by Pixie Unger
“You think I’m mate guarding Craig?”
“He’s been your mate for decades. It’s kind of understandable.”
“Sarah, I changed and suddenly you smelled like fear and he smelled like your blood. I wasn’t guarding him, I was trying to protect you!”
Sarah’s brain stuttered. “Wait? What? But you ran over to him and relaxed as soon as he was touching you! I was expecting you two to… um… things together!”
“Things?” Marv asked with a slight smirk.
“Yeah. I was prepared to just leave you to it!”
“You rolled over and went to sleep.”
“I lay down and hid under the blanket!” Sarah stopped for a moment and thought about that. “OK. So maybe neither of us was in a good headspace. The question is, now what?”
Marv thought about that for a moment. “Damned if I know.”
“I need to figure out how not to panic every time one of you changes unexpectedly on me.” She took a deep breath and blew it out, “And, I’m sorry Marv, but you don’t get to watch anymore.”
Marv nodded slowly. “Did Nicole talk to you about pack bonding?”
Sarah was a bit taken aback by the sudden change of topic. “Um… yes. She said it was when you really commit to a pack on a biological level. That my smell would start to change to match yours. Well, the alpha. Or whatever.” She sniffed her skin, then gagged. “Ugh! Right! Bath!” She grabbed her hair brush and started ripping the tangles out of her hair as she walked to the bathroom.
Marv never got to explain that Mac had bonded with her before she ever got to the house. She had gotten Sean in the kitchen that morning. He had no idea what was going on with Craig, but Gus buying the truck was a classic mate guarding attempt to keep her safe. And as for himself, whatever other mess he had gotten himself into that morning, she well and truly owned him now.
Sarah smelled sweet, like that weird Vanilla Coconut deodorant she ordered off the internet, with notes of mango and raspberry. And that smell had definitely started to transfer to the pack. Marv wasn’t even sure he could call them his pack anymore. They were her pack now.
----
When Sarah finished scrubbing off in the shower, she again sniffed her shoulder. She didn’t think she smelled like leather and machine oil the way Marv did. Although, come to think of it, the boys didn’t really smell like each other either. She thought about that thing Marv had said about not wanting a pack. There wasn’t really an underlying pack smell. And they didn’t trust Craig. None of that matched Nicole’s description of pack bonding. On the other hand, the level of commitment to each other was spot on. Craig smelled like a forest. Gus likes the ocean. Sean smelled like sand and cypress trees. Mac was indescribably yummy and...
Uh, Mac! There was a boy she wanted to get naked and lick. She wondered when he bic’d his head every morning if he got the rest of him at the same time…
Argh! No! What the hell! NO! She was not going to be thinking about that now. Really? REALLY? What was wrong with her? She should be done! She shivered and climbed out of the shower.
Sarah wished she had spent more time talking about sex with Nicole. Back at the clinic she had been too embarrassed. She had just gone along with the lessons on language and history. She had been actively trying not to think about the suggestion that everyone in a pack just casually had sex with everyone else. Now she had to face that reality, and she still didn’t want to focus on it too much.
In the last twenty four hours, she had more orgasms than she had in her entire life up to that point. Why was she even thinking about getting Mac naked and -
She needed to get dressed and call Nicole.
----
The phone answered on the second ring. The voice on the other end said, “Aww, did you sexy boys get my package and not know what to do with it?” Sarah froze. The pause went on too long. “What’s the matter Marv, pussy’s got your tongue?”
“Sorry! Wrong number!” Sarah hung up.
She stood there blushing and then realized that she had switched phones with Marv at some point. She hit herself in the face with the cell phone, before throwing it on the bed. It started to ring. She ignored it. It stopped. Somewhere else in the house, another phone started to ring. She heard Marv answer. Footsteps coming up the stairs. She grabbed the phone off the bed and was waiting at the door when Marv got there. “Sorry,” she said.
“Are you OK?” he asked. “Nathan can be a bit… um… much.”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Custom cellphone cases, though. They are a thing. I was just trying to call Nicole and… I got the wrong number.”
Marv nodded. He handed her the phone he was holding. “She is busy just now, but Nathan promises to be more polite to you than he is to me.”
“Um… OK.” They traded phones and Marv left. Sarah looked at hers and realized it was still connected. Fuck. OK. She could deal with this. “Hello? Look, I was just trying to get Nicole. I’m sorry to bother -”
“Easy there! I was rude. I’m sorry. Nicole can’t cu- answer the phone just now, but I promise I can help. My name is Nathan. I’m Nicole’s second. What do you need?”
“I just need to talk to another Ulfurinn. Can you get Nicole to call me when she has a moment?”
“Sweetie, by the time Nicole can call you back, you will have had to suffer through whatever is bothering you right now. I can be there in four hours. Marv won’t be happy, but you just leave him to me and -”
“No! I’m fine! I don’t need more men in this house!”
There was a pause then Nathan burst out laughing. “I’m pretty sure Marv would say I don’t count. Look, I am going to guess that you are horny as hell and freaking out about it.”
“Um… something like that.” Sarah mumbled.
“OK. So the reason Nicole can’t get to the phone is that she is currently doing the horizontal mambo. The reason I can answer the phone is that no one in the pack is going to ride my ass while she is open for business. So, talk to me about it.”
“Am I going into heat? She never mentioned that.”
Nathan laughed again. “No! This is totally voluntary. You can ignore it, but you have to make a conscious decision to. It will feel kind of like an off switch in your mind. But, if you can get past the hang ups, it could be good for you and your pack if you don’t. Sex is helpful in pack bonding.” He paused and thought for a moment. “As long as everyone is respectful about it.”
“I don’t know how to get past that hang up. How do I find the off switch in my mind?”
“For me, it’s like… choosing to reroute my train of thought.”
“But you’re not an Ulfurinn,” Sarah pointed out.
Nathan sighed. “You had to go there, didn’t you? OK. Quick lesson on gender politics. Historically speaking, the division between gay and straight was not as rigid as it is now. It used to be the assumption was that everyone was interested in both genders and those that chose one exclusively were the outliers. Our pack works. We are unusual because we have more than one female in the group. Nicole is the alpha, I am her second, the whole pack is like one big married family. Everyone takes care of each other and no one plays favourites. Which doesn’t mean we all have sex with every member of the pack. But we are all respectful of each other. That is how it is supposed to be. Ulfurinn doesn’t mean wife. It means unchanging.”
“What does all of that have to do with me?”
Nathan growled in frustration. “What I’m trying to tell you is that if you don't want to fuck your pack. That is fine. If you do, that is also fine. You need to figure out which one it is, because you need to be the firm, unchanging place for them to come home to. And if you don’t want them coming home to you, you need to say that before they bond with you.”
Sarah thought about all of that. “I have favourites.”
Nathan was silent for a moment. “Are there any you can’t stand?”
“No.”
“Do you want to leave that pack?”
Now Sarah had to think about that. “I’m not always comfortable with them as a group. But I like each of them individually well enough. If I move, there may be people in the new pack who either don’t like me or who I can’t stand, right?”
“There is always that possibility.”
“So, your advice is just don’t worry about it?”
“No. My advice is to think about the pack as your family. Maybe like an arranged marriage. You didn’t pick them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a family. Family is an easier concept to understand than pack. Start with that and figure it out from there.”
----
Sarah waited until supper had been passed around to say, “A couple of you have said this is my house. Is that true?” They all looked at her in confusion.
Marv cleared his throat. “That’s right.”
Sarah focused on him, “I also keep hearing that I need to ask for what I need.”
Marv hesitantly nodded.
“OK. We are turning up the heat to 70.” Sarah kept watching him. “ At least until you get the gas fireplace installed. If you get too warm, you can stay human. If I get cold, I can’t shift.”
“Fine.”
“And I need to get used to seeing you, all of you, in combat form.” Now she took a deep breath and blew it out. “How do we manage that?”
Mac cleared his throat. “Sarah? Pants don’t really fit over a tail.”
She blushed and nodded. “I understand that. I promise not to stare.”
“Not at the table.” Marv said firmly. “Eating human food doesn’t work with a muzzle.”
“Maybe during family movie night?” Sarah suggested. “I’m not cancelling football viewing, but I want one night a week when I get to choose the show.” She hesitated before adding, “Attendance isn’t mandatory, but if you do turn up to watch with me, it would give us something to talk about.”
Cautious nodding.
“Gus? Can you teach me to knit?”
He looked startled. “If you like.”
“I would. I want to find things I can do with each of you individually. Nathan suggested it would be helpful. Marv already claimed shooting range for himself and Sean, if that’s OK with Sean.”
Sean took a sip of his beer. “I don’t know. I hear you like building vehicles that have round fenders. I’ve been thinking about a whole list that could fall into that category.”
Sarah’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, I could work with that.”
Craig cleared his throat. “And we watch everyone freak out as I ask about hiking.”
“You are not taking her into the woods alone.” Marv said firmly.
“Where’s the nearest rock climbing wall?” Sarah asked. “I’ve always wanted to learn.”
Craig watched her for a moment. “I will find out.”
Sarah nodded. Then she turned to Mac, “Can I talk to you after supper?”
Mac stared at her, wide eyed and nodded.
“OK. I have some questions. How does this pack actually work? I mean, there were things Nicole told me to watch for, that just aren’t happening. I thought you were going to all smell the same. Or at least similar. But you really don’t. I mean except for after… well. Anyway, I was expecting a lot less human time.”
Marv was decidedly uncomfortable with this line of questioning. He picked the least contentious thread in that paragraph. “We were trying to normalize for you. Figured it was bad enough, suddenly having to live with strange men. Didn’t want you suddenly having to live a pack of monsters.”
Sarah just gaped at him. “But… If I only see you as people, then when I inevitably run into your non-human shapes, it is worse because I’m not expecting it!”
Gus coughed, and held out a hand. Marv grumbled and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He handed Gus a fifty. Sarah glared at them both, “What the hell?”
Gus grinned at her. “We had a discussion about whether it would be better to take the fast band-aid approach -”
“Or work up to it.” Marv finished.
Sarah looked at them. “Meeting somewhere in the middle might have been more reasonable. I’ve been here for more than a month. Speaking of adapting, what do Lupers do for Thanksgiving?”
The guys all shrugged. “Go hunting?” Craig suggested.
Sarah crossed her arms. “Does that mean I have to make the turkey by myself?” She thought for another moment. “Can I invite Nicole and her pack?”
Marv looked uncomfortable at that one. “Nicole is The Black’s favourite daughter. Her mate is his son. They won’t be having Thanksgiving with us.”
Gus licked nervously at his lip. “Marv isn’t saying you can’t invite them. He’s saying it’s like inviting The President of the United States to Thanksgiving Dinner. Sure, he’s no Queen of England, but that doesn’t mean he’ll turn up.”
“Oh. Well, I’m going to invite her anyway. Also, I am not eating candied yams, but if someone else wants to make them, I won’t object.”
Sean perked up, “I’ll make the yams!” he volunteered.
“Thank you, Sean.”
----
Mac wasn’t sure why he was here, and he was beginning to wonder if Sarah knew. When she had asked to speak to him alone in her room, he thought - well, he hoped that she was… going to let him have a turn. She wasn’t. She was just pacing and agitated. She kept starting to speak, then looking at him and stopping. He didn’t know how to make it better.
“This is a mistake,” she finally muttered.
Mac nodded. “I’ll go.”
“No! I was… talking to myself.” She stopped pacing and looked at him. “I’m trying to figure things out but I just don’t understand how it works.”
“How what works?” Mac asked.
“Everything!” Sarah almost shouted. Mac flinched. Sarah apologised. “I’m sorry, it’s just that… Look, you are objectively the scariest looking member of this pack. So, why am I the least afraid of you?”
Mac nodded, “Oh! That’s easy! It’s ‘cuz you owned me the longest.”
“That was rhetoric - wait, what?”
“Yeah. Way back at the clinic. You just found out you were an Ulfurinn, and you were really scared and I bonded with you because I wanted to make you feel better. Not so afraid.” He looked at her blank expression. “I know Nicole talked bout that.”
“Nicole talked about a lot of things. Refresh my memory.”
Mac shrugged, “Not much to it. Bonding is when you really decide to commit to someone as part of your pack. Like when Craig gave you that bracelet.”
“Whoa! Wait! You said that I could take it off and it would be like getting a divorce!”
“Yeah, you can. It doesn’t go both ways. Just ‘cuz I’m bonded with you, or Craig is bonded with you, it don’t mean you are committed to us. But you own us, we are yours. Somewhere, deep down, on an instinctual level, you know that. You had me the longest, so I’m the least scary. Plus, once I bonded with you, I started figuring out how to be less scary. You are my Ulfurinn. Every interaction we have, I’m learning about you. Learning how to take care of you. Same as Craig. Marv is still holding back, that’s why he doesn’t get it. Craig ain’t going to hurt you. He can’t. It would hurt him too.”
“But you didn’t say bonded, you said I owned you!”
“Well, yeah. I’m bonded to you. I will take care of you, but I understand you aren’t bonded with me. You aren’t as sure about keeping me. I still have to keep proving myself until you are sure.” Mac was watching her. Sarah was wide eyed and panicky. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, “Woah, easy. It’s OK. It will be OK.” She stared at him, then flung herself at him, hugging him tight, her face smushed against his sternum. Mac rubbed her back. “You are safe. We will take care of you.”
“Oh my god! Marv said he never wanted to own anyone! That’s why you all smell different, he isn’t bonded with the pack!”
“Uh… yeah. We don’t like to talk about that too much. Alpha isn’t just a
bout being big and strong, a lot of it is about strength of will. Marv is the head of the household, but as long as he doesn’t really commit to the pack, he can’t force us to do things we aren’t happy about. I mean… It's a bit like hypnosis. You can make someone cluck like a chicken and they will convince themselves that they can stop anytime they like, but you can’t inherently force someone to do something against their will. Unless you are bonded to your alpha and he really put his will into the command. Then you can still say no, but it hurts when you do. Plus if they are bigger, they can physically force you to. Or if they control the assets of the pack, they can withhold food or whatever until you do what they say. Ulfurinn are exempt, but… we all had bastard alpha’s who would… Who weren’t nice.” Mac sighed. “Marv isn’t like that. But it isn’t the same having an alpha who doesn’t care if you leave either.”
Sarah looked up at him. “I don’t believe that. Marv cares about all of you.”
“Yeah. Individually. But he isn’t invested in the pack as a unit.” Mac sighed. “I’m doing a shit job of explaining. But if you really decide to stay, you’ll understand.”
“Will you stay with me tonight, Mac? I mean, I’m not… argh! I don’t know what I’m doing!”
“Yes, I’ll stay. We’ll figure it out together.”
Chapter 18
November 7th 5:00 am
Mac was watching Sarah sleep. She had pulled his arm around her and was cuddling it like a stuffed toy. Last night had been his third night sleeping in her room. The first two, she had asked him to stay human, but last night she had hesitantly asked him to half shift for her.
He was pretty sure it had given her nightmares. When she woke sobbing, he had changed back and hugged her tightly, rubbing her back until she felt better. She still asked him to shift back before having him spoon her. Over the last few days, the pack had come to the conclusion that Sarah was now afraid of Marv. No one was talking about why. Mac was pretty sure Craig knew, but Sarah wasn’t any more nervous around Craig than she ever had been.
