by HELEN HARDT
“You’re beautiful in every way, and I want to kiss you. I want to touch your body. I want to show you pleasure. I want you to see the beauty in what I can show you. Beauty I’m sorry you’ve never seen before, because you deserve everything good. I’m fall—”
I shushed him this time. “Please don’t say that.”
“All right. That can wait. For now, I find you fascinating. I love being with you. Even walking in silence thrills me because you’re beside me. Your presence is soothing, relaxing. And with all that’s been going on in the Steel family, I crave that. I crave that steadiness that you provide for me.”
Steadiness? Me? I was far from steady myself.
“Your strength,” he continued. “Your physical strength is humbling, but your mental strength… I’ve watched my brother regain his mental strength in the last several months. He’s like a new man. But you… I don’t know exactly what you went through with your father, and I’m not asking, unless you want to tell me sometime. But you’re still so strong. So ready to help others.”
“But I—”
“Let me finish, please. Yes, you’re strong, but underneath I sense the vulnerability of a child, Ruby. And I understand. I understand better than most because of what my brother has been through. It’s killing me that you fear me. I don’t want you to fear me, baby. I don’t want you to run from me. I want you to run to me. Because I want to run to you.”
I stared at him, at his gorgeous face in the moonlight, at his dark hair wet and slicked back on his head.
“I never imagined wanting to run to any woman. Even my former girlfriend, and we were pretty serious. But you… You stir something in me. You draw me in. And God help me, I want to be drawn in. I want to cocoon myself in you. Your beauty. Your goodness. Your amazingness. I’ve never wanted a woman this much.”
I trembled, even in the warmth of the night. “I don’t know if I can give you everything you want.”
“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not asking for sex. Though I won’t lie to you. I’d love to make love to you right now. But what I feel is more than that. It goes beyond the physical, beyond the emotional, even. I’m not even sure I can put it into words.”
His words made sense to me. Because, though I was afraid of the physical, I understood exactly what he meant by “beyond the physical.” But how could we have anything if I was afraid of the very essence of a relationship between a man and a woman? And how could I explain that to him? Because I did want him. And yes, I wanted him physically. I wanted him as much as I feared the act.
Did my desire overwhelm my fear?
There was only one way to find out.
I took his hand. “Take me to the cabana.”
“Baby, you don’t have to do this.”
“Take me now,” I said. “Before I lose my nerve.”
“All right.” He led me out of the water and to the cabana where our clothes lay on the bed. We brushed the sand off our feet.
The bed looked massive, and it grew larger with every beat of my heart.
But I wasn’t going to run away in fear. He wanted me to run to him. I would run to him.
And I hoped I’d find the part of me that had been missing for so long.
He touched my cheek, his fingers burning my skin. “I need you to tell me first. Tell me…” He cleared his throat. “Are you a virgin?”
I gulped and nodded.
“Then your father never…?”
“No.” My voice shook. “He tried. And he would have. But I got away.”
He heaved a sigh. “Oh, thank God. I mean, I know whatever you went through with him wasn’t good, and I’m so sorry for that. But I couldn’t bear the thought of him taking you, violating you in that way.”
“Believe me, neither could I. I was lucky to get away.”
“Maybe. Or maybe you were just strong enough to figure out how to get away. Don’t discount yourself.”
“Ryan, I was fifteen.”
His eyes darkened. “That bastard.”
I swallowed. “What he did to me was nothing compared to what he did to your brother. And to many others.”
He shook his head. “My brother went through hell. I won’t deny it. And what’s more, he saved me from the same fate. My brother is amazing. A real-life hero. But so are you, baby. So are you.”
“I don’t feel very amazing a lot of the time. And I sure as hell don’t feel like a hero.”
“You are.”
“I doubt Juliet and Lisa would think so.”
“Oh, baby.” He cupped my other cheek as well, holding my face. “You’re not responsible for everything bad in the world.”
“But my father—”
“Hey. You’re not your father. Any more than I’m my father. We’ve been finding out some stuff about him, stuff that I know isn’t going to lead to anything good. But he isn’t me.”
“I know. You’re right. I know that objectively.”
“It’s not your responsibility to right all your father’s wrongs. Don’t let him color your life. Don’t let what he did to you color your life.”
Easy for him to say. His words weren’t any I hadn’t heard before. From friends—the few I’d had over the years— but mostly from myself.
If only I could make myself believe them.
He roved his gaze over my body. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Oh!” I’d nearly forgotten we were naked. Our conversation had taken a turn away from what we both wanted.
Well, what he wanted.
No, that was a lie.
I wanted it. I just didn’t want to want it.
But here I was, naked in a cabana on a nude beach with the most magnificent man in the universe.
I laid my hands over his and then smoothed them up his arms, over his shoulders, to his face. I cupped his cheeks as he was cupping mine, and I pulled him toward me.
His soft lips landed on mine, and I opened slightly. Kissing was everything and nothing like I’d imagined it would be. It was wet and sloppy, yes, but it was also emotional and perfect.
At least it was with this man.
As he swept into my mouth, I let go of my fears, my worries. For this one night, I would have perfection.
Just once. That was all I needed.
Then I’d go back to real life. Back to what I’d been put on earth to do. Make up for the sins of my father.
No. Not going there. Not tonight…
I surrendered to the kiss, opened to it. My body heated, my skin prickling with fire. As I leaned into Ryan, his hardness nudged into my stomach. I resisted the temptation to back away.
You’re safe here. Trust him. You’re safe here.
I moved my hands forward and tangled them in his damp hair. He groaned into my mouth.
Did my touch do that to him? Did I have that much of an effect on him?
He broke the kiss and trailed his lips over my cheek to my ear, nibbling on my lobe, licking around the outer shell, and then poking his tongue into my ear canal.
“Oh!” The sensation was intense, traveling into my body like a strike of lightning.
“You okay?” he whispered.
“Yes. More than okay,” I said.
He moved his hands from my cheeks down my neck, my shoulders, down my arms, until he cupped one of my breasts.
I inhaled a swift breath, my nipple pebbling further. I wanted him to touch my nipple so badly. Thank God his mouth was on mine again, or I might have screamed out a command for him to.
And then he was. Thumbing my nipple.
The jolt surged between my legs, and I throbbed. Not only there, but also throughout my whole body.
I quivered, quaked in his arms. Ready to give in to whatever he wanted. Damn the consequences. I wanted to feel pleasure. Real pleasure. And I wanted to feel it with Ryan Steel.
Slowly I felt myself stepping backward. He was leading me toward the bed, still thumbing my nipple. When the back of my legs hit the mattress, I sat, Ryan coming with me, gently layi
ng me down onto my back.
He slid his lips from my mouth to my neck.
I went rigid.
“Baby?”
“That’s where he—that guy…”
“I’m sorry, Ruby. Do you want to stop?”
“No. I want to go on. I want to forget that guy. I want to forget my father. Every other horrible thing in the world. Kiss my neck. Please.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please.”
He obeyed, and I willed my body to relax. Neck kissing was supposed to be nice. And it was. When Ryan Steel was doing the kissing.
He continued down my neck, over my shoulder, to the top of my breasts. My nipples strained forward, longing for something… When his lips found one, I nearly flew off the bed.
How could anything feel so wonderful? He kissed my nipple lightly, his eyes meeting mine. He was looking for approval, so I smiled timidly.
And then he sucked the nipple between his lips.
I skyrocketed upward, my whole body tingling, my core hot and throbbing between my legs. Sighs and moans escaped my throat, lingering in the air around us, above us, as if they’d come from somewhere else.
Fire. Sparks. Electricity.
It was all here. All now. All around our bodies.
I closed my eyes as he continued to tug on my nipple. His fingers found the other one, and he touched it lightly first and then squeezed it.
I squeezed my thighs together, trying to hold in the wondrous feeling, my blood boiling like liquid gold in my veins.
When his mouth left my nipple, I opened my eyes, whimpering at the loss.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“You sure?”
“It feels good, Ryan. It feels…more than good.”
He smiled. “Good. You deserve more than good. You deserve the best.”
I had it. Right here, naked beside me, was the best. Ryan Steel. He was the best.
He kissed my nipple and then went lower, gliding his lips over my abdomen, down to my vulva. He inhaled.
“You smell amazing, baby. Vanilla and musk.”
My thighs were still squeezed together. He nudged them apart. “Open for me. Please. I won’t hurt you.”
I willed my body to relax once more, and I opened my legs. I was bared to him now, the moonlight shining upon my most secret place.
A place no man had been.
No man save this one.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he said. “Beautiful everywhere. Beautiful down here.”
I sighed and then jerked when he slid his fingers through the folds of my pussy.
“And wet. God, you’re so fucking wet.”
I didn’t doubt it. I’d never imagined anything could feel this good. This…right.
“Don’t be frightened,” he said. “I want to taste you.”
I nodded.
When his tongue touched my clit, my whole body jolted. Was that an orgasm? I had no way of knowing. The sensation was intense, vibrant. Nearly sent me whirling. But when he slid his tongue through my folds and then clamped back onto my clit, I knew what I’d felt before had been nothing.
This was only getting better.
I closed my eyes, lifted my hips off the bed. His damp hair wet my thighs. Or was that my own juices?
God, I had no idea. Didn’t care.
“Let me show you the world, baby,” he said. “Let me make you come.”
I hadn’t already? Well, he would know. I had gone past the point of resistance. “No” wasn’t a word my lips could form anymore.
“Yes, please,” I whimpered.
He clamped his mouth onto me and sucked, and then something entered me. I gasped.
“Easy, baby. It’s just my finger. Let it go. Let me make you feel good.”
He slid it in, out, and then in again. I relaxed and let him take me along.
And when he swirled his tongue over my clit in tandem with the thrusts of his finger, I whirled into oblivion.
Chapter Fourteen
Ryan
Her pussy walls clenched around my finger, and her body stiffened.
She cried out, and I lapped up the juice of her orgasm. Honeyed vanilla. So good. I’d never tire of the taste of her. Sweeter than any other woman I’d had.
I always got a thrill from making a woman come, but this was more than a thrill.
This was heaven. Pure heaven. And I hadn’t even released yet.
She continued to cry out as I milked the last drop of climax from her, tonguing her sweet folds and finger fucking her tight little pussy. When her body started to relax, I kissed her inner thighs, wet from her nectar and oh so sweet. Then I moved forward.
She opened her eyes. “Wow.”
“Feel good, baby?”
“I can’t believe it,” she said. “I just can’t. I always imagined it would be amazing, but oh my God.”
As I suspected, that had been her first orgasm. I felt privileged—no, honored—to have given it to her.
My cock was harder than it had ever been, but I couldn’t ask her to take care of me. This had to go slowly, and I didn’t have a condom with me anyway.
I could resist. Not like I had a choice.
But then she looked down at my groin.
“Are you…okay?”
I laughed softly. “I’ll be fine.”
“Do you want me to…?”
“No, baby. Don’t worry about me.”
“But that hardly seems fair. I could…touch it for you.”
I was too weak to turn down that offer. “God. Please.” I took her hand and guided it to my granite-hard cock.
She fingered it timidly. “It’s warm.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “Yes, it is.”
“Show me what to do. I feel so stupid, Ryan.”
“Just do what feels right, baby.”
I opened my eyes, expecting to see her lubricate her hand with her mouth, but instead she reached between her legs and coated her fingers with her own juices.
And I almost spent my load right there. What a fucking sight.
She gripped my cock then, rubbing her nectar all over it. I groaned again.
“Good?”
“You have no idea.”
She rubbed her hand all up and down my shaft, and then, with her other hand, added more pussy juice.
Oh. My. God.
Then she began pumping me, her hand like a vise around me.
“Ruby, damn,” I said through clenched teeth. “So good.”
She continued, increasing her speed and then decreasing it. For a novice, this woman was a natural tease. I wanted this to last forever, but I had no resistance at this point. My balls scrunched into my body, and my cock convulsed. I was going to shoot.
I had to warn her.
I opened my mouth, but instead of words, a long groan erupted as I came all over her hand.
The straw walls of the cabana spun around me as my body shook.
Fuck.
That was a big one.
When I finally came back to reality, she was looking at me, her hand covered in my cum.
“Wow,” she said.
“Is that a good wow?”
She laughed a little. “I just didn’t expect it to be so much.”
“I’m a stud, baby.”
She laughed again.
“Don’t laugh at that. A man could get a complex.”
“Believe me, there was never any question in my mind that you were a stud.”
“Damn right.”
She laughed again. I was growing accustomed to the sound. I wasn’t sure she had laughed much in her life. I intended to change that.
I checked in the drawer of the nightstand by the bed. Sure enough, clean towels had been provided. I handed her one, and she wiped off her hands.
“I’m wondering…” she began.
“Yeah?”
“What does that feel like to you? To come?”
I smiled. “
It’s hard to describe, but probably pretty much the same way it makes you feel. Just really good. Really euphoric. The perfect mixture of tension and relaxation with nirvana coating it all.”
“That’s a really good description.”
I looked straight into her vivid blue eyes. “Was tonight truly your first orgasm?”
She nodded. “There were times, after a particularly vivid dream, when I thought I’d had one in my sleep, but those were nothing compared to tonight.”
I couldn’t help puffing out my chest a little. “You never masturbated?”
“No. I found men attractive, of course. But an orgasm, or sex, or a man, wasn’t anything I thought I’d ever want. Until now.”
“What made you change your mind?”
She picked up a pillow and smacked me with it. “You did! But you already know that.”
I puffed my chest out even farther.
She sighed. “This has been a wonderful night, but I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you.”
“Meaning…?”
“I’m not the kind of woman who thinks we have some kind of relationship now, just because we enjoy kissing each other and…”
“Giving each other orgasms?”
“Yeah,” she said shyly. “That.”
She was gorgeous in the moonlight. Still naked, she glowed, her pale skin luminous and opulent. Her countenance was relaxed, still showing her afterglow. Next time she came, I wanted to see her in the sunlight. I wanted to see how rosy pink her cheeks and body got when all that blood was flowing through her.
“Are you saying you don’t want a relationship?”
“No. Not exactly. I never thought I wanted a relationship, and just because we’ve had a good time together doesn’t make it a relationship. I know that. I don’t expect anything from you.”
“So you do want a relationship?”
“No. Not exactly.”
I cupped her glowing cheeks. “Ruby, you’re going to have to actually say what you mean here. You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth.”
She sighed. “I don’t mean to. I just mean this. I don’t expect anything from you. I’m not ready for it anyway.”
“What if I am?”
She arched her eyebrows, her eyes wide.
Had I truly just said that? Anna and I had broken up two years ago, and I’d had a few dates and one-nighters, but I hadn’t been looking for anything substantial. I hadn’t found it either.
