by Jill Shalvis
Now those fingers spread wide, as if he needed to touch more of her, and his thumb slid slowly, languidly, over her sensitive lower lip until it quivered open.
His gaze darkened, his mouth opened, too.
“Bryan—”
“Mmm. Love how you say my name. Say it again.”
She nearly did, but then realized her eyes were half closed, her body was straining toward his, and she was one touch away from doing what she’d sworn never to do. She could never become attracted to him.
Too late, claimed a little voice, far too late.
She not-so-kindly ignored her little voice, because after all, Bryan Morgan was not a forever kind of guy, no matter what he said. She straightened away from him, clicked her mouth closed and glared at him.
So did Tic.
Toc leaped gracefully from her lap and stalked off, clearly bored.
Bryan just waited patiently.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?” he asked innocently.
Making me forget why I don’t want you. “Stop waiting for me to tell you what you want to hear.”
“Which is?”
“That I kissed you.”
He laughed softly, sexily, and her stomach tightened again. Oh, Lord, she thought frantically. It’s true. No more fooling herself, because that’s really what she’d been doing.
She’d known the truth all along. It was him, no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise. Worse, she was helplessly attracted to this leanly muscled, sleek, sleepy-eyed, sensual man in front of her.
And she’d kissed him.
“Come on, truth now,” he said huskily. “You know it wasn’t Matt in the Santa costume.”
She could only stare at him.
“Let me prove it,” he said softly. “I can, you know.” His eyes seconded the motion. His mouth curved invitingly, and Katie actually shifted slightly, instinctively moving closer.
“Right here, right now.” His gaze was on her mouth. “Let me lay all these doubts to rest for once and for all.”
Heat pooled in all the places in her body she’d ignored for so long.
“Katie?” His fingers toyed with her hair. Their mouths were only a fraction apart, but he wasn’t moving any closer, he was going to make her ask for it.
Her body was already begging.
“Come on,” he whispered, his heavy-lidded eyes dark and sleepy and filled with promises.
So many promises.
But promises weren’t good for her, she’d had one too many broken in her past, too many from the likes of a man like this, a man who had no intention of ever settling down.
There. That was the bottom line. She needed to remember that.
Saving herself from making a huge mistake, she jerked back, and in the process startled her cat.
Tic straightened from her lap, meowed softly, then leaped from her legs to Bryan’s.
Whether or not the heavy cat missed on purpose—with her claws out—landing directly in the juncture between Bryan’s thighs, and the intriguing bulge there, Katie couldn’t be sure.
But she had to admit, it was quite a conversation stopper.
“That’s two,” Bryan said in a choked voice.
“Two?”
“Two men down for the count today.” He groaned and bent over. “That’s got to be a personal record for you.”
IT TOOK HIM A WHILE, but Bryan finally figured out he’d been going at this Katie thing all wrong. He wasn’t usually so slow in the woman department, but to be fair to him, it had been a long time and he was rusty.
Not to mention—Katie was everything he’d never wanted. She represented stability, dependability, and…what else was it she’d said?
Oh, yes, reliability.
She probably wanted a white picket fence and two point four kids, too. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about her, dreaming about her.
It was scary stuff and he vowed to get over it, and quickly.
The morning after nearly getting a vasectomy from Katie’s cat, he flew a particularly tough stunt for a commercial—made all the tougher because in spite of himself, his mind kept slipping back to a certain soft-eyed, warm-spirited, strong yet vulnerable Katie Wilkins.
After the flight he sat for a long moment in his plane before pushing himself out of the cockpit. As he turned toward the aircraft’s door, it was suddenly filled with a curvy grinning blonde.
“Don’t even think about it,” he muttered to Holly, remembering the last time she’d cornered him in this very spot.
She lifted an innocent brow. “Playing hard to get, Bryan? That’s so sexy in a man. And so pointless. Every woman worth her pumps knows with the right…shall we say motivation, a man is putty in her hands.”
Bryan sighed. “Why don’t you give me a break and go ruin some other guy’s chances for a change?”
She grinned. “Oh, did I ruin your chances with Katie? What a terrible shame, your actually having to work hard at getting something you want.”
It was true. He hadn’t had to work at anything, not once in his entire life, because up until now, it had all come easy—school, friends, lovers. Life.
Another reason to get over Katie.
“You poor, poor man,” she said, tsking softly in her throat. “Trying to get a woman who has no intention of ever falling for a man like you. You’re fumbling around in the dark on this one, trust me.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why is that?”
“I could tell you why she’s so squirrelly about the attraction between you two, but…nah.”
“You owe me one.”
“I owe no one.”
“I wore that damn Santa costume so that you could trick Katie into making a fool of herself in front of Matt, all so you could make sure he noticed no woman but you.”
Holly rolled her eyes and looked bored. “What a convoluted idea that would be.”
He matched her bored expression. “Of course, I could just tell Matt—”
Her eyes sharpened. “Wait. That…won’t be necessary.”
He smiled. “I didn’t think so. So…spill it.”
“You mean let you in on our little Katie’s private torments? Tell you that her father was a daredevil stunt pilot just like you, one who made promise after promise to her that he always broke because a cool and thrilling job would come up? Tell you that after breaking her heart over and over again, he managed to really destroy her by getting himself killed on a job he had no business taking in the first place?” She lifted a negligent shoulder. “I suppose I could tell you all that, and all the sad little details that go with it, but… Well, that wouldn’t exactly be like me, would it?”
Bryan stared at her, but for once could see no intent to deceive. “Tell me you’re lying.”
“Would I do that?”
Heart heavy, he closed his eyes and shook his head. Oh, Katie.
“Oh, please,” she said with heartfelt disgust. “Don’t feel sorry for her, she always made out in the end. She and her mother received a huge life insurance settlement. She went to the college of her choice. She got to become whatever she wanted—God knows why she’d waste it on becoming an accountant, but that’s another story. Fact is, she came out smelling like a rose.”
“And you didn’t,” he said quietly, finding himself pitying Holly, not Katie. What kind of a woman would look at Katie’s life, and what she’d been through, and resent her?
But what he felt for Katie was far more complicated than pity. Compassion, empathy, yes. Definitely all that and more. Also a fierce pride for what she’d done for herself in spite of the obstacles she’d overcome. But there was a new understanding for what she saw when she looked at him.
And it wasn’t pretty.
All this time, he’d been allowing himself to get caught up in the bafflement of why a woman with so much hidden passion and love for life would stifle herself. Why she would pretend she didn’t feel, and even worse, pretend she didn’t need someone to feel for her in return
.
He hadn’t considered the possibility her past had driven her to that.
Did she really believe she’d be happy going along with the status quo for the rest of her life, avoiding adventure and excitement, never knowing what she was missing?
Yes, he decided, because she did know what she was missing. Hell, she was missing it on purpose so as not to get hurt.
He was outside her office, his hand raised to the doorknob before he knew what he was doing. But her office was empty. He let himself in and stood staring down at her neat-as-a-pin desk, realizing that knowing Katie’s past was only half the problem.
The other half was their basic differences.
Nothing was out of place here, not one piece of paper, not a single pencil, not even a paperclip.
Hmm.
Quickly he retraced his steps down the hall, needing to make sure, but—
Yep.
He opened the door to his own office and took in the wild, unorganized mess. Huge piles of paperwork were haphazardly stacked everywhere. Some had fallen over onto other piles, creating bigger mountains. When he’d run out of desk room he’d used floor space, nearly every inch of it.
No doubt. They were indeed opposites.
He attempted to straighten out some of the clutter, but no matter where he shifted a pile, the place still looked like a disaster area. Finally, he opened the large drawers on his desk and just shoved some of the paperwork into them. When they were full to overloading, he coaxed and jammed and threatened, and only slammed his fingers once, maybe twice.
Swearing, sucking on his sore fingers, he went to work on the files all over his floor, but he’d gotten exactly nowhere when he looked up at the shadow in his doorway.
Katie stood there, staring down at him with a bemused look on her face. “Did you lose something?”
He was on his hands and knees, surrounded by a mess he had yet to come close to fixing, even after hours of work. Worse, she didn’t look surprised, and that really irritated him. Dammit, he could be neat if he had to. He could!
“No,” he said stiffly, and casually kicked a pile beneath his desk, hoping she didn’t notice. “I know exactly where everything is.”
“Uh-huh.”
He ignored her, and when he looked again, she was gone.
The mess wasn’t.
And he was very tired of cleaning.
Maybe, he figured, it was time to regroup. Shift gears.
Attempting to make himself more like Matt was a really bad idea. He didn’t want to be like Matt. He liked himself just fine, and thought Katie probably did, too. She was just scared.
And with good reason.
He wanted to show her that risk could be good, certainly better than stability and neat desks. The scary part was, he wasn’t even sure why it all mattered so terribly much.
Why she mattered.
Damn, this was getting complicated. Normally, he was good at complicated. But despite having so many sisters, he didn’t really do well as it applied to a woman.
“Definitely need a new plan,” he muttered, rubbing a finger along the thick dust on his desk. “A good one.”
He mulled over the facts. One, whether she admitted it or not, Katie felt safe and relaxed with Matt. Two, she did not feel safe and relaxed with Bryan. She felt out of control, hot and itchy.
All he had to do was convince her that out of control, hot and itchy was a good thing.
How hard could that be?
7
MATT CAME BACK to work the week before Christmas.
The day he did, Katie hid out in her office, pretending everything was peachy, when of course it wasn’t. How could it be? In her quest for Mr. Perfect she’d overlooked one minute detail—his feelings.
It went even deeper than that. She’d thought her needs simple—she wanted a nice, secure, happy life with a nice, secure, happy man. Someone who knew his goals and responsibly went after them, someone who didn’t let fun run his life.
So why then had her dreams been taken over by a man who didn’t fit the criteria, a man who lived his life the same way he flew his airplanes? With wild, reckless, adventurous abandon?
Now Matt was back and she was fairly certain her job was in jeopardy. Her stomach rumbled in spite of having bitten all ten fingernails down to the quick, which was probably a lot more nutritious then her usual breakfast of sugar-coated cereal.
Searching her desk, she came up with three candy bars and happily devoured them all. When she was finished, her skirt felt too tight, but at least the sugar gave her a sense of energy.
Holly poked her head into her office. “My, don’t you look…stressed.”
Suddenly Katie found a silver lining and managed a smile. “Be nice. This is probably our last day working together.” She spared a thought to wonder how much unemployment benefits paid. Or how she’d explain the reason for losing this job. Well, you see, ma’am, it all started when I gave our vice president a concussion while attempting to sexually harass him.
Now wouldn’t that look good on the old résumé.
“Why would this be our last day together?” Holly asked.
“I don’t think giving Matt a bump on the head—” not to mention making him paranoid about mistletoe “—is likely to get me a promotion.”
Holly laughed and perched a slim hip on the corner of Katie’s desk. “You’re making way too much of a little accident.”
“Uh-huh. Oh, and by the way, thanks for tricking me at the party.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But then, I rarely do.”
“I know what you did, and even for you, it was really low.”
Matt walked by her office right then, his arms full of paperwork. He didn’t so much as peek in. Actually, he sped up, nearly running by.
Holly grinned and looked at Katie. “Guess he’s in a hurry.” She rose and moved to the door. “Hello, Matt,” she called, and Katie winced.
“Don’t call him in here!” she whispered in panic, slipping out of her chair and onto her knees behind her desk. She ducked. “I’m not ready for the firing!”
“Well then, don’t let him see you.” Holly pasted a bright smile on her face as Matt reluctantly came back to the doorway.
“Don’t worry,” Katie heard her say to Matt in a soothing voice. “The big, bad accountant is gone.”
“I thought I saw her….”
Katie crouched farther down and decided the heck with getting fired, she was going to end up in prison. For Holly’s murder.
“Oh, she’s long gone,” Holly said sweetly to Matt, in a voice that said I’ll protect you!
Katie rolled her eyes as they left together, and wished she had more fingernails to bite.
AT LUNCH Katie took her sandwich and soda outside to watch the planes landing and taking off.
Above her came the drone of an approaching Cessna. The wings gleamed in the sun, reflecting the spectacular blue sky. It swooped in close then soared upward again, the pilot apparently having a ball as he yet again dipped close, this time coming in for his final approach.
As she watched, the wind whipped her face, her hair, and still she just stood there, watching, knowing by the inexplicable tingle in her tummy who it was in the aircraft.
Bryan.
No man had ever given her that tingle before. Certainly not Matt, which, if she was being honest, was what had attracted her to him in the first place.
That tingle scared her to death.
But whether she liked it or not, the truth was very simple. Katie didn’t want both Matt and Bryan. She wanted Bryan.
Only Bryan.
She couldn’t even say for sure when she’d stopped fooling herself, when she realized that she and Matt would be truly poorly matched. Yes, he was charming and intelligent. He was security and stability personified. Oh, and let’s not forget the third S. He was safe. But he was safe only because he didn’t make Katie’s heart leap with excitement.
The plane came in for a perfect l
anding.
She sighed, in both appreciation for Bryan’s skill, and with regret for what would never be. From deep within her came an ache, an old one. Her father had been that skilled, and that uncontrollable. Her mother had loved him anyway.
He’d nearly destroyed her.
Katie had witnessed it firsthand and yet here she stood, wondering, fantasizing… Had she not learned a thing? Did she think Bryan was any different?
She was a fool.
With a loud roar, the plane rocketed by her. At the end of the runway Bryan executed a U-turn and then headed back toward her for the tie-down spot.
He’d seen her.
Katie would swear it by the way her inner tingle spread, liquefying her limbs. She realized she stood rooted to one spot, practically quivering, waiting for the sight of him.
Then he appeared, his hair ruffled, his skin deeply tanned, his eyes covered in aviator glasses that reflected her own wide gaze back to her. He hopped down with ease and grace and looked right at her.
Then he grinned.
She nearly responded in kind, nearly went running toward him, but she managed to restrain herself. Barely.
She was pathetic, melting because of a smile!
Over the loudspeaker on the side of the building, came her page. She turned away, so thankful she nearly tripped over her own two feet.
With not near the same amount of ease and grace Bryan had exhibited getting out of the plane, she escaped back to her reality—work.
HE CAUGHT UP WITH HER.
There were others in the large maintenance hangar; in fact it was fairly crowded, and with three large aircraft in the middle, she couldn’t see everyone at once.
But she saw Bryan.
Surely he’d come to talk to one of the mechanics, or even another pilot. Maybe he was simply headed for the pilot’s lounge.
He looked right and left, searching, though not for her. That would be silly, pretentious.
Ridiculous.
But then their gazes met. He went utterly still, then slowly reached up and tugged off his aviator glasses, carelessly hanging them on his collar by one earpiece.
Katie didn’t so much as breathe. They hadn’t spoken much since he’d been practically unmanned by her cat a week earlier. Up until then, he’d always looked at her with what could only be described as a hungry expression, as if she were a scrumptious dessert and he was a starving man.
