“Just consider it handled for now,” she said. “Brady promised to keep Aiden far away from both of us today, probably because he doesn’t feel like watching me beat the shit out of him.”
Knowing I won’t have to see him today went a long way toward helping me feel less burdened by the whole, messed up situation. So, at Viv’s insistence, I finally consented to going downstairs for lunch and a dip in the pool. I put on my sexiest bathing suit, the leopard print one I had yet to wear because I was saving it for a special occasion. It has a twisted bandeau top with push-up padding that accentuates my cleavage, and the low-riding bottoms have golden O-rings at the hips. I had picked it out at Victoria’s Secret with Aiden in mind, but now I find I’m glad he won’t be seeing me in it. Strange how quickly things can change.
We eat Cuban sandwiches in the poolside cantina, then take our towels out to the pool area. We’re lucky to find two lounge chairs together in the sun at the edge of the water. For a while we laze in the sun, gazing past the infinity edge of the pool to the ocean. I avert my eyes from the north end of the beach, where the dreaded boardwalk is, choosing to fixate instead on the huge boulders and sheer cliffs to the south.
“All right, friend, I’m sweating under the tongue here,” says Vivian. “Let’s get in and cool off.”
“Okay,” I reply. “Let me run get a refill on my water, and I’ll be right there.”
I pick up my glass, which one of the pool attendants has kept replenished for me for the past hour – suddenly I feel the need to stretch my legs a bit. I walk over to the poolside bar and stop in my tracks when I realize Kyle’s friend Macary is one of three girls clustered near the counter to the left – she’s wearing the same purple bikini she was wearing the last time I saw her. I try to draw as little attention to myself as possible as I wordlessly slide my water glass to the bartender and wait for her to refill it. Meanwhile, I can’t help but listen to their conversation.
“I can’t believe he ran you off for some other girl,” says one of her friends. “It’s so obvious he’s into you.”
Macary shakes her head. “I can’t figure it out either. The thing is, I know I’ve seen her somewhere before – I just can’t quite put my finger on where. I’m pretty sure she goes to Nevada though.” She sighs. “I don’t know, girls, maybe we just misread the signals. Maybe I’m not the one he wants.”
The third girl snorts derisively. “Why was he making out with you in the hot tub the other night then?”
A smile spreads over Macary’s face. “Good question…”
My eavesdropping is interrupted when the bartender sets my water back down; I jump when the glass thuds loudly against the ceramic tile of the counter. “Thank you,” I murmur as I grab it and quickly walk away, my heart hammering in my chest.
Of course I know they were talking about Kyle.
Kyle – 2:30 PM
Leila has some stomach thing – she thinks it was something she ate. Les was up with her all night, but this morning she insisted he go do something to enjoy our last day of vacation. When we heard Steph, Rochelle and Macary were heading down to the pool, Les saw it as a perfect opportunity for us to sneak away and have some man-to-man bonding time.
I was reluctant to leave the hotel, knowing it would be impossible to keep an eye on Tawny, or on Aiden for that matter, if we left, but of course I couldn’t tell Les any of that. We ended up getting a twelve o’clock tee time for a round of golf on one of the par-3 courses. Les was raised a golf nut, whereas my golf skills are virtually non-existent, but I was at least able to appreciate the drink service. While Les tried his damnedest to play a game his old man would be proud of, I spent most of my time nursing Coronas and trying not to worry about Tawny, or to dwell too much on what happened this morning. Unfortunately, our kissing was just enough to re-whet my appetite – it’s been nearly impossible to think about anything else.
We’ve just gotten back to the hotel after grabbing a late lunch. Les went to check on Leila, and I’m changing into my trunks to go for a swim. It’s easy to get overheated out on the green, and being submerged in water sounds heavenly right about now.
I grab a towel and head down to the beach. The pool is unsurprisingly more crowded than the sand. I see Macary and the other girls sitting on the edge of the pool, dangling their feet in, and I’m glad to be able to keep walking – I don’t even want to know what Macary told them about me when I more or less kicked her out of my hotel room last night. I know I still owe her an explanation, but it’ll have to wait till she’s not in the company of the other vultures.
After going for a swim in the cool salt water, I towel off and head back up to the pool deck; I push through the gate just in time to see Les walking out in his swim trunks and flip flops. “Hey man,” he greets me. “You find a place to sit out here?”
“No, I was out on the beach. I just got here.”
Les nods as he looks around. “There’s Steph,” he says, nodding toward her and the other girls. “Let’s see if we can share with them.” I follow after him, scanning the pool as we walk. I about fall over when I notice Tawny climbing out of the pool, her long, lean body slick with water. The vision is almost surreal – holy fuck, what is she wearing? Her top barely covers her tits, and metal loops in her bottoms bare the smooth, tanned skin at her hips. I unwillingly pull my eyes away from her, only long enough to glance around for Aiden. There are plenty of other guys checking her out (and who can blame them?) but thankfully no Aiden.
I bump into Les when he stops in front of me; he turns around to shoot me a look that says, What the hell? but doesn’t speak. I glance down at Macary and the other girls, then back up at Tawny, who has yet to notice me. “Absolutely, join us!” I can hear Steph saying in response to Les’s question as I continue to watch Tawny. She walks back around to the deep end and yells something to a girl with short, dark hair who’s still bobbing around in the water. The girl yells back something I can’t make out, and Tawny laughs, then crouches down a little and raises her arms up over her head, flattening her biceps against her ears. I hold my breath as I watch her dive, her body slipping gracefully into the water from her fingertips to the tips of her toes. Christ, I never knew diving could be so erotic.
Les and I sit on the edge of the pool, while the girls hang onto the ledge, sunk up to their shoulders in the shallow water. I try to follow their conversation, but it’s hard when I’m so obsessed with watching Tawny’s every move. It isn’t because I’m paranoid for her safety, either – it’s because she’s ridiculously sexy, and I couldn’t stop watching her even if I wanted to, which I clearly don’t. It’s a wonder she can’t feel my gaze on her, the way my eyes have been boring into her. It’s driving me insane not being able to go over there and just put my hands on her.
Sometime later I watch her hoist herself out of the pool again and walk over to her lounge chair to pat herself dry with one of the fluffy white hotel towels. When she drops the towel and starts walking toward the door, I stand up and make some awkward excuse about needing to use the restroom, which seems to be where Tawny is headed. I bide my time waiting for her to re-emerge by sipping on a glass of lemonade from the cantina; as soon as I see her walk out of the restroom, I slip inside the lobby, catching her in an alcove just inside the door.
“How’re you doing?” I ask her, pressing my fingers into the palm of her hand. She seems a little shell-shocked, but it’s probably because I just blindsided her.
“I’m fine,” she replies, her tone tight and unreadable. I wait, but she doesn’t say anymore, so I let my instincts kick in – and around Tawny Read, that always leads to touching in some way.
I lay my right palm flat against the wall above her shoulder and lean in, smelling the chlorine on her skin. I move my mouth closer to her ear and drop my voice. “You have no idea what you look like, do you?” I use my left hand to grip her hip and press my thumb into the hoop in her swimsuit bottoms, brushing it against the smooth skin ordinarily covered by her underwear. Sh
e gasps a little at my touch, causing my heart rate to increase and my eyes to zero in on her mouth – her lips are blue and trembling slightly, almost as if they’re begging to be kissed. I dig my fingers lightly into the back of her hip as I draw her damp body up against mine and fasten my lips to hers. Meanwhile, she clings to my shoulder as if she’s afraid she’ll fall if she lets go.
After a minute Tawny turns her head, breaking our kiss. I drop my head and try to get my labored breathing back in check, hoping I haven’t overstepped my bounds. I continue to squeeze her hip, unwilling to let her go.
“I have to go,” she whispers finally, then she slips free of my grasp.
Tawny – 6:00 PM
Vivian and I decided to order room service for dinner. After placing the call with our orders, Viv left to run downstairs and check her email with promises to be back before the food arrives. She’s gone out of her way to be a supportive friend today, but truthfully I’m glad for the moment of solitude.
As I stretch my legs out on the bed and rest my head back against the headboard, I re-analyze the conversation I heard earlier among Macary and her two friends. Kyle had assured me there was nothing but friendship between him and Macary, but evidently they had only recently made out – in a hot tub. That doesn’t sound like just friendship to me.
It isn’t as if it should matter – and it wouldn’t if I hadn’t just made out with Kyle myself this morning – in his bed. I mean, Kyle owes me nothing. It isn’t as if I have grounds to be angry with him for dating Macary, or having sex with her, or whatever else might be between them. But why would he lie to me about it? This only serves to highlight the reason I decided I couldn’t be with him last fall – turns out I’m not good at being just one of many women in a man’s life. And really, in light of everything that happened last night, the fact Kyle continues to play these kinds of games just makes his dishonesty that much more of a slap in the face. I was vulnerable, I let my guard down – and he was all too happy to use my weakness to his advantage. In a lot of ways, Kyle is guilty of many of the same things as Aiden. God, I’m such a fool.
When Vivian returns we eat our food while lying in bed watching a movie on HBO. Afterward we go for a walk outside, by this time grasping at straws for any way to delay the inevitable – packing to go home.
Once we’re back in our room Vivian begins hurling things haphazardly into her suitcase while I sit on the bed watching. After a few minutes she says, “You’re awfully quiet over there. What’s on your mind?”
“I was thinking – now, hear me out… Maybe I should go try and talk to Aiden tonight.”
“What?!” She stops what she’s doing and whirls around to look at me like I’ve just told her I want to move to Antarctica.
I hold my hands up in defense. “Trust me, it’s the last thing I want to do – but let’s face it, I’m going to be forced into close quarters with him tomorrow; we’ll all be traveling together all day. Don’t you think it’d be less awkward for everyone involved if I just got it over with?”
Vivian studies me, her expression inscrutable. Finally she drops the shirt she’s been holding since I shocked her into seething silence and walks over to my bed. She climbs up next to me and puts her arms around my shoulders. “All right…” she concedes. “I guess there’s no use putting it off – but if you’re going over there, then I’m coming, too.”
I smile. “All right, Viv. Let’s go do this.”
Chapter 32 – Back to Reality
Friday, March 24
Tawny – 9:30 AM
The six of us are sitting at our gate, waiting to board our flight back to Reno via Phoenix. We look like zombies; Logan and Christie have gone off in search of caffeine while the rest of us wait in worn out silence. It isn’t even that early, but we all had to be up much earlier than we’ve become accustomed to over the past few days.
My talk with Aiden last night went about as poorly as expected. He pleaded and groveled and apologized profusely, but I think I did a pretty decent job of standing my ground. Vivian, meanwhile, spent the entire time biting down on her tongue to keep from jumping in and fighting my battles for me. Aiden wasn’t happy about her being there, but she was pretty clear he didn’t have a say in the matter, and I agreed with her. Eventually his sadness turned to anger, and he accused me of running off with another guy; of course, this was news to Vivian, but thankfully I’d revealed just enough of that side of the story to keep her from asking questions. I assured Aiden nothing had happened between the two of us. I could feel a knife twisting in my chest as I said it, knowing not only had nothing happened, but nothing ever would.
Today he seems to be moving along in the cycle of grief with which I became so intimately acquainted during my various cancer support group meetings. He moved quickly past Denial and Anger, fleetingly into the Bargaining stage, and now he’s sitting squarely in Depression. Of course things are still highly uncomfortable between us, but I can imagine they would’ve been a whole lot worse if we hadn’t already had the discussion we both knew was coming.
Kyle – 4:30 PM
Today’s flights went much more smoothly than Monday’s. This time I actually managed to get some sleep while we were in the air – but when I wasn’t sleeping, there was only one thing on my mind. I’d wondered whether Tawny would be on our flight back, but no such luck.
I can’t stop thinking about yesterday in the lobby. I’d kissed Tawny, and she’d definitely kissed me back – but other than that, her reaction to me had been lukewarm at best. I wish I could figure out why. It isn’t as if we had an audience. I question whether maybe I came on too strong – maybe the way I caught her off-guard caused her to associate the situation with what happened with Aiden. I quickly discarded that theory, though, when I again thought of her physical response to me. I could tell she wanted me, just as plainly as I could when we were in bed yesterday morning. So what made her freeze up and run away?
I can only think of one answer to that question – even if it isn’t something I want to believe. It’s the same reason she quit answering my calls last fall, but then fell into a relationship with somebody else. There doesn’t seem to be any doubt Tawny is attracted to me; the trouble is, for whatever reason, I don’t seem like boyfriend material to her.
Eight or nine months ago I wouldn’t have balked at her assessment – it’s true I’d never been all that interested in long term relationships. I’m sure there are plenty of psychologists out there who could pinpoint specific parts of my past and tell you exactly why I am the way I am, but really the reason matters very little. I had a few “girlfriends” in high school, but that was only because the high school culture demanded that we put labels on our relationships in order for anything sexual to be considered remotely socially acceptable. That was a constraint that dissipated in college; labels were suddenly rendered for the most part unnecessary.
But like it or not, somewhere along the line my disdain for relationships changed. Tawny Read may only be interested in sex where I’m concerned, but for me it’s about so much more than that. It sucks that I couldn’t get my head out of my ass long enough to put two and two together before she cut out on me, but eventually I came to grips with my true feelings for Tawny – and my conviction that I’ve fallen hard for a girl for the first time in my life has only grown stronger over the past few days.
It bears asking, even if I had figured it out in time, would it have made a difference? What if I’d poured out my heart to Tawny, only to have her say “Thanks, but no thanks”? The way she acted yesterday afternoon, the idea that she may have said just that looms ever more plausible. Maybe she was upset because, even though I may be capable of kissing her senseless and making her forget her own name, she was somehow reminded of her belief that I’ll never be what she needs me to be.
This is what hurts the most – because she’s at least a little bit right. She is too good for me. That realization doesn’t do much to alleviate my anger, though. I mean, I may have fucked up a few
times, yeah – everyone makes mistakes – but the fact remains I would do just about anything to be exactly the kind of guy Tawny thinks she needs. It’s just too bad she’ll never give me that chance.
Chapter 33 – Tip-Off
Saturday & Sunday, April 8-9
Tawny – Saturday, 5:30 PM
“Oh God, can’t we just cancel the wedding?” Rhiannon moans; she sounds so pitiful through the phone line. “I still wanna get married, but I’d take a courthouse wedding over this bullshit any day of the week.”
I chuckle sympathetically, because I know where she’s coming from. The wedding is only a month away, and our mother has been frantic making last minute arrangements – it’s no wonder it’s finally beginning to wear on my easygoing sister. She called me a few minutes ago to vent after getting off the phone with Mom, who was freaking out about the florist ordering the wrong kind of votive candle holders for the tables at the reception.
“All right, I’ll make you a deal,” I say. “I’ll see about booking an Elvis impersonator for a Vegas elopement if you call Mom and tell her you won’t be at your own wedding.”
“You’re evil, you know that?”
I laugh. “Okay, sis, I gotta go. Remember, deep breaths. Just keep telling yourself, at the end of the day you’ll be married to the love of your life. Whatever happens leading up to it doesn’t really matter.”
She sighs. “I know; you’re right. And, at the very least, hopefully it’ll be a kickass party.”
“Oh, I’d say that’s a given.”
“Thanks for talking me down off the ledge, kiddo. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Later.”
I toss my phone down on my bed and strip off my blouse to change into my blue Nevada Wolf Pack t-shirt. Harumi and Beatrix are already dressed and ready to walk over to Hank’s Sports Bar & Grill to watch the NCAA basketball championship game. Sadly, UNR is out for the count, but San Diego State is playing, so we’ll root for them in a show of solidarity for Mountain West conference.
Forever With You (Silver State Series) Page 28
