As his expression darkened, he sat up, and shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down, especially after how awesome the sex was.” After releasing a deep sigh, he shook his head again. His profile was resigned, his shoulders slack, his head hung, his lips pulled into a grim line. He looked, well, like a condemned prisoner.
Sitting up, she scuttled closer to him, not caring about how the flab around her midsection would flatten into a sizeable roll. Her only concern was comforting him. Wrapping her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders, she embraced him firmly.
“You’re not ruining anything,” she assured.
As one hand reached up to grip her arm, he tilted his head toward her, and she kissed his temple. “Thank you, Saffron. I’m sorry to get so overemotional. Especially after our talk yesterday. I have been pitying myself, too much, and I’m doing it again.”
“Hey, stop beating yourself up. Yeah, we talked about it, but you can’t make all you’ve carried go away instantly.” Boy, didn’t she know it.
They remained as they were for several moments, she wrapped around him, as he stroked her arm. It was late morning, and there was much to do today still, but she made no move to part from him. For just a few moments longer, she’d remain where she was, doing the only thing she wanted to do, comfort Rory. He’d provided her with so much solace, she couldn’t resist the opportunity to return it, and, while she knew they couldn’t, she wished they could remain like this all day.
Chapter 32
After scooting Rory out the door and back to work, Saffron went about her usual routine. Her chest felt heavy with his continued emotional battle, yet there was still a gigantic smile plastered on her face. Rory certainly didn’t have any problems in the bedroom. She’d never orgasmed as she had with him. It was more than how well he could read her body. He was kind, loving, and seemed to genuinely adore her figure. She’d never experienced anything like it before. Doug had truly destroyed any confidence she had in her looks. Since him, all she could see, every time she examined herself in the mirror—an act she seemed powerless to avoid performing—was a fat, ugly woman. He’d never called her ugly, not directly, of course, but he’d sure made her feel ugly. All his comments about her weight made the twenty or so extra pounds she carried feel like two hundred. Not all her sexual partners had been as nasty as Doug, but they’d never complimented her the way Rory did. He made her feel special. He didn’t just tell her she was beautiful, he made her feel beautiful, and it had been a long time since she had. She stood before the bathroom mirror now, examining her face. She looked like she always did, lily-white with light freckles sprinkled across her nose and cheeks, small but full lips, kind of like a cartoon character, with her hair hanging limply. Frizzed with the sun and wind damage it saw, it still hung limply. It was drab, like her. But that drabness was gone from her face. There was a glow to it now, her usually dull skin seemingly invigorated, looking smoother, younger. Could great sex account for it? Happiness?
She washed the breakfast dishes, took meat out of the freezer to thaw for dinner, peeled and sliced potatoes, and then placed them in water. After making a salad and putting it in the fridge, she’d completed as many dinner preparations as she could. It would save time, considering she’d lost a few hours today, but what an amazing way to lose them! She swore she could still feel Rory’s hands and lips on her, his body pressed to hers, as he was buried inside her. When she closed her eyes, she smelled the faint muskiness of sweat on his perfect skin. How had he ended up in her bed? A few weeks ago she’d been terrified of him, now he was her lover. His being an ex-con didn’t phase her in the least, and now she wondered why it had at first. Recalling their interview, she’d balked at his mention of his criminal record. It had scared her, and she hadn’t wanted him on her ranch, certain he’d do something wrong. Up to that point, however, she’d been intent on hiring him, impressed with his knowledge, and liking his demeanour. He was informative, skilled, polite, and she’d seen nothing but honesty in his eyes. Tansy had been right. She was an awful person for not giving him a chance right away.
Finished putting the clean dishes away, she still mulled over her actions during the interview, how quickly she’d changed her mind about hiring Rory, just how fast she’d condemned him. She’d heard the mention of his manslaughter conviction, and had instantly determined he was dangerous and untrustworthy. Had she asked, he probably would’ve related the whole story then, and she would’ve known the truth about him. Instead, she’d viewed him as a threat, and couldn’t wait to get him out of her house, off her ranch, and out of her life. It did little good to dwell on how intolerant she’d been, how unreasonable, but she couldn’t shake the thought she’d been no better than the people who’d made his life a living hell since his release. Those who’d treated him poorly, denied him a chance to prove himself, and shunned him.
Joining Rory in the pen, she grabbed a rake and, shoulder-to-shoulder, worked with him to separate the wet shavings from dry. Ordinarily, this job would have been done by him in the morning, but she’d kept him busy, a thought that caused an inward grin as she raked.
“You shouldn’t be doing this,” he said.
“It’s my ranch,” she countered, with a shrug.
“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t be mucking pens.”
When she straightened up, he did as well. Sweating, he was an enticing sight in his white T-shirt, even with the spreading stains under his arms. The wet streak that ran down the front of his shirt grabbed her attention, drawing her eyes down, over his belly, to where his jeans snugly held his bits. When he snickered, she met his eyes, squinted with the smile that adorned his lips.
“Got your mind on something other than work, sweetheart?”
Dropping the rake, she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him toward her waiting lips. As his arms encircled her, she heard his rake hit the ground. She kissed him feverishly, out of control. He took over, his hands gently stroking her back, his lips moving slowly, calming her, drawing her into his sensual rhythm. After long minutes, he broke their kiss, his arms still firmly around her.
“Wow. Yeah, you really do have your mind on something other than work.” When she chuckled, so did he. “I can’t wait to be with you again, but I gotta finish work first.”
She nodded. The animals depended on them getting the pens cleaned and prepared for night. Plus, he was still building stalls in the barn. There was a lot of work to be done, and she supposed there always would be. Would he always be here? On her ranch and in her bed?
“Stay with me tonight, in my bed.” It could be our bed, if you wanted. She wouldn’t voice that, not yet anyway, and watched his eyes smile.
“There’s no place I’d rather be.”
Did he mean it? In his arms, looking into his eyes, she believed he did. What had she done right to deserve him? Tansy would tell her the planets must be aligned, or that after a life spent helping others, karma had delivered her reward. Maybe she was just due for a break, like Rory. Perhaps as she’d given him the break he needed, he’d provided her with what she needed, something she’d never had. A good man who treated her well. More than well, he treated her as if he thought she was special.
After placing a lingering, sweet peck on her lips, he stepped back. “I gotta get this finished.”
“I’ll help. No protests.”
With a slight shake of his head, his lips holding yet another smile, he retrieved his rake, and went back to work. She joined him, the pair working in silent unison. Her frequent glances at him almost always caught him looking at her.
Chapter 33
In the delightful aftermath of yet another amazing round of sex, Saffron lay on her belly, Rory on his side beside her. She could hardly believe they’d had sex twice in one day. It would be rare enough for her, but seemed astounding today, given how tired they both were. Well, she knew how tired she was. Rory seemed to possess a boundless amount of energy. She’d been content to just lie in his arm
s, but he’d insisted she flip over so he could do what he was now, gently running a finger over her back, spelling words for her to guess.
“Alpaca,” she said.
“Yup.”
The lightness of his tracing fingers had her wanting him to increase the intensity, but she couldn’t deny she loved his gentle touch.
“Um, halter?”
“Got it,” he confirmed.
Sucking in a breath when she pieced together the next letters, the crudeness of the word surprised her. “Rory! I can’t say that out loud.”
He laughed. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
She paused at his next word. Prison. She wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about his experiences, or if he wanted her to question him about them. The silence between them grew to an uncomfortable length. Just as she was about to say something, he did.
“What did you mean yesterday? When you said you’d been imprisoned?”
After turning onto her side to face him, she could hardly believe what she was about to relate to him. Strangely, she wanted to, feeling a need to confide in him, even as she was uncertain how involved he wanted to be with her.
“I used to be an art therapist.”
“Really? That’s amazing,” he said, and sounded like he meant it.
“It was. I loved it, and it was rewarding, but I wanted to do something for people like my brother, who can’t paint, or sculpt, who can’t move their bodies.” Rory didn’t respond, just placed a hand on her shoulder, but a sadness descended in his eyes. “Basil has cerebral palsy, and while he has the most common type, spastic, he also has the most devastating type, quadriplegic, meaning all his limbs are affected, well his entire body is really. He struggles to speak clearly. He’s never been able to walk, and he never will. Most days he can barely move.”
“Oh, Saffron, I’m so sorry. That must be so hard on your family.”
“It is, and isn’t. Basil needs constant care, but he’s so amazing. Smart, funny, loving, he always has something good to say about people. Well, sometimes he can be caustic, but he’s never cruel. He is the most amazing person I know. He never feels sorry for himself. We do, and he gets mad at us. He always says he’s healthy, and has his computer, his window to the world. Then he calls us whiners.”
Rory chuckled softly. “That’s what I mean,” she continued. “That’s what he’s like. He’s a vibrant, loving, amazingly wonderful person.”
“He sounds fantastic. So you wanted to start up a facility where people with issues as severe as your brother’s could experience things they normally wouldn’t.”
“Exactly. When I got my inheritance, this is all I wanted to do with the money. Not that everyone approved of my decision, especially my mom. My father left us just before Basil’s first birthday. I was six, Tansy was four. I guess he couldn’t take the thought that Basil would need around the clock care for the rest of his life. Anyway, my dad died a year and a half ago. Tansy used her inheritance to open up the teahouse with Tymyn, and Basil’s share was probably put into trust. At that time, I was in a fairly serious relationship with a man named Doug. He, well, let’s just say he didn’t approve of my plans for the money. It wasn’t the only problem in our relationship, there were plenty of others, but that was the last straw, and we broke up.”
“I’m sorry you went through that, but thank goodness you didn’t stay with a man who wouldn’t support your dream. I think you’re incredible to do this.”
She believed him, and it stung her heart. Doug had been an asshole of the highest order, but some part of her believed she’d deserved him. That same part convinced her now that Rory was too good for her. Tears surfaced in her eyes.
“Did I say something wrong?” he questioned as he tenderly stroked her cheek.
“No, it’s just that … I’m not incredible, not at all. Basil needs a lot of care, and while he does have nurses and therapists coming to the house, a lot of the work is left to my mother. Tansy and she always fought over everything, but her insistence on Tansy coming home from school, every single day without fail, to take care of Basil, was what drove Tansy out of the house. Mom didn’t let her join after-school clubs, or spend time with friends. Well, she didn’t let me do those things either, but it was different with Tansy. She wouldn’t stand for it. She always stood up to Mom. Tansy left home when she was sixteen. I’d just finished high school, was enrolled in university, and I should have left too. I should’ve rented a place with Tansy. But I didn’t. I stayed, even though my mom didn’t really need my help. I mean, yeah, she needs help, but she always made it sound like she couldn’t manage without me there. So I stayed.”
When she placed a hand on Rory’s chest, she wondered if she should. Sure, they’d been having sex, but the intimacy of their current acts worried her. Just like what they did a few moments earlier, or when she’d held him this morning. The acts were so intimate, those of lifetime lovers, not new ones. She’d offered herself to him yesterday, told him he could have her, and she meant it. She wanted him to accept her offer, but she didn’t think he would. He had, and ever since had seemed, well, loving. It confused her. Men like him didn’t care for women like her. Unsure why she confided in him, certain he couldn’t possibly care for her as she did him, she continued to speak.
“When I got my first job as an art therapist, I moved out. I didn’t want to leave Basil, but I had to get away from my mom. I was so worn down at that point. School, a part-time job, and everything at home was too much for me to deal with. I knew I’d burn-out at my job if I didn’t get out on my own. Basil told me to go, and it was the push I needed. I needed to hear he didn’t think I was abandoning him. My mother, though, told me I was. She said I didn’t love them, and that I was just plain selfish.”
“It’s not true.” His fingertips gently caressed her cheek and then brushed over her lips. “You’re not selfish. Far from it, actually. I know your mom must have felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, but it was unfair of her to expect you to help out with your brother so much.”
“That’s just the thing. It wasn’t doing stuff for Basil. I never felt burdened by that. It was the guilt trips my mother laid on me. No matter how much I did, it was never enough. You would think after losing Tansy, she’d stop pushing, but then she pushed me out the door, too.” She slid her hand over his smooth chest, feeling the hard musculature underneath. He was so perfect. Despite his comments, she really didn’t think he cared about her story. Why did she keep relating it? Maybe she needed to get it out, and voice her emotions. Tansy always got angry if she brought up their mother. Perhaps she just needed to say this aloud to someone. “I had a really strained relationship with her after that. Then, when the inheritance came in, well, she wanted Tansy and I to give our shares to Basil. She said we had our entire lives to work and save for our futures, and Basil didn’t have a future, and he’d need plenty of money to hire help once she was gone.”
Rory winced. “That’s awful. I don’t know how she could say things like that to you and your sister. I mean—shit, how do I say this without sounding like a dick? Your father left an inheritance to all three of his children. Yes, Basil needs help, but—” He sighed. “I was going to say that it isn’t your job to provide for him, because it isn’t. I didn’t want it to sound that harsh though. I mean, it wasn’t Boone’s job to take care of me when I’m an adult but he did, for too long.”
“It doesn’t sound harsh, Rory, because it’s true. Tansy and I will always be there for Basil, and my mom knows it. But we have a right to lead lives, too. Basil would be a bigger part of our lives if my mom acted like a normal mother. It’s unfair of her to expect us to give our lives, our futures, especially when there’s no need of it. We don’t need to be at her constant beck and call to prove we love our brother. He knows we do. He got mad at my mom when he found out what she’d said. He told both Tansy and I that we should use the money to make our dreams come true. That’s how amazing he is.”
“I hope I
can meet him soon. I get you having issues with your mom, but she’ll be here for the grand opening of the ranch, right? I mean, you did all this for your brother.”
Fresh tears clouded her eyes. “I didn’t do this for Basil. I wish I could say I did. I wish I could say yes, Basil will be here at the opening. He’s going to pet the alpacas, and he’s going to love this place. But the truth is, my mom won’t bring him here.”
“Why?”
“Because she shelters him so much. She thinks it’s too dangerous here, too dirty. He’ll get hurt, he’ll pick up a virus, be exposed to something that’ll cause an infection. Yes, he has to be careful, but he wants to do things. He needs to live, and she won’t let him.” She sat up to wipe away tears that spilled from her eyes. “So, I wish I did this for him, but I did it for people like him, ones who need to do new things, have new experiences, who aren’t sheltered, because there’s no reason for them to be.”
Rory gently caressed her arm. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hurt you are by all that’s happened. Maybe, if you explain all that to your mom, she’ll understand. I’m sure she’d want to be here for the opening, to see your dream come to life. She’s your mom.”
“I wish you were right, but you’re not. My relationship with my mom was already strained, but the argument over the inheritance pretty much ended it. I’ve barely spoken to her since.” She shook her head. “You don’t know her, she won’t budge on this. Even Basil gave up trying to get through to her.”
Lost Together Page 15
