by Bethany-Kris
“I never thought of it that way,” Jordyn admitted. “It’s sort of true, though.”
“My husband is not made of glass and he is not going to break into pieces if you don’t handle him with kid gloves.”
“I know he isn’t.”
“So don’t treat him like it. Dante would love to spend time with your son, to get to know him, and have Johnathan bond with him. But, I also know what Dante won’t say to you, Jordyn. What he needs is to be able to connect with Johnathan away from the eyes of others. Away from personal speculation and judgement.”
“He can come here anytime he wants,” Jordyn started to say, seeming confused. “Lucian would love that.”
“But, Dante wouldn’t. At least not at first.”
Jordyn glanced at her son who was balancing his stance with a kitchen chair. “What would you like to do, then? I’m all ears.”
“Does he sleep through the night?” Cat asked.
“Ever since he was three months, thank God. He is teething though, so sometimes he wakes up from that.”
“And he’ll sleep in a strange place on his own?”
“We’ve never had a problem with him staying at Lucian’s parents’ or Gio’s.”
“Good. I’d like to take him for a night or two. Would that be okay, or would Lucian miss him too much?”
Jordyn blinked her surprise. “Uh, yeah, sure. We wouldn’t mind a break if you wouldn’t.”
“Of course, we wouldn’t.”
“This is good. He is the only nephew you have for now, so yeah, I think some bonding time would be perfect.”
Only nephew. Right …
• • •
“Ready? Open.”
Johnathan’s pink lips opened to form a perfect little O. Cat popped a small chunk of banana into his mouth and yanked her fingers away before he could bite them again. He was too interested in the crystals on her fingernails and he all but refused to feed himself, so Cat had become the very quick fork.
“Yum,” Cat murmured, bopping Johnathan on the nose.
She had set him on the counter as there was no highchair in the condo. Johnathan kicked his jean-clad legs and giggled, opening his mouth for another piece of banana and chance to bite Cat’s fingers.
A throat cleared behind Cat, but she didn’t react to Dante’s sudden presence. He texted earlier to let her know he was on his way home, and she heard the elevator ding to let him into the condo.
“What’s this?” Dante asked, staying in the kitchen entryway.
“This is your nephew. Say hello to uncle Dante, Johnathan.”
“I’m aware he’s my nephew, Cat. I was outside the labor room when Jordyn delivered him and he looks just like his father. I meant, why is he here tonight?”
Cat ignored Dante. “Ciao, piccolo.”
Johnathan smiled and his legs kicked faster. “Catty. Catty.”
“Well, he’s got you nailed,” Dante said.
“Be nice, Dante.” Cat stuck her tongue out at the baby and made a face. Waving her hand as if to say hello, she said, “Ciao, baby.”
Johnathan refused to speak again.
“We’ll work on it, piccolo. Banana?”
Johnathan grinned before taking the piece of fruit Cat offered.
Dante came to stand at Cat’s side. “There are forks two feet away in a drawer.”
Cat waved her sparkling nails in front of Dante’s face teasingly. “He’s enamored with my pretty.”
Before she knew what happened, Cat’s fingers were gripped in Dante’s palm and his lips pressed down to her sparkling fingernails. The action was so innocent, so sweet, it hurt. Something cracked in Cat’s chest as she stared at her smirking husband while he flipped her hand over and kissed the pads of her fingertips.
“I’m pretty enamored with them myself, so I suppose I can understand his fascination,” Dante murmured.
Cat wet her lips, keeping a hand on Johnathan to make sure he was safe while never removing her gaze from Dante. “Oh?”
“Mmhmm, and I also adore what you do with them. Especially down my back.”
Cat squeaked an embarrassed noise before tugging her fingers from his grip. She smacked her laughing husband with the back of her hand. She couldn’t deny the heat curling in her stomach, but she wouldn’t show it, then. “Stop it, Dante. Little ears that repeat everything are right there. Cazzo. I do not want to send him home to his mother and father only to be told I can’t bring him back because he copycats your dirty mouth.”
“Cazzo!” Johnathan babbled.
Cat’s eyes flew wide and she turned to stare helplessly at her husband. “Take the blame for that if anyone asks.”
Dante laughed harder. “I absolutely will not. You messed it up, now lie in your bed, Amore. I believe this is what we call karma.”
“Please? It just slipped out and he wouldn’t repeat the other words. How in the he—”
Dante shut Cat’s rambling up by kissing her. She gasped at the ferocity of his kiss and how it felt like he claimed her mouth with every brush of his lips and every stroke of his tongue. Dante’s hands fisted into the sides of her silk shirt as he pushed her back into the counter. Cat managed to keep her hold on Johnathan all the while.
Cat couldn’t breathe from the pressure building in her chest, although it wasn’t a bad feeling. The coiling warmth in her gut was back, flooding through her veins to the rest of her body.
Dante peppered Cat’s jaw with kisses before pulling away. His striking green eyes regarded her as he asked, “Not that I mind, but when was my nephew’s visit decided on?”
“Today,” Cat replied, feeling airless. “I thought it would be nice for us—you—to spend some one on one time with him without everyone else around. I know they make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and that isn’t fair to you or Johnathan.”
Something unknown flashed in her husband’s eyes. “It would be nice. Thank you. Are we taking him back tonight?”
“No, he’s going to stay for a couple of nights. We’ll hand him back on Sunday at breakfast before Mass.”
“He has everything he needs?” Dante asked.
“Sì.”
“Good.” Dante gave Cat one more quick kiss before stepping to the side in front of Johnathan. Pointing to Cat, Dante said, “Zia Catrina, John.”
“Zia Catty,” Johnathan mimicked.
“Sì, Catty irato—bad-tempered.”
“Dante!” Cat hissed, poking his side. Her husband didn’t flinch, just kept on smirking in that annoyingly cocky way of his.
Dante pointed to himself. “Zio Dante.”
“Zio!”
Dante’s smile grew but Cat was just confused. “Why wouldn’t he repeat my Italian?”
“I think because he’s accustomed to women speaking English to him. Other than the pet names my mother calls him.”
“Huh?”
“Jordyn speaks exclusively English to others, and on scarce occasions because she’s still learning, Italian only to Lucian. Lucian speaks exclusively Italian to John. That way, he’ll grow up with the understanding of both languages. We were raised the same way. Well, Gio and I were. Lucian learned from his biological mother and father.”
Cat knew very little about Lucian’s early upbringing or the circumstances of him coming into the Marcello folds but for the fact he was adopted and his real father had been good friends with Antony. She didn’t think this was the proper time to ask about the rest.
“So, you don’t mind me bringing him over?” Cat asked quietly.
Dante kept staring at Johnathan, smiling. “No, of course not. I haven’t made much of an effort myself and that’s shameful, frankly. My personal issues with others aren’t his demons to bear.”
“I was thinking of making this a regular thing. Having him spend a night a week with us.”
“I’d like that,” Dante said simply.
Cat was happy her suspicions about what Dante needed to connect with Johnathan had been correct.
“Alzare?” Dante asked his nephew.
Johnathan’s chubby little arms flew out, his hands making that grabbing motion again. Dante plucked the boy up, balancing the squirming baby on his hip before making his way toward the living room.
“Coming, Cat?”
“Catty!”
Cat grinned. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
Later in the evening, Cat stayed huddled in the large recliner as she watched her husband and nephew play on the floor. Johnathan had been bathed, ate his small nighttime snack, and was now snug in his footie pajamas while clutching his little blue blanket. A small sippy cup half full with formula rested between Johnathan’s legs. He sat on the floor at his uncle’s side, although Dante had rolled over on his back.
Dante pushed three age appropriate plastic cars in front of Johnathan. “Uno. Due. Tre.” Johnathan touched each car as his uncle counted. “Ben fatto, John.”
The baby clapped and bounced in his spot, making Cat smile and giggle. His innocent happiness at being praised was sickeningly cute. Dante seemed to enjoy his nephew’s joy, too.
“Verde?” Dante asked.
Johnathan stuck his thumb in his mouth and reached over with his other hand to pick the green car.
“Blu?”
The baby tapped the blue car with his palm.
“Brava,” Dante said. Johnathan’s pealing giggles were muffled around his thumb when his uncle swept him up from the floor and set him down on his stomach. Dante tickled the child as Johnathan squealed and kicked. “Mio ragazzo intelligente.”
Cat couldn’t contain her grin if she tried. Their private glee in playing such a simple game was sweet and it warmed her from the inside out.
It also hurt.
Her mind drifted to Michel. Something painful sliced through her heart like a knife. Dante may have accepted his fate to be childless a long time ago, but what if he didn’t have to be? What if Michel—
Cat stopped that thought before it even began. It wasn’t possible. There was far too much danger surrounding the child if he were brought out into the open where his father could steal him back.
She considered Dante, too. The betrayal and anger he would feel over her lies would be suffocating. He would never forgive her and good God, the very idea of that cut her right down to the bone.
Cat blinked, understanding something she hadn’t before. She had no real reason to do the things she did today for her husband. They were friends, sure. Lovers now that she had given in to her desires. But mostly, they were just partners in their agreement for the marriage.
Except … she let it turn into something far more without realizing it.
Dante’s intense gaze met Cat’s from across the room. He was still laughing with a giggling Johnathan bouncing on his middle.
It ached so badly. Because she loved him.
What had she done?
• • •
Cat blinked awake in the darkened bedroom and immediately seized stiff. She turned from side to side in the bed, looking for little Johnathan. He had been a bit fussy before they tried to put him down to sleep in his portable playpen and Cat brought the baby into their bed to see if that might help.
She must have fallen asleep with him. Where was he? Merda. She would make a horrible Mamma to a child. She couldn’t even keep track of a ten-month-old. How in the hell would she ever manage a newborn that needed her every second of the damn day? It took Cat an entire minute to realize Johnathan still couldn’t walk, she had placed him in the middle of the bed between Dante and her so he couldn’t roll off, and he wasn’t crying on the floor. She felt stupid.
“Calm down, bella mia. I took John to his bed a while ago once I knew he was down for the count. He hasn’t made a sound for a good hour.”
Cat sunk into the plush blankets, sighing in relief. Through the dark, she eyed Dante at the other end of the bedroom. He sat on a corner chair with his chin propped up in his hand and his elbow resting on his knee. With his silk dress shirt unbuttoned, it left his muscular chest exposed for Cat to enjoy. She adored the tattooed eagle with its wide wings spread across his pecs.
“What have you been doing for the last hour?” Cat asked.
“Watching you sleep,” Dante answered.
Cat lifted a single brow. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to and this is also my bedroom. You snore, by the way.”
“I absolutely do not!”
“You do,” Dante replied, nodding. “It’s not very loud and you only do it when you’re quite tired. It’s cute, actually.”
Cat made a face. “Really?”
“To me it is, I guess. I am such an idiot.”
Well, that wasn’t what she expected to hear. “Why would you say that?”
Dante didn’t answer, instead saying, “Thank you for today. I’ve been stuck trying to keep myself disengaged from Johnathan that I didn’t realize how much it was hurting me to do so.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that again, Dante.”
“I know. I wanted children, Cat.”
Cat sucked in a hard breath, forcing herself to sit up in the bed. “Oh?”
“Yes. There’s a difference between not being able to and not wanting to. I never said I didn’t want them just that I couldn’t. I settled my feelings with the fact it wasn’t going to happen. But I do want them. People assume because I can’t that I automatically don’t want them at all. Really, I haven’t given anyone a good reason to believe otherwise, so I don’t blame them.”
“You seem to be good with Johnathan.”
“Kids don’t make me nervous, if that’s what you mean.”
“It was,” Cat said low. “I didn’t intend to bring him here and have all your misgivings worked up again.”
“John being here didn’t do that. It’s been rolling around for a while, and I’ve kept it to myself.”
“You don’t have to do that. You could talk to me, Dante.”
“I know and that makes it so much harder for me,” Dante whispered.
Cat was so confused that she didn’t know what to say.
“I know I can talk to you,” Dante continued, dropping his foot the floor and sitting straight in the chair. “About anything, right?”
“Of course.”
“Exactly. And we fit so well together. In bed, work, and life. We fit. It works and it’s crazy. I hate it and I need it at the same time. That wasn’t supposed to happen. It shouldn’t have happened and I don’t have the first fucking clue how you did it.”
Cat swallowed audibly, feeling a dead weight rest in her stomach. “I—”
“No, I just need you to listen. You are in here now. All through me everywhere. That’s where you are. You somehow make me better. It’s almost fucking disgusting the way I don’t even care that it happened, either.
“It was like I turned around one day, blinked, and everything changed, Cat. We agreed when we first started out with this that we would be good together because emotional attachments shouldn’t happen and neither of us wanted strings. Feelings weren’t a part of the deal and I am sorry.”
“Dante—”
“I’m sorry because I love you.”
Cat’s tension released all at once, dropping her into the bed again. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. So, I don’t know what you want to do with this or how you want to go from here. Because I sure as shit know where I’m at, but I haven’t got the first clue about you. It’s killing me. You’re killing me.”
“Love isn’t supposed to hurt, bello.”
“It doesn’t. Believe me, that isn’t what hurts right now. At first I thought it did, but that’s because I didn’t understand.”
“What does hurt?”
“Everything else. I’m wide open. One giant target. My ribs might as well be broken and spread so I can bleed out. That’s how I feel. I set myself up for this even if I can’t figure out how. I am vulnerable in more ways than one. For someone to hurt me by way of you, for my own emotions to control me
, and for you to reject me. I did this and it fucking sucks. It blows in the worst way.”
“You don’t want to love me?”
“It has nothing to do with not wanting to,” Dante snapped, waving his hand in the air. “Seems we don’t get much choice in that. It just comes along, kicks you in the goddamn heart, and there you are—fucked.”
“Wow,” Cat whispered.
“I know. I am so messed up in my head right now.”
“Because you love me.”
“Didn’t we just get that out of the way?”
“I’m not sure of anything at the moment.”
“Me, either,” Dante muttered. “It was so easy for my brothers to love. They didn’t feel like it was going to kill them. They didn’t struggle with what it all meant. I had come to the conclusion that love wasn’t going to be a part of my life because it made shit more complicated than what was necessary.”
Cat fidgeted, choosing her next words carefully. “It wasn’t easy for you to fall in love with me?”
Ouch. Was she that hard to love?
“What?” Dante’s head whipped up, his jade gaze burning into Cat. “No, that’s not what I said. I said nothing about falling in love, just loving. Yes, it was easy for me to fall in love with you. So easy, in fact, that I didn’t even realize it had happened.”
“But it’s hard for you to love me?” Cat frowned, wishing this conversation wasn’t so damn difficult. “That doesn’t make it much better, Dante.”
“You still don’t get it,” Dante said, sinking into the chair and looking defeated. “And I am way too screwed up to explain it properly.”
Cat tried to see it from his perspective the best she could. “It was easy to fall in love, but hard to love.”
“Okay, let’s go with that.”
“Dante …”
“Listen, I am aware of how ridiculous it sounds.”
“Well, great, because you’re not making me feel particularly good with the way you’re talking.”
“Why would you want to feel good about this, Cat? You don’t want me to love you, remember? That’s why this is hard for me. You don’t want this at all and now I’m exposed. I can’t pretend like I don’t give a shit. Not about you. We’re business. No feelings. No att—”
