by Omasta, Ann
I spent the week walking the shoreline, eating in the diner two doors down from my motel and simply relaxing. It was nice not to have anywhere to be at a certain time. Well, almost no place to be.
I had settled into the habit of having tea with Marta in the lobby of the motel a few times a day. She was a lovely woman who was proud of her numerous grandchildren, and I had seen pictures of all ten of them.
Marta had been extremely tactful so far and only asked polite questions about where I was from and my occupation, but today it seemed that her curiosity was getting the better of her. When I refilled our tea mugs and returned to sit on the lobby sofa with her, I was expecting to hear more about one of her grandchildren’s latest antics; but instead she patted my knee and asked, “What are you running from, Sweet Girl?”
“I’m not running.” I started to fib, but the look she gave me told me that she could see right through me. “Okay, I am running because I’m trying to stall having to make a decision between two men.”
“That’s a good problem to have.” She chuckled as she said it, but then she turned serious. “I had two men who wanted me once, and I’ve wondered every day since then if I ended up with the right one.”
Her words surprised me. I had expected some hogwash about following your heart and knowing the right answer deep down. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting my decision or even questioning it.
“How did you decide between them?” I asked her. Truly curious about how she made her decision and hoping for a better solution than the flip a coin or eeny-meeny-miney-mo options that I had been considering.
She answered me sadly, “I waited so long that one of them dropped out of the race. Not making the decision became my decision because I only had one option left.”
She was deep in thought as she continued. “I loved my Harry.” I already knew that Harry was her late husband. She had tears in her eyes as she continued. “We had a wonderful life and family together. I wish that I had chosen him, though, instead of just taking him because he was the last man standing. He deserved to be my pick.”
She gave me some advice then. “Don’t wait too long, Honey. Make a decision and stick with it. Let the one you choose know without a doubt that he is the one you want.” I nodded at her. Her suggestion made sense, and it was what I wanted to do more than anything. It was just such an enormous, important choice, and I didn’t want to screw it up.
I suddenly wondered about the other man. Did he still pine for Marta? Had he moved on and built a life for himself? Was he happy? As if reading my mind, Marta said, “Danny, the other boy, got married shortly after Harry and I did. I think people call him ‘Dan’ now, but he’ll always be my Danny.”
I smiled, trying to picture a young Marta with Harry and Danny fighting for her attention. The similarities between our stories were striking, and I had to know if she felt like fate had stepped in or if she could have been happy with either man.
“Do you think you and Danny would have had a good life together, if things had worked out differently?”
She considered for a moment before answering. “Yes,” she finally answered, nodding. “We would have had a happy family life together, but things turned out the way they were meant to be.”
What was left of the tea in our mugs had gone tepid, so I rose to take them to the sink. After I washed them, I turned to ask Marta a question before going back to my room. “Are you sure Danny is still married?” At her perplexed look, I continued. “His wife could have passed away. They could be divorced. It’s probably worth checking into.”
She sat there for a moment, pondering that before responding. “Yes, I think that might be worth looking into.” We grinned at each other, and I walked outside to return to my room. I had a good feeling that Marta might soon be getting her chance with the one that got away.
Chapter 39
My week at Marta’s motel had gone by quickly. I had spent the time soul-searching, yet I still wasn’t any closer to having a decision about which Davis twin was right for me. Before leaving, I promised to call Marta soon to let her know what I decided. I didn’t mention it, but I would also want to know what she found out about Danny. I secretly hoped that this would be the right time for Marta and Danny to be together.
We gave each other a hug, and I headed home to face the music. I wouldn’t be able to avoid Seth and Sam forever, or one of them would likely give up on me, like Danny had on Marta. Or worse yet, both of them could give up. This indecisiveness wasn’t fair to any of us, so I needed to just make a decision and stick with it.
I fretted all the way home, making up my mind and changing it numerous times. This is ridiculous. I finally told myself. I don’t deserve either of them, so I should just let them both go.
I didn’t know if I had the strength to do that, but I knew it would be best for all of us. The idea of facing either of the brothers while I was with his twin was unfathomable. It would be awkward and uncomfortable for all three of us. They really would be better off without me.
The fact that I had slept with both of them would just cause bitterness and jealousy between them. They had already had a fight because of me. I didn’t want to cause any more turmoil in their lives.
The answer to my dilemma had been staring me in the face the whole time. I just hadn’t been willing to admit it because I didn’t want to give them up. I needed to let them go, though. It was the healthiest choice for all of us.
They would be able to move on with two different women, and I could move on with my life. I had a perfectly happy, fulfilling existence before I met them, so I could be content without them.
It would take a while to get over the heartache of losing them, but it was something I needed to do for all of our sakes. It would be so difficult to give them up, but I vowed to be strong and stick with my decision.
When I walked into our house, Courtney asked me immediately, “So, who is it going to be?”
“Neither of them.” She looked at me like I was crazy, so I continued. “They are identical twin brothers, and I have slept with both of them. There isn’t a good way to move on with either of them now. I don’t want to mess up their relationship with each other, any more than I already have. Besides, it would be so awkward to be around the brother that I wasn’t with. I can’t have a future with either of them, and they are both better off without me.”
“First of all, either of them would be lucky to have you. There is no one better than you.” Courtney was adamant, so I didn’t bother to argue with her. “Secondly, you’re all adults. People sleep together all the time. Sure, it might be awkward at first, but you’ll all move on and probably even forget about it eventually.”
I couldn’t imagine ever forgetting about sleeping with Seth or Sam. “It’s just not in the cards.” I said to Court. “I think we’ll all be better off, if I just let them both go.”
“I thought you really cared about them?”
“I do.” I answered simply. Then I added, “No one said it would be easy.” I gave her a sad smile before carrying my bag up to my room. Once in my room, I shut my door and texted Sam and Seth. I sent them both the same message. “I can’t see you anymore.”
My phone buzzed with responses almost immediately. Seth’s text read, “So, you’ve made your decision? Can we talk?”
Sam’s message said simply, “I don’t accept that. I’m on my way over.”
I sighed and slid down to the floor. I had been a coward to try to end things with them by text message. They deserved better, and it appeared that they were both going to demand more. I just hoped that I had the willpower to resist them in person. I silently vowed to stick to my guns.
Chapter 40
I was surprised to see Seth’s Jeep pull in as I sat on the front porch swing. I had been preparing to see Sam first. Seth carried a large bouquet of happy-looking daisies and colorful wildflowers, which he handed to me when he reached the porch.
“Thank you. I’ll go put them in
water.” I used the excuse to have a minute to go in the kitchen and gather my thoughts. I found a classic Ball jar to put the arrangement in and set them in the center of our table. Then, I took a few deep, calming breaths before walking out to join Seth on the porch swing.
We sat side-by-side quietly for a few moments. Seth broke the silence by saying, “You’ve chosen Sam.” He didn’t pose it as a question. It was more of a resigned statement.
“No,” I answered him. “I’m not going to be with either of you. It’s too awkward. I’ve messed things up too much.”
“I thought we had something special. I thought we were falling in love.” His words nearly broke my heart because I thought the same thing.
As I had known would happen, Sam’s Porsche pulled into the drive. Seth didn’t seem shocked either. When Sam eased his long, lean body out of the low sports car, I saw that he had brought roses, dozens of them. The brothers nodded solemnly at each other in greeting as Sam held the red flowers out to me.
I muttered something about putting them in water and ran for the kitchen. I busied myself finding the good crystal vase and putting the huge bouquet of long-stemmed red roses in it. When I placed the vase on the table next to the jar of wild flowers, tears welled in my eyes.
The flower arrangements were great representations of the brothers. One was wild, fun and free. The other was elegant, beautiful and dangerous. How could I choose between the two? I couldn’t. The answer was as simple as that. I strengthened my resolve to go out and tell them that they both needed to move on. It really was the best thing for all of us.
Sam was the first to speak when I returned to the porch. “So, you want to be with him, then?” He spat out the question. He was standing near the porch stairs and I had stopped awkwardly between him and the swing where Seth sat.
“No, I’m not going to be with either of you. I’ve made too much of a wreck of things, and you both deserve to be with someone who loves you and only you.” They were both just looking at me, so I continued. “It would just be too uncomfortable if I was with one of you. It doesn’t make sense.”
“This is bullshit.” Sam was angry. “We both care about you, Abby, and we are all adults here. Choose one of us, then the other one will go off and lick his wounds for a while. In time, we will all be fine. No awkwardness needed.”
He was simplifying it too much, and I wasn’t explaining it right. I couldn’t seem to formulate words that would make them understand. I knew what I meant and that was all that mattered. As I looked at these two identical-on-the-outside, near-perfect men, trying to explain why I couldn’t be with either of them, I was exhausted.
“Just go. Both of you please go.” I could tell that they were each considering putting up a fight, but I shook my head sadly, and they both respected my request and left.
I went in the kitchen, looked at both sets of so gorgeous, but so different flowers and sat down at the table and sobbed.
Chapter 41
The shadows of dusk were starting to creep across the kitchen, so I went up to shower. Then I flopped on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I tossed and turned all night and awoke certain that I could have been happy with either one of the dark-haired, green-eyed, sexy-as-hell Davis twins, if the other didn’t exist.
They both did exist, though, and they were both amazing. I cared about each of them too much to choose the other one. I had royally screwed up any chance with either of them, so I needed to pick up the pieces of my life and move on without them. We would all be better off without this sick love triangle that I had inadvertently created.
I showered again in the morning and walked to work on autopilot. A blaring horn snapped me out of my daze when I started to cross the street in front of a car to get to Eck, Meck & Dreck. Annie was standing just inside the door of the shop and ran out to get me.
“Be careful, Sweetheart!” She waved to the car in apology as she put her arm around me and swooped me into the safety of the shop. “No boy is worth losing your life over.”
“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing. She seemed concerned about me, though, and I didn’t want her to worry.
“No need to apologize. I just love you, and I don’t like seeing you so upset, especially not over a boy.” Then she added, “Or two boys. Tish tosh.” She waved if off, as if it were an every day occurrence for a person to fall for two men.
As if reading my mind, she went on, “You know, I was once in love with two boys.” Her revelation surprised me. I had thought I had heard all of Annie’s stories.
She seemed lost in thought as she continued. “One was my high school sweetheart. Adam was kind, and sweet and wholesome and good-looking. He was a star athlete at our little high school.” She smiled as she described him, obviously remembering him fondly. “Everyone thought we would end up together.”
I nodded, wondering about the other boy. She sighed deeply before continuing. “The other boy, J.D., was a rebel. He was dark and dangerous and handsome-as-sin. I couldn’t seem to resist the magnetic pull I felt towards him, even though I could sense that he didn’t care enough about me. At one of Adam’s football games, J.D. lifted my skirt, removed my panties and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Then he took my virginity standing behind the locker room.”
She paused before continuing, lost in thought. “It was glorious, and I couldn’t get enough of J.D. after that. We spent the next few weeks screwing in any place where we could find a modicum of privacy. It broke Adam’s heart, but I was so enamored with J.D. that I couldn’t help myself. I was desperate for J.D. to love me, and I kept telling myself that he did.”
“I let myself believe that he felt about me the way I felt for him, until one day after school, when I ran out to jump in his car for a ride home. I had an hour before my Mom would be home from the salon, and I planned to enjoy every minute of it naked in my bed with J.D.”
“To my horror, I found him in the driver’s seat of his cherry-red muscle car leaning his head back on the head rest with the blonde, curly ponytail of the head cheerleader bobbing in his lap. He had the audacity to smile at me as she blew him. I slammed the car door shut, and she didn’t even stop sucking his cock long enough to turn and see who had seen them. She was under his spell as much as I had been.”
I shook my head, uncertain what to say. I had let lust get in the way of a wonderful relationship as well. Complete sexual attraction to another person was difficult to ignore. Did we all have to choose between steady, dependable love and hot, frantic sexual desire?
Annie’s affair with J.D. had ruined her relationship with Adam, and she had ended up losing them both. It made me curious about why she had encouraged me to choose Sam, and I questioned her about it.
“Sweetie, I was never going to be happy with Adam after feeling that intense attraction to J.D. Even if I hadn’t slept with J.D., I would have always wondered about him. You can’t deny that kind of pure, animal lust; and if you have the chance to enjoy it, you should grab it, even if it doesn’t last. Let the consequences be damned.”
I contemplated her words. It was true, I would never forget my amazingly hot time with Sam, and I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I was sorry for the pain it had caused Seth, but if I could take it all back, I didn’t think I would have the strength to do it.
Annie continued, “What I felt with J.D. was a once-in-a-lifetime, sensational experience, and I wouldn’t give up those wonderful memories for anything, even though it didn’t last. It sounds like you feel that sense of complete exhileration with Sam, and it is a rare and beautiful thing that you should enjoy while it lasts. Besides, just because J.D. was a cheater doesn’t mean that Sam is.”
I understood now why Annie wanted me to choose Sam. I had tasted the forbidden fruit, just like she had. There was no turning back now. The difference was that I was the cheater in our scenario because I hadn’t ensured that things were finalized with Seth. I had ruined my own chance of enjoying that feeling of pure, sexual bliss for
a longer duration. At least I would always be able to relive my memories of being with Sam.
Annie had a good, fulfilling life without either of the boys from her story. I could and would do the same.
Annie ended the story with another of her classic, jumbled quotes, “I have found that the sky is sometimes bluer on the other side of the rainbow; but once we experience it, it’s hard to go back.” Then she patted my shoulder and went to the storage room in the back of the store. I was pretty sure I had seen a tear glistening in her eye. I had never before seen Annie cry.
Chapter 42
I went through the next several days in a bit of a haze. I made it to work on time, and I responded appropriately to concerned questions; but I wasn’t fully engaged. I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for a week.