by Nia Arthurs
I sputtered, blew my nose and coughed a bit to distract her, but Melody was undeterred. Abandoning my diversion tactics, I put the blame on her,
“Aren’t you the one that’s always going on about how attraction doesn’t make a marriage and you have to have a foundation based on commitment and faithfulness?”
“I’m also the one that told you when you love someone, you can overcome anything. Plus, Archie told me you’re reading up about the Kingdom of God. That’s great.”
“Yeah, well, God and I made a deal so I’m simply keeping up my end of it.”
“What have you learned so far?” Melody questioned, tucking her sandaled feet beneath her.
“At first, no offense, but the whole Kingdom angle made you guys sound like a cult.”
“Ha, I understand. Do you still think that?”
“No,” I admitted, “It’s not a cult. It actually has all the basics of Christianity… but it’s a little less religious.”
“That’s a nice way to put it.” Melody encouraged.
“I’m almost through the book. Sometimes I feel like I’m reading a fairytale. Except I’m supposed to be the princess. It’s kind of hard to believe at times.”
“That’s okay,” Melody said, “I’m happy to hear that you’re open. That’s all I need to know.”
“There’s one part that I don’t understand though. If God is so powerful, why does He need humans to do stuff? Why can’t he just breathe things into existence like He did in the beginning?”
Melody dipped her head, “You read that God gave Adam and Eve dominion, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Okay, let me put it this way… One day I decide to buy you a smart phone. I pay for it and I put it in your name. It’s your phone.”
“Mm-hm,” I followed along.
“Now a week later, I see that the phone is scratched and you keep dropping it and you’re basically wasting my $500 present. Do I have the right to snatch the phone away from you?”
“No, it’s mine. You gave it to me. You can’t just take it back.” I argued for no reason.
“Exactly,” Melody nodded.
“Wait, before you blow my mind with the point of this little fable, is this a hint of what I’m getting for Christmas?”
Melody honked out a laugh, “You wish.”
I frowned.
She shook her head as she continued, “It’s the same concept with the King. When God said ‘let them have dominion’ He transferred authority from Himself to us. He’s the Creator and He can still meddle if He feels the need. But His word is final because His holiness does not allow him to violate any covenant that He’s made. Even though we make a mess of the earth and we hate on each other and we lie, cheat, and steal, He gave us the management over this planet. He won’t come and snatch it away.”
I sat thoughtfully, “Thanks Mel.”
“No problem. By the way, do you have any ice cream? I’ve been craving some Ben & Jerry’s.”
Rolling my eyes, I got up and trekked to the fridge, “No wonder you’re so fat!” I yelled.
“Hey!” She protested and I ducked when a cushion came flying at my head. “You’ll pay for that!” I snickered as I scooped up the ice cream.
“Thanks,” Melody accepted the peace offering. She sniffed it suspiciously. “Did you blow your nose in this?”
“No!” I exclaimed, and then more softly admitted, “I might have coughed over it though.”
She contemplated the risk for less than a second before shrugging and dipping her spoon into the frozen treat, moaning in delight. I had some strange friends, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Thanks to Archie’s patient care and the fact that I stayed home for the entire weekend, I was back on my feet and ready to go on Monday morning. Though I enjoyed my days off, I preferred being able to breathe without wheezing a lot more. Even Mrs. Peter’s haughty voice and stern face was like a Picasso painting in the throes of a gorgeous museum. My initial reaction to seeing her was to give her a hug. Thankfully, I repressed that most embarrassing decision. After class, I stepped up to Persia’s desk,
“Hey, I’m sorry about being missing for the past few days. We can catch things up tomorrow.”
“Whatever,” She said, slinging her purse over her shoulder.
I followed her, getting kind of annoyed. She was the one blackmailing me, why was I getting attitude?
“Will you be there or not?” I asked, trying not to let my irritation show.
She stepped into my face, “What do you care, white girl?”
White girl? I gritted my teeth.
Going against my instincts, I kept after her, “Hey, what’s your problem, Persia. I haven’t done anything to you.”
“Stay out of my way.”
I stepped to the side and watched her stalk off.
That was strange. Persia was a pain in the butt to be around but she was not usually so hostile.
“She’s going through a tough time right now.” I turned to find Persia’s friend, Monica, staring gloomily at the Indian girl’s retreating back.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Monica searched my eyes for sincerity before she admitted, “Persia’s here on a scholarship.”
My eyes bugged in surprise. I’d had no idea.
“If she doesn’t get a better grade in this course for the mid-terms she won’t be eligible for the award anymore and she’ll have to drop out of school. She just found out today.” Monica explained.
“That’s terrible.” I said sadly.
“Yeah,” Monica agreed and then walked away from me.
Persia was on a scholarship? She certainly didn’t dress like someone on a scholarship.
And how exactly are people on financial aid supposed to dress, Susan? Like beggars?
Ouch. The chastisement stung. Now I felt like a total donkey-butt.
I ran through a gamut of emotions later that day at Mia’s Boutique. As it was the store’s unofficial slow day, Mia and I were clearing up the back room and sorting through the inventory. Correction. I was sorting through the inventory. My boss held a long white book before her and was sketching on a scarred wooden table, near my workstation. As I tossed, folded, and paced, I ranted to Mia.
“There’s this girl in my class and she blackmailed me.”
“She blackmailed you?” Mia repeated in surprise, glancing up from her sketch to face me, “with what?”
“That’s not the point,” I paced. She shrugged and continued to sketch. I raged on. “The point is Persia’s a self-absorbed, really bad, blackmaily person and I should not feel sorry for her.”
“That’s right.” Mia nodded as her design took a more detailed form.
“But,” I paced again, “She’s a person, you know? A human being. And she could lose her scholarship if she doesn’t make up her grade in Peters’ class. I’m not pulling any A pluses out of my hat, but I’m doing okay. At least I’m not failing.”
“It sounds like you want to help her,” Mia muttered as she shaded the lines on the dress.
“I don’t.” I quickly corrected, “I want to watch her crash and burn. I want her to get everything that’s coming to her.”
“Well then do that.” Mia waved her hand in the air.
“But what kind of person would I be if I let her fail when I know I can help her?”
“Susan!” Mia said, staring directly into my eyes, “For the love of stilettos, let the girl know that you’re there for her. If she shows up to your tutoring session then you help her out. If she doesn’t well, then you know you tried.”
“Right. Okay,” I nodded, feeling a bit calmer now that I had a plan.
“Could you do me a favor and keep on pacing though. I’m inspired by your energy.”
Chuckling lightly, I replied, “Sure,” and deliberately walked the room. My thoughts automatically turned to Archie and the way he’d so sweetly been there for me when I was si
ck. It was getting harder and harder for me to control whatever chemicals were moving about in my brain whenever he stood beside me. Or looked at me with those amazing silver eyes. Or kissed me like I was some kind of cold drink on a hot Belizean day. My cheeks heated with the thought of it and I turned to the designer sketching away on the old wooden table,
“Mia,”
“Yes?” The designer said slowly as she grabbed a few coloring pencils and shaded in her drawing.
“You and Peyton were friends before you became a couple, right?”
Mia laughed, “We were sort of friends yes. At first, we were reluctant acquaintances.”
“Hm,” I mused and slowed my march.
“Why are you asking?” Mia glanced at me. “And keep pacing.”
I regained my stride and admitted, “I was just wondering… if it’s worth it to explore the feelings between two people. Especially if they’re good friends. Because there’s so much to lose if things don’t work out.”
“Are you speaking of something specifically or is this just a hypothetical question?”
“Oh it’s hypothetical. So hypothetical. I don’t trust most men right now and I’m not ready for a relationship any time soon.”
“Well since it’s simply a hypothetical question, I guess there’s no specific answer. It depends on the two friends and the situation. When the guys decided to stay in Belize, I was not ready for a relationship with Peyton. I had really messed up issues with race and love and I held Peyton at arm’s length because there was no way I was dating a white guy.”
“Yet you ended up marrying one.”
“Yeah,” she smiled and the glow on her face was stunning, “I did. But I didn’t choose Peyton because he was white or because he was successful or because he made me feel a kind of way. I chose Peyton because one day I woke up and I realized that I’d found someone that I was willing to submit to. And I felt safe in that because I knew that he’d love me the right way, putting my needs, my rights, and my welfare ahead of his own. He’s not perfect by any means,” She laughed and shook her head, “but then neither am I. What we have now was worth the risk.”
“That’s awesome,” I wiped a renegade tear.
“And Susan,”
“Yeah?”
“If hypothetically you have feelings for a friend, ask yourself if you’re truly ready to head down that road. Contrary to what a lot of people in this world think, telling someone that you like them doesn’t serve much of a purpose if you don’t know what you want to accomplish. A lot of guys will just take advantage of your feelings to get under your skirt.”
I winced at the crude picture but she powered on, “If hypothetically, we’re talking about Archie then I’d still think long and hard about what response you want before you tell him how you feel. Because he might be seeing a more long-term deal. And if all you’re after is an experiment or hookup, well, things don’t always wrap up as smoothly in real life as they do in the movies.”
“I wasn’t talking about Archie.” I protested.
“I wasn’t either,” She pointed out, “I said hypothetically.”
I nodded once and headed toward the front of the store. For happily married people, both Melody and Mia gave totally unromantic advice. Every rom-com in the world dictated that you tell the guy how you felt. This wasn’t the 1950’s anymore. Women expressed their interest as aggressively as men nowadays.
Exactly! Who cares if the rate of divorce has gone up drastically in the last five years? Let’s keep on doing exactly what we’ve been doing.
Where was that stupid voice in my head coming from?
Feeling annoyed with myself and with Mia, for some reason, I grabbed a broom and started sweeping. As I swept, my thoughts colluded into a sandstorm like dust under the microscope of the sun. I was not ready for another relationship. And I was only taking baby steps into the Kingdom of God. I needed to finish school. I needed to figure out if I’d enroll in a Masters program or try to open a practice in the Caribbean. I had no time for commitments. I barely had time for myself. My mind made up, I determined to do all that I could to protect my heart and to protect Archie’s. Nothing good would come of encouraging the feelings between us.
And if the attraction remained, I had no other choice but to cut him out of my life. Archie was too good of a person to unburden all my garbage, insecurities, and uncertainties upon. He deserved a woman that was grounded in his faith, secure in the path that she wanted to take in life, and a little more open with her feelings. No matter what I felt or the thoughts that crossed my mind when I was around him, I knew that Archie’s perfect girl was worth fighting for.
That perfect girl was not me.
For the next week, I did not reach out to Archie and he in turn did not stop by unannounced for any more guitar lessons or movie nights. In fact, the guitar that he gave me sat forlornly in the corner of my living room. Though I knew this distance was for the best, it was the hardest thing to maneuver around him and the gang after church on Sunday. His silver eyes sought me out and held me captive whenever our gazes locked. I usually looked away first and ensured that I was never in any situations where he could get me alone to talk. I had nothing to say to Archie that would make sense, no matter how often I formulated the facts in my mind.
Fact 1: Archie was a nice guy.
Fact 2: Archie was a good friend to me
Fact 3: I had feelings for Archie that could simply be hormones. They could also be more
Fact 4: I was not ready to jump into another relationship so soon after Brian
Fortunately, Archie noticed my aversion and kept his distance. It pained me to treat him in that manner. He was my friend and very much like a brother… if it was possible to actually be attracted to a brother. I faced a new week, and a length of new weeks Archie-less. Though the lost attachment brought me no pleasure, I knew it was the right thing to do.
Archie was not the only person in my life that had made themselves scarce. Since the day that she’d walked away from me, Persia had not returned to Mrs. Peters’ class. She missed key information and a huge test. College students missed class all the time, though Peters’ did her best to ensure that they’d regret it. Still, I’d expected Persia to attend classes with even more purpose now that she had so much to lose. Her absences bothered me so that I thought about it when I went to sleep at night and when I woke up in the morning.
Finally on Wednesday morning, I cornered Monica. The chubby, young girl crossed her arms protectively over her chest. She shifted from one foot to the other as though she were eager to get away from me. Her reaction was so unnecessary and suspicious I could not help but become a bit irritated. I chose to ignore her theatrics and got to the point.
“Do you know why Persia’s been missing for the past week?”
Monica danced from side to side some more before answering, “Nope.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, “Do you know if she’s coming back?”
Again her eyes darted all around the room without resting on me, “Nope.” She said.
“No, she’s not coming back or no you don’t know?”
She mulled that question over.
“No… to both?”
I groaned, “Do you at least have her address?”
Monica nodded.
Finally! At last the chick was good for something.
She rattled off the address to me and then scooted away.
Without her more outgoing and obnoxious partner, Monica’s behavior was painfully awkward. I wondered if she knew who she was without Persia.
“Thanks!” I called after her retreating back.
The next day, I sat on the bus behind Juney and listened to him rant about the latest uncovered political scandal and how much the party in power reminded him of Deborah.
“She used to always go to work dressed up and looking fine. I knew that she was cheating on me with someone at work.”
I grinned, “But what does that have to do with the fact that your go
vernment sold the jaguar preservation to an oil company?”
“Wait, man. I was getting to the point. Deborah does always do that and I neva know exactly what she mi di do, but I mi know she mi di do something. Da jus like govament. I noh know exactly weh deh di do, but they always di do something.”
“That’s very wise of you, Juney.” I placated him. Glancing out the window, I noted that we were almost to the bus stop near the university. “Hey Juney,” I called, “Do you know what bus I should catch to get to this address?” I read the street and block from my phone.
“Oh,” Juney whistled, “you plan on visiting that side of town by yourself, Miss Susan?”
“Yes. Why, is there a problem with that?”
He turned the bus onto the side of the road, parked, and turned to look at me, “It’s not the best place to go alone if you’re a single lady. Maybe take someone with you. You catch the Landivar bus and then stop off when you see the Manny’s Furniture Store sign.”
“Thank you, Juney.” I stepped toward him, placing the obligatory dollar in his palm. “I really appreciate it.”
He waved away my gratitude and closed the bus doors behind me.
As I went through the motions of my day, that address stuck in the back of my mind. I decided not to share this piece of information with Melody or Mia. If I ventured out there, I did not need their overprotective behinds on my case. Plus, their protection would probably be useless in this kind of a situation. My thoughts traced back to Archie as they usually did. An idea swept into my mind that would allow us to spend time together but with a mission, so that renegade thoughts would be kept at bay. I missed my friend. Maybe this was the opportunity that I’d been waiting for. If I could prove to myself that Archie and I could simply be the basest of acquaintances maybe our friendship could be rekindled.
Or maybe, the feelings would never go away.
Whatever the case, it was with boundless glee that I dialed Archie’s number that evening. He picked up on the third ring.
“Hey,” he greeted as though we hadn’t been avoiding each other for the past two and a half weeks.
