by April Lust
“Okay, that’s cool. But that doesn’t answer why you push people away. You seem like you have to do everything by yourself. I mean, go back to our talk about money and stuff. Yeah, I get wanting to do things for yourself, better than most I think.”
Emma sighed. “My mom.”
“What?”
“Look, I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing my mommy issues, and in my amateur opinion I can say that her leaving took a toll on me. I stopped depending on people and started depending on me. I’m sure it’s not really that simple, but that’s as close as I can get. She left. Yeah, I blame my dad for a lot of it, but the truth of the matter is she didn’t take me. She never contacted me, she never came around. My dad was absent, my mom just abandoned me. So yeah, I hate taking help, and I look at all nice things with suspicion. There’s probably a good reason I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“Shit.” He blew out a breath. “You are going to need another beer.”
“That is absolutely correct.”
An hour two more beers, later Emma let Kellan carry her into the house. She wasn’t drunk, there had been enough food and enough time between the drinks than that, but just tipsy enough that her heels were not her best choice in footwear.
“Aw,” she said with a tipsy giggle. “You are carrying me over the threshold.”
“You’re cute when you are drunk.”
“Not drunk,” she said when he plopped her down in the living room. She immediately unstrapped her heels and kicked them off. With more instinct than thought she wandered to his stereo and began looking through the music there. “You don’t like iPods.”
“What?”
“I noticed it the first night I was back. You had this iPod, it was all wrapped up nice and neat, but your CDs were strewn everywhere.”
“I like CDs.” He shrugged. “Why did you notice that?”
“No idea,” she admitted. “Just noticed it. Do you have something against modern technology?”
“I use CDs,” he pointed out. “I can’t hate technology.”
“True. If you did, you’d be one of those vinyl boys.”
“Do you not like vinyl?”
“Do you like vinyl?” she mused.
“They’re all right.”
She nodded and put a CD into the player. Moments later the smooth tones of The Eagles poured out of the speakers. With more enthusiasm than skill she swayed along with it. “Dance with me.” She offered her hand to him.
“Are you serious?”
“Am I ever anything but serious?”
“Fair point.”
He took her hand and swayed alongside her. She let her hands lay on the tops of his arms, the soft hair on his forearms tickling along her palms as she moved with him. He moved better than her, probably had more experience dancing.
After a moment his arms went around her back, pulling her a little closer. Her arms went around his neck and she looked up into his face. His hazel eyes were closed, but his lips looked soft, kissable. She stepped closer to him and his fingers dipped lower, brushing the top of the brown skirt she wore. His digits flexed, drawing her shirt up a couple inches, revealing a line of skin at her back. His thumbs caressed it, sending a thrill from the place he touched to a spot deeper inside her body.
She lifted her chin, and his mouth dipped to hers. A bolt of lightning swam through her skin. It started at her lips and trickled along her body until every inch of her skin was humming. It mingled pleasantly with the buzz in her brain until she could feel the world swimming beneath her bare feet.
“I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.”
“What?” He stopped dancing. His eyes popped open.
“Just thought I’d make myself clear.”
A shock laugh escaped his lips. “You are the strangest woman.”
“Maybe,” she answered back. “But I like to be honest.”
“I wasn’t thinking about having sex with you.”
She snorted. “Oh please.”
He frowned at her. “What do you expect, you are all…soft.”
She stepped back, but let her hands linger on his shoulders. “I am. I’m also tipsy, and I don’t like making life choices when I’m tipsy.”
“Having sex with me is a life choice?”
She shrugged. Emma knew better than to toss her budding feelings at him. Kellan had made his own thoughts on relationships more than clear, and it wouldn’t be helpful to either of them to explain that she didn’t think sex with him would be a quick romp between the sheets, or on the living room floor. “It is for me.”
He nodded and blew out a breath. “Okay, all right.”
She let her hand trail down his arm. “However, I’d like to go to bed with you.”
“I thought you just said—”
“For sleep, Kellan. Just for sleep. I am not going to have sex with you, but I don’t want to go to that temporary room and sleep on a fold out bed after the great night we’ve had.”
“Really?” He sounded suspicious.
“I need comfort, and like it or not, you comfort me. You make me laugh and you keep me from getting too caught up in my own anxiety. Tomorrow I have to get up and plan my dad’s funeral, and I don’t want to think about it tonight. If it’s too much to ask, I get it, I’ll just steal Rocco and—”
He snorted. “All right, all right, come on. Let’s go to bed. Might need a cold shower first, though.”
Chapter 9
Most people were buried in their best. When it came to Emma’s father, this meant that he was buried in his best jeans and a dark button-down shirt with his jean vest, freshly pressed, over his too slim chest. He looked better than he had while he was living, his hair and beard brushed out. They had done something to make his face look less worn.
Tomorrow they would burn him, and the ashes would be separated into three portions. One would go with her, one would go into his shop, the last would sit on the shelf at The Saloon. Emma wasn’t sure she deserved one, but no one would take no for an answer.
“You did good, honey.” Hannah linked her arm through Emma’s, tugging her ever so gently from the viewing and into the reception era. Emma thought Hannah looked like a pretty widow, with a clingy dark dress and a little dark hat on the top of her picture perfect locks. She had no idea how that woman always managed to look so together.
“Thank you,” Emma answered. “After you got me to think about this for the living rather than for him, it got easier. The Saloon was the perfect place to have the viewing.”
“Better than the viewing room the morgue had, right? I mean, sure, little old ladies look good with all that soft pink and gray around, but not Mac Ketchum. I hated seeing him in that too nice room.”
“Agreed.”
“And the pot luck idea was perfect.”
Emma wandered with Hannah over to the long line of food people had offered up. Perogies, breads, casseroles, meatballs, and more. “Blame all the casseroles people were offering me.”
“Why do people always wanna give you food when someone dies?”
“I honestly have no idea.”
“That’s a first.” Hannah bumped her hip playfully against Emma’s. “Here I thought you knew everything.”
“Hah!” Emma laughed. “Yeah, no. I just like pretending I do.”
“Well, you did good. Everyone is enjoying themselves, which is good considering.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah, rumor has it the last time a club president died there were, like, five fights and a stabbing.”
“Oh god.”
Hannah snorted and thumped her palm against Emma’s shoulder. “You look terrified. Sweetie, everything is fine, everyone is enjoying themselves.” She paused for just a moment. “Some more than others.”
Emma tried to find the line of Hannah’s vision. People were packed into The Saloon, drinking and enjoying the food. There were children, men and women, and even Rocco prowling around looking for bites of food. It took her a moment to
get a good look, but there Kellan was with an arm slung around Samantha.
“Oh,” Emma said, feeling her stomach go icy. “How nice for them.”
“You gonna stab her?”
Emma reluctantly admitted, “No. I don’t really have the right.”
“He’s your husband. I’m pretty sure we’ve had this conversation before. I mean, a version of it.”
“What do you want me to do? Walk up to her and punch her in the face? I could even haul him off and claim him on the office couch.”
“I wouldn’t recommend the couch. Never know who was on it last.”
“Han, I love you, but that’s not helpful.”
“Awww! I love you, too.” Hannah slung an arm around Emma’s shoulders and hugged her, giving her brow a big smooch. Emma wondered if there was a lipstick mark on her forehead. “But you gotta go tell that bitch to back off.”
“He’s not mine, Han. He’s made that very clear. He’s not mine and he doesn’t want to be.”
Hannah paused and stepped in front of Emma. “Do you want him to be yours?”
“Am I stupid if I say yes?”
“A little, but, honey, it’s totally okay to be stupid when it comes to a man. That’s part of the fun of them.” She gave Emma a gentle shake. “But what’s not okay is letting some bitch pop between you and your man.”
“So what do I do?”
“Let me help you,” Hannah said. She ran a hand down her outfit and straightened her hat. “I’ll pull her off, you sweep in.”
Emma took a deep breath. “Okay.”
Emma didn’t have a clue what Hannah told Samantha, but next thing she knew Samantha was being led away from Kellan by a perfectly manicured hand.
Kellan watched it happen with a bemused smile, one that rose another degree when Emma walked up. “I’m not stupid.”
Emma tucked her arm around him. The move felt possessive and barbaric, but she did it anyway. “Hitting on my husband at my father’s funeral is a bitch move.”
“You could have just stabbed her.”
“People keep saying that.” She felt his arm come around her shoulders.
“I do like possessiveness in a woman.”
“It’s very out of character for me.”
Rudy stepped up. There was a layer of sweat along his upper lip, and his eyes were wide. “Emma, Emma, I am so sorry.”
“Sorry?” Emma asked. “What for?”
He didn’t have to answer. A woman stepped into her line of sight. The face was lightly freckled, her hair styled into something that would have looked perfectly at home on the front of Mother’s Weekly. An elegant suit hugged a figure that had rounded and aged well. It took Emma a full minute to recognize the face; it was so similar to the one she looked at in the mirror every morning.
“Mom?” she choked out.
# # #
It was like being in a movie, Kellan thought. There Emma was, the young beautiful heroine. Her lips were parted, and her skin had gone pale. Across the way was her mother, dressed like a high school principal who was just waiting for the music to start.
“Oh, Emma!” Her mom surged forward. If she noticed the fact that three Beasts shifted to flank Emma, she didn’t show it. She was either really brave or really stupid. Kellan was guessing the second. She came to a stop just a few inches away, but she didn’t reach out to her daughter. Maybe she was only half stupid.
It was impossible not to see a similarity between the two of them. They had the same bright blue eyes, the same blonde hair. Emma could very well have been a clone, save for the slight tilt of her chin that was all her father’s.
“You grew up. You are so beautiful.” She reached out a single hand.
“What are you doing here?” Emma asked, jerking away from the touch. Her voice was barely a whisper. Her hand was shaking ever so slightly inside the curve of Kellan’s arm.
“Who invited you?” Kellan wasn’t nearly so quiet. People who hadn’t already been watching were swiveling their heads to get a better view. He didn’t care. Let them look.
The woman’s mouth formed into a disproving line. Her eyes narrowed. “I am not here for you. I’m here for my daughter.”
“Well,” Kellan’s voice was a low growl, “that would be a first.”
“Kellan.” Emma placed a hand on his chest. “Let me.”
He didn’t want to let her, he realized. He could see how much this was bothering her. All he could remember was their night out, when she’d talked about her mother abandoning her.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” he whispered to her.
Emma’s soft hand cupped his cheek, the thumb running along his skin. “I know.”
She turned back to her mother. Her shoulders squared and she seemed to settle into something. “Mom,” she said flatly. “If you want to say goodbye to Dad, you are welcome to. But don’t pretend you are here for me.”
“Why would you say that?” She placed her ignored hand across her heart as if she had a pain in her chest. “Why would you ever—”
“Because you left.” Emma cut her off. “You left me, and you left him, and neither of us ever heard from you again.”
“Baby, I had to leave, don’t you understand? I had to leave. I couldn’t stay around all that violence and all that…” She glanced around the room. “Crime.”
Emma crossed her arms over her chest. Kellan knew when Emma had figured out her angle of attack. She had used that same pursed lip look on him whenever she was going to deliver a verbal blow. “Abandoning your child is a crime, Mother.”
Her mother took a step back, “Emma, I never meant to hurt you.”
“Oh? Then what exactly was your intent? What did you really mean to do when you walked out and left the man you clearly thought so little of with your child?”
“I needed to get my own life together. When I was with your father I depended on him for everything. I got my GED. I went to college. I own my own business now.”
“I’m very happy for you,” Emma answered. “The world needs more female business owners. But I don’t know you, and I don’t want to. I want you to leave.”
“Emma, I’m all the family you’ve got left.”
“No,” Emma snapped back. She took a step forward, but her hand reached back, seeking Kellan’s hand. He linked his fingers through hers. “You aren’t. You aren’t my only family. Yeah, I lost my dad, but do you see all the people here?”
She waved her free hand in the general direction of the rest of the party. “There are people here who came to my science fairs, who came to my graduation, who helped Dad all through his chemotherapy and surgeries. These people, right here, they are my family. You? You are a genetic donor.”
“Emma, that isn’t fair.”
“No, it’s not.” Emma jerked one shoulder in an angry shrug. “But you haven’t really endeared yourself enough to me for fairness, have you? I told you once,.I’ll say it only one more time. I want you to leave.”
Her mother took a long breath. Kellan saw the same pursed look Emma had previously had. “That is your choice. I just thought I’d offer it. If you want to get ahold of me.” She opened the small purse in her hands.
“I won’t,” Emma promised.
“If you do,” she continued, as if Emma hadn’t spoken, “here is my information. I am sorry for your loss.”
She plopped a card down on the table, turned on one heel and walked away. Rudy gave Kellan a look. Kellan could almost hear the question: Do you want me to follow her?
Kellan wanted to know who sent her, where she came from, and where she was going. The woman might not have meant to hurt Emma, but someone had. He gave a nod and Rudy slipped out of the party, pausing long enough to give Hannah a kiss goodbye.
“Excuse me,” Emma said softly, stepping away from Kellan. “I need a moment.”
He let her go. She stormed through the parting crowd towards the back office. The door slammed shut in her wake.
Kellan shook his head. He
empathized with her. More than most he knew just how hard that parent crap could be. He didn’t know how he would react if his dad just showed up. No, that wasn’t true. He knew what he would do, and that it would require some bail money afterwards.
“You should go after her.”
Hannah had moved up to his arm. He had no idea when she had walked up, but there she was.
“You think so?”
