by April Lust
I was exhausted from the drive, but I knew nothing could quench my thirst better than a beer. Hell, maybe even some local pussy. I’d seen a few cute girls walkin’ around with short-shorts on and belly shirts. They looked young and inexperienced, which is just the way I like girls. I like being with girls I can train: how to suck my dick, how to take my cock like a pro. That turned me on. Just thinking about it was getting me hard. But then a vision of Jack’s stern face popped into my mind and I knew I couldn’t waste any time fucking around, not right now. One beer, I decided. One beer, and then I’ll go hunt for this bitch Nicolette.
As luck would have it, there was a bar right underneath the hotel. It wasn’t some fancy place, but one of those Western bars, with a big bucking mechanical bronco and smudged bottles of whiskey decorating the bar. It was empty, too. When I walked in, only a few grizzled locals were perched on stools, wetting their whistles with Colorado’s finest. I grinned. I loved Carlsbad, but some part of me liked small, anonymous towns like this. I felt like I could really lose myself here in Durango, or maybe lose myself and then find somethin’ better.
Stop thinkin’ like that, Charlie, I told myself as I slid up to the bar and hopped onto a torn stool. You ain’t stayin’ here for long. Jack told you to bring her back within the week. So you don’t get too comfortable in this shit town.
The bartender was busty and sun-browned. She smiled flirtatiously at me. “Honey, what can I get you? You don’t look like you’re from around here,” she added. “You want some whiskey?”
“Straight up,” I said, sliding a five-dollar bill across the counter towards her. “And thank you.”
She winked at me, then passed me a smudged shot glass brimming with liquid fire. Picking it up, I sniffed, then threw my head back and knocked it all down. I figured now would be a good time to ask about locals. Hell, maybe Nicolette came into this place once in a while. I realized that aside from her behavior around the Steel Gods, I barely knew anything about this bitch. My lips curled into a smile at the realization. All the better to bring her back home, I thought smugly. All the better if I don’t have to listen to her whining and screaming the whole damn time.
“So,” I said casually. “You ever see a real pretty girl in here? Brown hair, long legs? Cute smile?”
The woman laughed. “Honey, you just described half my locals,” she said with a smile. “What else, does she wear cowboy boots, too?”
I frowned and thought hard. I hadn’t looked at Nicolette too close before – didn’t wanna risk getting my ass beat by the boss – but that sounded like something she’d wear. I closed my eyes and tried to picture her now. The details were blurry, fuzzy at best, but I saw a solid image start to form behind my eyes.
“No,” I said slowly. “Black high-heel sandals. With a platform. She’s on the shorter side.”
“Well I’ll be damned,” the woman said. She whistled and pointed out the window. “That your girl?”
I spun around on the stool so fast my head was spinning. There she was, walking down the middle of Main Street, pleased as punch. Nicolette. Nicolette the cheating bitch, Nicolette the liar who I had to bring home. She was swinging her little hips from side to side and there was a big pair of sunglasses perched on that little, upturned nose. Sure enough, she was wearing a tight white t-shirt, a denim miniskirt, and black high-heeled sandals with straps that crisscrossed over those long, long legs.
“That’s her,” I said. “You know her?”
“Oh, Nicolette? Sure I do,” the woman said. She poured me another generous three fingers of whiskey. “She’s a real doll. Just real sweet. Her family done raised her right.”
The fuck she is, I thought. She’s a fucking cunt and she’s gonna get the shit beaten out of her when I get her home, I thought. But instead, I smiled. “I’m sure she is,” I said with a wolfish grin. “How much do I owe ya?”
Five minutes later, I ducked out from the bar and into the fresh, dry sunshine of Main Street. The air was dusty and I could tell I was real high up in the mountains. Nicolette was walking ahead of me, real slow, almost like she was teasing me. She had long, shiny brown hair tucked into a loose braid and she moved differently than I’d seen her move around the Gods. For one thing, she seemed much more relaxed. Around the Gods, she’d always seemed a little controlled, a little robotic. I hadn’t noticed it at the time – none of us had – but, here, I could tell she was moving much more freely than she had before. Not for long, bitch, I thought as I watched her peer over to look in the window of a local shop. You better enjoy your last taste of freedom. Because you’re going back to Jack and he is not gonna be happy you decided to leave.
Nicolette trailed ahead on the sidewalk. She was the perfect victim to watch – she never even turned around. Most people would have been able to sense they were being watched, but not her. She poked her head in two or three local shops, finally buying a small bouquet of flowers and carrying them over to a car that looked like it had seen better days. Triumphantly, I recognized the car as one belonging to the Steel Gods and a shiver went through my body. I hadn’t known she’d stolen a car – for some reason, Jack hadn’t told me. A smile formed on my lips as she climbed behind the wheel and slowly drove out of sight.
They must have just had a real bad fight, I thought as I watched the taillights disappear. He probably called her a liar or a bitch or something, and she got real scared and took off. You can’t hit a woman now – they all leave. But she’s been with him for so long, I bet she really loves him. I grinned to myself. I was beginning to think of myself as almost a matchmaker type. Here I was, doing this errand for my boss. And maybe she wanted to get caught; if she hadn’t, she woulda changed her name or her hair or something else. Y’know, something to throw me off the trail.
But she hadn’t, and here I was.
Eventually, I loped back to my car and climbed behind the wheel. My ass was real sore from twelve hours on the road, but I knew I had to work fast. Durango was a small town and there weren’t many places where she could’ve gone. Finally, I spotted her car just on the edge of town, parked beside a rundown little cottage. The windows were open and the curtains were fluttering in the breeze. I parked on the street and watched like a hawk. Sure enough, I saw her prancing around in the kitchen not two minutes later. She’d put the flowers on a vase by the windowsill, and she looked like she was pacing back and forth on the floor. There was a serious expression on her face and her hands were wrapped around that slim belly of hers.
“Why so serious, Nicolette?” I asked softly as I watched her pace back and forth. She didn’t even look up as I continued to stare, feeling emboldened. “You thinkin’ about that fight you had with Jack? You worried about some other girl movin’ in and takin’ your place now?” I leaned out of the driver’s side window and spat on the ground. “You better worry, bitch,” I added softly. “You’re goin’ home soon. And Jack is not gonna be happy to see you.”
Chapter 6
Nicolette
After the shock of the pregnancy test, I passed the next couple of days in a fog. I’d never imagined getting pregnant. Not that it wasn’t something I hadn’t worried about— I’d always kept as close of an eye on my birth control pills as I possibly could. Jack always used to threaten me with the idea of kids.
It sounds sick, I know. It makes me sound like a real bitch of a woman. After all, what kind of a woman wouldn’t want to have her boyfriend’s child? What kind of a woman wouldn’t have to have a baby with the man she’d been dating for seven years?
Me, that was who.
I couldn’t figure out what had happened for the life of me. My birth control never left my purse, and I always, always took it on time. But after I started feeling nervous enough, I pulled out my computer and did some hunting online. As soon as I found a forum with instructions for making birth control pills inactive, my heart sank. Turns out, all you have to do is stick them in the freezer for an hour or the microwave for a few minutes and they’re just like sugar
pills. And even though I’d been careful, Jack still would have had a chance to do that. I didn’t doubt that he was smart enough; this wasn’t rocket science. Google “ways to make birth control pills ineffective” and you’ll get more results than you ever wanted to see.
Anyway, Jack always used to hold the idea of kids over my head. At first, when we were younger, he said he didn’t want any. But since I graduated high school, he used to tell me that he’d love to keep me barefoot and pregnant all the time, around the clock. “You’re gonna have so many fuckin’ kids,” Jack would sneer as he knocked back the umpteenth bottle of beer that evening. “You ain’t gonna be skinny ever again. There’s gonna be rugrats all over this damn house.”
And I’d cringe and he’d kick something or throw something at me and then all rational thoughts would be over until morning.
Now, it was enough to make me sick. Every time I thought of Jack, every time I thought of what we’d been through, I couldn’t believe that I’d stayed for so long. He’d abused me worse than anyone on earth ever could have, and I’d eaten it up with a silver spoon.
I knew it was the worst thing to do, but I wanted a drink more than I’d ever wanted one in my whole life. So I walked downtown, into this little cowboy bar below the local motel. It was the kind of place I’d stopped by once or twice before, because it was never crowded and the bartender, Britt, was real friendly.
She grinned at me as I let myself inside and went to a stool. “Can I get you anything, sugar?”
I glanced down at my stomach. “Just water, for now,” I said, feeling the courage seep out of my veins with each passing second. “Thanks, Britt.”
“No problem, sugar,” Britt said. She passed me a glass of ice water and I sipped it thoughtfully, wishing it were gin and tonic instead of pure spring water from the Kip Mountains.
The door jangled open and I watched as a rugged, muscular guy stepped into the bar. My breath caught in my throat – he was one of the most gorgeous men I’d seen recently. He was just my type, too: leather jacket, a little scruff on his chin, blonde hair pushed back off his forehead. Bright green eyes, a little hard, a little sexy.
I shivered as I watched the guy belly up to the bar. He glanced at me twice. The first time was real quick, just like he was noticing who I was. The second time was longer, and made me blush to the roots of my hair. He looked me up and down, real slow, his eyes patting me down to a tenth of an inch. He checked out the seams of my clothing, my messy hair, even my purse hanging on the back of a barstool.
“Hey there,” the man said. “Can I get you a drink?”
The words stuck in my throat and I swallowed hard. “I’m just goin’ with water for now,” I said softly. He had a strange accent – definitely American, but sort of all over, like he’d never had a home. “Are you new in town?”
The man snorted. Britt brought him two fingers worth of whiskey and he knocked back the fiery liquid in one gulp, not even flinching. He slammed the glass down on the bar and then turned to face me. Up close, his eyes were like liquid pools of peridot. I tried to remember having seen a more handsome man in my life, and failed completely.
“Yeah, I’m new in town,” the man said gruffly. He held out his hand. I hesitated for a moment – there was still a touch of the fear in me, some kind of worry that Jack would appear, screaming that I touched another man. What the hell, I thought. Jack’s not here. You’re safe.
I placed my hand in his and we shook. Immediately, the touch was electric. I let out a small gasp as our eyes met. The man grinned at me and winked. I felt a sensuous pull come over me, the kind of feeling I used to feel back when I was in high school and Jack and I were driving out to the woods. It had been so long since I felt that pure, unadulterated desire. Tears welled up in my eyes.
“I’m Nicolette,” I said softly. “I’ve only been here for about a month, myself.”
“Charlie,” the man replied. He showed a hint of his teeth when he grinned at me. “And I’m only in town for a few days.”
There was something about him that intrigued me, even though I know I should have taken off running in the other direction. He was exactly the kind of man that I’d always found myself attracted to: dangerous, tattooed, and covered in leather from head to toe. I sighed as I realized he was probably just a different version of Jack, in Colorado and not Cali. But then, there was something different about him, too. A kind of hardened surface, like he didn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. Maybe this one’s too removed to be abusive, I thought. Maybe he’s not that type.
Still, I didn’t like thinking about anyone aside from Jack. I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder, hightailing for the exit before another word could pass between us.
The rest of the day, I stayed at home. I put something on the TV and heated up leftovers. I couldn’t even tell you what I ate or watched – that was the kind of murky haze I was wading through. Part of me wanted to skip town. Part of me wanted to have the baby, and adopt it out. The thought of a tiny little Jack growing inside of me was more than I could handle. Of course, it wasn’t the baby’s fault that his daddy was a Grade-A asshole. But dealing with my ex’s seed growing inside of me was more than I could handle.
I barely slept that night. I kept thinking of everything that had happened through the years. All of the abuse, all of the anxiety. All of the stress and worry and pain I’d gone through. Some of the things Jack had done to me were so bad that I didn’t even want to think about them, and yet they were the very first things that came bubbling up towards the surface. It was like I was a hostage in my own body, like I couldn’t escape from having these horrid thoughts.
The next morning, I was exhausted. I called out of work – by now, I figured Brenda had told the rest of the office I was pregnant – and decided to have a lazy day in bed. I lied around, trying to sleep for hours. But by mid-morning, there was no way I would be able to sleep. I crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of ripped up jeans and a black t-shirt. To my dismay, the snap on my jeans was already tight. I had to suck in and hop up and down just to get the zipper pulled all the way up.
I got in my car and drove around aimlessly. That’s when I saw him – Charlie, that guy from the bar yesterday. I was stopped at an intersection, watching as he walked down Main Street. He turned the corner, and finally walked into the big library at the end of the street.
I bit my lip. I wanted to follow him. Despite the aura of danger that hung around him, I couldn’t deny that he was exactly my type. And while I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I knew that I wanted to at least talk to him for a few more minutes. It couldn’t hurt, could it?
I parked my car and cruised into a parking space at the library. Charlie had hopped up the steps, crushed a cigarette under his heel, and then disappeared inside. After a brief check in the rearview mirror and an application of lip gloss, I locked my car and grabbed my purse, sauntering inside the library like it was no one’s business.
I’m embarrassed to admit it was my first time in there. I’m not really all that big on reading. But as soon as I stepped inside, I saw a big rack of DVDs and VHSs. I grinned. That would be a great way to distract myself from all of this shit going on. I loved movies – I loved losing myself in stories about people who had it better (or worse) than I did. I’d always enjoyed that. Whenever Jack and I got in a fight and things got rough, I’d always go to the movies for a few hours and calm down. I shuddered, remembering how it felt to sit in those cold, dark theaters by myself, munching popcorn and icing whatever new injury I had with a giant-sized cup of soda. I’d gone to that theater with a fat lip and a black eye so many times that the staff recognized me. Definitely not something I’m proud of.
Charlie saw me almost immediately, but he didn’t come over. Instead, we stared at each other as I pretended to look over the DVDs on the rack. I picked up a Western and turned the cover over to read the back without even looking at the front. My senses were tingling and, suddenly, all I could think about was Char
lie.
I wondered what it would be like to date a guy who didn’t hit me. I wondered what it would be like to be with someone who didn’t enjoy hurting me, who never threatened to rape me and beat me and leave me dead by the side of the road for the buzzards to eat.
“See anything you like?” Charlie’s voice was a low growl that sent a chill down my spine.
I licked my lips and set the DVD back on the rack. “Not sure,” I said, trying to sound casual. “I like movies a lot. But I haven’t heard of any of these.”
“Lemme see.” Charlie stepped closer. A waft of cologne and cigarette smoke came over me – almost like Jack, but different, somehow. Sweeter, a little spicier. The kind of scent that made me want to pull him close and bury my face in his neck.
“You like movies?” I raised my eyebrows. “You don’t seem like the indoor type.”
Charlie laughed harshly. It was the sound that smoke would make if it weren’t silent. The kind of laugh that rang out across an empty desert. The sound of a man who’s spent his life alone, away from the public eye, who started drinking whiskey when he was thirteen and smoking cigarettes in the fifth grade. The kind of man I’d always been attracted to, no matter how dangerous.
