by Ware Wilkins
When I slam my door shut, a body presses against my back without warning.
I don’t think; I just start to scream.
CHAPTER TWELVE
A hand clamps over my mouth and fingers pinch my airpipe shut gently. Just enough to stifle the shriek before it can even form. Because my attacker has both hands around my neck and face, I throw an elbow behind me. One of the few benefits of being so short is my elbow tends to be on the same level as some very sensitive parts.
But my attacker is way too fast, shifting his hips so that the pointy thrust connects with strong, meaty muscle instead of the family jewels.
“Sadie, stop,” Benji barks.
Relief floods through me and I drop Respect, whirling and throwing my arms around his neck. Apparently meeting with Ms. Nickles did the job. I am well and truly scared for my life, and for the lives of my friends. Not knowing where the hunters are but knowing they are surely here has fully sunken in.
All of the warnings; Oliver, Benji, Alec-- they told me. They said they’d come. But I’m afraid to admit that I didn’t listen. I don’t know if it’s hubris, if somehow I thought I was untouchable. Maybe I thought I’d already hit my “tragedy” quota. I’ve lost my parents, after all, and it’s my fault Abe is now a wolf and Ingrid’s pregnant (because David was looking for me and she was just a means to an end). It’s so stupid, I know, but I’ve been counting on my bad luck being used up. I’ve been counting on others to keep an eye out for me while I navigate the mess I’ve made of my personal life.
I’ve been really stupid.
“What’s wrong?” Benji says into my hair, his arms locked like steel bars around me. I’ve never been so happy to feel the frigid press of his body. “Your heart is going crazy, and I felt your fear.”
I want so badly to tell him about Ms. Nickles. To just let everything pour out of me and let him take care of it all. “I’ll tell you later. I just thought… I thought you were a hunter.”
His body doesn’t stiffen, his demeanor doesn’t change, but when he replies there’s a crisp quality that sends an extra shiver down my spine. “I didn’t see anyone and I don’t smell anyone. Some animal was dead here, though. Is that what’s got you wound up?”
“Animals. Plural. A bunch of murdered cats.”
Now his body does react. He releases me and puts his hands firmly on my shoulders. “Tell me everything.”
“Let’s head inside, at least. I don’t feel comfortable out here.”
“Well, let’s make a bit of a show. Maybe it will throw them off.”
He leans in and brushes his lips softly over mine. I lean into the kiss, allowing myself to savor the moment, before pulling away, bending to pick Respect up, and heading toward my apartment. “You should know that Abe’s here.”
“Ah.” Benji’s arm wraps over my shoulder, its weight comforting and terrifying at the same time. I’m headed straight toward a car wreck I created, and I know I need to just push through it, but I want nothing more than to run and hide.
At my door, I shrug out from under his embrace. “I need to be unattached in there,” I say. “I’m sorry. I know we--”
“Sadie, you warned me last night. That’s fine. You’re still figuring stuff out. I’ve got time and I can wait.”
This is too nice, too generous, and I don’t deserve it. But damned if I’m not grateful for it. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Just remember that I don’t like games,” he adds. “And I don’t enjoy being lied to. Other than those things, take all the time you need to make a decision.”
He says it casually, but there’s no missing the warning. I nod, not trusting myself to answer.
Inside, the smell of butter and seared meat greet me. I can hear Ingrid and Abe laughing in the kitchen. It feels like forever since I heard either of them laugh and it lifts my heart, nervous as I am about bringing Benji inside. The fear is still very much in me. So much so that I deadbolt the door behind me.
“Hey, Benji,” Ingrid says as we walk into the kitchen. Her eyes are as wide as her smile, and she looks like she wants some popcorn for the drama she thinks is about to happen. There might even be a glint of I told you so in that look, so I turn my attention to Abe, not wanting to give her satisfaction.
He’s in the kitchen, turning a steak in one of our cast iron skillets. I don’t think we even use them, since Ingrid once caught me soaking one to get the bits of egg off of it. How was I supposed to know that was sacrilege? Not that we even cook much beyond microwave and oven variety foods, anyway.
“Good to see you, Ingrid. You’re glowing.” If Benji senses her mirth, he doesn’t act like it. He does extend a hand out over the bar counter to Abe on the other side. “Abe, you’re looking well for being packless.”
Abe shrugs. “It’s harder than I expected. How did you know?”
“Small town. We tend to know what’s going on, especially if something might disturb the peace.”
“Am I a threat to the peace?” Abe turns the steak and there’s a satisfying sizzle. I can smell cloves of garlic coming from the pan, too.
Benji sits next to Ingrid. “Being in the same town as another alpha is a threat to the peace.”
“I don’t want to be in charge of the pack. I’m not going to fight Alec.”
Benji shrugs. “You may not want to, but your wolf’s nature is hard to override. Especially for a wolf as new as you.”
“Yeah,” Abe admits, looking at what he’s doing with an intensity that lets me know he hates admitting the truth in what Benji says. “Being with Doug is helping keep me calm, but it’s not the same. I wasn’t exactly a loner before I turned wolf, and after? That sense of community… it’s hard to let go of.”
“I get it,” Benji says with kindness. “I am without a nest. That carries the same amount of taboo as a lone wolf. Being without the community is hard. But, if you’re able to learn to live without it, being without the rules and the others in your pack--nest, in my case--being dependent on you is even better.”
“Yeah?” There’s a flash of hope on Abe’s face, erasing the weathered stress lines he’s been developing recently.
“Yep.”
They share a small, some kind of bonding moment that I’ll never understand. Meanwhile, Ingrid and I are sitting with our jaws hanging open because, uh, all of the bad decisions I’ve been making regarding the two men. Are they supposed to be this nice to each other?
“Dinner’s up,” Abe announces, plating the final steak. “I didn’t bring any for you, Benji. Didn’t know you’d be here.”
“That’s cool. I can’t eat it, anyway.”
“Even rare?”
“Even then. Strict liquid diet going on over here.”
“Sucks, dude.”
Benji laughs. “That’s funny.”
Abe frowns, puzzled, then lets out a booming laugh. “Ah, right. I walked into that one.”
We sit in the living room. Ingrid and Abe dig in with gusto, tearing at their meals. I cut my steak into a hundred small pieces, unable to find my hunger amidst whatever it is that’s going on. I keep listening for someone outside of our door and glancing at the window.
“What’s wrong, Sadie?” Ingrid asks, licking her fingers. “You’re being weird, even for you.”
“I’m just…” What to tell them? I want to talk to Benji and Ingrid about the cats, but not Abe. I want to talk to Benji about Abe, without Abe being there. I want to talk to Abe about how he’s doing with Doug, and talk to him about Doug, without breaking down into tears.
I want to feel safe in my home, and I want to go back in time and undo all my wishy washy behavior between these three people that I care so deeply for.
“I think that hunters are closing in on Grimloch. I guess, with the baby, I’m feeling more nervous about that than usual.”
Ingrid’s face softens. “Oh, sweetheart, thanks. But we’ve known they’re here. We just have to keep our heads down and our eyes open.” Then her nose scrunches. “Wait
… is that what my father was talking to you about?”
Yes. “Nope. He gave me the ‘you take care of my daughter or else’ speech, I think.”
“Jesus.”
“Your dad was here?” Abe sits up. “I haven’t seen him in so long. He’s almost never in town.”
“His business is unusual and takes him all over the place,” I say.
“What was it again? International finance?”
Ingrid looks puzzled. “What? No. He’s a psychic. Basically the psychic in North America. Old ass vampires and weres and fae pay him exorbitant amounts of money for his visions.”
“How did you not know that?” I ask.
Benji chimes in to Abe’s rescue, as Abe’s ears turn pink. “Abraham has been pretty busy these past few months with a rather rough introduction to our world. I doubt Alec bothered to fill him in on everything.”
“Having a psychic for a dad must have been rough.” Abe gives her a sympathetic look.
Ingrid sighs. “It still is. But thanks. And thanks for dinner. This is the best I’ve eaten since the cake I had earlier.” She pats her belly in contentment, then sits up. “Oh! Commissioner Biscuit likes steak. Do you want to feel her kick?”
Abe glances at me, clearly thinking “Who in the hell is Commissioner Biscuit?” while Benji moves in his too-fast way to sit beside Ingrid, hand eagerly on her belly. She laughs with delight.
His face is pure bliss. It’s strange to see. Benji’s beautiful, marble-like features are soft and almost warm looking, his long fingers splayed over her stretched ball of a tummy. “I haven’t felt a baby kick in centuries,” he sighs, sounding borderline rapturous. I… I did not know that he was super into kids.
Abe smiles. “Hell, I will, too.” He gets up and moves beside Benji, putting his hand next to the vampire’s. Then he stiffens and jumps up and away. Abe’s nose twitches, and he inhales deeply. Moving toward me in a predatory way, he gets close enough that goosebumps erupt on my skin. Abe smells my hair. His lips curl and he snarls.
Benji’s between us before I have a chance to say a word. He’s not threatening, his arms crossed in front, but the posture is so definitively defensive that Abe has to check the punch he started to swing on instinct. “Christ, Sadie,” he says, hurt in his voice. “I just--” He shakes his head and stalks away, beginning to pace.
Well, I knew it was going to happen, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. Especially as it had seemed like maybe we’d avoid this confrontation. “I’m sorry, Abe.”
“It’s not like we were official or anything, but you knew I wanted you,” he says. The pain lacing his voice is like razors, slicing into me with each word. “And you,” he says to Benji. “I thought you were--”
“Gay. A common mistake. I’m not choosy.”
“Hey!” I say, offended. “And I told you he was bisexual on our date,” I say to Abe.
“I mean I’m not choosy about gender. Don’t distract from Abe’s pain right now, Sadie,” Benji sighs.
I take a step back. “Me? You’re going to take his side?”
Abe looks as startled as I do. “Are you taking my side?” he asks Benji.
Benji looks as put off as I’ve ever seen him. “There aren’t sides, here. I’m not interested in that kind of petty shit. But if there were, then yes, I’d be on Abe’s side. I asked you to consider another option, Sadie. You’ve been considering… and playing both of us.”
Heat boils in my belly. “I’ve always been upfront about how I felt about Abe, so don’t you dare put this all on my head.”
“Sure. But you weren’t up front with him. That’s the part I take issue with.”
Abe rakes his hands through his hair. “I am not prepared to deal with this right now. I needed someone I could count on, Sadie. It was supposed to be you.”
The heat inside me should simmer down. After all, I’m not getting any less than I deserve. But because I’m being pushed into a corner, I let it bubble over instead. “I’ve been trying so hard for you, Abe! But I’m only human.”
Both of them snort with derision. I can’t help but notice that they’re standing closer to each other than me. Abe’s taller than Benji, but that doesn’t make Benji look weak. In fact, both of them are pretty damned intimidating right now.
“You’re a bone witch, Sadie, so don’t pull the only human shit with me.”
“You know what I mean!”
Before we can get into it further, Benji points at my chest. “Where did you get that, and why is it glowing?”
In my frustration, I missed that the pendant that Dr. Winston gave me has slipped out from the front of my shirt. The purple gemstone is lit with a subtle glow. “Oh, no! Hunters!”
Everyone jerks to attention. Abe growls, “How do you know?”
“This was Dr. Winston’s, from when he was a hunter. It glows when other hunters are nearby.”
“I missed the conversation where Dr. Winston was a hunter,” Benji says, “but now we need to focus. Where are your fire escapes?”
Ingrid frowns. “We just have the windows and the front door. But no ladders, and we’re on the third floor. We have to hide in here or go out the front door.”
“Okay, let’s pair up. Abe, go with Sadie. I’ll cover Ingrid. We’re going to head out and to my car. We’re going to have to move fast, okay?”
Ingrid grabs some clothes and food and stores it in a backpack. It’s impressive to watch how quickly she works and waddles around the apartment. Abe and I are planted by the door. I’ve got Respect at my side. “If you need to shift, send me a warning.”
“You want me to give you a head’s up after you’ve blindsided me?” He’s so bitter, it hurts.
“This is serious, Abe. Take your anger out on them if you need to, but I don’t know that my sleeping with Benji deserves a death sentence.”
His face morphs into something a bit more human. A bit more him. He looks like the sheriff he was, determined and steady. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m on the edge now. When we start moving, I can’t guarantee I can stay in this form. The wolf wants out too much.”
“Okay.” Hoping my spell-insulating shell is enough to keep Abe and Benji from sensing anything weird, I began to create a crackle of offensive magic under my skin. Words I don’t know and yet feel so familiar come creeping into my mind, forming strings that hover on my tongue like a notched arrow.
Ingrid and Benji steal up behind us. Just as I’m about to open the door, the tension around us so taut it feels as if each of us is threatening to snap, there’s a knock at the door. It startles me so badly I yelp. Throwing Benji and Abe a cocked eyebrow, I shrug. Should I open it?
They both frown and nod, but I notice Abe’s hands are beginning to shake with the strength he’s mustering to hold back his wolf, and there’s a glint of Benji’s deadly teeth. Whoever is on the other side better be prepared.
Cracking the door, I peek through the slit. It’s a frazzled Ms. Nickles. “Sadie, really now,” she’s saying, the edge in her tone razor sharp.
I open the door all of the way.
She thrusts a bag into my hands. It’s light, but I can feel the shuffle and hear the clink of trinkets inside of it. “Keep this safe. Don’t let anyone have it. Do you understand?”
“What’s going on?”
“Those cats were a clear sign that my time in Grimloch is up, dear.”
Dear? Since when have I ever been a “dear”? “You’re leaving?” As I watch her nod, eyes bright with absolute conviction, my throat squeezes tight and my eyes feel damp. A deep, profound sadness wells up within me.
“You’re… crying? About me?” Ms. Nickles gapes before bursting into an awful, harsh fit of laughter.
“Yeah, no joke, Sadie. Why are you upset? You hate Ms. Nickles.” Ingrid’s clearly too flabbergasted to think to not mention my former hatred right in front of the old lady.
How can I explain it? It isn’t saying goodbye to the woman herself. She’s not as awful as I always s
uspected, but she’s not exactly amazing, either. She’s harsh, and cynical, and sometimes I wonder how much bad she wishes she could be doing, if she had more skin and life force left. My anguish doesn’t have much to do with her, but with the knowledge she has.
In my entire life, she’s been the only person willing to give me at least some help, some clues, with my magic and my history. She wasn’t straightforward, but she didn’t wrap each parcel of information in a bow that said but this is taboo, and you must never do it. In her home, I felt free to unleash a part of me I have to keep hidden from every single person in my life; even the three people behind me, and I love them more than anything.
Now she’s leaving, and it exposes an enormous hole inside of me that will only grow larger.
“How will I know what to do?” I whisper, too stunned to try and come up with some cover story. The hunters are here, they’re closing in, and I’m trying to say a freaking goodbye with too many words and not enough time.
It makes me so angry. Heated through, like molten iron, holding that terrible rage and warping it into shape. If the hunters had just come months ago, when we expected them most, I wouldn’t be losing my last link to my mother. If I’d stopped avoiding Ms. Nickles because I was too scared of drawing attention to myself, I’d be much further along. Now the hunters are toying with us, leaving nasty feline messages dangling in trees, and it’s costing me a lifeline.
“I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Ms. Nickles says dryly. “I see you’ve already got your boy band and loose-legs roommate with you to help.” Her eyes drop and she spies my bat. “Wait. Where are you going?”
“They’re closing in. Right now. We’re going to run.” I don’t even think about the next part. It just comes tumbling out, a makeshift solution to an unfair problem. “Come with us.”
“You’re sure they’re here? Now?” She looks over her shoulder, peering into the darkness.
“Positive. We have to go.”
She turns back to us, her smile sad. “Then it’s too late.”
“You’re kidding, right? I bet you could level this town!”
