“Johai, how did you know where to find us?”
He was watching Jon and my ministrations. He pushed me aside and with calm efficiency dressed the wounds, but I could see the deep gash and the blood that continued to well up from it.
“The soldiers attacked all of the coachmen and servants. Beau fought them off, and I knew you were in danger. I am only sorry I did not get there sooner.”
“Thank you,” I said as Johai muttered under his breath a spell that I recognized from when he had healed Layton.
“I told you before, Maea,” Johai said, “I will protect you until the end.”
I wept because I feared that end was coming very soon.
Chapter Twenty Three
To this day, I do not remember the journey back to the villa. I do remember that Jon was pale as a sheet by the time we arrived. I threw open the carriage door and ran into the house, screaming for help. I was fortunate that Hilliard and Damara had stayed behind at the villa. Hilliard came running down the stairs; he had his sword drawn, and his eyes grew large when he saw me.
“What is it, lass, what happened?” He grabbed my arm with his free hand.
“Come quick. Jon has been injured!” I said, hysterical.
I dragged him outside, where Johai and Beau were easing Jon out of the carriage. We should have a litter or something to keep him level. There was no time to find one. Jon was still losing blood despite Johai’s ministrations. Hilliard joined the other two men, and between the three of them, they carried him into the house. Jon had lost consciousness, and his head lolled back and forth as he swayed between the three of them. I hurried after them. Damara was in the foyer by the time we came back inside.
She watched them take Jon into a side room just behind the stairs. I motioned to follow after, but Damara caught me by the hand and stopped me.
“What happened?” she asked.
I wanted to shake her off and check on Jon, but I knew there was nothing I could do at this point; I was no healer. Her grip was tight on my shoulder but was an anchor keeping me from sinking beneath my own hysteria. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my breathing. I am stronger than this. I did not answer right away. My brain was foggy. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and gave my shoulder a squeeze.
“Do not worry. Whatever happened, everything will turn out.”
How can she be so calm? Jon may die, but she is like a rock.
“I should go to him, see if I can help,” I said.
“You hardly look as if you can stand on your own feet,” Damara pointed out. She was right. I was covered in Jon’s blood, and I felt that my knees would give out beneath me at any moment. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Goddess, please spare him.
Servants were hanging about the foyer, having heard the commotion. Among them was the kitchen maid who I had bribed to help me break into the villa. The queen had stripped me of my glamour, and the other servants eyed me suspiciously. They had never seen me before, not in my natural form, but she did not blink an eye. She did not even seem to recognize me at all.
“You,” Damara pointed at the kitchen maid, “heat water for a bath. And you and you, prepare the duchess’ chamber for our guest,” Damara ordered them, and they hurried to do her bidding without question. It must have been her authoritative manner. She had been mistress of a household long ago before she had become entangled with Johai and me. How could I ever repay her for her sacrifices? While Damara gave the servants instructions, I was glued to the spot, staring at the droplets of blood that had fallen onto the flagstone floor. Jon’s blood.
“You need to rest,” Damara said with a gentle touch of my arm. It brought me out of my own tangled thoughts.
I shook my head. “Not until I know he will be well. I should go and check on him.”
“Johai is seeing to him. He trained as a magiker, after all. You will only get in the way.”
“I want to help,” I said, but I could not muster as much conviction as I would have liked.
Damara frowned and enveloped me in her warm embrace. “If anything happens, I will come get you personally. But you’re exhausted and covered in blood, you need to at least wash up and change.”
There was logic in her suggestions, but I felt compelled to tell her what I had learned if only to get it out of my head. “The queen betrayed King Reynard. He is dead, and she is in league with Adair!” My shock was keeping me from coherent thoughts. I wanted to tell everything in a rush to let it be out of me and no longer my burden. Jon will die because he was trying to protect me. I should never have agreed to the false marriage or allowed him to take the blood oath. He would not have felt compelled to defend me otherwise.
Damara patted my arm and led me towards the stairs. “That is grave news, indeed, but you need to rest. We are safe here for now. We’ll talk more soon.”
“They’ll come for us. They know where the ambassador’s home is; they’ll expect us to come here,” I said in a panic.
“Yes, but as you mentioned, they are in the middle of a revolution. She will need to secure her place on the throne before chasing after you and Johai.”
“She knows who I am. Adair will not hesitate to come after me.” I was close to tears at this point. I wrung my bloodstained hands together and rocked back and forth.
She took my bloodied hands in her soft ones, and her gentle touch against my shaking body soothed me somewhat. “I should never have gotten you involved in any of this.”
Had I been more in control of my emotions, I would have reassured her and told her none of this was her fault. I was destined to walk this path since birth, but instead I wept. I wept for Jon, who was mortally wounded because of me; for Sabine, who carried a child who would be a pawn for political gain; for Damara, who had lost everything because of me; and for Johai, who soon I would have to kill.
Damara hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder until I felt as if I might collapse beneath the weight of my own emotions. Once I was finished, I was weary beyond reason. Damara led me up the steps, my hand in hers like I was a wayward child. She showed me into my chamber and helped me undress to bathe.
A copper bathtub was in the center of my room. My lady’s maid poured hot water into the basin, and tendrils of steam rose from it. Damara left me to bathe. I sank my filthy body into the water. Though the water warmed my skin and eased some of my fatigue, the blood-streaked water repulsed me. The kitchen maid came up with another bucket of hot water. I stepped out to let them change it. My lady’s maid draped a sheet over me as they worked, and I spotted the kitchen maid stealing glances at me as she took away the stained water.
When the water was clear, I sank into it and leaned my head back, letting the warmth seep into my skin and relax my muscles. For a moment, I let the day’s events slip away. I stayed that way until the water turned cold, and then my lady’s maid dressed me in a clean gown and braided my hair.
Once I dressed, I felt more myself again. I realized I was famished, and while I had been bathing, someone had brought up fruit and cheese. I ate as if I hadn’t in decades, and with a full stomach, I felt as if I could face the challenges that lay ahead. Jon could not be killed so easily, and Johai was a skilled healer. He had saved Layton when he had been pierced through the chest with an arrow. I went downstairs and saw Damara and Hilliard whispering to one another in hushed voices. I stopped and listened to their conversation for a moment.
“We caught her leaving with a bundle of parchments with his seal on them,” Hilliard said, with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Where do you think she was headed?” Damara frowned and paced back and forth.
“My guess would be to whoever is paying her.”
Damara shook her head. “Have her questioned. We need to know who she was working for.”
He nodded in response and strode over in my direction. He gave me a pat on the shoulder as he passed by. “How are you feeling, lass?”
“More human, what’s going on?”
/> Hilliard frowned. “We found one of the servants in the study. She was going through some of Jon’s things, and she had a satchel with all of his correspondences.”
My stomach sank. “Then we have a spy in our midst?”
“It would appear so. Beau and I are questioning all of the servants in case she was not the only one.”
I frowned. Is that who revealed my identity to Reynard?
“Don’t worry, lass. We’ll handle this. You worried about the young lord in there?” He nodded towards the closed door.
“How is he?” I asked.
He glanced back at Damara, who was standing off at a distance. The expression on her face did not look promising. My stomach dropped, but I put on a brave face for their sakes.
“He is weak but resting,” Damara said.
“I need to see him,” I replied and went to pass Damara, but she stopped me by grabbing ahold of my sleeve.
“Maea, I am sorry I doubted him before. Beau told me what happened. If he had not done what he did, you may have…” Tears gathered along her lashes, and she looked away.
I removed her hand and patted it. “I know. It’s not your fault,” I said. It’s mine. I pushed the door open to the chamber and slipped inside. I did not want to talk about it. Jon would not be in this position if I hadn’t been trying to cheat fate. There never was a way to save Johai, and I had brought them all into this mess in my selfish search for answers.
The room he was in was at one time a parlor. A pallet had been brought in, and it was lying by the fire. The room’s furniture was pushed back against the walls, and a table had been set next to the pallet, and it was covered in jars and vials. Jon lay still with his hands at his sides. His face was milk pale, and his brow was drenched in sweat. For a moment, I feared I had come too late. Johai stood by the pallet. His eyes were closed, and a hand hovered above Jon. I joined Johai at the bedside and gazed down at Jon. Jon had white bandages across his wound. His chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm.
“How is he?” I asked Johai. I knew he would not mince his words in an attempt to appeal to my emotions.
“He’s lost a lot of blood. I’ve stopped the external bleeding, but there may be more internal bleeding that I cannot reach,” he said without looking up.
I swallowed hard and tried to face the reality of the situation. “Thank you for trying.” I touched Johai’s hand, and he covered it with his other hand. We stayed like that for a moment. I leaned on him, taking his strength. You are selfish to use him when you did this to Jon. I let go of Johai’s hand and sat at the edge of Jon’s bed instead. Jon’s eyes fluttered open. He looked to me first, his eyes unfocused and clouded, and then to Johai.
“You couldn’t wait to move on until I was dead and buried,” he joked in a thin voice.
I wanted to laugh and cry. If he felt well enough to joke, perhaps he would recover after all.
“I can move on as soon as I like since you’re not my real husband,” I said as I wiped tears from my eyes.
He laughed and then winced. He coughed, and his entire body shuddered. As he did so, he rolled over and curled his legs in.
Johai grabbed a tonic from the bedside and handed it to me. “Now that he’s awake, have him drink this. It will ease the pain,” Johai instructed.
Once Jon’s coughing subsided, I helped him drink the tonic. He only had the strength to lift his head, and I dribbled the tonic into his throat a little at a time. While I administered his tonic, Johai slipped out, leaving us alone, which I appreciated.
I adjusted his pillows and guided Jon to lie back down. He winced again as I straightened his blankets and settled him in. He’s very weak. You can fight, though, Jon; you’re more stubborn than this. He gave me a wan smile, and even that seemed to cause him pain. He clenched his teeth and tightened his hands into fists. You cannot die, I thought, not after everything you’ve done for me.
“Don’t frown, Maea. It does not suit you,” he said and reached a hand to brush a stray wet hair from my face. I smiled down at him as to not show my concern. “There, that’s much better.” He let his hand fall onto the coverlet.
“You should be resting, not telling me what to do,” I said and tucked the blanket up to his chin. “That doesn’t suit you.”
He smiled thinly again and then sighed. The rattling sound of it made my stomach plummet. He will get better, I told myself. He cannot die here, not with so much left undone.
“Maea…” he started and then halted to take another labored breath.
“You do not need to overexert yourself on my behalf,” I interjected.
He did a small shake of his head and closed his eyes. “I need to tell you the truth before…”
“Don’t talk like that. You are going to get better.”
He rolled his head in my direction. “Either way, it’s time you knew who I really work for.”
I shook my head. I didn’t care who he was working for. He had saved my life, and the rest didn’t matter to me. I was weary of the intrigue, the double dealings, and not knowing who I could trust.
“Just listen, Maea.”
I looked Jon in the eye. Dark circles were setting in, and he seemed so frail, lying there. It was as if he were a ghost of himself. I wanted the Jon I had come to know, the one quick to tease with a hidden tender side.
I nodded my head and let him continue. He took a deep, rattling breath. “I didn’t lie when I said Sabine sent me here. She sought me out at court to be her spy. I told you before that she had convinced Sarelle to marry Reynard; that was only a half truth.” He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. “The truth is, they plotted together to kill Reynard. Each of them wanted out and the treaty ended. Sabine would return to Neaux after the wedding of Sarelle and Reynard, and once they arrived, Sabine had arranged for her guard to kill Reynard.”
I gasped and covered my mouth. “Sabine would have Beau kill her uncle?”
Jon grimaced. “People do strange things when they are in love.”
I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. “I cannot imagine Sabine would want to kill.”
Jon coughed, and his body spasmed. I held his hand as he clenched it tight and fought through the attack. He was gasping for air and lay with his eyes closed for a few moments.
“You should rest.” I got up to leave him.
“One last thing,” he said, “I want you to make me a promise.”
“Only if you promise to rest,” I said, fighting back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm me. He’s putting on a brave show for me, but he’s in more pain than I realize.
“I will soon.” There was a finality to his words that I did not like. He continued on, “Promise me when this is over you’ll marry Johai. Don’t make the same mistake I have. Don’t let the man you love slip through your fingers.”
I sobbed despite my resistance to do so. “How could I, when I’ve already a husband?” I said through thick tears.
He reached out to take my hand. I laid my other hand over his. It was cold to the touch. I rubbed my hands over his, trying to warm him.
“I am not your real husband, and you deserve a proper marriage, with a real ceremony, to a man you love.”
I thought about denying my feelings for Johai. There was no point now. Jon was weak, and he may not make it through the night despite my hope that he would. I would not waste his final hours arguing. He does not know I must kill him. No one does but Elenna. I’ve killed them both, and I can never keep a promise I’ve made.
“If it would please you, once we are free of this city, you can give me away.”
He smiled, but it faded quickly. “Good,” he replied. His eyes closed, and his breathing deepened as he fell asleep.
I sat by his bedside in a silent vigil for many hours. During the night, I fell asleep and woke when dawn was starting to peek through the curtains. The candle on the bedside table had burned down to a lump of wax. I got up and stretched my aching back.
I went to the windo
w and let the morning light in. It was another dreary, gray day, which seemed to fit the somber mood in the villa. I went back to Jon’s pallet and kneeled down beside him. Johai should be coming soon to check on him, and I was not sure if I was ready to face him after revealing my feelings to Jon. A stray lock of hair had fallen into Jon’s eyes, and I went to brush it away. His skin was ice cold.
My heart shot into my throat. I pressed my head to his chest, but I could not hear the beat of his heart.
“No!” I shook him. “Jon, wake up!” His head rolled from side to side, but he did not wake. I pulled back the blankets; the bandages were soaked with blood. “No!” I screamed and fell to my knees. Sobs wracked my body, and I clutched my sides to keep myself together.
“Why him? He saved me. He was a good man; he was my friend!” I cried.
The door flew open and banged against the wall. I turned around to see Johai. He had his sword again, and his eyes looked wild. His gaze went to me and then to Jon’s body. He came to kneel beside me and wrapped me in his arms.
“Maea, what is it?”
I sobbed and pointed to Jon. “He’s gone,” I choked out.
He left me to check Jon’s pulse, and his expression spoke volumes. I stared at Jon’s blank face slackened in death and then to Johai. He returned to me and helped me to my feet. He took me out of the room and out into the foyer. I clung to his doublet and cried while he rubbed my shoulder and gently pulled me away.
The tears kept coming, and I gasped for breath as I sobbed. This was not fair. He had saved me; why him? Why now, when I am so near the end? Johai brushed the tears from my eyes, and I looked up at him for the first time in a very long time. I thought of Jon’s request and what I knew I must do very soon. Though I knew I should not, I leaned forward, and I pressed my lips to Johai’s. I wanted to feel alive just for a moment.
It was not the ideal setting for a kiss, but in the light of everything that had happened, it was going to have to suit. I wrapped my hands around his neck and tangled my hands in his unbound hair. He placed his hand at the small of my waist and then his other hand at the nape of my neck. I thought he would push me away, but he did not.
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