Jack wished it was as easy as that. “Best guess, how many days till she’s out?”
“Three. She should be home by Sunday.”
THE GIRLS slept soundly that night. Jack knew, because he looked in on them every few hours. Their ordeal was ending. They were excited enough about Rachel’s awakening not to be worried about Jack’s future role in their lives, but he sure was. He was worried sick. Sleep came only in short stretches, broken by restlessness and fear. He called the hospital several times during the night. Rachel remained out of her coma. Between hours of healthy sleep, she was drinking juice and eating pudding.
Friday morning, he went to the hospital alone. Her IV pole was gone. Her hair was damp and waving gently, her face was shiny clean. The tray table held a plate with dried egg streaks and toast crumbs, and an empty cup of coffee. She was reading the newspaper, looking as thin and small as Hope in a huge magenta T-shirt. The wedding band was still on her finger, but she looked startled to see him.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, standing just inside the door. Despite all that had been, coming closer seemed an intrusion on her turf. If she wanted him there, she had to let him know.
“Better,” she said. “Where are the girls?”
“School. They’ve missed too much of it. They’ll be here this afternoon.”
She nodded.
“So,” he said, “they got you up for a shower?”
She smiled and nodded. “Uh-huh. They wrapped the cast in plastic. It was a little bulky, plaster and crutches. They’re giving me a waterproof one later.”
“That’s good.” He slipped his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked around. “Do you need anything? Candy? Magazines?”
“No, thanks. I’m fine. When are you going back to the city?”
“I don’t know. Not for a while. You’ll need some help.”
“The girls can help. School will be out in a few weeks.”
“Well, between now and then. Unless you’d rather have someone else. If you’d rather have a nurse, I’ll hire one.”
“That might be best if you have to get back to the city.”
A deep dark hole was eating his insides. He had just said that he didn’t have to go, hadn’t he? Hadn’t anything the girls said registered with her?
“Perfect timing,” said Steve Bauer as he slipped past Jack and went to the bed. “I want you taking another walk down the hall. Jack can take you.”
“I’m still tired from the last one.”
“You ate. Good. We’ll get more in here in a little while. Fatten you up a little. The more you walk, the stronger you’ll be and the faster the plumbing will start up again. As soon as that happens, you can go home.” He held out a hand.
She sighed, took it, and pushed herself to a seated position. When she was steady there, he handed her a furry red slipper. She fitted it to her foot—bending stiffly, Jack thought. Steve gave her a single crutch, helped her up, then gave her the other. When both crutches were in place, she stood for a minute with her head down.
“Okay?” Steve asked quietly. Jack envied him the intimacy.
She nodded and took several uneven steps.
“Hand hurt?” Steve asked.
“A little, but it’s okay,” she said. Her voice was as shaky as the rest of her looked.
“Is she up for this?” Jack asked. He imagined her falling and hurting herself more.
But Steve kept an arm around her back, preventing that. “She can’t go home until she is.” When they reached Jack, he said, “Your turn.”
THEY walked slowly and haltingly down the corridor.
“Okay?” Jack asked; then after several more steps, “Hanging in there?” When they reached the end, he said, “You’re doing great,” and when they were halfway back, “Nearly there.”
She gave him single-word answers, clearly concentrating on keeping her balance. By the time they were back in the room, she had broken into a sweat. He helped her into bed and asked if she needed anything. She shook her head and closed her eyes.
Jack was devastated.
“HOW’S MOM?” Hope asked as soon as she climbed into the car. She was still wearing her cowboy boots, which told Jack she wasn’t yet completely relaxed.
“She’s great,” he said and pushed open the door for Samantha, who promptly repeated the question. “She’s been up and hobbling around. Had a sandwich for lunch.”
“Did you get it for her?” Hope asked.
“Eliza dropped it off before I could.” With a glance in the rearview mirror, he pulled away from the curb.
“But you’ve been with her all day,” Samantha said.
“Yup.”
“So did you guys talk?”
He shot her a curious glance. “About?”
“Stuff, Daddy,” Hope said, leaning in between the seats. “You know. Your living with us and all.”
He had figured they were getting at that. It followed, after all of the good things they had told Rachel the day before. “Is your seat belt fastened, Hope?”
“Well, did you?” Samantha asked.
Jack darted glances in the rearview mirror until he heard the click that said Hope was belted in.
“Dad.”
“No, Samantha. We didn’t talk about that. Your mother’s just been through an ordeal.” He had been telling himself that all day. “She’s concentrating on getting up and eating. Her first priority is getting home.”
“What happens then?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you staying?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
He drove silently, until she repeated the question. He caught Hope’s eyes in the rearview mirror. She was waiting for his answer, too.
“On things that your mother and I decide to do,” he finally said. “But there’s a whole lot of other stuff we need to think about before we think about that, so I’d appreciate it if the two of you backed off. Okay?”
“SO DAD’S been here all day?” Samantha asked.
They hadn’t been there five minutes. Jack was at the window looking out, listening to the girls tell Rachel about school. He hung his head when he heard the question, pursed his lips, waited.
“He has,” Rachel said. “It’s tricky getting used to crutches. He walked me up and down a few times. He brought me a hot fudge sundae.”
“With mocha almond ice cream?” Hope asked in obvious delight.
“Uh-huh. It was good. I’m still sleeping a lot. Funny, you’d think after sixteen days I wouldn’t be tired.”
“I think Dad should stay with us,” Samantha said. “You know, like, after you get home?”
Jack put a hand to the back of his neck.
“We’ll talk about that later,” Rachel said.
“When later? You may be home in two days. He’s really a good guy, Mom.”
“I never said he wasn’t.”
“Maybe you need to hear his side of the story.”
“Samantha,” Jack warned, turning to face them.
Hope said, “He did everything while you were sick. I mean, he came right down from the city that first day and shopped and cooked and drove us around. He even drove Faith to see you. Did you know he did that?”
“No,” Rachel said without looking at Jack. “I’m grateful to him.”
“He left the firm for you!” Samantha cried.
Jack said, “No, I didn’t, Sam.”
Blond hair flying, she looked at him fast. “You did!”
“I left it for me. For me, Sam. It wasn’t working for me anymore, so I gave it up. Don’t lay that on your mother, too. It’s not like I’m out of work. My phone’s been ringing. I can get clients now that I couldn’t get before. New doors are open now.” He stopped. He didn’t know why he had said all that. It wasn’t what he wanted to tell Rachel.
“Fine,” Samantha said, staring at him with his very own defiant eyes. “But if you go back to San Francisco, I’m going, too.”
“Samanth
a!” Rachel cried, sounding totally displeased, even hurt.
“I can live both places, can’t I? And, anyway, it’s summer. I can get a job there.”
Jack said, “You’re not doing that.”
“I will!”
“No, you won’t, because your mother’s going to need your help, and besides, I won’t be in San Francisco. I’m moving here. I like it here. I’ll buy my own place if I have to.” The timing was all wrong to say that. The idea was half-baked. It would never work if Rachel was against it. He resented his daughter forcing the issue. This wasn’t Samantha’s business. It wasn’t Hope’s business. It was between Rachel and him. That was all. Rachel and him.
The fact that Katherine was suddenly standing in the door didn’t help. Annoyed, he stalked past her, right out of the room, then realized it was another wrong thing to do. He should have told Katherine to take his daughters away. They had given Rachel a rundown on what the last few weeks had been like for them. He needed to tell her what it had been like for him.
But he couldn’t turn around and go back. Forget talking. Rachel was barely looking at him. He might have started seeing things differently in the last few weeks, but she sure hadn’t.
Disgusted, he went down the hall to the bank of telephones. It was Friday. He had told Myron Elliott that he would call. There was no point in delaying. Regardless of where he lived, Jack didn’t want the job.
“WHY DIDN’T you say something?” Samantha asked.
“He loves you, Mommy,” Hope said.
Katherine had approached the bed. “Can I talk to your mom, guys?”
“Someone better,” Samantha remarked and, with a look of disgust at Rachel, grabbed Hope’s arm and hauled her out of the room.
Rachel watched them go. “That was a quick honeymoon.”
“Why didn’t you?” Katherine asked.
Rachel’s eyes flew to her face. She didn’t understand the edge in Katherine’s voice. “Why didn’t I what?”
“Say something to Jack.”
“About what?”
“His leaving the firm. His moving here.”
Rachel tried to replay the conversation without opening herself to hurt. “Did he ask my opinion?”
“Do you need a formal invitation? Come on, Rachel. The guy hasn’t left your side. Help him out a little here.”
“Help him with what?” Rachel cried. “Maybe I don’t want him moving here. Fine, the girls are attached to him, but maybe I don’t want to have to see him all the time. Big Sur is mine. Why does he think he can just barge right in?”
“He loves you, Rachel.”
Rachel closed her eyes and turned away.
“Tell him you love him back,” Katherine said.
Rachel’s heart was aching. It was a veteran at that, where Jack McGill was concerned. “I don’t know if I can,” she said. She had precious little energy when her heart ached. It had been aching so long.
“What are you afraid of?”
“Depending on him and being abandoned again.”
“You’d rather live the rest of your life without?”
Rachel opened her eyes and looked at Katherine hard. She could understand that her daughters would have conflicting loyalties, but her best friend should be on her side. “He hasn’t said he loves me either, y’know, and don’t say he’s shown it, because it’s not the same. If he loves me, let him say it. Let him go out on a limb and take a risk that I’ll say no. Wouldn’t you do that, if you wanted something bad enough?”
Katherine looked at her a minute longer, then headed for the door. Rachel wanted to ask where she was going, but didn’t have the strength.
KATHERINE kept her head down and scowled as she walked. She was angry at Rachel for being stubborn, angry at Steve for being persistent, angry at herself for being afraid to take the kind of risk she just told her best friend to take. She was angry at Jack. And then, there he was at the bank of phones.
JACK had made his call and didn’t know what to do next. His life was in a limbo—professionally, personally. The phone booth seemed as good a way station as any.
“What are you doing?” Katherine asked, looking and sounding again like the woman who had thought him lower than low several weeks before.
He was feeling raw. He didn’t need prodding from her. Pushing away from the booth, he held up a hand and set off for the elevator. “Not now, Katherine.”
“If not now, when?” she asked, keeping up with his stride easily. “You told me you loved her and wanted back into the marriage. Why don’t you tell her?”
He put a hand over his ear. “Not now, Katherine?”
“Then when? What’s with you and silence? What’s this whole thing been about? Haven’t you lost enough time? Jesus, Jack, haven’t you learned anything?”
He stopped short and put his face in hers. “Have you?”
That got her fast. She swallowed, blinked, pulled back. She frowned in the direction of the nurses’ station, then lowered her eyes.
“Yeah,” she said, suddenly humble, “I want to think I have. I took a good look at myself, and you were right. What I have isn’t so bad.” Flattening a hand on her chest, she seemed to be speaking more to herself than to him. “Am I pleased with these? No. But I can live with them. I can live with them.”
She dropped her hand, straightened her spine, raised her eyes to his, and said with determination, “I’m gonna give it a shot, risk that ole rejection, because maybe there’s something that’s worth it.” She smiled, becoming the friend he wanted, needed. “So what’s with you? Can’t you just do it, too?”
She made it sound easy. He started walking again. “You’re talking apples and oranges.”
“I’m talking trust,” she said, beside him still.
“Christ, Katherine, where’s hers? She knows I’m done with the firm. She knows I’m done with San Francisco. She knows I’ve been here taking care of her.” He stopped at the elevator and faced her. “She hasn’t said a goddamned word about any of it.”
Katherine stared at him, stared deep. He felt genuine caring—from her, from him—when she put a hand on his arm. “Three weeks ago, I’d have said you were a guy through and through. Guys don’t think, they don’t analyze, they don’t understand. They just do—whatever, whenever, however. But you can be more than a guy, Jack.” She squeezed his arm. “Why isn’t she talking?” She tapped her head. “Think.”
She looked at him a minute longer, took a deep breath that he could have sworn reverberated with courage, did an about-face, and started back down the hall.
BY THE TIME she reached the nurses’ station, Katherine was starting to tremble. She consciously laced her fingers and kept them low when she asked if Steve was around. There was some confusion and consulting of one another behind the desk. Katherine was starting to wonder if her bravado would hold over for another day when he emerged from a door far down the hall. He spotted her. His blue eyes smiled and closed in fast. The shaking inside her went deeper.
He was still smiling when he reached her. His hands were in his pockets, pushing back the lapels of his lab coat. He raised his brows. “Can you take a break?” Katherine whispered.
He spoke briefly with the nurse at the desk, walked Katherine to the elevator, pushed the buttons both outside and inside. The ride was short, and they were alone. He leaned against one wall, she leaned against the other. She spent the entire time running through all the things she had seen and learned that suggested he was worthy of trust, but it was thinking about Jack and Rachel that kept her on track. If she expected them to risk something of themselves, she had to be willing to do it herself.
The elevator took them to the lowest level. Steve stuck a finger toward outside, then a thumb toward a long corridor. “Is this about Rachel?” he asked. When she shook her head, he followed the thumb. Holding her hand, he led her down the corridor, around a corner, and into a room that was small and dark. He leaned against the door to shut it, at the same time pushing his fingers deep
into her hair. “This is so gorgeous,” he whispered, using the leverage to bring her in for a kiss. His mouth was as willful as it had been on Sunday, but no stick shift stood between them now. They were in full body contact. A deep breath caused an undulation. Katherine didn’t know whose breath it was, but the shaking in her belly grew worse.
It was a while before he dragged his mouth away. When he wrapped his arms around her, her head had nowhere to go but his shoulder. She smelled the starch of his lab coat, and something male beneath it.
Her chest was flush to his. She wondered if he felt anything strange.
“Where are we?” she asked. Beyond the sound of their own heavy breathing, she heard the hum of a machine in the wall.
“Broom closet,” he murmured into her hair. “I’ve always wanted to do it in a broom closet. If a doctor is worth his salt, he’s done it in a broom closet, right?”
“On TV,” she chided, but the darkness helped. “We have to talk, Steve. I have to talk. You need to know certain things about me before this relationship goes any further.”
He made a humming sound, leaned down a little, and lifted her closer. He felt like a man in ecstasy.
“The thing is,” she began, wanting to give in and melt, but fearing disaster, “there are never guarantees in any relationship, because no one knows what the future holds. I mean, look at Rachel, perfectly healthy one day and comatose another through no single fault of her own. We think we’ll be here next week, but we don’t know for sure. I mean, you could be running down the street and be hit by a car, and zap, you’re gone, just like that—God forbid, I don’t want that to happen … Steve, I have breast cancer.”
There should have been an abrupt silence with her announcement. But life hadn’t stopped. There were heartbeats, ongoing breaths, and the hum of that machine in the wall.
He drew her closer. His voice was deep and sure. “Wrong tense. You had breast cancer. It’s gone.”
She caught her breath. “Excuse me?”
“Past tense. You’re cured.”
She drew her head back, unable to see him but needing the distance. “You know?”
“You looked familiar when I saw you after Rachel’s accident, and you kept bumping into hospital personnel who knew you, too. I put two and two together and checked our database.”
Coast Road Page 36
