by HELEN HARDT
He smiled. “I see a lot of things that you’re probably not ready to face yet, and that’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”
And it hit me like a wheelbarrow full of river rock.
Love.
That’s what he was seeing.
That’s what I wasn’t ready to face.
I was in love with Ryan Steel.
I, who had no idea what love even was…so how could I know?
But I did.
* * *
“See you later,” I said to my father, who was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. I’d left him a plate of dinner that was currently heating in the microwave.
“Where are you off to?” The harsh fluorescent lighting in the kitchen illuminated his features—was he angry, or simply mistrustful?—in an eerie way.
“Just meeting a friend for a milkshake. I’ll be home before dark.”
I’d had dinner alone. My father was rarely home for dinner, and I had learned to fend for myself while living with my mother. She had worked three jobs to keep us afloat, and I’d been doing my own cooking since I was eight years old. Real cooking, because the processed meals were more expensive than buying actual meat and vegetables. I’d been shopping and cooking for what seemed like most of my life.
Since I was only fifteen, it had been most of my life.
I walked toward the door, but his footsteps followed and he overtook me. He stood against the door. “You’re not going anywhere tonight.”
I’d only lived with my father for a couple of months. So far, he’d given me an allowance. More money than I’d ever seen. He’d been good to me. He’d helped me get acclimated to my new home, the community, and had helped me make friends in the neighborhood. I was planning to meet one of those friends tonight for a shake.
“Dad.” The word fell from my lips in slow motion. It still didn’t feel right. The man was still a virtual stranger to me. But he’d been trying. At least up until now. “Dana’s expecting me. I won’t be late.” I reached for the doorknob.
“Not tonight, Ruby.” He brushed my hand from the knob.
I looked up at him. His eyes were so dark, almost black. He was a handsome man, olive complexion and dark hair, but something sinister lurked in his gaze tonight.
Something I hadn’t seen before.
Maybe I hadn’t been looking.
A knife of fear lanced into me.
I was in danger.
I turned to run back into the kitchen and toward the back door, but he grabbed me by the arm and yanked me against his chest. Hard.
“What do you want?” I asked breathlessly. “Why can’t I go meet Dana?”
“Because I need you here tonight.”
My heart thumped wildly. “Okay. What do you need?”
He yanked me over to the couch in the living room. “Take off your clothes.”
I jolted backward. “What?”
“You heard me. Take off your clothes. You’re beautiful. Let me see that body of yours.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “No. I won’t.”
I scrambled away, but he caught me again and then dragged me into his bedroom. I wrenched away, but he grabbed me and turned me around to face him.
“Come here. Show Daddy how much you love him.” His grasp was firm. “Now take off those clothes.”
“I won’t!”
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Are you crazy? I’m your daughter!”
“Makes no difference. Let me see that body.”
I gathered every ounce of strength and ran toward the door, but again he caught me.
“You asked for it now.” He punched me in the cheek, and a dull thud echoed in the room.
For a second, nothing happened, and then the pain hit. I cried out.
“Scream. Go ahead and scream. It’s better that way,” he said, an evil gleam in his eye.
I made a deal with myself at that moment. I would not scream again, no matter what he did to me.
“You’re a slut, just like your slut mother. She wasn’t good for anything but a fuck. A one-nighter that went wrong, and now I’m saddled with you.”
My heart thrummed wildly and ice filled my veins as fear overtook me. “You don’t have to be. I’ll leave. I’ll never bother you again.” And I meant those words, for now I knew who and what my father truly was.
“Not yet. Not until I see what you have to offer. You’re a pretty thing, with your mother’s fair skin. My dark hair. And you don’t mind showing off that tight little body in those belly tops and tight jeans you wear. What do you expect?”
“I don’t expect my own father to rape me!”
He grabbed me and tossed me onto the bed. “Well, little daughter, rarely in this life do we get what we expect.”
He fell down on me, and something hard nudged my belly.
God. Him. His penis. He was hard for me.
Acid bubbled in my stomach and meandered up my throat. I turned my head and retched, but nothing came up.
He punched me again.
“You throw up, and I’ll make this worse.”
As if in answer, I heaved again and vomited onto his bed.
“Bitch!” He punched me again and then shook me. Then he ripped my shirt off me. “Pretty nice tits,” he said, eyeing me.
I closed my eyes. Maybe I could escape into my mind. Think of something else.
But instead, without looking, I raised both my legs and pushed outward, kicking.
He flew across the room.
I opened my eyes in time to see him land with an oof.
I got up and ran for the door, but again he caught me, turning me.
Scrunching my eyes shut again, I kneed him between his legs, hoping I had the strength I needed to incapacitate him.
“Auugh!” This time he yelled and crumpled to the floor. “Bitch. You fucking little slut!”
Thank God my purse was where I’d left it in the living room. I grabbed it and headed out the door in my bra and jeans, my own vomit coating one side of my body.
I ran as hard as I could with no idea where I was going.
Only that I was never going back to my father, no matter what I had to do.
* * *
I woke up, perspiration sliding over me.
Next to me, Ryan slept soundly.
My breathing was rapid, couldn’t get enough air.
I was hyperventilating. It had happened before, though not for quite a while.
Why now? Why tonight?
I rubbed my shivering arms, trying desperately to calm my body and my mind.
Ryan stirred and opened his eyes. “Ruby? Is everything okay?”
No, everything was not okay, but I couldn’t saddle him with this. He’d go hightailing it away from me if I told him I’d just had a nightmare of my father attempting to rape me.
“Fine,” I said quickly.
“You’re not fine.” He leaned over to his nightstand and turned on his lamp. “You’re shivering. What’s going on?”
I opened my mouth to say “I’m fine,” but the words never made it to my lips.
Instead, I burst into tears.
Chapter Twenty–Four
Ryan
All I could do was hold her and let her cry into my shoulder.
She shook as she sobbed, her nose running. Every time I tried to reach the nightstand to grab a tissue for her nose and eyes, she held onto me for dear life, and I couldn’t move.
So I let her cry.
And I hoped, when she finally stopped, I would be able to soothe her.
She was so strong, and this burst of crying didn’t sway my opinion of that. Something had gotten to her, and I prayed it hadn’t been me.
No, it hadn’t.
We’d come in from the hot tub, dried off, taken a quick shower, and then snuggled in bed, kissing.
Yes, we’d made out, and I’d felt like a teenager again in the back of my car. That’s how thrilling making out with R
uby had been.
We hadn’t made love again, although I’d been more than ready to. I’d promised her I’d go slowly, and I meant it. But right now I wanted to move heaven and earth to help her, to kill with my bare hands whoever had done this to her, had made her feel this way, so sad and upset.
“Baby, baby, it’s okay.” I said the soothing words over and over to her, until the sobbing became weeping, and then soft whimpering.
Finally, she pulled away from me. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her nose was pink. And my God, she’d never looked more beautiful to me.
I was in deep. So deep. I hoped I could deal with the baggage she was so clearly carrying.
“What can I do for you?” I asked. “Anything? A cup of tea?” I handed her the box of tissues. “Glass of wine?”
She shook her head, sniffling and taking a tissue. She blew her nose loudly and then grabbed another and wiped her eyes. “I must be a complete mess.”
“You look beautiful.”
That got a smile out of her. “Now I know you’re lying to me.”
“Never.” I touched her hair.
“I’m so sorry. I never cry. I’m serious. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay to be emotional, baby. I sometimes have that effect on women.”
That actually got a chuckle out of her. I was on a roll.
“But seriously. Is there anything I can do to help?”
She shook her head. “I’m good. I just had a dream. Well, it was more of a nightmare.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Are you sure? I’m a good listener.” I smiled.
She swallowed audibly. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“Oh.” I held back a sigh. “All right.” I couldn’t force her to tell me anything, of course, but for some reason, I wanted to know what had upset her. And then go eliminate it from the universe. Anything that made Ruby Lee cry had to go. Simple as that.
“Could you excuse me for a minute?” she said.
“Sure. Of course.”
She got up and went into the bathroom, closing the door. I heard the water running in the sink for a few moments, and then it shut off. I figured she’d come back out momentarily, but instead the whoosh of the shower made its way to my ears.
A shower? In the middle of the night?
Should I join her?
I waited a few minutes. Maybe she was just going to rinse off. I’d give her some space. After ten minutes, though, I started to worry.
I got up and went into the bathroom. “Baby?”
Then I heard her quiet sobs. She was in the shower scrubbing her skin with a shower pouf. I opened the glass door.
“Ruby? Please, let me help.”
“Have to get him off me,” she wept quietly. “All of his filth. All of his grime. I’m contaminated. Contaminated with his disgusting filth.”
“Baby, you’re clean. You can’t wash anything else from you.”
“I have to. He’s inside me. He’s…part of me.” She continued scrubbing herself.
“Who, baby?”
“My father. Theodore Mathias.” She stopped scrubbing and looked up at me. “Who else?”
I took the opportunity to gently take the shower pouf from her clasped hands. “Let go. It’s okay.”
She reluctantly let me take the soapy pouf from her. I rinsed it off under the pelting water and then set it aside.
She was still quietly weeping. I didn’t know what to do, so I just held her, the water still pummeling us. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I said nothing.
After a few minutes, she pulled away. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For having this silly meltdown. You’d think I was some drama queen teenager. This isn’t me.”
“I know it’s not you. Not the normal you. We all break down sometimes.”
“You don’t.”
“Are you kidding? After what my brother went through to save me? I’ve done my share of overthinking it, believe me.”
“There’s a big difference between overthinking and having a meltdown in the shower,” she said.
“Not so much.” I moved toward the faucet. “Okay if I turn this off now?”
“Yeah. I suppose I’m as clean as I’m going to get.” She gave me a half smile.
I opened the shower door and grabbed two big bath towels. I wrapped her in one, dried her off as best I could, and then wrapped one around my own waist.
“You want to come back to bed?” I asked when we were both dry.
“Maybe I should just go home.”
“Look, if you don’t want to sleep in the same bed with me, that’s fine. You know that. I’ll set you up in a different room. But I’m not letting you drive home when you’re obviously so distraught.”
“No,” she said.
“What do you mean, ‘no?’ You can’t drive right now. It’s the middle of the night. You’re a cop, for God’s sake.”
She let out a tiny laugh. “I mean no, I don’t want to sleep in a different room.”
Warmth spread through me. I hadn’t realized, until she said it, how much I wanted to share my bed with her for the rest of the night. I wanted to protect her from whatever was bothering her.
“You want to talk about this now? About what brought this on?”
She shook her head. “I’d rather forget about it.”
“Okay. For now.” She would have to talk to me—or someone—about this at some point. She was an intelligent woman. She probably already knew she couldn’t keep it inside forever.
I walked her over to the bed. She lay down, and I got in beside her. I opened my arms to her, and she snuggled into my shoulder.
“You smell so good,” she said.
“Well, I’m squeaky clean now,” I said.
She let out another soft chuckle. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“I’m a nice guy.”
“But I’m such a mess.”
“Baby, I’ve been around messed-up people my whole life. You’re not even close.” I pulled her closer to me.
We lay there for a few moments, and I listened to her breathe softly. My cock was growing hard, just having her so near to me, but I knew she didn’t need sex.
So I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny kisses on my shoulder.
My cock hardened further, and I was ready for action.
I pushed her away from me slightly. “Are you sure you want to do this? Because I won’t be able to stop if we go much further.”
“Yes,” was all she said.
I pulled her to me and kissed her gently. I worried she wasn’t ready for more, but I didn’t need to be, because she deepened the kiss, exploring my mouth with her tongue, all around my teeth and gum line, the inside of my cheeks.
She was kissing me more fervently than she ever had before.
It would have been so easy to let her continue, to fall into her beautiful body and make love to her.
But damn, I wasn’t going to be anyone’s escape. I cared too much for her for that.
So I stopped again. “Ruby, I don’t feel right about this.”
“Oh? I’m…sorry. I thought…”
“Don’t get me wrong. I want you big time. I’m hard as a fucking rock. But right now, you’re trying to escape something. This isn’t the way to do it.”
“No, I’m not—”
I silenced her with two fingers to her lips. “Come on, baby. You were just in the shower not half an hour ago trying to scrub the filth out of your pores.”
She sighed. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you now.”
“Oh, I believe you want me. I just don’t think it’s for the right reasons.”
She let out a laugh. “So what? So what if it’s for the wrong reason? What if I am trying to run from something, and running into your gorgeous body with one of the toe-curling orgasms you give me feels right? What’s wrong w
ith that?”
She was offering me a free fuck with her tight little body, her succulent lips on mine.
Shit. That was the problem. I didn’t want to be just a fuck to her.
“You’re new to this. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
“Look, I may be inexperienced, but I’m thirty-two years old. I’m educated, I’m street smart, and I’ve seen things that most people would never want to see in their lives. I’m not naïve, nor am I ignorant.”
“I wasn’t suggesting that you were.”
“Then why won’t you be with me? Why won’t you give me the comfort I crave?”
“I will always give you comfort. Let’s just lie here for a while, and if something happens, it happens. I just want you to think about it first.”
Frankly, my own willpower was shot. All I could think about was getting balls deep inside that hot little pussy. But damn it, I cared about this woman. I desperately wanted her to talk to me about what had brought on the meltdown.
She sighed and lay back down in the crook of my arm. “All right. Let’s just lie here together.”
My cock was tenting the sheets. No doubt she had noticed.
A few moments later, her breathing became shallow. She had fallen asleep.
* * *
Ruby had her red lips around me. Her little pink tongue slithered around my cock, wetting me, poking into my tiny slit. Then she wrapped her lips around my glans and sucked, short little tugs, and I imagined shooting my semen into her throat.
God, so good.
I shot my eyes open.
The comforter had been thrown to the bottom of the bed, and Ruby was down between my legs, her pretty, dark lips around my cock.
I’d thought I was dreaming.
Reality was so much better.
She sucked and she slurped. She was new to this. I knew that. But my God, I felt like a teenager getting his first blow job.
Her naïvety was a plus. She wasn’t sure how to please me, so she just did everything. And consequently I was about ready to spurt down her throat.
“Easy, baby.”
She took her lips from my cock—I whimpered at the loss—and looked at me. “I know men like to come in a woman’s mouth. I want you to know… It’s okay to do that.”
