“I—” I go to say more, but clearly, she hasn’t finished.
“She’s been a mess, Lucas. She’s needed you and none of us could find you. You could have been dead in a ditch somewhere for all we knew. You’ve got two babies on the way, you cannot be that selfish any more, Lucas Dalton.”
Whoa, my full name…she means business.
“I know, Mum. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise to me. There’s only one person you should be apologising to.”
“Yes, I know. I will.”
“You had better have something big up your sleeve, my boy, because nothing short of one seriously grand gesture to show her what she means to you is going to get her back. You might be my son but I won’t defend you after the way you’ve behaved.”
Ouch, that hurt. I thought my mum of all people would understand my need to escape. Obviously not.
“I’ve been working on something for her,” I admit.
“Good.”
I barely get a chance to put the phone down before it’s ringing again. My heart jumps into my throat but I reason with myself that Mum couldn’t have told Lilly I was in contact that quickly. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Joe’s name on my screen.
“What the fuck is going on, Dalton? You fall of the face of the earth for weeks on end and then when I look at your accounts they’re all but empty.” That’s the greeting I get from my friend and accountant. I shouldn’t be surprised really, after the amount of money I’ve spent in the last few weeks. I probably should have warned him.
“I made an investment.”
“You don’t fucking say. I hope it was a wise one.”
“Yeah, me too,” I say, picturing what I’ve been working on. I hope it’s worth it too. “Lilly’s pregnant,” I admit. Joe is the first person I’ve said it aloud to, and it feels fucking weird.
“No shit, man. That’s awesome.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, I think a sprog is just what you need.”
“Two.”
“What?”
“She’s having twins.”
“Fuck me.”
“Nah, you’re alright.”
Once Joe’s shock wears off and I manage to convince him I haven’t totally lost my mind, I turn the light out and attempt to get some sleep. That’s wishful thinking though, with the prospect of seeing Lilly and our babies at tomorrow’s scan. If she allows me to attend.
I know running away wasn’t the most mature thing to do but images of my childhood were on repeat in my brain from the second the doctor announced Lilly was pregnant. I always feel like I’m one mistake away from turning into my mother. I’m further from it since I moved away from London but I know I have the same addictive personality as her, and my fear of becoming like her made me run.
Lilly and the babies would be much better off without me if there was even a chance of me being a parent like that.
As the weeks without her have gone on though, I soon realised that being with them wasn’t the scariest part—being without them was worse. So much fucking worse.
I realised I couldn’t just turn up on her doorstep with a bunch of flowers and say I’m sorry. That wasn’t going to cut it. So I got on the internet and found something I hope she is going to love. I’ve worked my arse off to make it a reality for her, but now it’s pretty much ready I’m petrified I’ve made a mistake, that she’s going to want nothing to do with me after the way I’ve treated her, let alone what I’ve done.
“I’m here for Lilly Morrison’s appointment,” I say to the lady at the reception desk. She looks at me and then behind me—I guess for Lilly—but when she doesn’t see anyone she looks back, waiting for me to explain. “We’re arriving separately; she’ll be here shortly.” I don’t add that she might cause me physical harm for turning up like this. It took some serious convincing to even get someone to tell me what time this appointment was, but I soon realised after leaving her building that day that I wasn’t missing it for anything. All I have is the memory of those white shapes on that original scan. I need to see more to help convince me that this is really happening and to tell myself that everything I’ve done isn’t for nothing.
I sit myself in the back corner. I want to see Lilly before she sees me. I sit there for ages, but that’s my own fault for being so early.
Eventually, I hear familiar soft footsteps behind me. I brace myself for her to round the corner and when she does, my breath catches in my throat. She looks beautiful. Her long blonde hair is hanging down her back and she has on a light summer dress. Everything in me craves her. I wrap my fingers around the edges of the chair to keep me in place.
I watch as she goes to the desk to check herself in before turning around. She takes two steps towards the seating area before she sees me. Her whole body stills and her mouth drops open. I make the most of her shocked state to run my eyes down the front of her body, over the bump of her belly. I get this weird feeling come over me as I think about my babies growing in there.
Lilly is pulled from her shock when a woman, who I can only presume is her mother because she is just an older version of Lilly, crashes into the back of her. The woman follows Lilly’s gaze and turns to look at me as well. Her features harden as she stares at me. I think her anger may rival my mother’s, by the look of it.
Lilly’s mother just goes to step forward when the door opens next to me and a young woman steps out. “Lilly Morrison?” she asks.
Lilly pulls her eyes away from me and heads towards the woman at the same time I stand from my chair. The sonographer can obviously tell something is going on, because she looks between the three of us before asking Lilly if everything is okay.
Lilly doesn’t say anything; she just nods her head.
“Can he attend?” she asks, looking back at me.
“Well, they are his,” Lilly snaps as she walks through the door, turning her back on me. I can’t lie; her harshness stings a little.
I stand by the door awkwardly as Lilly goes through the same process as last time. She slips her leggings down her hips a little and lifts her loose dress to reveal her swollen belly. My eyes are locked on to her rounded skin. She looks perfect and the fact my babies are growing under there has me frozen to the spot.
“Do you need to sit?” someone says, and it takes a few minutes to realise that it’s Lilly’s mother with her hand on my arm, gesturing towards the chair.
I nod and do as she suggests because I’m not feeling very stable right now.
I watch from the sidelines as Lilly lies on the bed, holding her mother’s hand. The sonographer soon has an image up on screen, and I’m even more enthralled by that image than I am with Lilly’s swollen belly.
My babies.
She seems to be there ages, moving the wand thing around and getting different angles. Eventually though, she looks up to Lilly and asks, “Would you like to know their sex?”
I look back at Lilly and watch as she bites down on her bottom lip in thought. After a few seconds, her eyes find mine. Her excitement and happiness is infectious and for the first time, it’s not just dread I feel about this situation.
“I’m happy either way, as long as they’re both healthy,” I say, my voice full of emotion and barely recognisable to my own ears.
Lilly looks to her mum who smiles at her and says, “It’s your call, angel.”
“I want to know.”
“Okay, well it looks to me like you’ve got one of each. This one on the left of the screen is a girl, and the one on the right is a boy.”
I stare at the screen for the longest time, looking at my almost ready-made family of four, trying to allow it to sink in. In a matter of weeks, really, I’m going to be a dad to not just one kid, but two. I’m going to have a son and a daughter.
Sniffling to my right eventually makes me rip my eyes away from the screen. Lilly has tears streaming down her face but she also has the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen.
Without thinkin
g, I get up and walk over to her. In seconds, I have my hand on her belly and my lips against hers.
I expect her to push me away but to my surprise she relaxes under my touch and her lips soften against mine—until someone else in the room clears their throat to distract us.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I pull back. I know that isn’t enough to cover what I’ve done, but it’s all I’ve got right now.
I continue looking down at Lilly as I stand to full height once again, and I see the tension and anger descend like I was expecting when I went to kiss her.
“One kiss changes nothing, Lucas.” I nod because there is nothing I can say right now to try to make any of this better.
I sit back down and allow the sonographer to finish what she’s got to do. I listen to everything Lilly says in the hope it will give me some insight into what I’ve missed so far with this pregnancy.
“Well…thanks for coming. It’s nice to know you care about these two,” Lilly says sadly when we’re back in the waiting room.
“Of course I care, Lilly. That has never been in question. It’s—”
“Stop,” she interrupts. “I’m not interested. If it was that important, you would have found a way to tell me before now. Here,” she snaps as she hands me one of the scan photos she just had printed. “I’ll see you around—maybe at the birth, if you can be bothered.”
“Lilly, please,” I start to beg as she and her mother turn to walk away.
“No, Lucas. You made your bed when you walked away. Now you’ve got to lie in it. It’s been eight weeks. I’ve moved on and have more important things to worry about,” she says, placing a protective hand on her belly.
I keep my mouth shut this time and watch her walk out. The pain in my chest is well deserved after doing the same to her. I freaked out. I know I should have manned up and followed her into her flat, explained properly about my childhood, about my birth mother and how scared I am to turn into that kind of parent. But I didn’t. I took the easy route and I ran. It wasn’t very long before I regretted that decision, but I didn’t know how to rectify it.
There is only one place to go after the hospital appointment, and that is to my parents’ house to face my mother’s wrath.
Her anger at me lessens somewhat when I flash the scan picture in front of her but it only lasts so long.
“What the hell are you going to do, Lucas? Your babies need you. Lilly needs you. I can’t imagine bringing up twins singlehandedly.”
“I have a plan.”
“You have a plan that will make her forget what a selfish bastard you’ve been? That must be one hell of a plan, Luc.”
I pull up the photo on my phone and hand it over to her.
“What have you done?”
“It’s for her?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s important to her.”
“But it’s miles away, Lucas. Why on earth?” Mum doesn’t finish her sentence as she starts swiping through the photos. “I hope you’re right and this works,” is all she says before handing my phone back.
I’m not sure what I was expecting her reaction to be, but what she said didn’t fill me with hope. Maybe I’d gone about this all wrong and I’ve made a massive mistake.
I jump out of the car and jog across the car park outside Lilly’s building. I’m like a drowned rat by the time I get there, which just about matches my attitude.
I hold my finger down on the button for the longest time. I can only presume Taylor has already left for London, and I have no idea if Lilly would have had to find another flat mate. I fucking well hope not. The thought of Lilly living with someone else gets my temper flaring. I slam my palm down on the wall next to the buzzers.
“FUCK,” I shout out into the grey and wet day.
“So you decided to show your face at last,” a soft female voice says from behind me.
When I turn, I see an elderly lady with a crutch and a bag of shopping. “Uh…”
“Well, I have to say I didn’t think I’d ever see the day. I thought Lilly was stupid, holding on to hope that you would reappear when you saw fit. She’d be a fool to take you back though.”
“Okay. Who are you?” I ask. Lilly never mentioned a grandmother, but there’s a lot we didn’t get a chance to talk about.
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know who you are and what you’ve done to my lovely Lilly.” The lady goes to pass me and opens the door. “And don’t even try to sneak in after me. She’s not here. She’s at yoga with her sister at the sports centre,” she calls over her shoulder before the door closes behind her. She obviously isn’t that against me if she’s telling me where Lilly is, I think as I make the dash back towards my car.
I press my foot down and take off for the sports centre, hoping I’ll get a better reception from Lilly than I did this morning. I know it’s wishful thinking. After the way I’ve behaved, I couldn’t blame her if she never wants to talk to me again.
Lilly
“He was just sat there waiting for you?” Emma whispers over from her mat a foot or so over from mine.
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe you let him into the scan with you.”
“He’s their dad, Em. No matter how he behaves, he is and always will be their dad.”
“I guess.”
“Ladies at the back, either take this seriously or take your gossiping elsewhere,” the instructor says, looking less than amused.
We both mutter our apologies and go back to what where meant to be doing.
“I still can’t believe the cheek of him. No contact for two months and then there he is? How did he even find out about the appointment anyway?” Emma continues ranting when we leave the hall.
“I presume his mum. Lucas tends to get whatever it is he wants, so I shouldn’t have been sur—” my sentence is halted when I catch sight of the suit-clad figure waiting in reception who is turning every woman’s head as they walk past. “No way.”
“What?” Emma asks, looking over at me. I nod my head in his direction. “Holy shit, is that him?”
“Yes. Why the hell is he here?”
“Looks like he’s back with vengeance, Lills. And he wants you.” I don’t miss the way Lucas’ eyes run over my Lycra-clad body either. “Christ, he looks like he could melt those clothes off your body right here with that look. Good luck,” Emma says with a laugh. I think she’s right, but I’m going to need more than luck to keep some much distance from him.
“Lucas, what are you doing here?”
I watch as he looks between Emma and me, then at our matching bellies. I don’t miss how his eyes darken when he looks at me though.
“Is it safe for you to be doing that?” he asks, gesturing to the direction we’ve just come from.
I stick my hands on my hips and stare at him, hoping that I look as irritated by him as I feel. Emma doesn’t seem to notice, as she answers for me. “Yes, it’s pregnancy yoga. It’s designed for pregnant women.”
I watch as Lucas takes on that bit of information before nodding and stating that we need to talk.
“I agree, but now’s not a good time.”
“Well, when is?”
“I don’t know, Lucas. When I don’t feel like trying to kill you with whatever weapon I can find. It’s been two months. Two. I’ve just about got my life somewhat sorted and now here you are. Well, you don’t get to call all the shots. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready, but that’s not now. Let’s go,” I add, looking at Emma.
“Don’t you think you should—”
“Emma, don’t,” I warn, knowing exactly where she’s going. She holds her hands up in defeat and begins walking towards the car park.
“Lilly, please. I’m not above begging,” Lucas says quietly.
“Good to know,” I say, before striding off after Emma.
“I can’t believe I just did that,” I admit, before bursting into tears in Emma’s car.
“I’m proud of you, Lills.”
“I told myself over and over again I wouldn’t cave to him when—if—I ever saw him again, but I didn’t think I would be strong enough.”
Emma reaches over and takes my hand in hers for support as I continue to splutter and sob very unattractively.
“He doesn’t look like the kind of man who takes being told no easily,” Emma says eventually.
“He’s not. I’m not stupid enough to think that’s the last I’m going to see of him.”
After Emma drops me off, I head up to my flat to have a quick shower. It’s weird being here alone now. Although towards the end Taylor wasn’t around much, it’s still strange knowing he isn’t going to appear at some point.
I pull on some comfortable clothes and don’t bother doing anything with my hair before heading upstairs to sort Shelia out. Since the day I helped her settle back in, I’ve been helping her out with her chores. She’s so grateful for the help, she’s insisted on paying me. I refused to accept it for a long time, but I had to cave in the end, and if I’m honest the money is a great help now I’m pregnant and unemployed. I’ve picked up some shifts in Mum’s coffee shop, so that, along with the little bit that Shelia gives me, is keeping me going at the moment.
I’ve only made one purchase with the money Lucas stashed in my account, and I’m determined not to spend any more, but I couldn’t resist buying myself a more comfortable bed. I put up with aching hips for a week before I headed to the bed shop for an upgrade. So far, it’s the best purchase I’ve ever made.
I’m not in Shelia’s flat five minutes before I discover how Lucas found me at my yoga class. Shelia is angry with him after everything I’ve told her, but I still feel like she might have a sweet spot for him, even though she’s only met him briefly. She spends the rest of my visit telling me I need to hear him out, that holding off will only make everything harder.
I know she’s right. I’d like to have everything sorted out between us before these two appear. I’m just not sure I want to hear it. There have been weeks where it was all I wanted—to open the front door and find him stood there. But I’ve grown since then. I’ve realised that I don’t need him, that I can do this alone. I don’t want to, but I know I can.
Lilly (Angel Series Book 3) Page 18
