She needed her life back.
“Is there anything I can do to help? Phone calls or computer research,” she clarified.
“Going crazy, are you?”
“Why is it we always want what we don’t have, and then, the moment we have what we thought we wanted, we don’t want it anymore?”
Sheriff Owens’s lips quivered with a small smile. He drained his coffee, then stood. “Day after tomorrow, report for the morning shift.”
“Great.” She stood. “Thank you.”
“We’ll see if you’re still thankful after you sit a desk for the first day back.”
Kendall sighed.
“By the way,” Sheriff Owens stopped on the front porch. “Rhonda came to me this morning about a phone call she fielded yesterday. Someone from your old precinct, an Officer Palmer.”
“Oh?”
“You know how news about an officer-involved shooting gets press. Apparently, this Palmer thought we should know that, at the time you left Billings, he suspected you were involved in a missing person case he was working.”
Kendall’s lips trembled with the effort to stay silent.
“He should be glad I didn’t answer the phone. I’d have given him an earful. Just because he’s with a big city department is no reason to assume I don’t know how to do my job. Does he really think I’d hire you without checking into your service record? And that doesn’t even begin to touch on the fact that I’ve known you long enough to not have any reservations about your character.”
“Thank you, your faith means a great deal to me.”
“I’m not the only one who has faith in your ability.” Sheriff Owens stepped off the porch but then turned back to look at her. “We’re sworn to serve and protect, Kendall. You and I both know that some situations call for us to step over that invisible line between the letter of the law and what’s best for all involved. I’d back up a judgment call you make any day of the week.” With a nod of his head he turned and went to his car.
Kendall stood on the porch for a long time, trying to decide what to do, whether or not to call Audra. In the end she decided this was a conversation that would be best held in person. And that, she decided with a sudden defiance, was exactly what she would do. She’d had enough of people telling her what they thought was best for her. She understood the wisdom of being cautious, but it was her job to be a visible presence within the community. How could the people of this town rely on her for their safety and protection if she cowered like a frightened young girl? As she walked down the porch steps, she ran through several arguments to convince Logan.
“Hey.”
Kendall skidded to a stop, then huffed out a breath when she found Carter watching her.
“Hey.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yes, you just startled me.” She forced herself to relax. It wasn’t his fault that she felt irritable. Besides, she was charmed a little by the fact that he removed his hat and smoothed down his hair. “No,” she corrected, feeling she owed him the truth. “I’m sick of staying here, Carter. I need to go home. To my home,” she corrected and then smiled. “I appreciate the hospitality and hope to find a way to pay you back.”
“That’s not necessary.” He gestured toward the tangle of weeds in the flower bed next to the porch. “But if you’re serious, I could use a hand getting rid of these. My mom always claimed that jerking out weeds could soothe away bad temper and hurt feelings, but for me it’s just another chore.”
“I guess we all use whatever works best for us. Audra says working with her pottery usually soothes out her feelings when she’s upset or hurt.”
“Somebody hurt her feelings?”
Surprised by his question, Kendall hesitated. It wasn’t usual for Carter to ask personal questions. Had she been so caught up in her own affairs that she’d missed something developing between her best friend and her lover’s brother?
“You could say that,” she cautiously admitted. Now that the thought had struck, she admitted she liked the idea of Audra and Carter together. They would be good for each other.
“Damn shame.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well.” He settled his hat back on his head. “I’ve got stalls to muck out.”
“Have you seen Logan?”
“He left ’bout an hour ago, said he had an errand to run.”
Kendall rubbed a hand over her stomach, vaguely hurt that Logan hadn’t taken the time to tell her about his plans. Not to mention that now she’d have to wait to talk him into driving her home. She glanced over at the weeds, sighed. She wasn’t upset or had hurt feelings, but it was something to do.
Carter started walking away, then stopped and looked back at Kendall. “You planning to make an honest man of my brother?”
She managed, barely, to keep her mouth from falling open. Nothing could stop the sudden leap of her heart at the thought of doing just as Carter suggested. “You think he’ll stay here long enough for me to do that?”
“I do.”
Her heart took another leap at Carter’s affirmation. He was a man of few words, so when he spoke, you could usually count on them bearing the truth. “Then I’ll think about it.”
And of course, she found herself doing just that as she did the weeding and then went upstairs to Logan’s bedroom so she could clean up and change clothes. She wished she could be the kind of woman who indulged in and enjoyed a casual affair, confident of her ability to survive and go on once it ended. But in her heart, she knew she would never again love anyone the way she loved Logan.
When the door to Logan’s bedroom swung open, she turned, expecting to find him.
“Mamma.”
Marissa ran into the room, straight for her. Sudden tears flooded her eyes as Kendall dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around the sweet fullness of her baby. The thought of how close she’d come to never again having this luxury forcefully struck home.
Kendall looked over to find Logan leaning against the doorjamb. Her heart thudded in her chest. He’d brought their daughter here for her. For half a heartbeat, she questioned if he’d done so to force her to keep her promise to tell Marissa that Logan was her father. Then, Kendall shook away the thought, knowing, believing Logan had brought Marissa here simply so the three of them could be together.
It had been her decision, one she still stood by, but the reality of what they had to tell Marissa meant everything would change. No longer would Kendall be her daughter’s, their daughter’s, only source of love and support and caring. No longer would Kendall be the sole recipient of Marissa’s love and adoration. No longer would Marissa be alone if something happened to her. Logan would give her things that were beyond Kendall’s capacity to provide, things that only a father could give his daughter.
She made one small nod of acknowledgement at Logan before she buried her face in her daughter’s curls. “I can’t believe you’re here. I was just missing you so much. Let me look at you.” She held Marissa at arm’s length, then immediately drew her back for another hug. It did her heart little good to realize Marissa squirmed a little. “You’ve grown.” Another round of tears spilled down her cheeks. “Two days and look how much you’ve grown.”
“Mamma.” Marissa wiggled in Kendall’s grasp until she managed to get loose. She put her hands on either side of her mother’s face. “Why you crying? Do you hurt?”
“No.” She forced a bright smile. “I’m just so happy to see you.”
“You told me you were working. How come you’re here?”
“Oh, well, I did work. But then, uh, well, I didn’t feel so good, so Logan said I could stay here with him.”
“Did he make you stay in bed until you felt better?”
Logan’s low laugh and Marissa’s innocent question had Kendall�
�s cheeks warming with memory of the hours she’d spent in his bed in this very room. “Yes, he did.”
“Did he read you stories?”
“No.” She glanced up at Logan, and the look they shared speared deep into Kendall’s soul. There was no point in delaying or avoiding the inevitable. “But I have a story to tell you.”
“Now?” Marissa’s bottom lip pouted. “I don’t want to go to bed.” She glanced over her shoulder at Logan. “You said I could see the horses.”
“No bed, I promise,” Kendall said.
“Story first. And then I can go see the horses.” Trusting her mother’s promise, she shifted to sit in Kendall’s lap.
“Can I stay and listen?” Logan asked.
“You have to be quiet and not ask questions,” Marissa instructed.
Logan smiled, and Kendall laughed slightly. How many nights had Marissa tried to stretch out story time by asking a hundred questions?
“That’s the rule,” she said and stroked a hand down Marissa’s hair while Logan crossed the room and sat. Their knees brushed, and she couldn’t hold back the small jump of nerves. Before she could retreat further, he reached out and linked their hands. “Well.” She cleared the throat that felt clogged with worry and longing.
“Once upon a time,” Marissa prompted.
“It’s not that kind of story, baby,” Kendall said, wondering how much longer her four-year-old daughter would be interested in listening to fairy tales. “Do you remember I told you that Logan and I used to be friends?”
“And then he went away, and when he came back, at first, you yelled at each other.” Marissa shot Logan a look. “He was mean, but now he’s nice.”
“You just like me because I have the horses.” Logan leaned over and drilled a tickling finger into Marissa’s stomach, inciting a series of giggles. Her eyes sparkled as bright as her laughter when she caught her breath.
“Logan wasn’t mean, he was mad,” Kendall continued.
“Why?”
“Because he found out that I hadn’t told him something important.”
Marissa’s eyes went wide. “You told a lie?”
Kendall started to argue, to voice rationalizations and excuses, but really they didn’t matter. “Yes, I did. By not telling Logan the truth, I told him a lie.” She looked over at him, squeezed the fingers wrapped around hers. “I’m sorry.” He nodded acceptance of her apology.
“I guess I should also tell you that I’m sorry.”
“You lied to me?” Marissa asked, plainly astonished by this news.
“Yes, because I also didn’t tell you the truth either.”
“About what?”
Kendall’s heart pounded so hard she wondered that it didn’t reverberate like a drum in the room. She stared into her daughter’s hazel eyes, saw the trust that she hoped she wasn’t about to destroy. “I never told you that Logan is your father.”
“He’s my daddy?” Marissa looked to Logan. Her little hand snuck in Kendall’s free one. Mimicking the method Kendall had always used to soothe a fretful infant, Marissa rubbed her tiny thumb up and down her mother’s index finger. She watched her movements a little bit before she lifted her chin to look at Logan. “Do you want to be my daddy?” she asked him, her bottom lip trembling.
“Yes, I do,” Logan answered.
“But you don’t live with us. Is it because I all the time want to see the horses?”
“No, sweetheart, that’s not why.”
“Remember,” Kendall broke in. “I told you that Logan was a solider?” Marissa nodded. “Well, because he was so far away, I didn’t tell him about you.”
“But now he’s here.”
It was as good an explanation as any. “Yes.”
“Does that mean he’s going to marry us, and we’ll live together?”
“Oh.” Surprised by the question, by the hope shinning on her daughter’s innocent face, it took Kendall a moment to clear her throat of an emotion she refused to identify. It didn’t help any to realize Logan’s fingers had gone lax around hers, making it easy for her to slip free. “No, baby. Logan’s not going to marry us.”
“But that’s the way it is in the books you read me. The mommy and daddy and the little girl live together in the same house, happy ever after.” Marissa scooted off Kendall’s lap to stand between them, her small hands closing into tight fists. She looked at Logan, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Don’t you want to live with us? I’ll be good, I promise. You don’t even have to show me the horses.”
“Marissa, I told you Logan doesn’t live here.”
“He will if you tell him.”
“That’s not the way it works,” Kendall insisted, feeling her heart crack when a single tear rolled down Marissa’s cheek.
“Why not?”
“That’s a very good question,” Logan stated.
Kendall’s mouth closed around another protest as she looked over in shock and surprise at Logan. Had he really just said what she thought she heard? Had he really suggested that she ask him to stay?
He looked at Marissa. “Would you like for us to live together?”
Marissa nodded. “Then we could be like Brittany and her mommy and daddy. Only Mamma can’t be sick.”
His lips twitched. “I agree, Mamma can’t be sick. Anything else?”
“I can ride the horses whenever I want.”
“No.”
Marissa pouted a second before she shot a glance at her mother. “Can I have a kitty?”
“Ahh.” Her head spinning, she looked at Logan.
“Your mom and I will discuss it,” he said.
“Okay.”
Kendall watched the two of them negotiate a couple of other points, marveled at how easily Marissa accepted the news of Logan being her father.
“What do you say, Kendall? Will you marry me?” Logan asked, snagging her attention.
Kendall stared at him, saw something she couldn’t quite identify in his gaze. “You can’t be serious.”
“Why not?”
Maybe it wasn’t a romantic proposal. Maybe he’d only asked because Marissa had suggested they marry and become a family. Did the reasons why he’d asked really matter? He’d given her a beautiful child and a shared intimacy few women were blessed to experience. Should she, as she so often claimed, do whatever was within her power to make her daughter’s life stable and happy? There was little doubt that marriage to Logan would make Marissa’s life easier as she grew older. No longer would she bear the stigma of not bearing her father’s name. But at what cost would her daughter’s future impact Kendall’s own heart?
“Now you say yes, Mama.”
“That’s right, say yes, Kendall. Marry me so we can be a family.”
Dazed, staring at Logan holding their daughter on his lap, she—and her heart—didn’t stand a chance.
“IT’S A BEAUTIFUL spot.”
Kendall looked over at the wistful tone in Audra’s voice. Had it really only been two hours earlier that she’d accepted Logan’s impromptu proposal? A few yards away, Logan and Carter walked off distance and pounded in stakes. For a home. One she and Marissa—who followed the men’s every move, constantly talking and asking questions—would share with Logan. The same spot where Logan had suggested they hold their wedding. That rare and unexpected romantic side of him had guaranteed her agreement.
“Logan and I made love here.”
It was unusual for Audra to be physical, but she reached out and wrapped her arms around Kendall’s shoulders in a warm hug. “He’s a good man. I like him.”
“I love him, Audra.”
“I know.”
“I told myself that I’m doing this for Marissa, so she has his name.” Her gaze tracked the man and child she lo
ved. She watched as Logan knelt down to help Marissa pick wildflowers. “But the truth is, I’m doing this for me, because it’s what I want. He’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“That you would say so, and mean it, speaks volumes.”
“I know that not every man is like him.” Even now, Audra wouldn’t speak his name.
Kendall turned to her friend. “He called the station yesterday.”
Audra didn’t pale or turn away as Kendall revealed what little she knew about the call Sheriff Owens had told her about. At the end of the recitation, Audra looked off into space. “He won’t stop looking for me.”
“No,” Kendall agreed. “I don’t believe he will.”
“I won’t run again.” Audra’s hands balled into fists. “I won’t let him bully me again, and I won’t let everything you’ve done for me be for nothing.” She shook her head when Kendall started to speak. “And I’m not going to spoil this moment.” Audra gestured toward the top of the incline with a smile, just a slight curve on her lips, but there was a determined edge to it that Kendall had never seen before.
“Just look at the three of them. How can anyone stand here and be anything less than happy or optimistic about the future?”
Kendall followed Audra’s gaze to where Logan, Carter, and Marissa stood. It amused Kendall to see her little girl standing with her feet braced apart and hands on her hips in a pose to mirror that of her father and uncle.
As if he’d felt her looking at him, Logan turned to stare at her. From across the field she saw the dark intensity of his gaze, felt the warmth bloom in her middle. Standing here on the land he planned for them to share, with the breeze fingering the growing length of his hair, and the joy of knowing he wouldn’t be leaving and returning to the military, she didn’t doubt her decision.
Cowboy On Her Doorstep (Montgomery Brothers Book 1) Page 15
