by Angela Foxxe
“It would be a hell of an adventure.” She shrugged. “I mean we’ve had worse ideas to make a bit of cash.”
“I’ll have to think about it, but first I have to find my phone.”
She was already reaching for hers. It didn’t take her long to dial my number. “Voicemail.”
“Damn, it’s out of charge.”
“It’s fine. We’ll find it.” After this tense moment came the frantic searching, leaving the paper on the old trunk that we used as a coffee table. It didn’t take us long to find it. It was behind the table that I had left it on every day that I came home from work and of course, the battery was dead. While it charged, I had the opportunity to build up my nerves, but it wasn’t working very well. I struggled with my own ambition. What kind of thing was I about to get myself into?
I calmed myself with the fact that there were might be more than a dozen women trying for this opportunity and that I would probably be denied. I more than likely wouldn’t get it. I promised myself that, as I stared at the charge bar on my phone. It was taking too long. I wrung my hands, carefully thinking about all of the things that could go wrong. I thought about the worst thing that could go wrong. I could be chosen for this and actually have to take the steps to change my life.
Eventually, my phone charged. I took a deep breath. It was time to do this. “You gonna be okay?” Cyndi put her hand on my shoulder. It was a comforting presence.
“I think I’m gonna puke.”
“You’re not gonna puke.”
“And why not?”
“Because you don’t got nothing in your stomach.” She grinned at me, happy to point out the ultimate flaw in my plan. I knew that she was right. I made the call. There wasn’t much to it. They sent me over an email asking for some information, and then I was asked in for an interview less than a week later.
***
I arrived, wringing my hands. “May I help you?” This was a professional office building, not the kind of place that I expected. Even the receptionist was dressed a thousand times better than I was. It caused some questions to flare up, but I decided to save them for if I thought that the interview was going a bit too well. I knew how to blow it if I had to. I walked in and he was standing there, a nice tan on naturally pale skin. It looked natural, so I knew that this guy got some sort of sun in his life. He was flanked on each side by stuffy-looking old white men in suits and there was someone in the corner who looked like a doctor. I was worried.
“Hello.” My throat was dry. I croaked the words at him.
“It’s nice to meet you.” It was starting to seem like any other job interview. I learned that his name was Torrance, and while I was nervous, he was a charming man. I wondered what was going on with him. I heard no mention of a wife, or a husband, for that matter. He seemed to be doing this alone.
It was going well, a bit too well when I was asked if I had any questions. I had warmed up enough that my throat wasn’t dry anymore. I was ready to start in on my questions, things that had worried me.
“Are you married?” I directed my question to the proposed father. Even though he had spoken very little during the interview process, I knew that he had to be the one to answer my questions. I looked up at him. He had been staring at me and it felt strange to be under that kind of scrutiny.
“No.” It was a terse response and wasn’t making me very comfortable. It was clear that he wanted me to answer his questions, but he didn’t want to respond to my concerns.
“Can you tell me what plans you have for raising this child?” I wasn’t going to let him off that easy. “Do you plan on just leaving him or her with nannies all day?”
“Only while I work.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.” My voice grew stronger as I looked at him. I was ready to let him know exactly how I felt about this entire mess. “It just feels like its fishy and I can’t in good conscience let a child that I give birth to be raised by substandard parents.” I have no idea where those words came from or how my voice grew so strong. It definitely didn’t sound like the way I talk outside of work.
“I understand your concern.” He looked at me. “Trust me. I will love this child more than anything. I am ready to be a father, just not a husband. I want a child. If a woman can do this, what’s wrong with a man wanting that same thing?”
“I don’t know. It’s just most men don’t think like that. So you can understand my concern.”
He nodded, carefully considering what I had said. “I can understand, but you do understand that this is an interview for you. I’m not supposed to be questioned here.”
“I would be a fool if I didn’t ask these questions,” I told him, standing up. “I won’t bring a child into this world if the person who wants the child can’t answer these simple questions.” I turned to leave. “I’ll be going now. I hope that you really mean what you’re telling me, but I just can’t be sure.” I shrugged. “I know someone is going to give you what you want, either way. The money is just too good, but it won’t be me. I won’t just pop out disposable kids to people who won’t let me see how this child is going to be raised.”
“I’m sorry.” Torrance looked at me carefully as I walked away. I heard him whispering as I closed the door behind me. I hoped that I had made some sort of impression and made him realize the error of his ways. I didn’t know if it had worked, but I was ready to go home.
I had reclaimed something, some dignity perhaps. The truth was that the money had nearly overwhelmed me. While I wasn’t going to be officially paid, there were some perks to living the life of a surrogate, perks that this man was willing to provide. I just wasn’t ready to take them.
*
“What?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It had been almost a week since we had started this mess. I was scared to death to hear his voice. I can’t really tell you why my palms were starting to sweat and why my hands were shaking. There was just too much going on here. I fought with myself, arguing with the fact that I had better things to do. Still I wanted to hear what he had to say.
“I wanted to ask you for a second interview.”
I looked down. The tiles on the floor seemed to wane and fade under my feet. The lines were moving. “What? I blew the first one.”
“No you didn’t.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “You performed admirably.”
“Really?” I didn’t know how to answer his question. There was a strange pause in his voice.
“Yes. I just wanted to know how you were going to react. I’ve got a few candidates, and I want to speak to you on a more personal level.” It was clear that his voice had grown warm and he must have checked me out fully to see that I’m not the type of person that gets into trouble. I don’t like that sort of thing. We set up a time and a place, deciding to meet with the doctor at the hospital.
I arrived precisely fifteen minutes early and sat in the hospital cafeteria, looking around. There wasn’t much for me to do, so I spent my time ruminating. “Amy!” I heard my name from across the room.
“Hey!” I jogged toward him, panting before I remembered that I was supposed to be professional.
“Did you need something before we go in?”
“I don’t think so.” I shrugged. I knew that I was supposed to be getting the necessary tests done while I was here. They were going to do a follicle test on my hair to see if I had ever done drugs. I was expecting it, but didn’t know how much else was going to be expected of me.
The tests were pretty simple, a urine test and hair test. A few blood tests were done and some sort of scan on my stomach area. Torrance stepped out of the room for that. I assume that they were checking for obvious signs of infertility. There didn’t seem to be any problems with the ultrasound, but still I worried. I hadn’t done drugs for years and didn’t know if it would show up.
I tried to remember how long it had been since I had cut my hair, but couldn’t remember. I just had to cross my fingers and wait, but I was pretty
sure that I was in the clear. It had been so many years and I was certain that my honesty on my drug use was going to work in my favor. I had told the truth and the hair test should say that. I just hoped that I remembered how they worked. I reminded myself to look it up after I got home.
After it was all done, I waited for Torrance to meet me in the waiting room. “Do you have any specific plans?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t do much.”
“Are you sure?” He asked again. I was pretty sure that he was fishing for information. I couldn’t blame him. He was asking for a lot of hard changes to be made in someone’s life and he wanted to be sure that I could handle it. Still, I had some tough questions for him, but they could wait until later.
“Pretty sure.” I shrugged. I was still thinking about that one time in high school when I got a little wasted smoking things that I shouldn’t have.
“Do you have any more questions for me?”
“Um, uh, I don’t really know. I’d like to know why you want to do this. This is kind of a big step,” I told him. “People aren’t going to like it. There’s going to be rumors and all kinds of things like that.”
“I don’t care about those things. They can come and investigate all the time. They won’t find anything.” He blew off the concerns. “If you get chosen, I’ll have you come and check everything out.”
“You don’t seem to be worried about this.”
“Oh, I’m extremely worried.” He leaned over the small table between us. “You have no idea, but it doesn’t do any good to show it.”
“How long have you been wanting to do this?” I was starting to rattle off the list that had come into my head. I wanted the answers that he seemed finally ready to provide. “Why now? Have you thought about adoption? Is there a significant other that I should meet?”
“For a while. I guess I want to do this now because it just feels right. I know that it is a struggle, but I don’t want to adopt. I want a child of my own flesh and blood. Adoption is great, don’t get me wrong, but it takes a special kind of person to do it. I don’t think that I’m that person.” He smiled as he went through my list. “Am I forgetting anything?”
“Significant other. Do you have a husband or girlfriend or anything like that?” I hoped that I hadn’t left anything out of this conversation. I didn’t want to offend if I didn’t cover everything. I gritted my teeth and waited for the answer to come out of his mouth. Of course, I couldn’t help but to think that maybe there was something that he was trying to hide, something that he didn’t want me to know about.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t have anyone. I don’t really have time for that.”
“Then why do you think you’ll have time for a kid?” I was getting accusatory about it. I’ll admit it. I don’t know why I was accusing that man. I had found out that sometimes I could sound a little rude when I felt strongly about things and this was something that I needed to know. “I was raised by a mother who didn’t have much choice but to work two jobs. You’ve got that choice. I don’t want this child being raised by a bunch of nannies and feel like their dad doesn’t care about them.”
“You’re talking like you’re already pregnant. Look I don’t want to be pushy. I just want a child. I want this. I’ll make time for the kid. I promise I will. I’ll put it in writing.”
“And what rights am I going to have in this mess?” I pointed at him. I was starting to stand up for myself. It had to be done. I felt so strongly about the child that I might be carrying. “Why do you want this? Is it just because you’re a lonely rich guy, looking for something to make you look good?”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that, I promise.” He was taken aback. My voice was a lot stronger when I wasn’t being cornered by two lawyers and a doctor. We were on even ground now. I knew that I wasn’t going to be picked at this point. I was being confrontational and no one likes that from a woman.
My mother used to tell me that was why I didn’t have a man, but that wasn’t the real reason. It was because I didn’t want the hassle. I had seen the kind of damage a relationship could do to my life. I wasn’t ready to be in one, so I didn’t go out looking for it. It wasn’t like I didn’t go out on dates and things like that. I did that, but I never let it get serious. I couldn’t think about that yet. I had to get my life where I wanted it before I focused on things like family. There was no prince out there to take me out of the world that I lived in. I wanted to go to college and there was nothing that would change that.
“I’m just ready for this.” His voice was soft. “I feel like this is the only way. I have never been very good at dating, but I want a family. That’s what I want more than a wife.”
“I don’t care if you’re gay, but I don’t like it when people lie to me.”
“I’m not lying to you.” He assured me and I wasn’t sure if I believed him. I didn’t see a reason to. “Look, I’m not asking you to understand, but if I was a woman, would you be asking me these questions?”
I thought about it. “Yeah, probably.” I looked him straight in the face. “I probably wouldn’t be as rude about it, though. The world doesn’t look kindly on single parents. Single moms have it hard enough, but single dads almost always get criticized over this kind of stuff.”
“Who do you think is going to criticize me?”
“I’m not so worried about that, but I worry about your money. It’s clear you’ve got a lot of it just lying around. That’s why you could afford to pay a doctor to sit in the room during my interview.” I stared into his eyes. He seemed genuine, but I couldn’t help but notice that he felt a little strained as he tried to explain things to me. I still felt like he was hiding something. “I’m worried about this kid. Can you blame me?”
“No, not really.” He didn’t break my gaze. He wasn’t going to give in that easily.
“What would you do? You haven’t been giving me any straight answers. You just give me vague little run-arounds, trying to get what you want out of this. I don’t know what you expect from me. If you want me to help you bring a child into this world, you’re going to have to answer some questions.”
“If you don’t like my answers, why did you come?”
“I was thinking that you might actually start to be honest with me.” I groaned. “It’s clear that I was wrong. You aren’t capable of giving me a straight answer.”
“Look, just continue the process. I promise you that everything will be revealed. It’s just impossible to answer the questions that you want answered right now. We have some things in the family history. I need a legacy and I am unable to pass down that legacy outside of a genetic child.” He was being a bit more specific.
“Was that so hard? Is there a stipulation on your money or something?”
“Exactly.” He smiled, but it still felt like he knew something that I couldn’t. “It’s hard to explain, but the only way I can pass my heritage and finances down is through a child of my own. I can’t keep it going. They put rules on this. I can’t adopt and I have to have a child.”
“Why now? Is there some kind of rule about when you have this child?”
He took a deep breath. “Not really, no, that’s my choice. I want this child now because I want to be young enough to crawl around on the floor, to play games, to go and fly a kite. I don’t want to be exhausted as a parent. What I said about not caring about relationships is true. I don’t really care about them. I can go out and pick up a woman if I want to, but that really doesn’t make me ready to settle down like that t yet.
When I do eventually settle down, and it will happen eventually, I want it to be for the right reasons. I want to have a life that she can step into and after the adjustments happen, she can be happy. It’s hard to date when you’ve got a lot of money. People try to take advantage. I’ve had to fight off a few paternity lawsuits in the past, but the child has never been mine and one time the woman wasn’t even pregnant.
I have to say that I’ve gotten a little tired ab
out having my heart ripped out. I would have given anything to be a father, but those women were crazy and they were trying to get me to buy something that I wasn’t willing to buy.”
“They’re just after your money?”
“Exactly. They’re trying to make me give them money to either get rid of a kid or help them raise it. Those women were after something and every single one of them was proved to be false. One of them I hadn’t even been with.” He was actually kind of smiling. I suppose that it was a good thing that he could see the humor in it.
I examined him closely for the next few minutes. We had made our way back to a small sitting area. He was a handsome man, someone that most woman would instantly swoon over. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t find a woman who could make him happy. His hair was dark blond, swept back in a rugged style. It wasn’t slicked back, but rather it was just brushed back and allowed to fall back down. I had seen it a thousand times and always thought it was a solid style. His clothes were nice, a little too expensive for my budget, but they weren’t out of the mall, just in shops that I never entered.
His eyes, his eyes were something else entirely. There was something about them that could just drag someone into them. I tried to fight it, but something in them just made me want to kiss him. They existed in a realm between a golden brown and a deep green, like shadowed jade, and they belonged in the open. They were the type of eyes that could drag a woman into his world. I fought against falling into his gaze, but there was more that I needed to know. “Is that why you want this? Because they hurt you?”
“Each time my hopes were dashed. I wanted a family. I always have wanted one, but I never had the chance. I figured that it was time to stop wishing and to actually take steps that would protect me from the predatory people out there and let me have the family that I always wanted.
