by C. C. Coburn
“I don’t have much in the fridge to offer for dinner,” Grace said. “But I could whip up a quiche and salad. That’s pretty simple.”
“Sounds great,” Jack said. “I take it you’re not up to going out tonight?”
Grace drew in a huge breath. “Thanks, but no. I’m drained and I’d like to work on the forms for a couple of hours before we leave for Denver in the morning.”
Jack laid his palm against her cheek. “I could help with that, too.”
“Thanks. But you have enough on your plate. Beth has those new plans for you to give us a quote on—I can see this costing a whole lot more than I’d budgeted for, but I think it’s going to be worth it.”
Just as soon as she’d got the approvals done and the work started and Frank established on a course of coronary care, she’d head back to Boston. She couldn’t keep pretending she might stay in Spruce Lake. The daily emails from the clinic she shared with other specialists, asking when she expected to return, were making it harder and harder to resist the call of helping others. She’d just needed a break from medicine, to regroup. Well, she’d had that and now it was time to think about getting on with the rest of her life.
In spite of how Grace felt about him, she and Jack didn’t have a future. There was too great a risk that he’d find out the truth. He’d hate her forever if he did, and that—more than the thought of moving halfway across the country and never seeing him again—was motivating her decision to leave Spruce Lake forever.
Chapter Eighteen
She’d miss this, Grace thought, the comfortable companionship she and Jack shared as they worked together in her tiny kitchen. He was not only easy on the eyes, he was easy company. Intelligent and with a keen sense of humor and social justice, he was everything she could want in a man. Yet she’d thrown all of that away thirteen years ago.
For a short while, she’d fantasized that they could “do over” their lives. But every time she got to the part where she decided to keep Amelia, everything went south. She could never envision being free of financial struggle and she’d seen too many marriages break down under that kind of financial strain. Grace had been poor growing up, and she didn’t want that for her child, couldn’t bear that her irresponsible actions had brought another child into the world who’d be denied opportunities. She’d lived that life herself, only escaping through the hard work that gained her a college scholarship. When she’d discovered she was pregnant she’d called her mother, who’d talked her into not telling Jack, begging her not to give up her dreams in order to marry him. When she’d asked if her mother regretted marrying her father, and having Grace, she’d said, “What else would I do? I’m not qualified for anything. And besides that, I love your father. I belong with him. But you—get an abortion!”
After all these years, all the disappointments, Grace’s mother still loved her father. Could she and Jack have ended up that way? Penniless but in love? It wasn’t enough for Grace. It would never be enough.
She’d made the right decision in the end—for both her and their baby—but she still regretted it every day of her life. Strange how her mother had just assumed that Grace had taken her advice.
Jack leaned toward her and kissed her cheek, then went back to beating the custard for the quiche.
Grace mentally shook herself. She had to stop thinking about this. But the more time she spent with Jack, the more guilt she felt over her choice to give Amelia up and her failure to confess the truth to the baby’s father.
“You’re miles away. What’s up?” he said, and poured the mix onto the premade pie crust Grace had set out. She placed the quiche in the oven, turned toward him, trying to distract him from further questions. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Nothing,” she said. “Want to make out?”
Jack’s eyes glittered with arousal. “If you insist,” he said, and lifted her onto the countertop.
* * *
GRACE’S PHONE RANG. As Jack blindly groped for it on the counter behind her, still kissing her neck, he knocked her wallet to the floor. He handed the phone to Grace and bent to retrieve the wallet, noticing that a photograph had fallen out. He picked it up and was about to slip it back inside, when he realized it was a photo of Grace. She looked no older than she had when she’d graduated from high school, and she was holding a baby—a newborn, tightly bundled baby. He lifted the picture to eye level and his gaze collided with Grace’s.
She was whiter than a ghost. “I’ll call you back,” she said, her fingers shaking as she switched off her phone.
“Who is this?” he asked.
The tears brimming in Grace’s eyes terrified him. “Who is this, Grace?” he demanded.
She pressed her lips together and for a moment he was afraid she wouldn’t answer him. He turned the photo over. On the back were the words Amelia 6 lbs., 11 oz. May 25, 2000.
He swallowed as he read the date and looked up at Grace again. Her lips were still tightly clamped but she could no longer hold back the tears. They welled from her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.
At last she said, “She’s...our daughter.”
Jack grasped the counter to steady himself. A thousand questions swirled through his mind, some more frightening than others. The worst was: if Grace had never mentioned her, did that mean she’d died?
He finally found his voice and asked, “Where is she?”
Grace slid off the countertop and reached out to him but he held the photograph firmly between them. “Where is she?” he demanded again. “What happened to her?”
“Jack...” she said, and faltered. “It’s a long story.”
“The short version will do,” he snapped. “Where is my daughter?”
“I...gave her up for adoption.”
Jack’s knees almost buckled. The relief that his daughter hadn’t died was quickly replaced with anger so deep and bitter he could taste it. “You what?” he roared, barely able to keep control of his roiling emotions. Grace had given birth to their baby? Grace had given their baby away?
“I told you it was a long story,” she said, moving toward him again. “Please. Let’s sit down. I can explain everything.”
Jack stepped back, feeling as if her touch would make this nightmare real.
“I don’t want to hear any explanations. There’s no forgiveness for what you’ve done,” he said. “Tell me where my daughter is and I’ll go and get her. That’s all I want. I don’t want you. I don’t want your lies. I don’t want you in my life! Just tell me where she is!”
Grace swiped at her tears, but Jack was so angry he was immune to them, immune to anything she might be suffering because what he was feeling was so much worse.
“I can’t,” she said, her voice breaking.
“What? You just gave our baby away to a pair of strangers? Did you walk up to someone on the streets of Boston and just hand her over?” He wanted to hurt her, the way she’d hurt him. “Or...or better yet, sell her?”
Grace’s slap caught him unawares.
“How dare you!” she cried.
Jack gripped her arms. “No! How dare you! How dare you have our baby and not tell me! How dare you give her away! How dare you not let me have the opportunity to be part of her life. To be a father to her.” He paced the tiny apartment, furious with Grace. “And you’ve been back here how long? Why didn’t you tell me when I started work on the house? How could you have flirted with me for so long and kept this from me? You’ve been lying to me from the start!”
“If you’d let me explain—”
“No!” He cut her off. “There is no explanation that can justify this, Grace!”
“You were eighteen and halfway around the world—”
“Don’t make this my fault!” Jack hissed. “You had my baby, you didn’t tell me anything about it, then you gave her away!”
With all the shouting, Millie had gone to sit at Grace’s feet. She looked at Jack, her head tilted as if trying to figure out what was going on.
He s
trode back to Grace, inches from her face, challenging her to look away, to hide her shame. “You have not only deprived me of knowing my daughter, you’ve deprived my parents of being grandparents to her, my brothers being uncles, her cousins from knowing her! Did you think about that even once, Grace? Did you think about anyone other than yourself in this whole scenario?”
When she didn’t respond, he felt vindicated. He bent to scratch Millie’s ear, letting her know he wasn’t mad at her. He was rewarded with a warm lick. At least one of the females in this room has a heart, he thought bitterly.
“Your career was more important than our child, was that it?”
Without waiting for her answer, he stormed to the door, wrenched it open and looked back at her.
“I never want to see you again,” he said and, with as much constraint as he could muster, went outside and slammed the door behind him.
Enraged at her betrayal, Jack stumbled down the steps, climbed into Betsy and thundered out of the parking area, his wheels spinning in the gravel.
Chapter Nineteen
Jack tore out of Spruce Lake, so blinded by rage that he didn’t see the sheriff’s department vehicle coming in the opposite direction. Before he could react and take his foot off the accelerator, the other truck’s lights and siren were going and it made a U-turn to pursue him.
He pulled Betsy over and waited while it parked behind him. “Crap!” he muttered as he saw Matt jump out of the other vehicle and walk toward his car. He was tempted to make a break for it, while Matt was too far from his vehicle to give immediate chase—but Matt would catch him soon enough and then he’d really have some explaining to do. He didn’t want Matt seeing him in this state, didn’t want to admit why he was so upset. He needed time to digest everything he’d learned tonight and he couldn’t do that with Matt interrogating him.
So he rolled down the window and said, “Just give me the ticket and save the lecture.”
“Oh, you’ll get the lecture, all right,” Matt said, resting his hands on Betsy’s window frame. “And the tick—” Matt halted midsentence and stuck his head inside to get a closer look at Jack. “What the hell happened to you?”
Jack scrubbed his eyes. “Dust.”
“The hell it is! What’s up, buddy?”
The concern in Matt’s voice choked Jack up even more. “Nothing. I just need to be on my own.”
Matt opened the door and started getting in. “Move over,” he said, “we’re taking a brotherly drive.”
Jack knew there was no point in arguing with Matt. He was the most stubborn of the brothers.
“Let’s go to Inspiration Point,” Matt suggested.
“What? So we can neck?” Jack retorted.
“If you like,” Matt said, and looked across at him.
Jack ignored his brother’s teasing and stared through the windshield. No amount of gentle mockery could improve his mood.
Matt forgot to change gears as they rounded the bend toward Inspiration Point and cursed under his breath. “Stick shifts!” he muttered as he shoved Betsy into gear.
“Careful!” Jack warned. “She’s not as young as she used to be.”
Matt patted Betsy’s dash in apology and said, “This is the longest relationship you’ve ever had with a woman.”
Jack crossed his arms. “Well, it’s over, so forget it.”
“What? You and Betsy are calling it quits?” Matt said with a grin. “Apart from a brief flirtation with that floozy Al’s driving now, you’ve been faithful to Betsy for how many years?” Matt changed down as the gradient up the hill to the Point increased. This time he was more gentle on Betsy. Gentle on the gears and gentle on the clutch.
“Grace had our baby and gave her up for adoption,” Jack blurted.
“Whoa!” Matt cried as he nearly steered Betsy off the precipice. He fought the wheel and brought the old truck to a stop on the shoulder, cut the ignition and turned to Jack. “Run that by me again?”
“Grace had our baby, gave her up for adoption and never told me.” Jack dug his knuckles into his eyes.
He felt Matt’s hand on his shoulder, felt its warmth and strength.
“Tell me about it,” Matt urged.
“Grace and I made love for the first and last time just before she left for college. The birth control must’ve failed. She got pregnant, didn’t tell me and...because of her precious career aspirations, she gave our baby away.”
Unable to stay in the truck with all his pent-up anger, Jack pushed open the door and got out, striding from Matt and Betsy.
It didn’t take Matt long to catch up and pull Jack into a brotherly bear hug. Jack forced himself not to cling. He’d already shown enough weakness to his big brother; he couldn’t let down his guard any further. “She had no intention of telling me any of this! I hate her! I didn’t think I could hate anyone, but I do.” He tried to pull out of the other man’s embrace, but his brother held fast.
“Well, that’s a relief to hear, buddy.”
The comment surprised Jack. He’d been expecting Matt to defend Grace because that was what Matt did. He was the family protector. No wonder he’d become a cop!
Matt let go of him. “Because if you were indifferent, I’d be worried that there was no hope of salvaging this,” his brother said. “You hate her at the moment, but deep down you really love her.”
“I can do without your twisted pop psychology.”
“Let’s talk this out,” Matt said, drawing Jack toward Betsy. He leaned against her and said, “Why didn’t she tell you about the baby?”
“I don’t know.”
Matt nodded. “Then why did she give the baby up?”
“I don’t know.”
“Seems there’s a lot you don’t know about the circumstances, yet you’re going off half-cocked and hating Grace.”
“What part of ‘Grace gave our baby up and didn’t tell me’ don’t you understand?”
“Truthfully? Most of it. Grace is a good woman. There has to be a good reason. It’s a pity you didn’t bother hanging around to find out what it was.”
When Jack remained silent, staring at the ground, struggling with his emotions, Matt said, “Let’s go see her. Talk it out.”
“No! I can’t talk to her. I can’t forgive her.”
“Just as well you didn’t take those final vows, Jack. You’d have made a lousy priest.”
Jack’s head snapped up at that. “Maybe so, but I’d like to think I’d have been a damned good father to my child.”
* * *
FOR A GOOD FIVE MINUTES Grace stood stiffly, staring at the front door of her tiny apartment, hands clenched by her sides as she willed the tears not to fall. Jack’s words played over and over in her brain. And then the tears came, tears she had no control over, tears she’d held inside for too long. They flowed down her cheeks as she gulped for air and grabbed for the tissues. How could she ever have thought of leaving this place? Of leaving Jack? It wasn’t until he’d stormed out of her life that she knew she needed him in her life.
Millie whined softly, and Grace sank to the floor and hugged her dog. “I’ve done something terrible, Millie, and I don’t know how to make it right,” she said, burying her face against Millie’s soft fur.
Millie licked her as if that were the cure to all suffering. Grace half smiled and said, “What would I do without you, Millie?” That brought on a fresh bout of crying.
She’d messed up so badly but Grace knew that succumbing to self-pity wasn’t going to help. If nothing else, she owed Jack an explanation, and since he wasn’t ready to hear it in person she’d write to him. And then she was getting out of Spruce Lake—forever! She wiped her eyes and scrambled to her feet.
After washing her face, Grace returned the call she’d had to interrupt earlier.
Dr. Rivers accepted her apology for cutting him off and said, “I was calling to ask if we could move that appointment to 8:00 a.m. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’ve got an urgent meeting.”
/> Grace knew how pressed good doctors were for time. “That’s fine, Dr. Rivers,” she assured him. “I’m just grateful you could fit Mr. Farquar in on such short notice.”
“You’re welcome. See you in the morning,” he said.
Grace called the Farquars and told Edna about the change of plans. Far from finding it an inconvenience, the older woman said, “The sooner, the better, Grace. We’ll stop by your place at six tomorrow. We’ll need to leave early in case of traffic.”
Hoping the other woman hadn’t been aware of Grace’s teary voice before they hung up, Grace went into her bedroom and hauled out her suitcases. There was no point in staying here any longer. She’d continue to do what was needed to start the clinic because she’d made a commitment to Lucy, but as for staying and working in Spruce Lake—that just wasn’t going to happen. She’d go back to Boston, pick up where she’d left off. And she was going to try to forget the man she loved.
Millie wandered into the room and looked at her curiously. “Want to come to Boston with me?” she asked.
Millie wagged her tail excitedly.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’ Come here.” She held out her arms and Millie hopped over to her and let Grace hug her tightly. The dog’s unconditional love tore at Grace’s heart. She’d been so hell-bent on going to college, on becoming a doctor, amassing wealth, being the opposite of what her parents were, that she’d—
She’d lost sight of who she was.
* * *
SUITCASES PACKED, GRACE sat down at her tiny dining room table, where she’d shared such happy lunches and suppers with Jack, and wrote short notes to several people regarding her abrupt departure from Spruce Lake. The first was to Sally, apologizing for deserting her but promising to be available anytime she needed to talk about Aaron, or any of her children. Another to Lucy, explaining that while Lucy had her full support for the clinic, she’d be working remotely from Boston, doing the paperwork and submitting it online. The last note was to Edna Carmichael-Farquar. This was harder to write because she would have to deceive the elderly couple all morning. Tomorrow, she’d attend Frank’s appointment and then afterward ask them to drop her at the airport, saying she needed to return to Boston immediately.
