by Ware Wilkins
When it comes to boys, I’m stupid. Men, even worse. And paranormal men? Obviously I need to take a breather. “No, I don’t think a vision will help me. I need to be grown up about this. It’s just hard.”
“I know. We could also do the old ‘pro-con’ list, if you wanted.”
“No way.”
She gives me an awkward hug, her belly keeping her from snuggling close. “Well, if you want some advice, I can give you this: You need to decide what it is about Abe that has kept you hooked all these years, and decide if he still has it. You also need to ask Alec or Henry about the sex, because that’s kind of a big deal. And be honest with Benji. He’s super old, I’m sure he has more patience for truth than for games.”
“When did you get so smart about men?”
“When I learned how to dance for them in the ways that get the most of their money. And clearly,” she looks to her belly with a grimace, “I’m not that smart after all.”
With that, I go and take a shower. As the hot water burns away the good and the bad of the night, I know that Ingrid’s right. I’ve been acting spoiled, trying to have my cake and eat it, too. If only Abe could be as sexually fluid as Benji… then we could have a real party. But as appetizing as the fantasy is, I know in practice it would probably just result in me feeling sore and tired all of the time. After all-- who can keep up with that kind of stamina, times two?
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Abe doesn’t want to see you.”
Alec sits across from me in the same room where I’d first come face to face with Abe. This time it is just the two of us. His legs are crossed and he is trying to look relaxed but even I can tell he’s tense… and perhaps regretful.
“That’s unacceptable. Why was Henry there last night?”
“As Abe’s sire, Henry can sometimes feel when there are… acute emotions. Intense.”
“That usually happens with sex.”
This rattles Alec’s composure and he winces. A small consolation prize. “Yes, sex or fighting or pain.”
“Okay,” I shrug, “but can he tell the difference? Between whether a wolf he’s sired is feeling arousal or if he’s in danger?”
A flash crosses Alec’s eyes. “Yes,” he answers tentatively.
“Then why in the hell would he interrupt us? Do you know how long it’s been?” That last part is probably too much information, but I don’t give a damn. I’m tired of these wolves treating me with either open hostility, like when I’m in all my bone witch glory, or with kid gloves. Like now.
Alec’s face stains red and he coughs. “Sadie, it wasn’t to, um, inconvenience you.”
“It damned well did, though.”
He rubs at his temples a bit. I’m mad, but I am also enjoying this. In nine out of ten of my encounters with Alec, he is the one who is mean, intimidating, and scary. This must be my lucky day, because I am definitely making him uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Alec look like he wants to tuck tail and run. It fuels me. “Okay,” I say, backing off a little. “So he can sense arousal. That doesn’t explain Benji or the interruption.”
“Ah, well…” Alec tips his head from side to side, the popping of his neck loud in the large room. He’s that tense? Good. “Henry can sense the strong emotions of a wolf he’s sired, but he can’t find them easily. We guessed that Benji had been keeping tabs on you. There are rumors that a vampire that’s fed from a human can tell where they are. A sort of connection through blood.”
“You didn’t know if I’d let Benji drink from me,” I say with full petulance. I don’t like where this is going.
“No, we didn’t know it. But, like I said, we guessed. He said he knew where you were and, once we’d agreed you were in danger, he helped Henry find you.”
“Why did you think I was in danger? I was just in danger of finally getting laid, and let me tell you, I was okay with the risk.”
Exasperated, Alec throws his hands in the air. “You’re impossible to talk to. The females in the pack--”
“Probably have a lot to say about their alpha behind his back if he treats them the way he’s treating me.”
“How am I treating you? Like a guest? A lady?”
My laugh rings out. “You’ve never treated me like a lady, but right now you’re treating me like a child. And please, if you value yourself, do not pull that ‘oh, but you are a child to one as old as myself’ bullshit. I hate that crap.”
He stares at me, mouth slightly agape.
When he doesn’t continue, I try to relax as much as I can. “I’m sorry. Just…”
“Frustrated. Yes, I’m understanding that more now. Okay, Sadie. Since you want me to put it bluntly, Abe is still in the process of transitioning. Because his has been so rough, we worry that intense emotions--any of them-- will trigger a shift. There’s more, too. Some of the females in the pack are in heat.”
Something catches inside of me. A moment later, I realize I’m holding my breath.
“When the women are in heat, the men of the pack start producing a pack magic that’s similar to human pheromones. But much, much more potent. It’s difficult for us to breed naturally, so the increased desire caused by the magic helps encourage--”
“Humping.” I say quietly. I know what he’s saying is true because I felt it in that frenzy. I’m not sure that, in the moment on the hood of my car, I would have stopped Abe to get the condoms that Ingrid had given me. The need had been that frantic. The only thing close to it that I’ve experienced is the bone magic, and that’s been beastly for me to quit.
“Humping,” Alec agrees, with a bit of humor in his voice. “But with Abe shifting, humping a fragile human would not result in mating. It would end in death.”
There’s a joke on the tip of my tongue about how it’s been so long that being screwed to death sounds like a great way to go, but for once I keep a leash on it. Alec and Henry and Benji saved my life. Again. It may feel embarrassing in the large frame, but I’d seen the yellow in Abe’s eyes. He would have lost himself in me, and when it was over, he would have just lost himself.
Abe, no matter how hard a transition he’s been through, would never forgive himself for hurting me.
“That’s why he won’t see me, isn’t it? He scratched me a bit during the encounter. He knows he made me bleed, and he won’t see me because of it.”
Alec nods.
“Well tell him to stop acting like a tween and get over it. Same thing I told you-- no more treating me like a child. Remind him that, should I choose, I can vaporize him with a tooth and a bat of an eye.”
“I’ll tell Henry to pass it on.” The thin quality to this stops me.
I point at him. “Why are you deferring to Henry? He’s your beta.”
A sharp growl comes from Alec. “Because Abe is still having a hard time listening to his alpha. I’ve never seen a wolf take so long to submit.”
“Alec,” I say gently. “It isn’t because he’s struggling to submit. You know that, right?”
“No.” There’s a shimmer of something questioning in his eyes before they grow hard again. “Why is he being such a disobedient ass?”
“Because he’s just like you, stupid.” I shrug. “He’s an alpha, too.”
The realization settles into Alec’s frame like ice on tree branches, fragile and heavy. His eyebrows straighten and his lip curls, revealing clenched teeth. He’s not Alec, the leader, anymore. I can feel it in the air, see it in his countenance. He’s just Alec, the top wolf. “I wish you hadn’t figured that out. I’m sorry, Sadie, but that means Abe’s going to have to die.”
* * * * *
“I’d say it’s good to see you,” Dr. Winston drawls, “but you look like you tangoed with a bear, Abraham.”
My nails bite into my palms, prepared for the growling and slashing to come from Abe. Instead, the stupid werewolf laughs. It sends a ripple of hope, dangerous and seductive, through me. “Well, Doug, I’ll have you know that’s exactly what happened.”
Abe shrugs. “Look. A bear gets a runner, or a hiker, or what not around here--well, that’s big news. Then you’ve gotta hunt down the bear, and the station gets a hundred more calls from locals afraid of some shadow they’ve seen. I took care of the bear, so I kept it quiet, because there wasn’t a need for the fuss.”
“Looks like the bear took care of you, too.”
I’m not entirely sure what’s happening between the two of them, but the room feels stiff and full of expectation. Only I’m thinking they’re expecting something bad, and I just need this to go right. Please let this go right.
“Dr. Winston, you’ve got that small studio apartment above your home still, right?”
Now my boss’s gaze shifts to me, skewering as it does. He definitely knows what’s up. There’s a hesitation, like maybe I should be honest with him. After all, I’m basically roping him into the supernatural world with this favor. And there was the time he gave me all of his forensic dentistry manuals and old cases. A comment he made that sat funny, like he was saying one thing but meaning another.
Like he knew what I was and what I was trying to hide.
“It’s in shit condition, Sadie. You know that.”
“I know. But Abe needs a roof for a while.”
“Why doesn’t he go to his own home?”
Damn it, Dr. Winston, just let it go.
“I’ve been having nightmares after the attack. PTSD, really. My doctor thinks I shouldn’t be alone. So Sadie mentioned you had a space that would let me feel alone without actually being alone.”
I could hug Abe. It’s a brilliant story and something I should have thought of before. Dr. Winston looks like he wants to object, but the scars sell it for him. “Okay. You can stay with me a while. But no guns. You leave your gun locked in my safe at night, unloaded. If you’ve got some kind of stress disorder, I don’t want you shootin’ anything in my house.”
Abe smiles warmly. “I can live with that.”
Of course you can. You turn into something just as deadly as a firearm. If Abe wanted to hurt someone, he didn’t need his weapon. “Well, Abe, why don’t you go grab some things and head on over?”
“Spare key’s under the yellow flower pot,” Dr. Winston says. “Go around back and there’re stairs up to the apartment. You’ll need sheets and shit like that. You’ll probably want to clean a bit, too.”
“I really appreciate it, Abe. See you later, Sadie.”
We do a weird dance where I go to kiss him and he ducks to avoid it, my lips grazing the t-shirt just below his collarbone. His arms wrap loosely around me and after a painfully obvious second, he pats me back. Bro pats me, really. You know, two hard thunks then a pull back and a nod.
I’ve just saved Abe’s life and I got a bro hug and a nod.
As soon as Abe’s gone, I look around for some work to avoid Dr. Winston, but he’s too sharp for that. “What’s really going on, Sadie? Why hasn’t Abe been to work? You know as well as I do they think he just bailed on the job and on town. And what the hell are up with those scars?”
Staring at my shoes, I shrug. “I don’t know. You should ask Abe about it tonight.”
He snorts. “Both of you are pussyfooting around a whole heap of trouble. Let me give you a tip: trying to tiptoe around it often sends you falling in just the same. Better to trod through and get shit on your knees than tumble in and get it in your mouth.”
“What… what does that even mean?”
“It means that I want to know why you tried to kiss Abraham. There’s a whole lot more I want to know, but I’m obviously not going to get it.”
Flustered, I go and wash up and get our paperwork ready for the day. Our first patient is running late--oh, goody-- and I’m forced to concede to Dr. Winston, who is following me around, waiting for my answer.
“We went on a date, and I thought it was going well, but it got interrupted. Since then, things have been weird and it feels like Abe’s avoiding me.” Ah, balls, I hate that I sound whiny and heartbroken. I mean, I’m feeling whiny and heartbroken, even though I know better. I believe Alec about the weird werewolf magic. After all, I am able to work magic few people understand, so I have to be open to the possibility that it exists for other supernaturals, too. Magic that potent, where each of us lost control, is scary. And I do believe Alec that maybe Abe would have hurt me.
But.
That was then. This, now, with that awful brush off that left only the taste of cotton and disappointment in my mouth, sucks.
“He’s a boy, Sadie. Of course he’s acting weird after a first date.”
“I think he’d object to you calling him a boy.”
Dr. Winston huffs. “Man, boy, whatever. He’s going to be weird. Especially a nice, good boy like Abraham. He’s waiting for you to make the first move, to let him know things are okay.”
“You just watched him dodge my kiss.”
“Well who wants to make out in front of an old man like me? Give him some credit. He’s obviously… well, he’s been through a lot. I need to know, though. Am I safe with him in my home?”
Oh, boy. That’s a doozy of a question. Most people should want a werewolf in their home. Keen sense of smell, ears that hear for miles, and the ability to do a heap of damage quickly means they’re the best watch dogs of all time. And they can hold a conversation and pee in toilets instead of needing to be let outside. Abe, though, has basically been exiled from the pack.
It took Henry’s calm persuasion and a litany of threats from me to get Alec to back off of his alpha anger and acknowledge that Abe only had to die if he stayed in the Grimloch pack. There can’t be two alphas in one pack and Abe’s inability to comfortably take Alec’s demands means a fight for leadership is a matter of when, not if.
But Abe is too new at being a wolf to be off on his own just yet. Staying close to Henry, who, as both sire and beta, can help Abe stay grounded and learn control, is tantamount to his survival. I’m hoping that having someone older, like Dr. Winston, in the same home will trigger Abe’s need to protect. It’ll give him a way to focus his aggression and anger. Dr. Winston, too, will create a sense of belonging, or pack, for Abe. Lone wolves don’t last long, both lacking in the touch that keeps them strong and healthy and the defensive protection of extra teeth and claws.
All these reasons are good, necessary ones for this arrangement. But that’s not what Dr. Winston asked. He asked me am I safe and the truth is… I’m not sure.
“Yes. Just, if Abe starts acting super macho or angry or something, go ahead and give me a call.”
“Sadie,” Dr. Winson warns. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“There are secrets of Abe’s that aren’t mine to share. But you will be safe and you will be doing him a tremendous favor.”
He grunts. “Okay, okay. I like Abraham well enough. But if I do this for you, you owe me.”
“I’m guessing you’ll call in the favor with me going to school?”
“Well, I don’t know. I think I’ll just hold onto it for now.”
We get to work. It takes us longer to get into our rhythm. Probably because both of us are now focused on something other than cleanings and fillings. But at the end of the day, the office is clean and the paperwork done, and Dr. Winston gives me a pat on my back before he leaves. “You’re a good kid, Sadie. Sometimes I think you rely on others too much to feel good about yourself. Try to be bit ballsier.”
“Um, thanks?” I don’t know where his compliment came from, but it’s nice to hear. So nice that I feel it chink my composure. By the time I’m in my car, my chest is aching and my throat burns from choking back tears. I’ve got to get it together. It’s nice to feel appreciated, I guess. He’s right; I look to others too much for a boost in my confidence. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so shaky since Ingrid got pregn
ant. She’s my usual picker-upper.
It’s time to stop relying so much on others to feel good about myself. As I start making my way home, mindful of patches of black ice on the street-light lit roads, I try to remember the times I’ve felt the most powerful. The most confident.
The answer comes easy. When I’m doing the bone magic. It is probably the addiction speaking, I know, but the truth is, when I’m juiced on bone essence, I feel on top of the world. Not just physically, either. No problem seems too large to tackle. I’m not afraid when I use the magic. After, of course, I’m terrified. The glyphs appear on my skin, a permanent reminder of the magic I’ve done and how, eventually, I risk running out of my body’s ability to do the bone magic. When that happens, according to my uncle Oliver, I’ll become a wraith, deadly and mindless.
It sucks, and I mean really sucks, to have kick ass magical ability and not be able to do it. The addiction part is miserable, a hefty reminder after my wow-I-am-amazing magic buzz that everything comes at a price. The last thing I need to do is to make more trouble for my friends by trying to fix things with magic.
CHAPTER EIGHT
With bone magic still on my mind, and still itching in my skin, I pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex and see Ms. Nickles sitting on her front stoop.
Now I know that she isn't technically an enemy right now, because she certainly has kept my secret when she didn’t have to. In fact, she's the one who's helping me to understand where the bone magic comes from. Except that the book she gave me? The one about Baba Yaga? All it has given me is more questions instead of answers. The best thing I could do is trust her. The problem is I've had it beaten into me long enough that bone witches are bad. Ms. Nickles is a bone witch too, and I'm not sure what that means for me or the town.
Of course, I'm thinking about the things that make me strong, and here is the one person who knows most about it, sitting like the answer to a prayer I didn't know I had. When it comes down to it, Abe needs my help whether he knows it or not. The best thing I can do instead of trying to make out with him, is to help him come to terms not only with being a werewolf, but with being an Alpha. After all, it's my fault that he is one to begin with.
