always. Our bodies tangled in one another. It’s an art. A beautiful dance of our bodies – but not our souls. The souls that were once entwined are now separated by awkward silence. The spark that once used to ignite our soul now just warms our bed. The act is the same but it has just lost its meaning.
“Hey,” he tells peppering kisses all over my face. “You alright?”
I immediately school my features and flash him a rather weak smile. “Yeah, maybe a little lost,” I admit honestly.
He sighs exasperatedly and moves to sit beside me. I lean back against the headrest and look straight ahead at the bare walls, avoiding eye contact with him.
“What did I do this time?” he asks agitatedly, breaking his silence.
“It’s not always you,” I tell in a low voice.
“You’re being extremely vague, Sara. Just say whatever you have to.”
I can totally sense the disdain in his tone. I don’t really blame him. But that’s the thing about my boyfriend- Dr. Bryce. He can’ really see or sense when things are going sour. He wants actual facts, data, and symptoms to analyze something and come to a verdict. I didn’t think so much analysis would be necessary to figure out that things are going downhill. After five years of being together, this shouldn’t be happening. I’m not sure what is wrong, but I won’t be weakened by fear of heartbreak anymore. I will confess what I feel. It’s high time I do.
“Can we discuss the taking a small break idea that I had come up with a while back?” My voice quivers. I’m scared of his reaction. I don’t want him to laugh about it and dismiss it like last time.
“No. Not that again.” He shakes his head again. He usually keeps his hair trimmed – a necessity for his profession but now his hair is lengthier along the sides and has grown thick. I can even see a day or two old stubble. My boyfriend is a good looking guy. The nice-gentleman kind of guy whom girls still dream about. The guy I once fell in love with. But the distance between us seems to have swallowed that love as well.
“At least give me a chance to elaborate on it,” I plead.
“Don’t, Sara. I don’t get why you keep insisting that there is something wrong between us. I get that we are not the way we used to be, but so what? People change with time, but that doesn’t mean we have outgrown one another. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Because you’re not seeing things the way I am. I know it’s hard for you and it’s not easy for me either but we’ll have to address our problem sooner or later.”
“I don’t see any problem….” The shrill ring of his phone interrupts him and he hastily searches for it and picks it up. I tune out his voice, desperately seeking a way to explain my problems to him. If I can’t even convince him and make him understand my fears, I don’t even want to think how stale our relation has already become.
‘I’m sorry,” he tells, getting off the bed, and heading to the washroom. “I need to report to the hospital. My friend is sick, so I’ll be taking over for him. Look, I don’t want to be an ass and..” he stops, seeing me chuckle. I really do like him. He’s so cute and sweet at times, but it’s clearly not enough.
“Sara,” he expels a long breath. “I wish I could always make you smile like this.”
“You just have to hear me,” I try again.
“Exactly. I won’t be an ass next time and will give you a chance to speak you heart. But I just pray to the fucking lords that I can make you change your mind.”
I hope so too. But it’s a false hope. We have tried already. If anything can set us right- It will be time and some distance.
Chapter Four
Nathan
Every day it’s more or less the same routine. Attend hundreds of meeting- I’m not even exaggerating and then come home tired – emotionally. But I don’t crash on the bed, ending my day. Far from it. It’s only when I drop my bag, loosen my tie and shut down my laptop does the second phase of my day begins. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t like my job or anything. I love it. As taxing and tiresome it tends to get, it’s something I’m passionate about. It gives me a sense of power that I feast upon. The success, position and money that come from it are secondary. It’s the challenges that I meet along the way that keeps making me push my limits, and it’s the satisfaction of accomplishing something tough, which propels me to keep this going despite how hectic it tends to get.
But I still enjoy it. Won’t deny it really frustrates me at times, like right about now, but at the end of it all, I’d still argue that it was worth it. That’s just how I am. Extremely stubborn, vigilant and perseverant. Not to forget- I’m fucking proud of myself.
“Nathan.” The stiffness in my shoulders loosens at the sound of her voice. My wife has always had that effect on me – It’s a soothing one. At times like this when I’m exhausted, it really works, but other times when I’m actually up for something not so mundane, it just kills my mood. But I don’t complain. Not now, not ever. That’s just how my wife is and since I’m trying to be a good husband, there are absolutely no rooms for complaints.
“Hey, Honey,” I tell, turning around and greeting her with a smile. My wife is slender, tall and pretty. She’s not curvy ( that’s how I preferred my woman before ) and she is a little too tall for my liking, but she’s still my wife and I love her.
She has donned a Navy blue jumpsuit that makes her look like she’s in her late twenties and definitely not in her late thirties. It hugs her good and this very sight is already making me hard. Not a surprise. I have always been a little hyperactive and overindulgent in sex. My libido is to be clearly blamed for that.
“How was your day?” She asks with a wide smile, approaching me with her smooth yet sexy gait. The jump suit is clearly obstructing my view of her long toned legs, but this is when my imagination kicks into action. It mostly works, especially if she plans on keeping me desperate till after dinner.
“The usual. Nothing out of the ordinary,” I tell, rolling my shoulders. “The last meeting totally pissed me off, thou
gh,” I add as an afterthought. “Sometimes the business makes irrelevant and ridiculous demands. We ought to really stop playing to their whims and fancies.”
She doesn’t share my anger. Even if she does agree, she doesn’t show it. That’s just her way of staying calm despite my mood swings, which kind of unnerves me at times.
Rubbing the pad of her thumb along my jaw, she looks up at me with what I believe is longing. “It’s ok,” she says in that honey coated voice of hers. “You’ll manage them as always. Don’t fret about it.”
I know I can, but it’s easier said than done. My wife doesn’t actually understand what goes behind actually managing and convincing them. I don’t bother explaining. As long as she’s proud about my work and happy with me, the details don’t necessarily matter.
Swinging my arms around her waist, I pull her close. She always smells so good. Fresh lime with a hint of vanilla, maybe?
“Help me leave office behind. For now, it’s just me and you.”
She loosens my tie and helps me with my dress suit. “Tell me something new, hubby. You always make the same request.”
“It’s not a request,” I whisper in her ears with my hands roaming her back. “It’s a necessity for me. And you never leave me unsatisfied.”
Resting her head on my chest, she breathes me in. “I can tell the same about you. You’re just too perfect, Nathan. Sometimes I feel like I fail as a wife in understanding you or meeting your dem..”
I cut her mid-way. Raising her chin with my fingers, I make her see me in the eye. “Don’t ever let that thought cross your mind, Cecilia. You’ve never disappointed me and I’m happy with you. We keep each other happy and our kids are happy with us. A perfect family. There are no grounds for me to complain about anything.”
I mean what I say. There is nothing wrong between us and I’ve stuck to my vows for many years now. But I have a very strong gut feeling that I’ll be breaking them again. I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt my wife and I don’t want to ruin my family either. But once I get a taste of something new, I can’t rest till I feast on it. I hate myself at times. I hate my thirst for something exciting and indulging. I despise my craving for a more happening, fun life that often leads me down paths, which I’m supposed to later regret trudging on. But I don’t and that’s because I was smart and matured enough to accept myself for how and what I am. I keep my flaws to myself. They are for my eyes only. That doesn’t mean I don’t stop trying. I might have a fractured soul, but I won’t ever let those jiggered pieces hurt my family. That’s exactly why I try pretty damn hard and my many years of sobriety are proof of that.
Enticed by you (Miraculous Love Book 1) Page 4
