“We’ll discuss it with my father.”
Who was walking toward them with Joseph and Gertie in tow.
“Joseph says you want to leave. We just got here. Surely you don’t want to refuse the MacDonalds’ hospitality. You haven’t even chatted with Polly yet.”
Annabelle closed her eyes. They were supposed to be her family’s dearest friends. And once upon a time, before Henry had left with Annabelle’s heart, Annabelle and Polly would sit and giggle and admire some of the miners. What had Polly done with the shawl she’d been knitting for Annabelle’s wedding trip?
It hardly mattered. There was no wedding, no wedding trip. Henry had gone without Annabelle, all because Annabelle had chosen to nurse her ailing family when the sickness hit. The worst part was, Henry hadn’t even said goodbye. Polly had been the one to break the news of Henry’s departure.
How could she face her friend now?
She opened her eyes and looked up at Joseph.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m tired. Of course we can stay.”
“What happened to your breakfast?” Gertie pointed at the plate Joseph had cleaned up but hadn’t found a way to dispose of yet.
Annabelle stared at the ground. “I’m sorry. I got distracted, and I was clumsy.”
She was trying so hard not to offend anyone. To not wrap them up in what was obviously her grief alone. But nothing she did was right. This was why she’d stayed away. Why she couldn’t come back. Everything in her hurt, but everyone else had moved on.
“Are you sure you’re feeling all right?” Gertie knelt beside her and put a hand on her forehead. “You’ve looked awfully pale since you got here.”
“Nothing a night in my own bed won’t cure.” She gave another half smile, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She would do this. She would make it through the rest of the day in the mining camp, and everything would be just fine.
Her father joined Gertie in front of Annabelle. “She did faint in the middle of Harrison Avenue yesterday. We all thought it was because her corset was too tight, but perhaps she is coming down with something.”
The concern in her father’s face undid her resolve. She couldn’t let him think that his last remaining child was in danger, too. He’d lost so much, and even though she was trying to be brave for his sake, she couldn’t have him thinking she was ill.
“Truly, I’m fine.” She stood, and at the same time, all the tears she’d been trying to hold back came rushing out. “I just want to go home. I don’t want to be here, where everything reminds me of everything I have lost.”
The only good thing about crying like this was that she couldn’t see anyone’s faces to read their expressions. Especially Joseph’s. Why his was the most important, she didn’t know. But as much as she’d like to save face in front of him, the dam had been breached, and she couldn’t stop any of it.
“I miss Susannah. I miss Peter. I miss Mark and John. I miss Mother. And I’m tired of pretending that it’s fine. It’s not fine.”
Nugget wrapped her arms around Annabelle’s legs. “It’s all right, Miss Annabelle. You can cry just like I did when I was missing my mama. It’s all right to miss your mama.”
The little girl’s kind words sent Annabelle to blubbering like a fool. She had said that very thing to Nugget. It’s all right to miss your mama. But she had no idea just how powerful those words were until someone said them to her.
Gertie stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her. “Oh, dear heart, I should’ve thought about that. Of course a young lady would miss—”
Annabelle tried to shrug off the embrace. “Please, Gertie, I can’t.”
But Gertie only squeezed her tighter, and the tears kept rolling down Annabelle’s cheeks faster and faster.
“You have to face this, my girl. You lost your mother, yes, but you have a lot of people who love you. You don’t have to lose us, too.”
Gertie’s words throbbed in Annabelle’s ears. Was that what she’d done? In shutting herself off from everything, could she have been making it worse?
Annabelle straightened, and moved out of Gertie’s embrace. This time, the older woman let her go. Annabelle turned and looked at her father, who held out a handkerchief.
“Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go on like that.” She blew her nose, an action that would horrify her mother, but she supposed her mother would be horrified by a lot of things she’d said and done lately.
Her father wrapped his arms around her. “No, don’t be sorry for your tears. I suppose I haven’t been very good at helping you grieve.”
He kissed the top of her head, the way he did when she was little, and held her tight. “Your mother would have known how to talk to you, but I…I don’t know what to say. I miss her more than you can imagine.”
Annabelle looked up. Examined the lines in her father’s face, noting for the first time that they’d deepened in recent months.
“You never told me.”
“I was trying to be strong for you.”
His words mirrored her own. Annabelle blinked away the tears. “And I was trying to be strong for you.”
Her father pulled a letter from his pocket, the familiar script staring out at her. Aunt Celeste.
“Your aunt has been begging me to let you visit. The Simms family offered to escort you, but I…”
A long sigh shook his body. “I haven’t been able to let you go. You’re hurting so much, and I can’t let you leave broken.”
“I’m always going to be broken if I’m here.” She looked around, noting that Joseph had taken the little girls closer to the fire, where they played with their dolls, and Joseph amiably chatted with Gertie and Polly.
She wanted to be able to interact with them. To talk like they did in the old days. But those days were gone, and nothing would ever be the same.
“No,” her father said softly. “You’re always going to be broken if you leave without fixing this.”
But he didn’t understand. It wasn’t hers to fix. Annabelle hadn’t broken anything. She was the one who had been broken.
Annabelle pulled out of his embrace and smoothed her skirts. “So what now? You won’t let me leave, and I can’t stay.”
Her father let out the exasperated sigh she’d grown too used to hearing. “Gertie has been asking us to come up for a while now. I’ve been making too many excuses. There are a number of parishioners I need to see and I haven’t been able to spend nearly the time I’d like up here caring for them.”
A familiar tightness closed around Annabelle’s lungs. “Please don’t ask me to—”
“I’m not asking, I’m telling.” Her father stood immovable. “This shouldn’t be a chore. You used to beg to spend more time here. No matter how many days you spent up here, you always wanted more. So for you to be so reluctant to stay up here—”
Her father looked her in the eyes, searching in a way that he hadn’t done before. “Annabelle, if there is some reason, other than you being upset over the loss in our family, then tell me. Otherwise, we’re staying. Long enough for me to finish my work, and, I pray, long enough for you to face the pain that has you so trapped.”
And what if she suffocated in the process? Already her lungs felt like they’d been filled with the dreaded slag from the mines. Her eyes burned. And her heart might shrivel up and die completely. That, she supposed, would be a mercy. Maybe then, the pain would stop.
“What will I do while I’m here?” In the past, she’d visited parishioners, helped with Polly’s chores, and then she and Polly would be on the lookout for—
Annabelle closed her eyes. Henry was gone, and who knew what had become of Polly’s Tom? Regardless, there would be no giggling over weddings and babies.
“Joseph needs your help. If he’s going to find his father’s silver, he can’t have a child underfoot. Mining is dangerous work as it is, and with the man who tried taking Nugget, he needs someone to take care of her.”
“So we’re still in danger?”
Her father shook his head. “Slade found some good tracks and he’s confident that he’ll be able to locate the culprit. You and Nugget will be safe enough with Gertie.”
Leaving Joseph alone. “But what if the man comes after Joseph?”
“I’m glad to see you care about them. Now for you to start caring about the rest of the people in your life.”
Annabelle drew in a breath. “Of course I care about the people in my life. I just…”
The look on her father’s face told a different story. He didn’t need to say it. She already knew that wallowing in her grief had been selfish. But remembering the sadness on Gertie’s face as she reminded Annabelle of the people she’d been shutting out, Annabelle’s excuses seemed rather thin.
“You’re right. I should be more sociable toward Gertie and her family. I should talk to Polly.”
It wouldn’t be enough time to repair the breach, but she could make the effort. Maybe she’d even find the words to mend things with Polly. Of all things she regretted, it was that she’d said such harsh things the last time she’d spoken to the girl who’d once been her best friend.
It wasn’t Polly’s fault Henry had left. She’d merely been the bearer of bad news, and Annabelle had taken her heartbreak out on the other girl.
So many wrongs Annabelle had to make up for.
Her father followed her gaze to where Polly stood. “It would be a good start.”
Annabelle swallowed. Her father didn’t know the half of what had gone on. He’d been visiting a sick parishioner while Annabelle sobbed the whole story to her dying mother. None of them had realized how little time her mother had left, and sometime in the midst of Annabelle’s pain, her mother had died.
She’d already been grieving the losses of Susannah and Peter. But that day, Annabelle had lost the man she’d thought she was going to marry, her best friend, and her mother.
Maybe Gertie was right. Maybe Annabelle hadn’t had to lose everything. But as Nugget’s laughter rang out across the camp, Annabelle wasn’t sure she could risk opening her heart up again. What if she did everything right, and she still lost everything?
Chapter Twelve
Joseph swung the giggling girl in another wide circle.
“More!” Caitlin cried, the air full of her joy.
Nugget stamped her foot. “No! It’s my turn.”
He set Caitlin down and looked at the little girls. “You’ve both had turns, and now my arms are tired. Take a break and play with your dolls.”
They ran toward the stumps where they’d set the dolls for a nap, and Joseph took a seat on another old stump. He hadn’t remembered youngsters being so tiring. Of course his sisters were older, though Bess only by three years. Still, it had been a long time since he’d heard such laughter. Or maybe it only felt that way.
“Joseph!” Frank walked toward him, but Annabelle was nowhere in sight.
Joseph stood. “Is everything all right with Annabelle?” He wanted to kick himself for his impertinence. It wasn’t his place to be concerned for her. “I’m sorry, Frank, I had no right.”
“You care about my daughter. You have every right.” Frank frowned, then looked over at the girls playing before turning his attention back to Joseph.
But this wasn’t attention Joseph wanted. He didn’t have the right. Not when he wouldn’t be there for someone who clearly needed more stability than Joseph could provide.
“I’ve tried to be a friend to Annabelle.”
Frank nodded slowly. “What are your intentions toward my daughter?”
Joseph sighed. “Friendship is all I have to offer. Back home, I have five sisters and a brother to raise.” The giggling girls drew his attention. “And then there’s Nugget.”
A complication he hadn’t dealt with in terms of sharing with his family and figuring out how they were going to incorporate this sweet little girl into their lives. There was no question about his love for Nugget. But telling his siblings, and getting them to accept her…
“Does she know that?” Concern filled Frank’s eyes.
He hadn’t said so in so many words, but he knew where he stood in terms of Annabelle.
“When we were stuck on the mountain, I proposed in case there were any repercussions to her reputation. She made it clear her answer was no, even if her reputation suffered.”
Only Frank stared at him like he was crazy. “Any woman with pride is going to say no under those circumstances.” He looked at Joseph hard. “But the way you take up for her, it’s got to make her wonder if your feelings aren’t deeper.”
They were. But feelings didn’t make for a decent marriage. He couldn’t be the kind of husband she or any other woman deserved.
“I’m sure she understands.”
But as the words came out of his mouth, he wondered if this was what Annabelle felt sometimes. Wanting to give the right answer, but not sure if he himself believed it.
Joseph shook his head. “I’ll be sure she’s clear on my plans.”
The preacher looked at him with the same kind of look Joseph often gave Annabelle. He didn’t believe him for a second. “It’s been my experience that love doesn’t always follow people’s plans.”
Love? That’s not what he and Annabelle had.
But Frank didn’t give him a chance to refute that statement. Gertie was striding toward them, clearly intent on whatever purpose that brought her.
“Is everything all right?” Frank’s attention to Gertie clearly indicated that their conversation was over, as well.
Joseph started in the direction where Gertie had come from.
“Everything’s fine.” Gertie held a hand out. “I was coming to let you know the living arrangements up here. Annabelle’s going to watch Nugget while you search for your pa’s silver.”
“I’d thought to have Nugget with me.” Joseph glanced in the direction of the two girls playing. His sister seemed to be thriving in this environment, but with everything, he didn’t want her far from him.
“It would make more sense if Nugget stayed here.” Gertie smiled, then glanced in the direction of the girls playing in the distance. “The mountains are no place for a child. With the trouble you faced at the cabin, it’s even more dangerous. You’ll be able to avoid the bandits easier if you don’t have a child to protect. And, well, I could use the company for Caitlin. She’s been lost without Susannah, and this is the longest I’ve seen a smile on her face since.”
The longing on the older woman’s face would have been enough to get him to say yes, even if he’d been inclined to say no.
As much as it pained him to admit it, Gertie was right. He wouldn’t be able to protect his sister and find his pa’s treasure.
“Annabelle won’t mind?”
Frank and Gertie exchanged an uneasy look. Of course Annabelle minded. She’d made it clear that she’d rather be anywhere but here.
“She understands the importance of keeping Nugget safe,” Frank finally said.
Not the same as not minding, but Joseph was hardly in a position to argue Annabelle’s cause.
Her father was already concerned about the possibility of Annabelle falling in love with him. Even if Annabelle thought nothing of it, he had to be careful of people’s talk. And of taking up for her out of—simple human decency, that’s what it was. But her father didn’t seem to understand.
“It’s settled then.” Gertie gave him a wide smile.
What kind of life would it be with people around them who cared about one another? Annabelle had no idea how fortunate she was.
“Come on, girls,” Gertie called in a booming voice, and they came running.
He hadn’t seen such a big smile on Nugget’s face before. It had to have been a hard life, living the way she had. He hadn’t asked a lot about what had gone on in that situation. He hadn’t really wanted t
o. It was too painful to hear about the woman who had stolen his pa’s affections.
They walked back to the main area, back to the noise and chaos of the mining camp. They stopped at a tent a couple of yards from Gertie’s cabin.
“This is where you’ll be sleeping,” she said with authority. “My boys sleep here in the summer. It’s plenty warm when the weather’s nice. They’re already up working with Collin. The wages are good, and it’s enough until Collin makes his own strike.”
“And then he’ll work that mine?”
“My, no.” Gertie smiled in the same indulgent way she looked at the girls. “Pretty much all of the mines here are owned by the big companies. It’s too expensive to buy the equipment needed to get the silver. That’s the real dream here. To find a big enough strike that someone will buy it and you can go retire somewhere. I’ve got a sister in Denver, and it sure would be nice to be closer to her.”
He hadn’t thought of it that way. Of what would happen if he struck silver. “So why would my pa be hiding the fact that he found silver if he was going to sell it to the corporation?”
Gertie shrugged. “Either it wasn’t quite enough to interest the corporations, or he was digging deeper to find a higher price.” She looked deep in thought for a moment, and then looked at him. “Or the land he was prospecting wasn’t his own.”
She gave a quick nod and half smile as she looked over at Nugget. “No disrespect to your pa intended. It happens, though.”
“Would it explain the people after Nugget?”
Gertie shrugged. “Perhaps. We can talk about that once we get settled.”
Gertie pointed to the cabin across the small fire pit area. “That’s where Nugget will be sleeping. She’ll be sharing the loft with Annabelle, Polly and Caitlin.”
Nugget’s face lit up. “You mean it? I get to stay here with Caitlin?”
Both girls squealed with delight, not waiting for a response, but running into the cabin.
“I’d rather have Nugget in my tent. To protect her.”
Gertie shook her head. “I’m afraid that wouldn’t look proper. I know she’s your sister and all, but being that she came from a woman of—” she mouthed the words ill repute “—folks wouldn’t be comfortable with her in a tent full of men.”
Love Inspired Historical November 2014 Page 82
