by April Lust
Chapter 17
Nicolette
Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I didn’t get up from the wicker loveseat as Charlie climbed over piles of boxes and opened the door. My heart skipped a beat – I knew it was probably just the pizza guy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if Jack showed up, ready to kill the both of us. No— The three of us.
“Here you go,” Charlie said. He set the steaming box down beside me. It smelled delicious, like greasy, chewy, perfect cheese and salty pepperoni. I started drooling before he could even open the box. “Anything else? You want something to drink?”
“Do we have any juice left?” I started to stand up but Charlie put his hand on my chest and gently pushed me back down. “What?”
“Let me get it,” Charlie said. “You stay here.” He loped into the kitchen and I listened to the sound of the fridge open and slam shut. When he emerged a few seconds later, he had a beer and a glass full of juice for me.
Gratefully, I took the cup from his hand. “Thanks,” I muttered. “I’m sorry if I was weird earlier, in the car.”
Charlie shook his head. “Don’t apologize,” he told me. “What’s bothering you?”
I ran a hand through my hair – it looked awful. I hadn’t had it highlighted since I’d left Carlsbad. But somehow, I knew Charlie didn’t care. It’s not like he was with me because he wanted to be.
“Do you think people are born bad?”
“What?” Charlie screwed up his face. “Why? That’s a weird thing to ask, Nicolette.”
“I know,” I said softly. I took a piece of pizza and nibbled at the tip. It was just as good as I’d wanted it to be, and yet somehow I wasn’t as hungry as I’d been five minutes before. “I just…” I paused, setting the slice back down in the box. “I worry about the baby. I worry it’s going to come out evil, hating me. Or even worse, just like Jack.”
“Well, you think it’s a girl, right?
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “That’s what I thought. At least until that ultrasound. Are those things ever wrong?”
Charlie sighed. He raked a hand through his messy dark hair and flopped down next to me. We were so close that I could smell his manly scent of cologne and beer, and suddenly, more than anything, I wanted him to pull me into his arms and tell me it would be okay. But I knew that would never happen. He never touched me.
“I guess they might be wrong,” he said. “I mean, how many times do you hear people sayin’ they’re having one thing and then they pop out the other?” He snorted. “Babies all look the same, anyway.”
I laughed. “Not between the legs, they don’t,” I countered. “And I wouldn’t really care if this one was a boy. But I really wanted a girl, and…” I trailed off. Heat rose to my cheeks and I coughed. “I mean, I was thinking, if the baby’s a girl…It can’t possibly be like Jack. Is that stupid or what?”
“It’s not stupid,” Charlie said. “I know why you’re worried, Nicolette. But you gotta stop, especially for the sake of the baby. You ain’t doin’ yourself any favors by stressing like this. Just take a deep breath, okay?” He took a long swig of his beer.
“God,” I said. “I’d do anything to have a drink. Just one. I feel like that would help me.”
Charlie laughed drily, then finished his beer and tossed the bottle over his shoulder. “You try that once, and I’ll lock you in the room for the rest of your pregnancy,” he said. “You need to give that baby a good start. Getting drunk isn’t gonna do that.”
“I know,” I said, blushing even more deeply. “I just miss being able to escape.”
Charlie locked eyes with me and I shivered. This was the most openly that we’d conversed in months, if not ever. “You’ll be okay,” he said. His voice was strangely calming. “Everything’s gonna be fine, Nicolette. I promise. Things will work out. You got that?”
“It just seems so impossible,” I said softly. “I don’t know how we’re going to manage. My life is nothing like the lives of those mothers I read about. I never went to college! I don’t know how to take care of a baby! What if the kid grows up and hates me and makes the same mistakes I made with my parents? And they were good parents, too!”
“Did they kick you out when they found out about Jack?”
Shame and guilt rushed through my brain and I had to drop my gaze. “No,” I said softly. “They always told me they’d love and support me. They didn’t expect me to keep going with Jack, I guess. They always told me I could come home when all of that was over. I don’t think they expected I’d say no.”
“Well, why not? Why didn’t you back to them when things got rough? After your last pregnancy?” Charlie rubbed his chin with one hand. His stubble was growing longer and darker by the day. I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I loved the way he looked with a little bit of a beard.
“I was ashamed,” I said. I twisted my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want them to know what Jack had done. It just seemed easier to stay. I mean, I’d been gone for so long that I didn’t know how I could’ve fixed things. I knew they’d want to know all about where I’d gone and what I’d done, and I just didn’t feel like having that talk with them. I didn’t want them to know how bad things had gotten.”
“Well, do you think you could patch shit up with them? Like, what if I took you to see them after we had the kid? You wouldn’t have to tell them it wasn’t mine.”
I considered the offer for a second. It was tempting. But I couldn’t face the idea of seeing my parents, not after I’d abandoned them for so long. I wanted more than anything for my mom to hug me and sit with her arm around me. But I knew I’d thrown their love right back in their faces. And if I were them, I’d never forgive me. “I can’t,” I said softly. I closed the lid of the pizza box. “I’m sorry. I’m not as hungry as I thought I would be.”
“It’s fine,” Charlie said. “Don’t worry, Nicolette.” He took the pizza into the kitchen and put it in the fridge. When he came back, he handed me another glass of juice. “Just try to stay hydrated. You wanna watch TV?”
“Sure.”
Charlie flipped on the television set and surfed through channels until he came to a rerun of an old movie. I wasn’t even paying attention – after only a few seconds, my eyes glazed over. But I wasn’t tired, either. I couldn’t stop thinking about my parents, and how much I missed them.
“Maybe I could write them a letter,” I said. “Maybe if I didn’t tell them where I’d gone, that would be okay.”
Charlie thought for a moment. “But how would they write you back?”
“I could get a P.O. box.”
Charlie laughed. “Not here, you couldn’t. Don’t you know how easy it would be to find you here? There’s, like, twenty people in this town. Maybe fifty, tops.”
I laughed. “Come on,” I said, playfully nudging him with my foot. “You know there’s a few thousand. That’s what the sign said when we first drove here.”
Charlie caught my foot in his hands. I giggled for a moment as his fingers stroked the sole. Then his touch relaxed and he began massaging my foot with both hands. It felt so good that I moaned and arched my back, throwing my head back onto the couch. My feet had been aching for months – it seemed like they were more swollen with each day – and Charlie’s touch was exactly what I’d been craving. I hadn’t even been able to put it into words how much I wanted him to touch me. But now that his hands were on me, I couldn’t push him away.
“Is this okay?” Charlie kneaded my foot with his fingers and thumb, massaging it all over. He stretched my toes one by one until I was moaning softly with pleasure. I kicked my other foot into his lap and immediately felt his warm hands move towards it.
“That feels really good,” I mumbled, closing my eyes. “Thanks.”
“Shh, relax,” Charlie said. The living room fell silent. The sensations zooming up and down my legs felt nothing less than heavenly, and I stretched my legs and wiggled my toes, spreading them out so Charl
ie could rub between them. When he began massaging the area beneath my big toe, I let out a cry of delight.
“That feels incredible,” I moaned. “God, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”
Charlie chuckled. He lifted one of my feet up to his mouth and blew on the delicate skin. His warm breath sent shivers up my leg. I felt a hot, throbbing sensation between my thighs and I shifted on the couch, trying to ignore it. But the more Charlie worked at my sore, swollen feet, the more aroused I felt myself becoming. It was an incredible, delicious sensation that flooded my body with a sensual heat.
“Charlie, god,” I groaned, hauling myself into a sitting position and slowly tugging my feet away from his wonderful hands. “I believe you’re a good mechanic,” I said slowly. My skin was flushed and my heart was thudding in my chest. “I mean, god, that was incredible.”
Charlie grinned. “You didn’t have to move,” he said slowly. “You feelin’ okay?”
I wasn’t feeling okay. I wasn’t even feeling remotely close to okay. I was sick and stressed out and tired of being pregnant and tired of running. But I had months left to go, and I knew my anxiety about Jack likely wouldn’t fade for years. After all, he’d done an irreparable amount of damage to me. And that wasn’t even counting the baby. What if she came out screaming at me? What if she came out and told me I was a bad person because I couldn’t make things work with her real father?
“Charlie, do you ever think about your parents?”
“I don’t have parents,” Charlie replied sharply. He reached over and grabbed my glass of juice, sucking it down his throat.
“You know what I mean,” I said softly. “Your real parents. Your biological parents. The people who created you.”
Charlie shook his head. “They didn’t want me. I don’t think they’re really my parents,” he said slowly. “Just because they donated their DNA doesn’t really mean shit, Nicolette. They’re just deadbeats. Hell, I don’t even know if they’re still alive, or where they’re from.”
“What about your foster parents?”
Charlie snorted. “The only people who really did me right were those old farmers outside of Carlsbad. They at least taught me how to survive in this shithole of a world. And when I was eighteen, they paid me a little money to help out around the farm.”
“Do you ever miss them?”
“Nothin’ to miss,” Charlie said. He rubbed his hands together. “Nothin’ to miss at all. Why? Somethin’ on your mind? Besides the obvious, at least.”
I swallowed hard. “I want to be a good mom, but I’m worried that no matter what I do, the baby’s going to fall into the same cycle of awful that I had to deal with. I mean, my parents loved me. They were good parents – they always bought me whatever I needed, but they didn’t spoil me. And they let me have friends and sleepovers and stuff. And I was so sheltered until I met Jack! I thought I knew everything, just because I thought I was in love! How the hell do you think I’ll be able to keep my kid from doing the same thing?”
Charlie licked his lips. “You ever think about why you felt that way?”
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “Because my parents seemed so bored together. I mean, sure, they had things in common. But I never really thought they were in love, you know? It didn’t even occur to me how they felt or what they did when I wasn’t around. I didn’t see them as a couple. I saw them as my parents.”
“And you thought you knew better than they did, because of how love felt when you first experienced it?”
I smiled sadly. “That must be it,” I said softly. “I never meant to do that. I just…I wanted excitement! I didn’t want the life my parents had planned out for me! And I know that makes me sound like a brat, but I didn’t want to be bored and complacent and living in some suburb.”
“I think it makes you real relatable,” Charlie said. “I knew you were always a tough girl, Nicolette.” He reached forward and slowly stroked the tribal design I had tattooed on my forearm. “You’re a real biker’s girl, that’s for sure.”
I shivered. Just Charlie’s finger on my arm was enough to turn me on even more. “I guess,” I said slowly. “I never really thought about it before.”
“You’re beautiful, Nicolette,” Charlie said.
I laughed. “I definitely don’t feel that way,” I said with a snort. “I feel bloated and fat and awful right now.”
Charlie reached out and touched my belly. At first, I wanted to pull away from his touch. But his hand was warm and the callouses on his skin made the feel of his hand even more sensual. I moaned softly as he stroked my belly, slipping down between my legs.
Without even thinking of what I was doing, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth against his. He tasted like cigarettes and beer and pizza and I closed my eyes, kissing him gently. Charlie stayed frozen for a moment, then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. Sensations of pleasure and arousal shot through my body and I moaned softly into Charlie’s mouth as his tongue slipped between my lips.
Scooting closer to Charlie on the couch was an awkward business. My body felt like it was all limbs and belly, flailing and gawky. But as I moved closer, he lifted me into the air with ease. I let out a gasp as he pulled me down on his lap. We kissed again, our mouths adjusting to each other, and I moaned as his hands slid up my shirt and stroked my nipples through the soft fabric.
I was dying of lust. Ever since I’d gotten pregnant, I’d been hornier than ever. The anxiety I’d felt ever since Charlie and I had settled in St. George mingled with my arousal and made me feel like I was going to die unless I got laid, right now. Eagerly, I slid my hands under Charlie’s shirt and caressed his rock-hard muscles. It was hard not to gasp at the sensation of his body so close to my own. His pectoral muscles bulged as I stroked them, and he nibbled and sucked on my lower lip as our bodies moved closer together with each passing second. I spread my legs and pressed my body towards Charlie, wrapping my thighs around his waist. There was a hard bulge at the fork of his legs and I blushed with shame, thinking of the wanton way I’d rubbed him in the car that day. That had been a game, a way to save my life. But this was different – I wanted this.
Desperately.
“Nicolette,” Charlie moaned softly into my ear as I moved my mouth from his and began kissing a hot, wet trail down the skin of his neck. His stubble was soft against my mouth and I tasted him, eagerly lapping at the salty skin until my mouth was filled with his personal taste.
Charlie slid his hands down my belly and tugged at the hem of my shirt. For a moment, I wanted to resist; he hadn’t seen me shirtless since I’d gained all this weight, and I didn’t want him to find me unattractive. Then I realized that I wanted to be naked with him so badly that it didn’t matter. All that mattered was us, being close and intimate. I closed my eyes and held my breath as Charlie lifted my shift over my head. The sensation of the cool living room air on my bare belly was heavenly, and Charlie leaned forward, nuzzling at my breasts through the thin bra I wore. My nipples were painfully stiff and the sensation of his lips against them – even through the fabric – was enough to turn me on beyond belief.
“God, Charlie,” I moaned softly. “Please suck on my nipples, please!”
Charlie reached behind me and unclasped my bra. I held my arms in place so the cups sagged low, exposing my areolas. Charlie leaned forward and gently kissed my collarbone. He began trailing down, planting a hot trail of kisses all over my bare skin until his face was buried between my breasts. His hot breath tickled my skin and I moaned softly as he tugged the bra away from my body, tossing it over my shoulder and wrapping his arm tightly around my back. I groaned with pleasure as Charlie shifted his hips. I slid forward in his lap, feeling the bulge between his legs rub against my crotch.
“I love your tits,” Charlie murmured. He licked one of my breasts, then gently took the nipple into his mouth and began to suck. When I felt his teeth scraping the sensitive skin, I howled with pleasure and threw my head back, closing my eyes. As
our bodies moved together, I groaned and ground my hips on Charlie’s lap. His mouth left my nipple and I cried out – the cool air against my hot, wet skin was startling. But as soon as I had opened my mouth to start begging Charlie once more, his fingers began rubbing my wet nipple, pinching it softly and rolling it around until it was hard as a pebble. His mouth latched onto my other nipple, and between the sensation of his tongue and his fingers, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.
“You feel amazing,” I gasped, barely able to form words. Charlie slid his hand down my round belly and fumbled with the snap of my jeans. Eagerly, I bucked my hips forward and arched my back to allow him better access. Charlie gently pushed me off his lap until I was standing. He leaned forward and began kissing and sucking at my nipple once more. With his hand, he unzipped my jeans and I wriggled my hips as he tugged them down my legs. As I stepped up to kick them to the side, Charlie ran his hand up the inside of my bare thigh and gently rubbed my soaking pussy through the thin, flimsy material of my panties.
