by Savana Jade
LIVE TODAY
BY:
SAVANA JADE
COPYWRITE: 2014
A special thanks
To my husband Chad for finally believing I can do it. Guess now you have to read it. To my three boys Tyler, Kory and Camren for being patient with me throughout all those “One more minute” moments.
To Samantha, Anitha and Keri for always having faith in me and pushing me when I was ready to throw in the towel.
And a very special thank you to the fans that have helped support my short stories into a full novel.
I love you all!
PROLOGUE
WHAT NOW?
A NEW BEGINNING
FRUSTRATION
BRENNAN
GETTING AWAY
GABRIEL
MATT & DREW
CRAVING
I’M SORRY
HURT
TOO CLOSE
LETTING GO
FAMILY
NO TURNING BACK NOW
THE DANCE
IT’S TIME
SECRETS
Prologue
It’s time to close a chapter of a book and begin anew. Recently moving from sunny Los Angeles, where I was born and raised alongside my older brother Brennan, to begin again in the not so sunny state of Washington. Seattle to be precise. Often times I find myself asking what the hell I was thinking? Then, I remember, I wasn’t thinking at all. I didn’t have much of a say in to tell the truth. I lost the vote to stay in California by Brennan and our three band mates who happen to be center of my world. Of course, I won’t deny that I originally put up one of the biggest struggles imaginable. I guess through time, the idea of making a new start grew on me. Brennan, who is also our lead guitarist believes this will be a good idea for us all.
“Jenna, we’re carrying too much baggage here.” He argues.
“But it’s been our home for so long Brennan. I’ve lived here my whole life. All our memories here.” I dispute waving my arms in the air dramatically.
“That’s about all we have here Jems, memories. Besides, why can’t we make new memories in Seattle?” he counters with an evil grin on his scruffy face knowing he will win this battle yet again. Honestly, I knew I couldn’t argue with him. I needed to get away from here more than anyone. I have been recovering from the horrible world of drug addiction. At first it was a way of survival when you’re traveling night after night, doing gig after gig. It was always a quick and easy pick me up to keep us going all day and night. But then somewhere in the midst of it all, it became more of a lifestyle. Wake up in the morning; snort a line before your cup of coffee. Just before lunch, I made sure I took a few hits. It was becoming a multiday event. Brennan wasn’t nearly as bad as I was. But by the time I realized how badly I had it, it was too late for me to stop.
It wasn’t until we lost our bass guitarist Will in a car accident that gave Brennan the idea to move. The same accident that left me in the hospital alongside Will before he passed away a few days later. Which in the end, left me in rehab for three months. Being away for me was the deciding factor for Brennan to make the change. He was convinced that if we moved away from our life here, including friends that contributed to the addiction, everything will be better wherever we were as long as it was away from here. He was persistent on making more music and finishing out the tour. But what he didn’t realize was what the accident had done to me emotionally. Ever since the accident, I haven’t had the urge to ever go back to drugs, thankfully. Sadly, I’ve been struggling with myself with the idea of stepping foot on stage as well.
Because I was the only one under the influence of a controlled substance in the car at the time, apparently I was the one with the drug problem. I do have to admit that I was the one that got carried away with the addiction. But knowing that your drug problem is the reason a life was taken is motivation enough for anyone to never touch it again. But Brennan wanted a fresh start nonetheless. This move was more important for him than the rest of us. We all had to begin somewhere.
Matt, our drummer’s beginning was when the mother of his baby girl decided to leave him for someone that was “at home more”. Unfortunately she ended hooking up with his cousin. It made Matt furious that he couldn’t see his little girl Danika at first. But eventually he had peace of mind knowing since his cousin was close to his mom and dad, that they would still be a part of her life when he was gone. He figured it would be best to start off in a new state. He knew not seeing Danika would be a difficult task, but he was hoping that when the time was right, he and Willow, Danika’s mother, would get back together.
Gabriel’s began was when he first moved out to California seven some odd years ago, with just a duffle bag and his guitar. He came from some small town in Kansas. Brennan found him at some bar jamming one night and he’s been with us ever since. He and his old man had a hard time agreeing to Gabriel’s life decisions, so he decided to “make a fresh start”. He says as much as he loves his family, he knew he wouldn’t get anywhere if he stayed. He says wherever we go, he goes, since we are his new found family.
Drew, well, his new beginning was when he joined the band just a few months ago to replace our lost member William. I met Drew in rehab. We hit it off immediately, and he’s been by my side ever since. Rehab was forced on him by his father. He didn’t care much about his father’s beliefs, but he went anyways to make his mother happy. He fits right in with our family, and without him, I don’t think I would have had enough courage to go ahead with the move.
That leaves Brennan and myself. I can’t say we’ve had many new beginnings. Simply because we have had our fair share of endings. When I was five, our mother left us without a word. That change must have made a huge impact on our father, because at fifteen, I came home from school one day and Brennan had told me that our father left and wasn’t ever coming back. He’s been my guardian ever since. I vowed we would stay together no matter what happened to us or where we went.
We’ve always stayed in the same house I was raised in and we made the best of what was handed to us. But this, this is an actual beginning for us all. Not just a new chapter in our lives, but a new series to our story of life. This beginning is the launch of a new life for all of us. It’s us against the world. We vowed to always begin each day with a new slate. We agreed a long time ago that we need to live each day to its fullest, because you just never know what can happen, you can always die tomorrow…….
Live Today, Die Tomorrow.
What Now?
Brennan
Seven years earlier
Eighteen, I’m fucking eighteen years old and he just left. He woke up, walked into the kitchen and grabbed his keys from the hook that hangs on the side of the cupboard and merely walked out and never looked back. The coward waited for Jenna to go to school before he left. That’s the only thing I am thankful for. He didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye to us. And the sad thing is, I knew it was fucking coming too. I saw the signs; this was not my first going away party. No. The first time I ever had to deal with this kind of loss was when I was eight when my mom did the same thing damn thing to us. Jenna was only five when she just upped and left us all. Ten years after her leaving, just a few months after my eighteenth birthday, my dad went and did the same damn fucking thing.
Now I am left fighting to keep everything together for Jenna’s sake. I’m trying my best to show her that this doesn’t bother me. Working two jobs as well as a not so legal side job keeps me busy enough and keeps plenty food on the table to make sure she has a happy and stable life.
Who would have thought I would have a fifteen year old to raise on my own? Okay, my sister Jenna really is not that difficult to raise, but when our dad left, it hit he
r hard. She took it worse than I could have ever imagined, so of course she went into her rebellion stage. Even though she says she’s “over” it, I still believe she’s far from. If anything, it makes her write more. She loves writing lyrics and she’s pretty damn good at it too.
My cell phone rings and vibrates on the glass coffee table waking me up from the horrible daydream I’ve been having since that day I was sitting at the kitchen table and watched my old man take off without even the look of remorse on his face. Leaning down to pick up the old fashioned phone, I flip it open to see a text from Jems.
Matty is bringing me home from school. See you soon. xo J =)
As I read it, my blood begins to boil a little. I know she only sees him as a brother to her, but I’ll be damned to allow any guy get close to my baby sister. Yeah, it’s only Matty and he’s been like a brother to both of us, shit, he’s just a smaller version of me really. Long blond hair, but a little shorter than mine, the kid even dresses the same as me. The only difference is, he has definitely got more muscle than I and he’s just a few inches shorter.
Matt’s always looked up to me, I guess it makes sense since I was the oldest kid on the block, well me and Will anyway, and since he is the only child, he spent most of his growing up under our wings. But regardless, Matt is a guy and I for one know how he thinks. Even though he’s been hooked up with his girl Willow for a few years now, I will be damned if he comes anywhere near my little sister. I see how he looks at her sometimes, and I swear to God, if he wasn’t my brother and our band’s drummer, his ass would be out on the streets by now. I send her a reply text letting her know that I will see her soon and we had some things to settle before practice started.
Jenna is a vision to be seen. Her looks have nothing on her personality. She is no average girl by any means. Her naturally blond hair and bright smile can lift any room she walks in on. I always tell her she has the eyes of a gem, a mixture between blue topaz and sapphire depending on her mood. With her gleaming eyes, stunning smile and her naturally sun kissed skin, she definitely brightens anyone’s day. She never fails me with her heart of gold. I would say she has won the hearts of everyone at her school. It hasn’t surprised me that she has won “The Most Friendliest” contest at school. And because she is so adorable, I feel like I’m constantly beating the shit out of anyone that even dares to look her way. Will walks into the living room eyeing the phone in my hand.
“Did you tell her?” he asks. I look up at him, then down to my phone and shake my head.
“No. But she’s on her way home now. I told her we had some things to talk about when she came home though.” I reply with a deep sigh. Today I had a meeting with the social worker, a forty-five year old mother of three, Mrs. Bradshaw. I have to say, the meeting went better than I imagined it would even though we were on a three month evaluation. Mrs. Bradshaw believes that as an eighteen year old “adolescent” as she called me, I am in no position of raising a fifteen year old girl.
What she does not realize is that I have literally been doing it for a lot longer than the last six months, that I’ve held this position for the past ten years. Ten fucking years. Each year, I picked up a new responsibility. Dad may have actually been a physical aspect in our lives, but he was most definitely not here for us when we needed him the most. Heck, he hasn’t been here for us I would say for the past five years for sure. He was a shell of a body when he would roam around the house, and that was when he actually stayed home.
“Bro, you have got to let her know that there is a chance you two can split up.” Will said. Fuck, I know that. But there is absolutely no way I will let Jenna out of my sight. There’s no way in hell she will lose me too.
“I know.” I say as I rub my neck roughly with my hand, as much as I want to keep this from Jenna, I know I can’t, especially when Mrs. Bradshaw is insisting on meeting with Jenna tomorrow. “Fuck man, she doesn’t need this right now. She just started to begin to smile again. You know?”
For the first month, all Jenna would do is stay locked up in her room. She would come down when I forced her to come down to eat. She wouldn’t even talk to anyone; the only time she spoke was to reply with a yes or no response or to request for a new notebook for her music. It affected her school work as well. Causing the counselor to make a house call. Eventually figuring out Dad had left leaving him no choice to call social services.
“I even tried telling that bitch that. But she didn’t care.”
Will walks over to the tattered couch and take a seat by my side, putting his arm over my shoulder in a supportive hug for support. Will is my best friend. He has been by my side since kindergarten. We managed to stay in the same classes from the first day of school to the very last day our senior year. Not a day has gone by that we haven’t spoken to each other, especially now that he’s moved in with us to help out with dealing with an emotional fifteen year old. We’ve done everything together. And I mean everything. We both even lost our virginity on the same day, with a set of twins no less. Of course he got the more outgoing one.
He always had this way of bringing out the best in me. Even though we were polar opposites, I’m tall, and skinny, Will is shorter and supports a more stocky build. I have blond “surfer hair” Jenna always says, and Will, he is just one of those wholesome clean cut kids. The fucker looks like he could be one of those lame ass underwear models. Makes me sick how quickly he can get the chicks.
Will loves and protects my little sister like she was his own. I have to admit, there are times I envy him. When I’m at work, Will is always taking care of Jenna. He gets to see how her day was the moment she walks through the door. It was Will that Jenna opened up to a few months back. Of course, it took some coercing on his part when he bribed her with buying her a new pair of Converse and an outfit to accompany it. He had taken her to the pier that day; they spent the entire day together when I was at work. As jealous as I was, I have to admit that my jealousy melted away when I walked through the front door from work and saw them on the couch together. Usually she locks herself up in her room.
Jenna had her head leaning on his shoulder giggling at something they were watching on TV when I walked in the door. Just to see her smile again, no words can ever show enough gratitude to Will for what he’s done. Will glances in my direction and makes eye contact with me, he gestures with a grin letting me know all is well with my little sister. Jenna looks over at me, her bright smile widens, melting my heart even more. She stands immediately and runs straight into my arms. A tear escapes my eye as I hold her tightly when I hear her whisper “I love you Bren.”
“You know I’m going to be right here with you. I will even go with you tomorrow if you need me to.” He says snapping me out of my memory. He stands and walks towards the kitchen.
“Yeah, I know. Thanks man.” I respond as we hear Matt’s Volkswagen Beetle pull into the drive. He looks out the window before turning around and making eye contact with me. “Well, here goes nothing.” I say with a moan as I try to figure out what to say to her.
2 years later
Sitting at the end of the dark lit bar with a beer in my hand, I wait for Will to show up with the rest of my stash. Tonight is my last night as a dealer. I’m turning it over. Selling it all, the clients, the sources, all of it. I have no choice really, ever since I came home a few years ago and saw Jenna taking a hit from my stash; I knew I had to get out of it. There’s no way my little sister is going to get all strung up on drugs. Of course that was two years ago and she hasn’t stopped. And it makes me sick to my stomach thinking I caused this. My seventeen year old sister has a massive drug problem and the simple fact that I am the one that she gets most of it from kills me. But fuck, how can I let her go elsewhere knowing how fucked up some dealers are? She is a bright, beautiful girl and I would literally kill anyone who would even think of taking advantage of her.
“Is he here?” Will asks, as he takes a seat next to me, waving a finger at the bartender from him to me letting her
know he’s ordering another round. I’m meeting Miguel here, he’s coming to buy the contacts, and the remainder of my stash tonight.
“No.” I look around. “You bring the rest?” I ask as I reach my hand in the small bowl of pretzels.
“Yeah, it’s in the car. I didn’t think you wanted it brought in here.”
Shaking my head. “No, you’re right, not here.” I say as the sound of an amp comes alive on stage, breaking both of us from our thoughts. Simultaneously we both look over to the stage, then back at each other and smile as we hear the sweet sound of a guitar. We listen for a few minutes. “You thinking of what I’m thinking?” I ask as I pop another handful of pretzels in my mouth.
Without even letting me finish my question, Will nods. “Oh Yeah.” He says as we take our beers and make our way to the stage. “What about Miguel?” he asks.
“He’s not here yet, besides, the fucker can wait for m.” I say as we stop in front of this kid whose back is towards us. He has no clue that we are standing here listening to him which is good. I don’t want him to stop. He looks like he can’t be much older than Jenna. He’s a bit taller than me, darker complexion but very clean cut like Will. This kid is definitely not from here. Will’s grin begins matching mine as he stops playing. He must have gotten a vibe that someone was watching him, he stops and turns.
“Yeah?” the kid asks as he observes Will and me in confusion.
“Obviously you play.” Will states, “You from here?”
Shaking his head, “Nah, I’m not,” He looks down and tunes his guitar. “I come here and play since I don’t have an amp. The owner lets me for work.” Then he looks back up to Will, “Why?”
Extending my hand, he reacts and takes it with a firm grip. “I’m Brennan.” Then nod to my right. “This is Will.” His eyes trail over to my best friend before returning them to me.
