“You’ve returned.” My mother’s mellow cadence rolled over me. I turned to face her.
She did not disguise her features now. She had her hood pulled back; her rippling black hair fell down to the small of her back.
“Do you not summon me here in my dreams?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. You choose when to come to me.”
I frowned. That couldn’t be possible. I did not choose these cryptic dreams, did I?
My mother approached me and brushed my cheek. She wiped away the tears that I did not know were there. “Why do you cry, daughter of my blood?”
I brushed away the remaining tears. “I’m confused and frightened. The oracle, my grandmother, has been murdered. And I do not have the knowledge I need to stop the specter.”
“You have what is needed to stop him. Your grandmother knew her time had come, and she taught you what she could.”
“What do you mean? There’s so much I need to learn. I cannot control one tenth of my abilities.”
“What you need is already within your grasp.”
“Then tell me what do I do?”
She frowned. “You must know by now that I cannot tell you that.”
“Why not? People will die. Everything will turn to ash if you do not help me. You told me as much.”
“Because a blade must be tempered before it can cut.”
“Why must you speak in riddles? I am not a blade, I am a woman. I need your help. You left me in life; can you not assist me in death?”
She looked away from me, and I regretted my words. She stood beside an open window that looked out onto the sea. There were no gulls crying out on the wind or ships in the harbor, but the sea rolled in and out just the same.
“Everyone dies, but the death of a diviner ends the cycle. The circle will be broken at last,” my mother said. Her voice was distant and sad.
“I know that. Can you not tell me anything new? How do I open the gateway?”
She shook her head and said no more. I wanted to weep, but there were no more tears left to shed. “Why does he hate us?” I asked instead.
“Because he loves us; love and hate are two sides of one blade.”
“The specter claims to love me. He says that we are destined. I thought he was lying to lull me into a false security. Are you telling me that there is truth to what he says?”
She turned to look at me. Her eyes were dark violet, deep as the water in the basin, and with just as many secrets. “Once the specter was a human, many thousands of years ago, and he loved the first of our kind, and she, him. They were happy for a time until a curse tore them apart. The first diviner sealed him away after he committed an unforgivable act, and in that moment doomed her children to forever attempt to correct her mistakes. That legacy ends with you. You shall end the cycle at last.”
I felt as if she was not telling me the whole story. What was the curse, and what had the specter done to condemn him? Are we guilty of creating this monster? Or was he a monster from the start and the first did not realize? I had learned by now not to press my mother further; it was futile. She only revealed what she would. “Why me?” I whispered.
“Because you loved Johai, because he bound you to him with a spell, and because you did not kill him when you had the chance. The circle has come back to the start, and it is time to end it. You are the one who is destined to finish this once and for all. You have the power. You are being tempered for the moment when all this will end.”
“How do I know when this ends?”
“You’ve known from the start: on the day the moon swallows the sun. Until then, you must stay by his side. Do not let him know what you plot. Love him as you do, and when the time comes, you finish the task.”
“And this task will kill me?”
She did not reply, but I took her silence as an answer. The circle would not end unless the connection was severed. The specter had to be brought beyond the veil to the life after. The only way to bring him there was death, either mine or Johai’s. Johai saved me once, I owed him my life, and I would pay that debt with my own life. It was the only way.
She touched my face, and I looked up at her. “The day draws near. Prepare yourself, daughter of my blood.”
The dream was fading, and I regarded my mother through a thick white mist. “I don’t want to die,” I said.
“All things come to an end, my child. Be strong.”
I awoke to light streaming through the tent fabric. My blankets were tangled about me as if I had spent the night tossing and turning, and no doubt I had. Johai’s blankets were folded up and put to one side. I would not be surprised if he had not slept at all. I tried not to think about my dream as I braided my hair and got ready for the day.
Outside, men moved about, packing things and getting horses ready. I felt a bit lost among the chaos. Where was Johai? What did I do next? How could I convince him to trust me without losing myself in the spell that was the bond between us?
I spotted him across the camp, talking with Aland and a group of men. Among them was Thero. I crossed the yard and dodged children and dogs running about in order to listen in on the conversation. I had hoped Thero would not get involved with the coming war. He was a peaceful man. As I neared the group, I saw Thero was frowning and shaking his head. I was relieved to see it.
Johai stood at Aland’s shoulder, gazing at the other men as they spoke. The conversation was in Biski so I could not understand their words, but I got the gist of their meaning. Aland was recruiting for his war. One man shouted at Aland. He pointed a finger at him and then back towards the collective camp. A few other men shouted their opinions, and then the first man made another comment before storming off.
“What did he say?” someone said in Neaux.
I looked back to the circle to see the Neaux ambassador approaching the circle of men.
“There was a disagreement on the number of men he was willing to contribute to our cause,” Johai said.
The ambassador nodded. “Well, I hope you will still provide the men we agreed upon. Her Majesty would not be happy to hear otherwise.”
No. They had done as I feared. Neaux had joined with the Stone Clan. I had attempted to convince the ambassador not to do it, but it seemed my pleas had fallen on deaf ears. He was desperate and blind to their deceit.
Johai’s gaze flickered in my direction, and a slow smile spread his face. He looked back to Lord Buree and said, “Of that you can have no doubt.”
“Good.” The ambassador bounced on the balls of his feet. “Her Majesty will be pleased.”
Aland said something to Johai, who smiled. Lord Buree looked on with a suspicious glare.
“We will all be glad when the oppression of Danhad is wiped from the land,” Aland said to Lord Buree.
“Yes, spring cannot come soon enough.” He looked over the endless fields of Biski tribes. How many will take up arms against the north? Even a quarter would be enough to destroy Danhad and Neaux.
“Make sure your queen fulfills her end of the bargain,” Aland said.
“I will do what I can.” The ambassador’s shoulders slumped.
What did the ambassador promise in exchange for Biski aid? I wondered. Mayhap if I got close enough to Johai, they would let me know.
Johai met my gaze and smirked.
What’s your game? He must know I want to prevent the war. Why let me know even this much? It did not add up. I wandered away to the cook fire, where one of the tribeswomen gave me some gruel to break my fast with. It had been cooked with animal fat, and it had a salty taste which left me parched. Or perhaps it was my grief that left me feeling run-down.
Johai came over and sat beside me at the cook fire. “They have made the arrangements. The ambassador and two thirds of his men will return to Neaux to deliver the agreement to the queen. The rest will stay here and join us on our northward march.”
I bit my tongue. I wanted to ask him about Danhad but feared revealing what I knew of hi
s plotting.
“We will leave after the oracle’s funeral.” He reached out to touch my hand. Sparks flew when our skin met; even a seemingly innocent touch sent my senses aflame. This must be his spell.
“You are bringing me into a war?” I asked.
He smiled. “War is inevitable, as you know. Aland will have need of your counsel in the days to come.”
Johai had taken possession of me without me realizing. It suited my purposes, but it chafed against my independence. He was being civil thus far, but how much longer before he tried to press me for more. At times Johai seemed to know what I would do before I did. How could he not know that I was trying to deceive him? Why give me a voice and risk me speaking against a war? The specter had watched me through Johai’s eyes, he had seen how I tried to prevent the war, how I had risked everything to stop Adair in Neaux. What is his game?
“Who am I to counsel a king?” I demurred.
He shook his head. “Aland is no king, though he thinks of himself as one. He has been raiding the north for years now, but he wants more. He craves sophistication, and you, born of a line of both the old and new, are the perfect gift.”
That is it, then. He wants me to win Aland’s trust for him. It was good to know that Aland did not trust him explicitly; there may be room to sow doubt between them.
“I know you want revenge for what Adair did to you. He would have taken your head back then. Can you let him go on controlling the kingdom? Do you not think someone else might be better suited to rule?”
Like you? I thought. That was his intention, that much was clear. Though I did not want to see Adair on the throne for a moment more, I did not want innocent lives to be sacrificed to have him taken from his place either.
I twisted the bowl in my hand, pretending to think over all he said. Not that I had a choice in the matter. I had to join them. If Johai wanted me present at their councils, it only made my job that much easier. The more he trusted, the easier it would be in the end. “I will join you if you fight to destroy Adair. If you swear to kill him with your own hands, then I will be glad to help in any way I can.”
“I am glad to hear that.” He smiled, and my stomach flopped.
Goddess protect me, because I do not know if I will be able to finish this task otherwise.
Chapter Eleven
We laid my grandmother to rest three days after the end of the solstice gathering. Many of the Biski had stayed for the ceremony. My grandmother had been well loved among the Biski peoples. Her guidance would be missed. I asked Elenna who would be the next oracle.
“Our people find a way,” she said cryptically.
If only I could do that for them. I felt more at home among the Biski than I had anywhere else. Johai killed my welcome when he killed my grandmother. I can only look forward from here to Keisan and the Sea Chamber. The funeral rites were held at dusk. I learned from Elenna the Biski held that time of day in reverence as a time of great power; that was why many ceremonies were performed when the sun and moon met, as she put it. The portal between the land of the living and the veil beyond to death was thought to be at its thinnest as well. The sun was beyond the grass plains, and the world was awash in orange and gold. My grandmother lay upon a woven reed boat. Her possessions were arranged around her. A pair of kid slippers, her mortar and pestle, and a swatch of fabric with fern leaves embroidered upon it. Before she had become the oracle, she had been the daughter of the Fern Clan.
Three male du-toath stood with her reed boat, keeping it from floating out onto Mother Lake. I stood upon the shore, Elenna at my back. She had been reserved as of late. She had more reason to grieve than me. Our grandmother was dead, but Elenna had known her for much longer than me. I am a stranger here for all their kindnesses to me. It will be easier to leave now that she is gone. It did not make the parting any less bitter. Elenna and I waded into the water together. We were her only remaining kin, and it was our duty to send her back to the Mother.
The water was frigid, and ice-cold fingers lapped at my ankles, then my calves and thighs as we went into the water. A cruel wind was blowing off the surface of the lake, which sent gooseflesh running up and down my arms. I did not move to warm myself. I will face this bravely. When we reached the raft, the du-toath who held her in place stepped back for us. I grabbed one side and Elenna the other. I took a moment to look at my grandmother’s face. She looked peaceful but for the bluish bruising around her throat, which was not entirely disguised by her gown. Ignoring the bruises, she seemed to be asleep.
The elder du-toath, the same who had performed the longest night ceremony with my grandmother, said a prayer. The Biski people repeated the words, and a low keening lament picked up. They wept for my grandmother, pounding the earth and throwing dirt into the air. I kept my gaze down. I will not cry. She wanted me to be strong. I felt Elenna watching me, and for a moment our eyes met. We shared a sad smile. Then the du-toath finished his prayer. I brushed my grandmother’s cold hand. Her skin was soft as old leather. She looked small and fragile lying among her last worldly possessions. Will you visit me in my visions as my mother does? I hope you do; I would be happy to see your face again. Together Elenna and I pushed the raft out onto the lake.
Elenna and I waded back to the shore. My gown clung to my legs, and I struggled out of the water. I stumbled and nearly fell. A hand shot out to catch me before I could smash in the mud upon the shore. I looked up to see Johai smirking at me. I wanted to remove myself from his grasp, but I had to keep up the pretense. I fell into his arms and let him slide his hands down my back. I heard his heart beating, a steady rhythm that was both foreign and comforting. I turned back around as an archer loosed a fiery arrow, which landed upon the raft. It crackled and smoked but did not catch. A second arrow was shot; it missed the raft and guttered out in the lake. A hidden current was starting to pull her away, back into the Mother’s arms. A third arrow was loosed, and this struck and lit. A small flame erupted. It caught upon the bundles of sticks and moss tucked around her body before the entire thing went up in flame. Bright orange light reflected upon the crystalline surface of Mother Lake as my grandmother’s body was taken along to the Mother. I said my own prayer as I watched her body burn. You return to the Mother from whence you came. May your journey lead you back to the first from where our gifts flow.
We broke camp the next day. Those from the Neaux delegation who were coming with the Stone Camp appeared at dawn. They were draped in crimson and gold, carrying the royal banner of Neaux overhead. It flickered in the breeze; the golden horse upon a crimson field danced idly in the winter winds. I saw many familiar faces among them, Beau included. We’d had little enough time to reconnect since we were parted at the river ford. He had not changed. He sat astride, gripping his reins and watching the milling Stone Clansmen, who were herding goats and rolling up tents. Among the other Neaux was Commander Bellhue. It surprised me to see he would be joining the Stone Clan and not Ambassador Buree as he travelled back to Neaux.
We were on our way before the sun was beginning to reflect upon Mother Lake’s surface. I was given a mount to ride. Unlike Thero’s smaller clan, the Stone Clan had many horses, but only those of high importance were given such a privilege as to ride astride. I was flattered but suspected it was Johai’s doing. I avoided him the best I could without seeming to be obvious. I had slept in Johai’s tent every night since my grandmother’s death, and he had been nothing but a gentleman. I remained ever vigilant, regardless. My few possessions were gathered and put upon one of the Stone Clan’s many ox carts. Elenna and I had gone back to my grandmother’s tent and gathered her herbs and the stone basin she had used to scry with. Elenna took many of the herbs and a few other items that I could only guess at their purpose. Everything else, we gave to the du-toath to do with as they wished.
The going was slow, and I found I had much time on my hands as we plodded along the trail. Elenna and Beau were often beside me, the latter never far away. I managed to learn their story
of the river ford as we rode.
“I summoned the rapids,” Elenna confessed. “I did not realize you had gotten so close to the shore. I thought to wash away the bandits, but the power of the river was greater than I thought. I’ve never summoned a power that wild, and I lost control. Before I could stop it, you were washed away. Commander Bellhue thought you were dead. I insisted we search for you; we spent two days looking before Ambassador Buree ordered we break camp and head east to find a safer crossing. I knew we would find you at Mother Lake, so Beau and I decided to stay with the ambassador’s delegation. You were more likely to find us in a group,” Elenna explained. Her confidence was to be admired. I was not sure I would survive for a moment there. I wondered who it was that had pulled me from the river. It was a mystery that I had yet to solve.
We rode towards the back of the caravan and spoke in Danhadine. The Biski who walked and rode near us did not seem to know my maiden tongue. I glanced around to make sure Johai was nowhere near. I kept my voice low just in case. “I have been sleeping in Johai’s tent, but I fear he will not be satisfied with sleeping for much longer.”
Beau’s grip tightened on his reins, but other than that he made no other indication that he listened to our conversation. Elenna swayed in the saddle and looked up the column, where Johai rode beside Aland and a few of his chosen men. Johai was never far from the would-be king. They met most evenings in the clan leader’s tent and spent the days speaking in low tones together. What are they plotting? I wondered.
Elenna’s reply was unexpected. “The specter desires you, that much is plain. Perhaps it would not hurt to give him what he wants?”
I flushed from embarrassment and looked at the pommel of my saddle. My thoughts had taken similar paths on more than one occasion. I desire him, and that is the problem. He is a monster wearing the face of the man I love. If I give myself to him, will that be enough to convince him I am true? The very thought turned my stomach in knots.
“I do not think that would be wise,” Beau said. It was the first thing he had said in hours.
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