His smile was smug. ‘Well, then. There’s no need for you to be upset, is there?’
Bathie gave up. Albert would never understand how she felt. She could hardly understand it herself, come to that.
Ellie could never bring herself to invite Gavin in when he saw her home. That would be like throwing herself at him, and she didn’t want to give him that impression. If it had been anyone else, she’d have told him how she felt, and made sure he felt the same way, but not Gavin.
As the weeks went past, then the months, she lived only for Sundays, just to see him again, to have him walk beside her for a little while, to hear his soft voice, although it never spoke words of endearment. It was enough that she was in his company, and she would never ask for anything more.
Bathie was sure now. Ellie was in love with Gavin, but it was difficult to tell how he felt. Did he still look on Ellie as a child, to be seen home out of a sense of duty, or did he see her as a desirable woman? Was their relationship still innocent? Shaking her head, she reminded herself that it was none of her business – they were both free, and old enough to please themselves.
One cold, February evening, Ellie was darning one of her little girl’s stockings, when someone knocked at her door. Heaving a resigned sigh, she laid her sewing basket down on the table, expecting her caller to be Ishbel, who could be rather wearing on the nerves sometimes, and Ellie wasn’t in the mood for dealing with her young sister.
When she opened the door, however, it wasn’t Ishbel who stood on the landing. ‘Gavin!’ she exclaimed, involuntarily showing her delight. ‘Oh, I’m sorry – Doctor.’
‘I don’t see why you shouldn’t call me Gavin,’ he smiled. ‘You’ve known me long enough. May I come in?’
‘Oh, yes, of course.’ She held the door open for him.
Removing his felt hat, he sat down, looking rather ill-at-ease. ‘You’ll be wondering why I’ve come?’
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
‘I’m wondering myself, now I’m here.’ He smiled wryly. ‘You’ll probably think I’m an old fool, but . . . you’ve been on my mind an awful lot lately, Ellie. Before I say anything else, though, I have to tell you that when I came back to Aberdeen that morning, it was your mother who was the first person I wanted to see after I’d dropped my things at Froghall.’
Unable, and unwilling, to tear her eyes away from his, which were regarding her somewhat mournfully now, she forced herself to speak. ‘I know you and Mother have always been very good friends.’
‘It was more than that, Ellie. I’ve loved your mother for years, since the first time I attended her – when Donnie was born, so you’ll know exactly how long – but I didn’t admit to myself that it was love for a long time after that.’
His eyes dropped to his hands as they twirled his hat, and Ellie’s heart sank. She’d hoped that he’d been going to say that he loved her, but it was her mother, after all, and what had gone on between them, over all those years?
After a few seconds, he raised his head. ‘Please don’t think badly of your mother, Ellie. She never returned my love, though I believe she does feel some affection for me.’
‘How can you be sure she doesn’t love you?’
He pursed his lips. ‘I can’t tell you everything, Ellie, not yet, but she once had to decide between your father and me, and she chose your father.’
Her innate curiosity was aroused, wanting to know all the details of what had happened, and when, but she bit back her questions. She would find out one day.
‘I was content just to love her, and it was always Bathie I thought of during the war.’
He leaned forward to take Ellie’s hand. ‘I wanted to make you understand about that before . . . When I saw you that first afternoon, I thought you had grown very attractive since I’d been away, but that was all. I walked home with you, and found I enjoyed your company, but again, that was all.’
He hesitated, looking at her earnestly. ‘Ellie, over the weeks, something happened to me. I still love your mother, but in a different way now. I’ve been puzzling about it, trying to assess my feelings, and last night I came to a conclusion.’
She held her breath when he paused again, with her hand still in both of his. ‘You’ll maybe laugh, Ellie, and I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but I think – no, I’m sure – I love you.’
‘Oh.’ It was a long, drawn-out sigh, as if it had been squeezed out of her gradually.
‘I don’t mind if you say you don’t love me – I’m quite used to that reaction.’
‘I do love you.’
Jumping to his feet, he kissed her, slowly and lovingly, then said, quietly, ‘Ellie, will you marry me?’
Tears came to her eyes. ‘I can’t marry you, Gavin. How would my mother feel about it? If she’s known for years that you loved her, she’s bound to be jealous.’
‘Not my Bathie. And you’re not jealous of her, are you?’
‘I don’t think so, not really, but it’ll take a while to get used to – you having been in love with my mother.’
He pulled her to her feet and enveloped her in a bear hug. ‘Your mother was my whole life for so long, Ellie, and I’ll always love her, but not in the same way any more. You and Kathleen will be my life from now on, and I’ll love you as a husband should, if you’ll only say yes.’
She surrendered, instantly and irrevocably. ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ Her eyes clouded. ‘But how will we tell her?’
‘Let me tell her, Ellie. It’s my duty to her.’
As soon as Gavin asked Gracie if she’d please leave him alone with her mother, Bathie knew what he was going to say, and she waited, rather nervously, for him to get it over.
‘This will probably come as a shock to you,’ he began, ‘but I wanted to tell you myself. I’ve always been honest with you, Bathie, as you were with me, so I hope you can understand. I still feel a deep devotion for you, but people change.’
‘Yes, people change.’
‘I want more from life now. I want to settle down with a wife and family . . . ’
‘A ready-made family?’ she said, gently.
He hesitated. ‘You know? Has Ellie been here?’
‘No, she hasn’t, I just knew, and I’m pleased she’s found somebody to love at last, but I’d like you to tell me one thing. Do you really love her enough to make her your wife?’
‘Yes, Bathie, God help me, I do. I was hardly aware of it at first, but I was certain of it before I asked her.’
‘You’ve asked her already? What did she say?’
‘She said yes. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I know you never loved me, and I didn’t think you’d mind.’
‘I don’t mind, not in the way you mean, but you’re so much older than she is, and she’s so vulnerable.’
‘I agree, but she’s not committing herself to a man old enough to be her father without being sure she wants to.’
A sad smile crossed Bathie’s lips. ‘No, Ellie knows what she wants, she always has, but does she truly love you?’
‘She says she does, and I believe her. I told you before that I should leave Aberdeen – that was because I didn’t want Albert to get any more wrong ideas – but that’s what I’m going to do. I understand how you must feel about this, Bathie, and I can’t put you in a position where you’ll always be reminded that the man who loved you has married your daughter.’
Her composure crumpled. ‘Albert couldn’t understand that,’ she gulped. ‘Thank God you do.’
‘You’ve discussed this with Albert? You knew what I was going to do, before I knew it myself?’ He gave a little laugh then looked at her earnestly. ‘Tell me you’re happy for me, Bathie. I need your blessing.’
‘I’m very happy for both of you, but leave now, before I make a proper fool of myself.’
When he brushed her lips with his, she stretched up her hand to touch his cheek. ‘You have my blessing, Gavin, dear, and Ellie’s very lucky to be marrying such a good man.’
‘Thank you.’ His voice broke as he turned away. ‘Now it’s me who’s making a proper fool of myself.’
When she accompanied him to the outside door, he said, ‘Do you want me to come back to tell Albert?’
‘No, I’ll do it. Goodbye, Gavin, and you’ll let us know about the wedding arangements?’
‘It won’t be for quite a while, but I’ll keep you informed. Goodbye, Bathie, and thank you, for everything.’
Climbing the stairs, she reflected, rather sadly, that this was the end of a relationship which had seen her through some very bad times, but surely she and Gavin would always remain good friends? Her step lightened, and she ran on to the landing as Gracie appeared from the middle floor, having heard the visitor leave.
‘What did the doctor have to say that he couldn’t say in front of me?’ the girl asked, curiously.
‘He was telling me that he’s going to marry Ellie.’
‘Is that all? I told you that would happen.’
Bathie’s tension released into a gale of hearty laughter, and it was a moment before she spluttered, ‘So you did.’
Albert took it much better than his wife had expected. ‘Ellie needs a man like Gavin, and he’ll make a good husband.’
Looking at her speculatively, he asked, ‘How do you feel about it, though, now that it’s actually happened?’
‘I’m very pleased,’ she assured him, truthfully. ‘He’s been a good friend to us for years, and that won’t change, even if he’s going to start a practice away from Aberdeen.’
‘So that’ll be another one of our daughters going away,’ he mused, sounding sorrowful in spite of himself.
Coming through from the kitchen just in time to hear his last remark, Gracie said, ruefully, ‘Don’t worry, Father, you’ll always have me.’
‘Aye, that’s one God’s blessing.’
The sudden glistening in the girl’s eyes made Bathie wish, from the bottom of her heart, that Gracie, too, could find a man to love – a man who would love her – as long as whoever it was didn’t whisk her off to the other end of the earth.
Chapter Thirty-four
Charlie made his startling announcement one morning in June.
‘Vena and I are thinking of going to Wanganui,’ he stated, baldly, then glanced at his mother, whose face had turned a ghastly white.
‘Not you, too, Charlie,’ she whispered.
‘I know you wanted me to take over the shop eventually, Father,’ he rushed on, ‘but I want to . . . oh, I don’t know. Try myself out, I suppose. We’ve been discussing it for a while, and from what Flo and Hetty say in their letters, there seems to be more opportunity out there.’
Albert sighed. He’d told Bathie so many times that their children had their own lives to lead, but it was hard to let them go, one by one – or two by two – like this. ‘You’ll have to do what you feel’s best for you, Charlie, and I’ll not stand in your way, whatever you’ve decided.’
Charlie appealed to the silent Bathie. ‘Mother?’
Nodding, she said, ‘If that’s what you want.’
She felt frozen. This was different from letting her two daughters go. This was Charlie, her first-born, her favourite. How could he do this to her when Ellie would be leaving for Edinburgh immediately after her wedding? It was too much.
Looking sadly at his father as Bathie ran out, Charlie murmured, ‘I knew she’d be upset – will I go through to her?’
Albert shook his head. ‘No, leave her to cry. She’ll get over it. It’s a big blow to her, Charlie, and to me, I can’t say it isn’t, but parents must expect their children to make their own way in life.’
After breakfast, Albert went through to the bedroom, where Bathie was sitting on the edge of the bed, not crying now, but her eyes still swollen and red-rimmed.
Sitting down beside her, he put his arm round her. ‘I know how you feel, my love.’
She brought her face up and laid her head against his shoulder. ‘Oh, Albert, it’s awful. It’s my Charlie, this time.’
She started to weep softly, hopelessly, and he stroked her hair gently. ‘We brought them into the world and raised them to grown men and women, but that was our duty, and we shouldn’t expect them to owe us anything. We have to let them go.’
‘I know, I know.’ She clung to him desperately, her whole body racked with sobs. ‘Hold me, Albert, for I need you now, and I’ll need you even more when it’s time for him to leave.’
He took her in his arms then, whispering, ‘Bathie, Bathie,’ and let his lips touch her brow, her eyes, her nose, until the weeping stopped and she was at peace.
At last, she lifted her head. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you, my dearest, dearest, Albert.’
His grip tightened, but she broke away from him. ‘No, go down to the shop now. I’ve got over the shock of it.’
He kissed her again before he went out, and she waited a few minutes before she went through to the kitchen.
Gracie and Vena looked at her quickly when she went in, then carried on with the washing-up. Ishbel was clearing the table, so Bathie said, ‘You’d better be getting yourself ready.’
When Ishbel left to go to school, Gracie went upstairs to make her own bed and her sister’s, and Vena sat down beside Bathie, looking quite concerned. ‘I’m sorry, Mother. It must have been an awful shock to you, Charlie springing it on you like that, but we’ve thought about it for weeks. That’s why we didn’t rent that house.’
Bathie swallowed. ‘It’s not your fault, Vena.’
‘We both want to go. We’ve never felt settled since we came home, and New Zealand’s the best place to go.’
‘There’ll soon be more of my family in Wanganui than there is here.’ Bathie managed a light laugh.
It took Bathie several weeks to come to terms with it, and she reached a rueful conclusion. If it was meant to be that all her children would leave the family home and find new lives for themselves in other countries – or in Ellie’s case, a different city in the same country – it was meant to be, and there was nothing she could do about it.
She had given birth to eight children, but very shortly, there would be only two left – Ishbel, who would likely fall in love as soon as she left school, and poor Gracie, who seemed destined to remain single. Well, at least she and Albert would have one daughter to look after them in their old age.
Ellie had asked if she could be married in the house on the brow of the Gallowgate, so for weeks preparations for the wedding took up most of Bathie’s time. She baked and cooked – assisted by Gracie and Vena, when they could spare the time – and cleaned and polished until everything sparkled.
Her parents had been invited, but Arthur Johnstone was recovering from a bad bout of bronchitis, and Henrietta said she couldn’t leave him. Donnie had written to say he couldn’t afford the fares, so only those of the family who were still at home would be attending.
On the 20th November, 1920, Gavin McKenzie took Ellie as his wife, in the parlour of her childhood home, with Charlie acting as best man, and Gracie as bridesmaid, although she’d said that she would rather Vena took on the duty. But Ellie had insisted, so she’d given in, slightly ungraciously.
Albert, in a stiff new suit – he’d put on too much weight to wear his old best one – held his wife’s hand throughout the short ceremony, thinking that she didn’t look old enough to have a son of thirty, and certainly not old enough to be a grandmother, even to a six-year-old.
When Gavin placed the ring on his bride’s finger, Bathie couldn’t help remembering that other ceremony, in Greyfriars Church, where she had watched this same daughter being married in the white wedding gown, but the navy tailor-made costume suited Ellie very well. She looked mature but subdued, and Bathie wondered if she, too, was recalling the day she’d been joined in matrimony to poor Jack Lornie.
Gavin was also serious, although his responses were made in a clear, firm voice. He looked most distinguished in his dark grey suit, and Bathie felt
a tiny twinge of regret that he was lost to her for ever. Not lost, she corrected herself. He was part of her family now, her son-in-law, although he was seven years older than she was.
Her throat tightened when the newly-wed couple kissed, the love they had for each other plain for all to see, but, when Albert gave her hand a sympathetic squeeze, she returned it to show him that she felt no jealousy. In the dining room, Albert set himself out to create a party spirit, while Bathie worried in case Gracie was brooding about being single and Charlie about leaving Aberdeen.
But the gaiety wasn’t forced, Bathie felt, letting her eyes rove round. Love and happiness radiated from Ellie and Gavin, while genuine pleasure and approval was reflected in the faces of Charlie, Vena, even Gracie. Albert was joking with the minister, so she turned her attention to her granddaughter.
‘Do you still like school, Kathleen?’
‘Oh, yes, Granny, and d’you know what Miss Murray told us? She said that Edinburgh was the capital of Scotland, and . . .’
Bathie listened contentedly to the girl for a few minutes, then asked, ‘Will you be sorry to leave Miss Murray when you go to Edinburgh?’
‘Just a little bit, but my new Daddy told me the teacher there will be just as nice as Miss Murray.’
Dear Gavin, Bathie thought, happily. He was so kind and considerate. She wouldn’t have to worry about this branch of her family when they left Aberdeen.
The Reverend Steele made the first move, standing up and beaming at them all. ‘Before I go, I must thank everyone who was concerned in the preparation of this delicious meal. The best chef in the world couldn’t have done better.’
His voice grew serious now. ‘Next, my best wishes go with Charles and his wife when they emigrate to New Zealand.’ Murmurs of agreement interrupted him momentarily, and he smiled again as his eyes rested on the bride and groom. ‘Most importantly, as this is really their day, I wish long life and prosperity to Eleanor and Gavin. May they always be as happy, and as much in love, as they are today.’
Brow of the Gallowgate Page 33
