by Ayles, Abby
“Even Bridget—and I know that you care for her, and I don’t mean to speak ill of her. You know that I adore her. She is the dearest person in the world to me. But even she, I think sometimes, I think she worries about me.
“I think that she doesn’t think I’m quite up to herself or my sisters either. As much as she doesn’t mean to think it. And as much as it would hurt her to say it out loud because she would know that saying it would hurt me. But if even… if even my darling sister who I know loves me. And I know that she loves me—if even she thinks that of me…
“You can see how I know that you’re flattering me. And I don’t like it. It’s part of why I don’t like most men, they flatter you because they think every woman wants to be treated as a peacock. That women only want praise no matter how false it is.
“And maybe other women want that. Perhaps they would hear sweet nothings no matter how false those statements might be. I am not one of those women. I want the truth only.
“Society has been kind enough to give me the truth, if not to my face. You’ve said it yourself. You know what people have told you about me. I’m a mouse. I’m horribly rude when I do open my lips. I’m not at all fun to be around. I’m entertaining only in that it can be amusing to watch me stumble all over myself.
“I make myself and those around me uncomfortable. That’s all I am. So you’ll excuse me if I don’t play the part of yet another ingénue who falls for your sweet words. I’m sure you’ve gotten many a girl with them.
“And I don’t blame those girls! They’re well-said words, very pretty, and who doesn’t want to be told that they are special and valuable? I can understand why they like it so much. But I get enough fantasy from my books. I’m not one of those girls.”
She heard the sofa creak slightly and the floorboards shift as Harrison stood up.
“You ridiculous, impossible creature,” Harrison said quietly. “Why do you think that I chose to help you? Why I continue to help you even after my friends made it clear to me the danger that we are putting both of ourselves in by spending time with one another?
“The right thing to do—the proper thing to do—would be to send you home. No matter what you may wish to do to save your family, it cannot be worth the ruin that you risk bringing down upon yourself. Not only by playing cards but by spending time with me.
“Cora may be your escort but she is a tentative one. And we spend hours of every day together. It is suspect. It is more than suspect. If I were a truly honorable man I would give it all up and let you go.
“But I have faith in you. I know that you can pull this off. And may God forgive me but I actually enjoy your company, shocking a discovery though it may be to you.
“I am not the kind of man given over to flattering ladies who do not deserve it. Especially when it comes to something of this nature. You asked for my help. My help can only truly be helpful to you if I push you.
“As you are, you cannot win. But I know what you can be and if I push you, then you will become the kind of person who can beat Pettifer. But not if I simply flatter you.
“That is not how champions are made. That is not how anyone succeeds. One succeeds by being challenged. So if I tell you something—if I compliment you—then it is because you are genuinely worthy of that compliment.
“It is important that one sees one’s self clearly. Especially when you are going to embark on a venture such as this one. That means you need to see your flaws, yes. But it also means that you need to see your virtues.
“You do have virtues, Regina,” Harrison said. His voice gentled. “You have many of them. Please stop hurting yourself by claiming that you do not. It only hides the truly wonderful person that you are away from society. It teaches you to be ashamed of yourself when there is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“And you claim that you are a horrible person,” Regina said. “Yet you spend all of this time building me up.”
She turned around and tentatively smiled at him.
“I am quite the rake,” he warned her, “To let you behave in the way that you do. I’m encouraging your delinquency. A proper man would have sent you home.”
“You’re welcome to keep blaming me, if you like,” Regina replied. Her voice was admittedly a little shaky.
Harrison laughed. “Impossible. By the end of this, you will have accomplished your goal of getting your family’s land and money back.
“But I will have accomplished my own goal of making you value yourself. Have I made myself clear?”
Regina wasn’t sure what to do with this—this strange conviction and faith that he had in her.
“I bet you say that to all the young ladies,” she said. She didn’t know what else to say or do so she fell up on humor.
“Only the ones who are worthy of it,” Harrison replied.
He kissed her forehead gently.
And of course, that had to be the moment that Cora walked in.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Regina stepped back. No, that wasn’t right—she jumped back, as if branded with a hot poker.
She did, in fact, know what that felt like. It involved being a child with Elizabeth for an older sister.
The point was she jumped back, away from Harrison. As if Cora hadn’t already thought that they were doing things together. Things like kissing and all the rest.
As if they were doing something shameful.
But they were—or at least, that was what she had been taught. This was the sort of thing that only husbands and wives did together. And they never did it where others could see them.
Sex and intimacy were private. Even something as simple as kissing your spouse was private. Bridget had been sure to plant that idea firmly in Regina’s head.
“I never saw Mother and Father be affectionate around anyone,” Bridget had told her once. “And they were devastatingly in love.”
It was going to be difficult to get used to touching someone, even her husband, and be comfortable with others seeing. Never mind someone she would have been completely ostracized for touching if she was seen by the wrong people.
“Oh, please, don’t stop on my account,” Cora said. “And by that I mean, please do stop, you two are disgusting.”
“Oh dear, did we offend your delicate sensibilities?” Harrison asked, teasing. His tone was light but Regina could tell by the stiff way that he held himself that he felt thrown off-kilter as well.
“My sensibilities are far from delicate,” Cora replied. “But you try watching two men kissing and then tell me how much it interests you. It’s similar for me.
“Not to mention the last time I saw this girl was when she was a child all of eight years old or thereabouts. This is all very scarring for me.”
Cora faked a swoon and fell gracefully into one of the chairs on either side of the sofa. How she managed to do that without falling on her back and looking like a fool, Regina didn’t know.
She would have looked like a fool, had she tried a stunt like that. She wished some of Cora’s sophisticated stature would rub off onto her.
“Any particular reason why you’re boring us?” Harrison asked. Regina noted that there was an impatient tone to his voice.
As if to confirm this, Harrison slid an arm around Regina’s waist. We would like you to please go away, now, his body language screamed.
Regina put a hand on his chest to soothe him. There was no reason for him to let himself get all worked up. She didn’t mind Cora being there. Even if it did mean an end to the lovely passionate kisses he was scattering all over her.
She wondered what would happen if he would kiss her lower, on her breasts, even. Or her stomach.
All right, so maybe she could understand why Harrison didn’t want Cora in the room.
“I thought that you were supposed to be educating her about playing cards,” Cora replied in a drawl. “I see that you’re busy educating her on other things.”
“Yes, and you’ve made your opinions on that quite clea
r,” Harrison muttered.
Regina recalled the argument from the other night and dearly hoped there wasn’t about to be a repeat of that.
“She does need to learn how to play cards, though, does she not? You seem rather determined to teach her, at any rate. I see you have them all laid out.”
“Yes, she’s expressed an interest in them. Seeing as how I earned my fortune back with them and all.”
Cora arched an eyebrow at that. “Yes. That you did. It’s healthy for a young woman to take an interest in the life of her partner, I suppose.”
“Right. Yes.” Harrison rolled his eyes. “Now if you could let us get back to it…”
“If that’s how you teach cards, my dear, you haven’t been doing it properly. It’s a wonder you beat everyone else after all.” Cora smiled, then winked at Regina.
Regina found herself blushing and had to duck her head a little.
“But anyway I thought that since I was dreadfully bored, you might want to have me be an opponent for Miss Regina here. You can instruct her and I can be a sort of… practice player, as it were. You can’t possibly be both an instructor and an opponent all at once, can you?”
“No,” Harrison admitted. His body loosened up somewhat. Regina relaxed in turn, glad she wouldn’t have to avert an argument.
Or physically plant herself in between them. That seemed like it might be a possibility if the two really started to go at it.
The respect and affection between Cora and Harrison ran deep. It must, for the way they spoke to each other, so frankly and with such fond teasing.
But Regina could tell that these were also two very strong-willed people. They could clash easily, she knew, and violently. She didn’t fancy getting in the middle of that.
“Then why don’t you let me help?” Cora asked. She gestured at the cards. “You know I’m quite a good player. Even if I’m not up to your exacting standards. I could handle any number of the men you play with on a regular basis.”
“Then why don’t you play?” Regina asked.
“I’m a woman,” Cora replied. “I can’t easily get away with doing that all the time, now can I? My reputation is in treacherous waters as it is.”
“Oh, right, of course,” Regina stumbled. She felt wrong-footed and as though she had said the wrong thing once again.
Cora made a clucking noise with her tongue. “Does she always retreat like that?” She asked. She was looking at Regina but directing the question to Harrison.
“Unfortunately,” Harrison said. He gave Regina a kiss on the top of her head. “I’m doing my best to beat it out of her, I assure you.”
“More like kiss it out of her,” Cora muttered.
Regina felt her entire face heat up in embarrassment. “Perhaps we should play cards now?” She asked.
Harrison laughed fondly. “See, now, we’ve embarrassed her. Poor little Puck. However shall you survive suffering the indignities your Oberon must throw at you?”
“I think I can manage them quite well if you insist on being ridiculous yourself right afterwards,” Regina replied.
Cora laughed so hard it almost sounded like a witch’s cackle. “Oh, dear, I do like her. Well chosen, Harrison, you’ve finally found a woman who isn’t going to go all starry-eyed over you.”
“Women go starry-eyed over him?” Regina couldn’t quite believe it.
Well, that is, she could. She could easily believe it. Harrison was handsome. That otherworldliness that made her compare him to a fairy king could easily be a daring, adventurous lure for young women.
It had drawn her in, after all. Regina was many things but she wouldn’t go so far as to label herself a hypocrite.
Yet from the way Miss Charlotte had spoken about him, Regina had thought that most women would want to stay away. Bridget had turned him down, after all.
A man with a mysterious past who took pains to keep it mysterious didn’t seem like the sort of man that women would want to marry. Or should want to marry, she should say.
Women should be looking for husbands who were dependable. Husbands who had families that were well known and respected. Families that you could look back on and trace the genealogy. You wanted to be able to say, oh, Mr. Lane of the Hertfordshire Lanes? Yes, I knew his cousin, lovely young woman, she married a man of five thousand a year if you can believe it…
You wanted safety and security in a marriage. That was what marriage was for, at least for a woman. Bridget had always taught her that. Society had always taught her that.
What good was a husband if you didn’t know how much he made a year? Or his family history? Or where his money came from? Or who his friends were?
But perhaps Harrison’s charms had been enough to win women over despite all of that. They’d won her over, after all.
Although those were for entirely different reasons. She wasn’t in love with him or anything. He was merely someone that she could… use, so to speak.
If she wanted to use the cruel language that she had used earlier, out loud to him.
But in any case, she wasn’t in love with him. This was simply an arrangement through which she could learn how to properly play cards. He was getting something out of this too. She couldn’t allow his strange confidence in her to blind her to the truth. He may have regard for her, but his love was for Bridget.
“Spoken with such a tone of surprise,” Harrison said. He put his hand over hers. That was the moment that Regina realized that her hand was still on his chest. She hadn’t even realized.
“Miss Regina sounds rather too smart to go starry-eyed over anyone,” Cora noted wryly. “But yes, my dear, you would be surprised how many people he’s capable of charming if he wants to.”
“Prostitutes don’t count, they’re paid to be charmed,” Regina blurted out.
She never would have dared say such a thing normally and she was a bit appalled at herself. But how could she resist when everyone else last night had been making jokes in a similar vein?
She would have to school her tongue with extra rigor when she went back to her normal life. At this rate she’d be making remarks that offended everyone in the entire upper society.
Harrison laughed. “That wounds me deeply,” he said.
“No, although I’m sure he’s had his brush with those. Most men do. It’s a part of their ‘education’,” Cora replied. “I mean the women he would run into while he was playing cards and rebuilding himself.”
“I was never serious in my intentions,” Harrison protested. “They had to have known that. A harmless flirt, that’s all I intended to be.”
“I think our dear lord here forgot that he was a man with a title, even if the land that title was attached to meant nothing for a while,” Cora replied, addressing Regina.
“Women are bound to take any man’s passing fancy as a reason to suspect he wishes to marry her,” Regina added. “I think that is part of why Elizabeth is so harsh to them. She fears even being friendly will encourage them.”
“I certainly don’t blame any woman for thinking such,” Harrison said. “Isn’t marriage your most honorable and only profession? But I never intended to break hearts quite in the way that I did.”
“You never made a promise that you then broke, and you never bedded them, so I see no reason to feel guilty,” Cora replied to him. She then turned to look at Regina again.
“My point, Miss Regina, is that these women would go and fawn all over him. There was no subtlety to them. Far be it from any of them to dispute him.
“Yet here you are sparring with him. I find it most refreshing and something he is in dire need of, to boot. I should think his ego far too large if it carried on for much longer without someone to prick it.”
“I shall do my best to continue this honorable task,” Regina said, speaking with great solemnity.
Harrison groaned. “All of the women in my life are turning against me. A sorry state indeed. How about we play cards now, as was the original intention?”
> “You see, when the talk turns sour against him, then he’s happy to play,” Cora pointed out with a smile. “Very well then, let us see what we can do to spur along your little protégé.”
They set themselves up. Regina and Cora each took a hand. Then they began to play while Harrison helped Regina along.
It was domestic, almost. Regina felt hopelessly nervous about the cards and was determined to do well. But aside from that, she found that she was enjoying this.
Cora was a fun person to play. She and Harrison would banter with one another almost constantly. At first Regina found it distracting until she realized that the card players when she faced Lord Pettifer would probably be doing the same thing. Cards were a social thing, after all.
Harrison was a patient teacher. He let her figure things out on her own most of the time. If he felt he could or should, he would gently nudge her in a certain direction. For the most part, however, he waited until she was feeling helpless and would turn to him, actively asking for his help.
“You mustn’t get used to having me at your elbow,” he told her at one point. “If I always assist you the second I see that you might need it, you’ll never learn how to stand on your own two feet.”
“Teach a man to fish and all that,” Cora added, idly checking through her cards.
“I understand,” Regina replied, and she did. She appreciated it. The one habit she knew she had to break herself off from was turning to Harrison when she needed help.
It was all right for now, of course. She was still a beginner. But when the time came she couldn’t be instinctively looking around for her instructor. Nobody could help her.
“And what about hiding my emotions?” She asked, about halfway through the evening.
“We’ll get to that,” Harrison said. His tone was, as always, a patient one. Regina had a feeling that she could scream at him and he wouldn’t lose his cool.
In fact, the only time he seemed to lose any of his temper was when it came to protecting Regina. Or when Regina was getting down about her own sense of self-worth.
Well. Anyhow. She liked that she knew she could rail at him and he would never give her any reason to fear for herself. She appreciated that feeling of safety.
