Kathy was feeling faint. “Can you move?”
“Not much. It’s the cramping. It won’t stop.”
The late afternoon was unbearably long, and Kathy watched white-faced and frightened as early evening came and still Carolyn lay writhing in pain. The contractions must have been agonizing. In a semi sleep, she would cry out and twitch. Spittle fell from the corners of her mouth. Her blue eyes rolled convulsively, deep circles beneath the eyes.
Toward evening, Kathy went to the kitchen to put on water for tea and discovered fruit in a basket and cottage cheese in the refrigerator. Just as she sat to eat, she heard Carolyn’s scream. She flew up the stairs, shaking uncontrollably.
“I just passed something. Will you check?”
There on the bed, Kathy discovered the tiny fetus and, wrapping it in a towel, took it to the bathroom. Carolyn had waited until the last possible moment to have the abortion. Was it possible she had been pregnant before the holidays?
What would she have done without me? Kathy wondered, searching for a linen closet and clean sheets. Where are the people who live in this house? What kind of people would just leave her to go through a personal hell alone?
“I need more aspirin,” Carolyn whimpered.
“You’ve taken nearly a whole bottle in one day. I can’t let you take anymore. If you can’t eat, at least sip some of this tea.”
Carolyn groaned and pulled her knees up to her chest, covering her abdomen, her body racked by pulsating spasms. Hour after hour, Kathy sat next to her, afraid to leave the room, waiting for some unwanted sign that she was bleeding too heavily, that she was slipping away. When she could no longer keep her eyes open, she lay next to her on the bed, falling asleep for short stretches of time, waking if Carolyn moved, checking for fever, and wondering if she’d make it through the night.
With the first light, Kathy was up, gently feeling Carolyn’s forehead. No fever. She was sleeping finally. Moving carefully, so as not to wake her, Kathy picked up yesterday’s tray with its dirty dishes—and noticed the open bottle of aspirin. Empty. Once again, she checked to see whether Carolyn was breathing.
At nine o’clock, the doorbell rang. Kathy raced downstairs. A man with a black bag stood there. “You must be the doctor.”
“Yes,” he answered briskly, pushing his way into the room. “Where’s the patient?”
“Upstairs.”
Without a further look, he took the stairs, limping badly, his foot twisted to one side.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, following his quick pace. “She’s been in terrible pain. Is that normal? She doesn’t seem to have a fever. I’ve been desperate waiting for you.”
He didn’t answer but knelt down on the floor by the mattress.
Carolyn was woozy from the aspirin, her voice barely audible. “Thank God you’re here,” she whispered. “The pain. I need something for the pain.”
Kathy stood by, holding her breath. Without a word, the man examined her and then stood. “You’re going to be okay. As for giving you anything, I think you’ve had quite enough drugs.”
“What … what do you mean?” Carolyn asked, trying to focus.
“I can tell you’re on LSD. You hippies are all alike.”
“No …,” Carolyn cried, trying to sit up.
“You think this is acid?” Kathy asked incredulously.
The doctor cast her a disdainful scowl and left the room.
“Wait,” Carolyn cried, her voice breaking into a sob. “Oh, Kathy, what am I to do? I just held on until he got here thinking he could help. The pain … what can I do?”
Kathy stood against the wall, frozen, sickened by the man’s cruelty, pondering the ironies. She forced herself to move. Running from the room and down the stairs, she reached him just as he turned the knob on the front door.
“There’s something wrong,” she insisted. “What about the pain? Should I take her to the hospital? Tell me what’s happening.”
The mention of the hospital stopped him. “If you want to risk arrest, go to a hospital.” He opened the door. “I’m telling you she’ll be okay in a couple of days.” And without looking back, suddenly paranoid, he hurried to his car.
Stunned, Kathy slowly started back up the stairs. Carolyn lay crying on the bed, her body back in fetal position.
“He’s gone,” Kathy announced in a low voice. “Okay, this is what we’re going to do. We’re going to get you on your feet.”
“I can’t.”
Kathy wished more than anything she was in the Bay, where she would know how to score morphine or heroin. But she knew no one in L.A.
“Come on, Carolyn. You need to change your perspective. Let’s walk to the bathroom. You have to start caring about your body again.”
“I … I can’t …”
Kathy lifted her. “Yes, you can. Lean on me.”
Once they were in the bathroom, Kathy sat her down on the toilet, then started the shower. “We’re going to wash off,” she said. “No more aspirin. That might be part of what’s making you sick.”
Carolyn seemed to be coming around. “He was horrible, wasn’t he?”
“Disgusting.”
“He told me he first started doing this when his best friend’s wife went to Mexico for an abortion and died. He said he wanted to help women get good treatment. He hoped to save lives. Oh, Kathy, did I do the right thing?” she cried into her hands.
Only then did Kathy begin to understand the fullness of Carolyn’s torment, the endless weeks of soul searching and her decision without support. She began to suspect that the real source of the pain was emotional uncertainty.
“I think you did what you thought was best for everyone. Your body will heal. And one day, your spirit will heal, too. Larry needs you. Let’s try and get back there, okay? Now come on … carefully … step into the shower.”
While Carolyn showered, Kathy slid back the drapes and opened the sliding door of the room to the deck, letting in fresh air and light, and releasing the smell of blood and sweat. She found new sheets in the hall closet and changed the bed, propped up pillows to support Carolyn’s back, and laid more pillows at the foot of the bed to lift her feet. She lit a stick of incense and breathed in the scented smoke floating through the room. The sweet smell reminded Kathy that she hadn’t smoked a joint since yesterday morning on the way to the airport. Pot had been helping women through menstrual cramps for millennia. After settling Carolyn onto the mattress, she said, “I have some smoke in my pack. I’ll make a tea of it. I’ll be right back.”
Just as she turned on the fire beneath the kettle, the front door opened, and she hurried toward it. Two women ceased chattering in the hallway and looked at her, surprised. One of them put down a suitcase; the other set a large woven bag next to it.
“I’m Julie,” said the woman with straw-blond hair. “This is my house.”
“Do you know what’s been going on here?” Kathy asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep the anger from her voice.
“What do you mean?” Julie looked startled. She removed a light jacket, and Kathy saw she was pregnant.
“Carolyn’s … sick,” she answered. “There was no one here to care for her. She called me yesterday, and I came from Tucson to help.”
“What’s the matter?” asked Julie, her concern genuine. “She could have gotten in touch with us. We were staying with some friends for a few days in Laguna. She offered to house-sit.”
“I see.” And Kathy did. Carolyn trusted her in a way she didn’t trust anyone else. “I’m sorry,” she murmured softly. “It’s … it’s been a long night. She’s upstairs.”
“I’ll go see what’s going on.”
“I’ll just finish in the kitchen, if that’s okay? I was going to make tea. I think it might help.” Kathy suspected that one glance at the stained sheets in the hallway and Julie would guess the story.
By the time she came upstairs carrying a tray with steeping Cannabis tea, Carolyn was crying out the story i
n Julie’s arms. “… I just didn’t want anyone to know,” she was saying. “I thought it would be all over before you got back. But the pain’s so bad. The doctor wouldn’t do anything …”
“Emily, drive over to Meredith’s and pick up some heroin. China White,” Julie told her.
“Did I do the right thing?” Carolyn cried, desperately wanting approval.
“Don’t look back,” Julie answered. “If that spirit is to come through you to fulfill its karma, then it will come back another time. When you’re ready. Each person picks his or her own incarnation. Right now, Kathy’s right. You should try and eat.”
“I’m going to get my stash and roll a joint,” Kathy said. “I need one.”
“I have some hash, if you’d prefer, sister. Some Afghani.”
“That’s what Julie’s old man just left to do,” Carolyn mumbled with her eyes closed, drifting. “Bring back more Afghani.”
Kathy cast a quick glance at Julie’s startled face, then shrugged her shoulders. “It’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”
For the next two weeks, Kathy hung out in Topanga, bonding with Julie, counseling Carolyn while they walked on the beach, smoking Afghani, and doing yoga on the rugs. She learned Julie and her family were part of the Brotherhood of Eternal Love, a group she’d heard about in the Haight. Her old man, Bob, and a brother named Dharma, had left to make the Afghani run—their goal: the beautiful green-black slabs of resin.
As the days passed, Kathy and Julie watched Carolyn slowly heal. Only when Carolyn laughed and began flirting with the cashier at the new natural food store did Kathy know it was safe to leave.
But watching Kathy pack, Carolyn begged for her silence. “I need another week before going home. If anyone should find out …”
Cool, Kathy thought. Larry all to myself.
“Hello!” she called into the ranch house, after driving in from the Tucson airport. “Where is everyone? Rosie! I’m back!”
“Enjoy your vacation?” Rosie asked, hugging her.
“I don’t know how much of a vacation it was. Where’s Larry?”
“He and Jose are out back. Larry said it must be some vacation. Oh, that friend of yours from Marin came a few days ago. What’s his name? Alex.”
“Alex? Here?” A picture of Alex at the ranch stopped her cold, a premonition caught in her throat.
“Yeah. He stayed overnight.”
“I’d better go have a talk with Larry,” she said, suddenly fearful that something might be terribly wrong. Maybe there was trouble.
A bust? Oh, God, please no.
Larry stood with Jose near the pool, smoking a jay, and she pulled his mouth to hers, tasting the last remnants of smoke. All she needed was a good tumble with him to wash away the last weeks. “Hello, my number two love,” she added, standing on her toes to kiss Jose.
“Nice tan. Been having fun?” Larry’s face held a smile, but she caught an underlying irritation.
“Tons of fun. I hear Alex came out. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Richard called last week to get an order filled and you weren’t around. So Alex drove out and picked it up.”
Kathy wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. She unconsciously shook her head as if trying to clear her ears. “Say that again. Alex came out here to pick up my keys?”
Jose looked away.
“He had a big order for two hundred. I gave them to him for forty. That was a good sale for me.”
“I didn’t have anything to do with it,” Jose interjected.
A slow burn began from deep inside. “What’s my cut per key?” she asked him in a steady voice.
“Well, Alex and I talked about that.”
I’ll just bet you did.
“Yes?” she asked, waiting.
“He said there’s been some problems. You promise them a shipment and at the last minute change your mind on the amount they can have. Then they have to change horses midstream.”
“That only happened once, Larry. The first time. I needed those other keys to set up a few other people with samples. I’ve been delivering regularly for months since then. Richard knows all that. Did you talk to Richard?”
“I thought Alex was speaking for both of them.”
“Who called you about sending someone out here to pick up those keys? Richard or Alex?”
“Richard.”
Richard, too, then.
“They couldn’t wait a week? You know I’m going back to work in a few days.”
“How’d we know when you’d be back? Besides, Alex wanted to talk to me about a few other things.” Larry cleared his throat. “He seems to feel he can sell more than you’re bringing. He wants to make his own runs out here to pick up his own stuff. At a better price.”
“And you’re going to sell to him?” Her voice was getting louder. “You’re going to cut me out?”
“We did those deals when you were in the hospital, remember?” his voice was gaining strength as well, the New York accent thick. “Alex felt that makes it natural for him to continue picking up his own stuff.”
When I was in the hospital? Do I remember? Is he actually laying a guilt-trip on me about having hep?
“I did that for a cut. And to help you both out by keeping the flow going. What’s my cut this time?”
Jose looked away again.
“No cuts,” Larry told her, slicing the air with his hands. “I’m going to sell to both of you as two independent customers. It makes better business sense. Business is business.”
“I’ll tell you what your karma will be on this one, Larry. Alex has it in for me. He’s willing to say or do anything to try to ruin me. Now he’ll be able to sell to all the people we both know. People I introduced him to. And I’ll tell you something else. From what I can see, Alex and Richard are moving into acid. Soon they’ll be too busy to get out here and pick up anything. And you know what? You will have lost your mule—namely, me—because I’ll be damned if I ever sell one of your kilos to Richard or Alex again. Why couldn’t you have told them to wait?”
“Because I didn’t know where you were. Or how long you’d be gone. You weren’t here or in the Bay. All we had was a note Rosie found on the kitchen table. What does ‘be back soon’ mean?”
Kathy looked at him, hard, and read the jealousy on his face. “Ah! So now we’re at the crux of it.”
I stepped out on my own. Made some decisions without him. If I were at the ranch, or with Richard, he’d know where I was. But when I disappeared, he’d lost control. He’s only comfortable passing me from the shadow of one man to another. Just like my father. Or the university.
“Why couldn’t you tell me where you were going?” Larry asked her pointedly.
“Because …” She caught herself, trapped by her promise to Carolyn. She faltered for a moment, searching for words, and looked at Jose. He dropped his eyes. “It was a personal matter.”
“Alex feels he and Richard are working pretty hard to keep a trip together. They have houses to support. Richard’s going to have a new baby soon. You’re just tripping around. You don’t need the business as much as they do.”
“You’ve got to be kidding!” She stepped toward him with the fury of a tigress, her voice loud and dramatically angry. Larry stepped back. “I’ve been working my tail off for months moving things around. And believe me, it wasn’t all fun. I took a lot of risks, Larry. You’re ripping me off. Can you live with that?”
“I’ve already made arrangements with him.” He tried pushing his shoulders back, standing taller. “I’ve given my word.”
“Your word! You know what that’s worth?” she screamed, shoving him into the pool in his clothes, jacket, and boots. Without another word or glance, she stomped back to the house.
“Jose!” Larry called. “This water’s freezing. Lend a hand!”
“I think you can make it,” Jose muttered, walking inside behind Kathy.
Kathy paced the floor, her hands clutched in tight fists. “I
don’t think I’ve ever been so mad,” she glowered. “What did you do in all of this?”
“I told him not to do it. But he’s, well, he’s a little …”
“Jealous,” Kathy spat the word out.
“You took it from my mouth.” He grinned.
“I don’t know about you, Jose. You’re always sitting back and letting other people work out their own karma. Sometimes it can be irritating.”
“Hey, I’m on your side. But I wasn’t going to get into a power struggle with him. He needs to know the results of his choices.”
“Okay. So what happens now?”
“You still want keys?”
“From you. Not from him.”
“Your anger will blind you. Take some deep breaths.”
Kathy started breathing, trying to calm the adrenaline feeding her body. “Okay,” she told him. “I’m getting it together.”
“How many do you want?”
“I’ll take a hundred. It’ll take me some time to sell them and build back the business. Like I said, Richard and I know many of the same people.”
“I’ll give them to you for thirty,” he said.
She stopped pacing and looked at him. “Thirty? How can you do that?”
“I’ll take off my cut. You can have it.”
Anger was instantly gone, only the embarrassment of becoming angry left in its wake. “I couldn’t let you do that. It’s not your fault.”
“Let’s just say it’s not for you … but for Carolyn.”
He knows, she thought. How does he know?
“Thank you.” She kissed him genuinely, softly on his lips. “I’ll take a hundred … at thirty.”
“You going to leave today?” Then he was grinning again. “Or are you going to spend the night?”
A Nation of Mystics - Book II: The Tribe Page 7
