by Ashley Hall
Frustrated, I forced myself to think about anything else. I thought about my mother and how she ended up here. How her life had seemed so perfect at first, but there were so many cracks in it that threatened to tear it away from her. If she thought her happiness was tied to Walter’s, she was going to end up very unhappy one day.
I thought about Yvonne and how it seemed like she was Walter’s wife. Considering that he almost divorced Jacqueline because she couldn’t have any more kids made that understandable. Yvonne just gave birth to a baby for him.
The baby. Penelope. I was almost as worried about her as I was April. The boys seemed to be handling things all right, but Penelope was too innocent to be brought up in this mess. At least April was going to be free soon.
April and her mom. Roslyn. She sure was nice to me, a lot nicer than my own mother. Why? What did she want from me? Or had April talked to her? About us?
Was there an us? Not really. Did I want that to change? Yeah. But how could that happen? I had a feeling April would stop me if I ever tried to put a move on her. She was too stuck under her father’s thumb.
Well, none of this mattered. I would be leaving soon, and I was never going to see any of them again. The thought of working on motorcycles for the rest of my life was calming, and I fell asleep thinking of April riding to school with me on my bike.
Chapter Sixteen
April
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood. I looked around for my favorite blue top, the one that matched my eyes, wanting to wear it to school, but I couldn’t find it. Maybe Mom knew where it was.
I left my room and opened her door. I never knocked on hers. But maybe I should have. Because she was holding Penelope. Breastfeeding her.
“Mom…” I closed the door behind me.
Mom shifted Penelope in her arms. “Go ahead and ask,” she said quietly.
“But you…you lost your baby…” My mind was curiously blank. I sat beside her on the bed.
“I didn’t. Penelope is mine. She’s your sister, not a half-sister.” She sat Penelope on her lap and dressed, covering herself.
“But why? Why have everyone think Penelope is Yvonne’s?” It made zero sense to me.
Penelope kicked her foot, and I grabbed it, giving it a gentle squeeze. She giggled. Half-sister or real sister, either way, I loved her.
“You know Yvonne and I got pregnant at almost the same time.” Mom took a deep breath. “Yvonne was the one to miscarry. She was so distraught when I had a successful birth. It was such a difficult time for her, and Walter insisted I was being selfish.”
“So Yvonne gets everything. She gets the baby and Walter’s love and devotion.” I sounded so incredibly bitter. How could Mom stand to be in the same room as her?
“Don’t call your father by his name,” Mom scolded gently.
“Sorry,” I muttered. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d been devastated when Dad told me Mom had lost the baby. How could he have lied to me about something so huge? And Yvonne…what a farce.
A few times I’d seen Mom with Penelope when Yvonne had been come home from work, and the look on her face…I hadn’t thought much of it before, but Yvonne had looked, well, like a fire-breathing dragon. She looked almost murderous. I knew she hated her job, so I just figured she’d had a rough day, but what if work had nothing to do with it? What if she resented Mom even though Mom wasn’t even raising one of her daughters as her own?
If Yvonne were to ever catch Mom breastfeeding Penelope, it would be pure hell. Just look at the grief Yvonne gave Wes for no good reason.
“How could you agree—”
“April.” Mom hung her head. “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and—”
“You call this a sacrifice? I call it—”
“April, please.” Mom’s expression twisted with despair. “I’m making the best of a terrible, awkward situation. I can’t imagine what Yvonne went through. Losing a child…”
“You have lost a child,” I muttered under my breath.
She handed me Penelope, and any sorrow vanished from her face. “I have the both of you in my life. What more do I need?” Mom wrapped her arm around me for a one-armed hug.
I laid my head on her shoulder. I’d never understand this. I’d never accept this. If that was the kind of sacrifice a poly marriage required, I wasn’t so sure it was right for me. Mom was either incredibly strong or…
Or nothing. She was strong. Stronger than I could ever be.
“Please,” Mom begged. “Don’t breathe a word of this to your father. He thought it would be easier for you if you didn’t know.”
“Easier?” I snorted, hugging Penelope so tight she squirmed and pushed me away as much as she could. All those times I’d cried both alone and with Mom. Only Mom had been crying for losing a baby in a different way. No less heartbreaking though.
Mom just shook her head. “Promise me you won’t talk to him about this.”
“I…” I wanted to seek him out, to give him a piece of my mind, to tell him exactly what I thought about his favoritism. How could he dare put Mom through this? Yvonne paraded Penelope in front of Mom all the time. It had to be a dagger to Mom’s heart.
Did Dad even care about Mom at all?
Or me for that matter?
“Hush now,” Mom said gently. “I love you, and I love Penelope, and we’re together.”
After a moment, I nodded.
Mom leaned close. “Walter has been making other plans,” she told me quietly, her voice strained. “Please be on your best behavior.”
I pulled back so I could look into her eyes. She seemed to be pleading. I didn’t understand what was going on—and I had a feeling I didn’t want to know, but that I would be finding out soon enough anyhow—and I felt so sorry for Mom. If there was any way I could make things easier on her, I would.
“I will,” I promised. “You be careful too. Now I have to get going.” I handed her back Penelope.
“Why did you come by in the first place?” Mom kissed my forehead and then Penelope’s.
“Nothing important.” I hugged them and rushed back to my room. I changed into the first shirt I touched in my drawer and ran downstairs.
Walter stood by the front door, and I winced. I wasn’t an actress. He’d know something was up.
“April.”
I jumped. “Yeah, Dad?”
He grimaced, and I winced again. Dad always hated when I said “yeah” instead of “yes.”
“I have to get going.” I pointed to the front door. “Don’t want to be late!”
“I need to talk to you. It’ll only take a minute.”
I nodded, not making eye contact with him. Best behavior, April. “Sure.”
“I was wondering what you think of Wesley, since the two of you spend so much time together because of school.”
It shouldn’t surprise me that he wanted to talk about Wes, but my mind is still on the deceit he and Yvonne were pulling. P and P loved their little sister. Would they one day blame her if they ever learned about the trickery? I hoped not. Man, this was so messed up!
While I was glad he didn’t bring up Penelope, or Yvonne, I couldn’t help starting to panic. Why was he asking me about Wes? There was no way Dad might know what’s been going on? Right?
My mind had just about short-circuited, but I managed to say evenly, “He’s all right.” Maybe I’d delayed too long in answering, but there was nothing he could read into that. All right meant nothing special. All right meant nothing important. All right meant…whatever.
But his kisses had been special and important.
At least to me.
Although the look on his face last night…maybe I meant something to him too.
My cheeks were burning. So glad I was staring at Dad’s shoes.
“Gotta—”
“You think he’s all right? What else?” Dad pressed.
I didn’t say anything. Maybe silence would be better.
“
Why are you being so quiet? I would’ve thought you’d hate Wesley by now. He’s such a disappointing and unscrupulous sinner after all.”
I was fuming mad. Like, foaming at the mouth mad. I doubted I ever felt this furious ever before. How could Dad dare to judge Wes after the con he was pulling, and the pain he was forcing Mom to endure?
“Actually, Dad, Wes has been perfectly nice to me, and he does well in school.”
Too late. Too much.
I glanced up to see Dad staring down at me. I could practically see the gears turning in his mind, especially him processing my calling Wesley Wes.
“But you’re right,” I said in a desperate attempt to backpedal. “He does need a lot of work,” I finished with a smile.
Dad gazed at me, his expression unreadable. “You should get going before you’re late.”
So much for being careful. So much for keeping my mouth shut.
So much for Dad being the man I thought he was.
Chapter Seventeen
As I rushed to my car, I realized that I’d snapped at my dad because I appreciated Wes’s presence in my life. Yeah, he had flaws. Yeah, he was a sinner. I sure wasn’t a saint, and I wasn’t perfect either.
The first class of the day that we had together, I screwed up the nerve and sat next to him. He looked over and did a double take. “What did I do to deserve this great honor?” he teased.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said airily, waving my hand. “Maybe it has to do with pity.”
“Pity?” He leaned closer. “It’s a pity I had to ruin my jacket because of you.”
My cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry—”
“It was worth it.” He winked.
I swatted his arm playfully. “I will buy you another one.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want your pretty face to get early wrinkles.” Another wink.
It was so easy to talk to him. Only we weren’t talking. We were flirting. And I was enjoying myself, and I could tell he was too. When he was like this and not sulking at home, I really enjoyed him. And the few times when we had been alone at home, they were great too. But when he was around the rest of my family or his friends, especially Lizzy…he was different.
“Well, at least let me get you a helmet.” I reached over and ruffled his hair. “Don’t want anything to happen to you on that bike of yours.”
“Worried about me? I’m touched. But I won’t fall. I’m that good.”
“Cocky and arrogant. Not a surprise. But you know what they say about pride, right?”
“What do they say?” He put his head in his palm, elbow on the desk, staring at me intently, like I was about to impart great wisdom.
“Pride comes before a fall.”
Wes lowered his head. “You’re killing me.”
“Oh no.” I gasp and put my hands to my heart. “That’s exactly what I want to avoid!”
We both laughed.
Class started, and we didn’t have a chance to talk again until we sat next to each other at our next mutual class. This time, I sat down first, and Wes claimed the seat next to me a minute later. “So…” he started, “…what are you going to major in?”
“Oh, talk about the future.” I grinned. “I was thinking maybe I’d go into education. I want to work with children, and I know a good teacher can save a life.”
“Nice. I can see you as a teacher.”
“Thanks.” My smile widened. “What about you? What are your plans?”
“Oh, this and that.” He shrugged.
“Do you think you’ll go to college?” Nowadays, it seemed like it was unheard for someone to not get a degree.
“We’ll see.”
I frowned throughout class. I hated his non-committal answers. Time was ticking. We’d graduate before we’d knew it, and what then? Wes should have a plan in place. You couldn’t get through life without a plan. Well, you could, but having one made things easier. Then again, being spontaneous like with his jacket had turned out all right in the end.
It wasn’t until lunch that I saw him next. We happened to walk in at the same time, and before I could say anything more than hi to him, Lizzy bounded over.
“Hi, Wesley,” she gushed. “How are you today? You look a little tense. Need a massage?” Without waiting for a reply, she walked around behind him and started to massage his shoulders.
He’s not mine. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t be jealous.
But I did care. And I was jealous.
Wes shrugged her off. “I’m fine.”
I’d begun to walk away but slowed down when I saw him heading my way. Lizzy was glaring at his backside, and it took everything in my not to shoot her a smug grin.
“Wanna go for a ride with me to get food somewhere?”
“Sure. Is this a date?” I teased.
“Am I allowed to hope so?”
The entire time we walked out of the school and headed toward the parking lot I kept thinking, What are we doing? Not the going out for a bite together, but the flirting, the teasing…my masturbating about him. Did he masturbate while thinking about me too? Did I want him to? Of course I did.
And Dad thought Wes was the sinner.
When we reached his bike, I hesitated. “I never rode on one before.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll love it. I promise. One ride with me and you’ll be hooked.”
One kiss from him at the party and I’d been hooked on that too. I hardly ever thought about Adam now. Was over my crush. Had a new one.
On my step-brother.
Wes climbed on, and, not wanting to look like a wimp, I quickly got on behind him. I wrapped my arms around him tight, and he took off. I let out a shriek, but it was more from surprise than fright.
He was right. I did love it. I loved being able to hold him, to smell him, to feel the breeze whip at my hair…I loved the freedom and the risk. So much about Wes was taboo, and this was icing on the cake.
I wish he would just drive away with me.
But I couldn’t tell him that. Not now. Probably not ever.
He pulled into a little diner. “This okay?” he asked after he turned off his bike.
“Sure.”
We walked inside, sat, and ordered. The entire time we were eating, he stared at me like he wanted to say something.
“What is it?” I asked. I drank from my milkshake.
“Nothing.” But he kept on staring.
“Go ahead. I promise not to judge you.”
He sighed and ran a hand tightly through his hair before leaning closer to me. “So…am I allowed to ask why you showed up in my room wearing nothing but my leather jacket?”
I balked. My mouth opened and closed, but I couldn’t answer. I’d figured that since he hadn’t asked then that he wouldn’t ever ask. Should’ve known better.
His hand slid against mine, fingers tangling with mine as he continued in a low, drawling voice, “And maybe why you were touching yourself in it?”
I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t escape his gaze, his touch…his everything.
Facing burning, I had to be all red, I sipped my milkshake to avoid answering.
He laughed at me, and the sound was so sexy. He was so effortlessly sexy, and it ruined me. “What? You think I wouldn’t notice? Sweetheart, I could smell you from down the hall.”
I ate the rest of my food without another, and mercifully, he dropped it after that. But before we got up, he reached across the table, and his thumb rolled across my bottom lip. Instinctively, I opened my mouth. Not breaking eye contact, he licked the whipped cream from his thumb, and his gaze was so heavy and intense I was almost crazy enough to ask him what he was thinking right now.
“You can’t keep looking at me like that,” Wes said.
He grabbed the bill and paid. He didn’t even ask for me to pay for mine. Was this a date after all? Because it sure felt like one. I really didn’t want to go back to school. I never cut before, but unexpectedly it seemed like a really good idea.
