“Sara, back to you. One last note for me?” Chris asks after I’m done.
“Well,” she speaks, finally taking her eyes off me. “Chris, you’ve been a dearest friend for me in office. You were one of the reasons I really looked forward to come to office daily.”
Not one of the reasons. The only reason. I know Sara’s not much interested in this work. She’s just doing it for the sake of doing it.
“You’re a very understanding friend and an amazing guy. I have very few best friends, but you have clearly won that title. Office won’t be the same without you.” She actually tears up. “I really wish we had got more time together.”
“If I hadn’t known that Chris already has a girlfriend, I would have probably thought you two are together,” Stanley tells, shaking his head.
“The joke is on you,” Diana retorts. “Moreover, it’s against company policies. No such relationships within the team, so either way, they wouldn’t risk it.”
Sara and I make eye contact at the same time. Her glassy eyes meet my curious ones. Her statement was like a red flag that was waved at our faces, warning us of the repercussions of our actions. I don’t see Sara withering away in fear, though. She’s stoic, and it seems more like she’s daring me to back off.
“I’ll miss you too, Sara,” Chris tells, coming in front of her and blocking my view. “You’ll do well here, I can assure you that. And we’ll continue to remain in touch. It’s a promise.”
A promise? Can I ever make such a promise to her? Would she expect such a thing from me? I had made my intentions very clear the other day. But I don’t know Sara that well and the last thing I want do is to break her heart. I’ll have to remind her again that she can’t have any such expectations from me.
“Time for some celebration. Let’s get the cake,” Dustin announces. Chris opens the door and welcomes the guy who carries the cake. Sara still looks glum, but others are clearly distracted. This is my time to put up a show.
I pretend that I’ve got a call and get up from my seat with my phone in my hand. Sara’s eyes are on me. With my back to the camera, I walk all the way to the door. It’s good that I chose to wear tight pants today. My phone is perched between my ears and shoulder. I keep up the act for few more minutes before falling back on my seat.
As soon as I sit, I get a new message from Sara.
Nice ass. I must say, I’m impressed.
I spot her taking a bite of the cake. She looks more delicious and appetizing than the cake in this moment. When she turns to me, I lift my eyebrows in question. She just smiles haughtily and shrugs.
I reply to her message.
I lived up to my words. This was just a visual sneak peek for what’s to come. If you’re already this impressed, I wonder what you’ll do when you see my actual asset.
“I’m sorry, Nate,” Chris mumbles. “You missed out on the cake. I owe you a cake for the next time we meet,”
“I’ll hold you to your words,” I answer with a smile.
I get a new message. She doesn’t waste a minute. She’s very quick.
So even that phone call was fake? I should have known. You’ve got really good assets. I hope to see the showstopper soon
This time, I lift my head and cough into my fist. When I catch her eyes, I mouth, “Really?”
She nods. It is curt but a sure nod. That was real fast. I didn’t even have to put fifty percent of my efforts.
I immediately reply to her.
I’ll leave now. Make your exit too. I’ll give you a quick call. But no sex-talk over phone. We’re both in office.
As soon I hit send, I stand up and clear my throat, getting their attention. “I need to leave now. Once again, all the best, Chris. It was pleasure working with you.”
He thanks me after which I drop the call. I come back to my cubicle and start my laptop. After checking my calendar for the day, I call up Sara. She picks up in the third ring.
“Hey,” she whispers, taking deep breaths.
“Where are you?”
“Just rushed out. Coast is clear on my end.”
I know what she wants to talk about, but still, office is unsafe for it.
“Not in my case. I’m in my seat. No one’s around, so I can talk freely. But not for long.”
“Okay.” I can sense the sadness in her tone, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s because of Chris. “I know you’re sad. And to be very honest, I can’t stand seeing you sad, Sara. You’re beautiful when you are smiling and laughing. Being your chirpy, joyous self.”
“Beautiful? Not hot or sexy?”
“All of it. That’s the most I can tell now.” One of my colleagues- Melanie, passes by and I wish her.
“Ok, sorry. Yeah, you’re right. I was kind of sad,” she admits.
“Is it because of Chris leaving?”
“Well, I suppose.” That has to be it. I don’t see any other reason. If it’s something personal, she would have been upset the entire time. But she was chirpy earlier.
“Were you two really close?” I’m not sure why I’m asking the obvious.
“Yeah, we were. Wait, are you jealous?” She asks curiously.
Does she seriously think that? Me being jealous of Chris? Not happening.
“Is this a joke?” I let out a short chuckle.
“Jealousy is a natural human reaction. You don’t have to shy away from admitting it. It makes you all the more human.”
“Seriously, Sara?” This time I actually laugh. “It’s not like I’ve never been jealous, but I’m not jealous of Chris. A nice chap, but I really can’t compare myself to him,” I explain.
“The point is lost on you,” she sighs. I don’t get it. What was the point?
“So, coming back to my point. I know you’re sad, and considering he’s your first friend here, I totally understand. But Sara, this is the rule of life. People come, people go, what stays behind is the memory of the moments with them. What you learned from them. The impact they had on your life. How they made you feel. No can steal them from you. The occasional reminiscence of these moments will keep us close to them, at least in our hearts.”
“You’re very thoughtful. You know exactly when to say what. And your words are very true. I’ll always keep them in mind.”
She seems a little better now. I wish to see this girl happy. Always.
“But you know, given my power I can actually do more.”
“Really?” she excitedly asks. “Like what? And you’ll actually do it for me?”
“I wouldn’t do it for anyone else. You’re special,” I clarify.
“Go on. I’m all ears.”
“I can try postponing his last date by few more weeks. Max a month. But I don’t think it’ll help much. I mean, you can spend more time with him and can even gain required technical knowledge. But it’ll be just delaying the inevitable and eventually, you’ll have to face the hard truth.”
“Thanks for offering, Nate. That means a lot, but no, I don’t want you to do any such thing. Chris has his reasons for leaving and I really don’t want to create any obstacle for him. Like you said, I just have to accept it and move on. I’ll do it.”
That’s one problem solved. I don’t want to see her gloomy and sad again. At least not over something trivial like a colleague leaving.
“So…” she trails away, but I cut her.
“I need to drop. Have another meeting in few minutes and people are piling here. I’ll ping or talk to you soon. Alright?”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks again.”
I’m about to drop the call, but she stops me. “One sec. I wanted you to know, I meant whatever I had told rather sent earlier about…your assets…”
“I know. Mark my words, you’ll gain acquaintance with them soon. Bye.”
Soon, Sara. Very soon. You’ve no idea just how badly I want it. With you.
Chapter 11
Sara
I couldn’t sleep well yesterday night. I kept tossing around, pondering over t
he many questions that were plaguing me. I didn’t know what to do and who to seek for comfort. Even my sis wasn’t around yesterday. She had gone for a late night party and decided to stay over at her friends place. As excited and happy I was about the new developments in my relation with Nate, I was also worried about where everything was headed. Call it guilt or conscience, I knew what I was doing was wrong. Ethically and morally. Hell, I had decided earlier that I would be seeing Nate as a friend and see how things would progress from that point. What I hadn’t anticipated was – Me giving in to him so easily, and voluntarily and excitedly moving along the whole ‘sex’ path. I knew it would never be platonic, but the speed with which I’m going, it wouldn’t even surprise me that if he were to just touch me and I would readily agree to have sex with him.
No way. This is where I have to put a speed break to my thoughts. I should never take it so far. That’s the rule I should abide by. No matter what he says, does and how tempted I get, I need to still refuse and stop encouraging him. I have been doing the opposite. I pushed him for more for just the thrill of it, and I enjoyed it as well. Post Chris’s send off, Nathan had to travel to New York for important meetings and I didn’t get to hear much from him. He did stay in touch, sharing some quotes of his and passing off-handed comments here and there, but no big leaps and no phone conversations. I miss him in stand-ups and I especially miss hearing his words.
If I were to really go by Andrew’s words, then Nathan and I are meant to be, but honestly that sounds ridiculous even to me and still, I’m yearning for that.
Nathan Bankers is a perfectly flawed man. How ironic. But he did have a point. I might actually be into guys like him and I never realized up until now. Maybe I don’t do good, sweet and nice. I thought Bryce would be perfect for me. Granted, we had our differences in regards to his career and priorities, but he has always been a nice, sweet, caring guy. But never was I attracted to him the way I’m attracted to Nate. It’s a magnetic pull, so strong- I can’t help being smoldered by him. But I know so little about Nate that I can’t even convince myself that I’m having strong and real feelings for him, which has more to it than mere physical attraction and fantasies of a taboo romance.
In my process of seeking the truth, I attempted to alleviate my guilt a little and tried to think straight. Too many emotions always led me to the brink of confusion and chaos, and in such scenarios, it was always Bryce who helped me pick my problems and solve them separately instead of piling them up. So, as a first step, I thought of talking to Bryce. Not to ask him for help, but just to check on him. Irrespective of whether I love him still or not, I care a lot for him and that’s never going to change. I had left him a message asking how he’s doing. So far, I haven’t got a reply from him. In some time I’ll be leaving for office too. I hope I get to talk to him before that.
Just as I’m going through my mails, I get a ping, alerting me of a new message from Bryce.
“Can I call you?”
He never had to ask me before. Even now, I wish he didn’t. Just because we are not together anymore doesn’t mean he should be so formal with me. I send out a quick reply, asking him to call.
My phone rings and I immediately answer.
“Hi, Bryce.”
“Hey, Sara. Thought it’ll be easier to talk over phone,” he replies hesitantly.
“I know. How are you?”
It was never this awkward between me and Bryce. And I really can’t blame him. It’s all my doing.
“A redundant question. I can’t definitely be great, but I’m coping. It’s not as worse I presumed it to be.”
I’m relieved. I’m also in a similar state.
“Glad to hear that. Busy as always?”
“Yeah. No surprise there. You tell me. How have you been? Missing me?”
“Yes. A hell lot.” I’m not lying. Bryce has been a constant part of my life for nearly five years now. My loneliness is a constant reminder of his absence. “I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what it is that I’m sorry for when I believe whatever I did was for our own good. I still stand by my decision. But what’s truly pricking me is how easily I’m moving on with another guy who can never be mine instead of waiting for Bryce, who can make me his and promise me a future I always dreamt of.
“Don’t be, Sara. When you have finally taken a stand, I urge you to stand by it. It hurts me to say this, but if you believe it’s right, then just go with it. With time it’ll get easier.”
“One week has sure brought about a difference in you. You seem so mature. Is it the same Bryce who used to change topic and show disinterest whenever I spoke about growing up and making solid future plans?” I ask curiously.
“I suppose. But honestly, Sara, I still have a lot of growing up to do. At least to come up to your standards.” There is a mean edge to his voice.
Is he taking a dig at me? My eyes prick with tears. Or maybe I’m just overthinking this.
“Hey Bryce, please don’t ever think that you’re any less than me. I mean, I didn’t want..”
“I get it,” he cuts me. “I accept that at this stage of time we are not good together. I wished we could grow up together, you know? Never mind, I have already set out on my journey.”
He has? What am I doing then? At least he has his goals set. I haven’t even paid much attention to where and how my career is headed.
“Well, all the best. I know you’ll do great, but as cliché as it sounds, I do hope we can remain friends…”
“Actually, Sara,” he cuts me again. “I think it’s better I tell you. You remember Melanie? She’s from our college and she even joined the same med school.”
“Yeah,” I groan. I never liked her much and not because she always had the hots for my boyfriend. But now, my ex-boyfriend. Oh, shit.
“Don’t tell me…” I trail away. I can’t even complete my sentence. Not her.
“It hasn’t gone that far. But she’s still clearly interested in me and she gets my profession better than anyone else.” It’s not like I didn’t. I understood his profession demanded most of his time. But I wished he could prioritize me once in a while at least. I wasn’t being unreasonable. “And like they say, a doctor can understand another doctor the best. She asked me out and I didn’t have a reason to refuse. She has always been a good friend to me.”
She asked him out. Nate never asked me out. Not like I expected him to. But I should have absolutely no complaints. Bryce can try to move on too. And date is far nicer compared to what Nate has in mind for us.
“That’s…..I don’t know what you want me to say,” I blurt out. “You know I didn’t like her for a reason. My opinion on her shouldn’t matter now. Ultimately it’ll be your call.”
“Our first date went pretty well. I was surprised too. I thought it would be just a one-time thing, but as of now, I feel I can expect more out of this.”
Fuck. He’s actually thinking about getting serious with her. I haven’t progressed that much at all. In one week he’s talking about a new relationship and I’m skirting around what Nathan means to me and if I should even push those sex buttons.
“How serious do you plan on getting with her?” I know it’s not my right to ask, but I need to know. I need to decide how far I can take it with Nate. And this is so unnatural of Bryce. He was never desperate about getting laid or having a girlfriend and yet he is going so fast now. Either he wants to get back at me or he actually wants to move on. It’s because of me, though. I’m the one who led him to this.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t even know if I can ever love anyone as much as I love you, Sara. What I felt for you was real. Every word, every promise that poured out of my mouth was something I always intended on keeping. You stirred something deep inside of my soul and I don’t think anyone can ever reach my soul again.”
“Bryce,” I sob. Why? Why did he have to love me so much? I did too. So much. But still…
“It’s not enough. I know. Love alone can’t sustain a relationshi
p. And it’s ok. Hopefully, one day soon, I’ll be back to reclaim you. But fate can also play nasty games, so you never know.”
“You’re confusing me now. I can’t stop you from trying for real. You deserve to choose your happiness too,” I confess.
“If I get to make that choice, I would choose my happiness with you. Always. But for an answer to your question, let’s just leave it to fate.” It’s that word again. Fate. The same fate, which brought Nate into my life in such bizarre circumstances. What do I even make of it? “Let’s give ourselves free reins to date whomever we wish and go as far as we want. Ok?”
“Ok,” that’s all I can mutter as an answer. I’m starting to feel that pain now. I really am losing Bryce.
“Another last minute meeting invite?” I frown, but my heart is actually dancing with joy. Every meeting with Nate gets me excited these days. As long as he’s driving it and I get to hear him talk, I want to be a part of every such meeting. Before, I used to escape from attending such meetings, but now, it’s just the opposite. These meetings are the opportunities to learn more about him and feel much closer to him.
“Strange. Something is up with Nate,” Diana reasons.
Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I try to ignore her comment. Diana Fortes has been working in this team for seven years now. Longest tenure amongst us all. So that makes her the one who’s most familiar with Nate. It should also imply that she’s closest to him. I disagree. I don’ think she knows him all that well. At least the real Nate- The one I know and might have started to fall for.
“Don’t you think?” she questions at my silence.
Up until that send-off party, she was a good friend. We were never actually close, but she was always nice and helpful. But after that, something shifted inside of me. Nate might actually find it funny since he clearly doesn’t get jealous, but seeing their rapport and the way the others spoke about how well she understands him and when he didn’t even disagree, the eggs of jealously finally hatched.
Enticed by you (Miraculous Love Book 1) Page 14
