Seeing him there made my heart do a flip-flop. But he didn’t look up, didn’t move, and I closed my eyes and exhaled sharply before clearing my throat.
When Benjamin looked up, our eyes met and instantly, I felt a hot, nervous sizzle in my belly.
This is it, I told myself. Just keep it together, for the sake of your job. Keep it together, Jess. You can do this. You’re strong.
But as soon as he got to his feet, I felt all of my strength and resolve fly out the window. That same potent mixture of hurt and anger and hot, tempestuous lust flared powerfully inside of me and I took a deep breath, putting my hands on my hips and staring him down.
“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly.
Benjamin didn’t tear his eyes from mine as he walked closer. Up close, I had forgotten how his sapphire-blue eyes were flecked with green and gold. I had forgotten how his hair was parted slightly to the side – even when it was close-cropped, it was easy to tell. There was a slight hint of salt and pepper in his dark brows and somehow that little detail wrenched my heart to the side.
It’s because it reminds me of all the time that passed without him, I realized, my heart leaping into my throat.
“We need to talk, Jess,” Benjamin said in a low voice.
I swallowed. I had the strangest urge to turn on my heel and run away, to flee from the only man who I had ever loved.
And I had a stronger urge – a darker, lustier one – to throw myself into his arms and pound his chest with my fists and kiss him, taste him again, remember just why every moment of our time together had felt like being high on the world’s most potent drug.
“Okay,” I said finally. “So, talk to me.” I narrowed my eyes and stared into his face, willing the answers to come from his mouth. I had forgotten that we were standing in the front hall of the radio station, had forgotten that we weren’t the last two people left on the planet. The walls and background noises fell away as Benjamin stepped closer, making my heart lurch dangerously off to the side.
“We should go somewhere,” Benjamin said. He broke the intense eye contact and glanced over my shoulder.
“I can leave.” I spoke without thinking although as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt a hot flash of anger.
“And so can you, apparently,” I snapped.
Benjamin didn’t flinch at my insult. He didn’t look wounded, or sad, or even conflicted.
Instead, he looked so serious, so grave that it made my stomach do an anxious, hurried flip in my body.
“That’s what I wanted to talk about,” Benjamin said quietly. He jerked his head to the side, gesturing for me to follow him outside into the parking lot.
After a moment, I did.
The day outside was grey and humid, entirely too warm for winter, yet I shivered as I followed Benjamin to a large black Land Rover parked in the lot. It seemed to dwarf the other cars, and I hesitated for a moment before putting my hand on the passenger side door and yanking it open.
As soon as I was sitting up on the high leather seat, so far up from the ground, I began to breathe fast and hard. Was I doing the right thing? I had literally just walked out of a job because of my ex-boyfriend, the man who I hadn’t spoken to in years.
What the fuck was I doing, anyway? I couldn’t afford to take risks like this – not when I had a little girl to look after and care for. If I lost my job, what would I do then? Anger simmered deep inside of me. Benjamin never had to worry about this shit. He came from a wealthy family, and he could do what he liked. He never had to worry about keeping a barely-above-minimum wage job, after giving up his career dreams to be a single parent.
I was just about to yank open the door and launch myself out of the Land Rover when the driver’s side door opened and Benjamin climbed inside. Feeling his presence so close to me and smelling his cologne made all rational thoughts go flying out of my head.
If he hadn’t started the SUV, I would have smacked him.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” Benjamin asked. His dark blue eyes flicked over to me and I felt my jaw drop.
“Are you kidding me,” I hissed.
Benjamin stared at me, his brow furrowed. “No,” he said. “I mean, I thought you’d ... well, I thought you’d want to be somewhere public with me.”
I glared at him. Inside, I felt so many emotions, so many conflicting things, that I could hardly breathe. My chest tightened and ached and I swallowed hard so I wouldn’t throw up.
I was a mess – and if I had to be somewhere in public with Benjamin, I couldn’t guarantee that I’d hold it together. I could just see it now: AREA WOMAN ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT WITH MASHED POTATOES AT LOCAL DINER.
“No,” I shouted. “I don’t fucking want anything to eat.”
Benjamin swallowed. A muscle twitched in his jaw, and he kept his hands on the wheel for a long time before pressing his foot down on the gas pedal.
Finally, after what felt like an age, Land Rover shot out of the parking lot, carrying us into the unknown.
16
Benjamin
My heart was thudding in my chest as I pulled out of the parking lot with Jessamine beside me. I hadn’t been this close to her in years, and just the scent of her floral, light perfume was overwhelming. She was breathing hard and her ripe tits were bouncing and heaving with each inhalation of air. She kept staring straight ahead at the windshield, not looking at me, and it was straight-up torture.
I didn’t know where she wanted me to go, and I didn’t ask.
Instead, I drove out of Wilmington, into the marshes and the trees. I kept the Land Rover going until we found ourselves on a dirt road, and then suddenly in my heart, I knew where we were going. I hadn’t been there in years, but the road still looked almost exactly the same.
It was like Jessie and I were traveling back in time.
I was taking her to our outlook – the same one where we’d parked and made out and fucked as college students. Where we’d first confessed our love to each other. Where I’d first realized that unless I had Jessie in my life, my life wouldn’t be worth living.
Jessie was silent – she hadn’t spoken to me since telling me that she didn’t want anything to eat. I didn’t play the radio or any of the playlists I had on my phone. The air between us was tense and charged, and I could scarcely breathe without feeling like my heart was about to pound straight out of my ribs and make for the woods. Over the last few years, I’d been frightened a handful of times, and not just because of the Somalian pirates. There had been bad storms, weather that had rocked the ship from side to side until nearly everyone on board had vomited.
But admitting to being frightened? That was something I hadn’t ever done in my life. And the idea of telling Jessie just how desperately afraid I was now, afraid of losing her, was fucking terrifying.
What if it’s already too late, I thought as the Land Rover rumbled down a dirt road. What if she’s going to turn to me with that blank look in her eyes and tell me that there’s no way we can ever be together again?
The Land Rover launched forward and bumped over a rough patch on the road, jostling Jessie’s curves beside me. She was clinging to the door with both of her soft, pale hands and I remembered when, years ago, we’d make this ride and every jounce of the SUV would make her giggle and shriek with happiness and excitement. She’d roll the window down, even in the dead of winter, and stick her head out of the window, laughing and squealing as the fresh air whipped her brown curls off her pale face.
She wasn’t giggling now.
The outlook came into view and I slowed the Land Rover, then eased it to a stop and hesitated before shifting it into park. Jessie had turned almost completely away from me – the silhouette of her curves in the sun-dappled SUV was enough to set my heart on fire.
I swallowed. My heart was still pounding – now that I was here, how would I tell her everything? The truth about where I’d been. How much I still loved her.
How fucking sorry I was, and
how I’d do anything to make amends and get her back.
“Jess, I—”
At the sound of my voice, Jessie whipped around so quickly that for a moment, her lovely round face was obscured by a tangle of brunette curls. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and glared hotly at me.
“Wait a fucking second,” she snapped. “You think you get to talk first?”
I stared at her. This was the hot-tempered, spitfire Jessie that I remembered ... but her ire had never been so blatantly directed at me before. We’d had our fights, usually loud ones, that always culminated in an intense makeout session. But I’d never seen her look like this before, not even the other day when I’d first surprised her at her work.
“Yeah,” Jessie said. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her ripe bust. “Now you know what it’s like to be speechless, huh?”
“I don’t—”
“No,” Jessie countered loudly. “You don’t get to tell me what to do right now! Do you have any idea, any fucking idea how upset and angry and fucking sad I’ve been over the last five years?”
I swallowed hard.
“Why the fuck did you do that, anyway, you fucking coward!” Jessie yelled. Her cheeks were pink and angry and her big brown eyes were narrowed into slits.
I didn’t say anything. My heart was in my throat – I’d never been dressed down like this before, not even by a CO.
“And you hurt me!” Jessie yelled. She clamped her pink lips together and I saw her pulse racing in her throat – her heart was beating as fast as a rabbit’s.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally, my voice loud and clear. “I never meant to do that. Jessie, I swear, I love you.”
Jessie’s mouth opened and she stared at me for a moment, like a fish, before clamping her lips together again.
“I never stopped loving you,” I said firmly. “I’ve thought about you every day for years, but—”
And just like that, she was in my arms. She practically wrestled her way out of the Land Rover’s seatbelt and flowed across the space between the captain’s chairs, pressing her curves and her skin against me in a desperate, passionate embrace. When I felt the urgent pressure of her soft lips against my own, I groaned. A hot wave of heated, intense lust washed over me and my nerves tingled and exploded with excitement. Jessie moaned as my tongue found its way between her lips and tasted her, tasted her familiar, delicious self. She wrapped her arms around my neck and gasped as I broke the kiss and nibbled on her lower lip.
We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, our hearts beating frantic twin tattoos. Jessie pressed her forehead against mine and kissed me again, wetly, her tongue sloshing and dancing against mine. The reaction in my body was immediate – my cock sprang to attention and even my balls began to ache with passion and lust. Jessie ran her hands down my body and practically ripped my shirt away from my body, tearing the fabric and scattering buttons everywhere. She cried out with pleasure as I took her in my arms and kissed her again and again, sucking on her lips and tongue and moving my mouth down to her earlobe. Jessie arched her back, exposing her pale, rounded neck and gasped when I kissed a hot, fiery trail down to the collar of her shirt.
My muscles were aching and straining as I took her into my arms and shifted the both of us to the big back seat of the Land Rover, pinning her down against the leather and pushing one of my muscular thighs between her legs. Jessie gasped at the delicious pressure to her pussy and moaned, spreading her legs wide and rubbing herself against my leg. Her face was pink and rosy and a bright red flush was creeping up her neck. Her hands fumbled with her shirt but I batted them away and took the hem in my own hands.
“Let me do that,” I growled.
Jessie blushed even redder and gave a brief nod of her head as I lifted the loose tunic she wore over her head and threw it to the floorboards of the SUV. Beneath her shirt, she wore a thick, lacy bra that didn’t manage to conceal the stiff circles of her nipples. Her tits were magnificent – pale and plump and veined, even bigger than I remember, and I growled with dark lust as I ripped the bra away from her body and lowered my face into her cleavage. She smelled powdery and floral and soft and my cock ached with desire as I moved my face from one tit to the other, licking and sucking and biting at her nipples.
Jessie moaned loudly, rubbing her hands over my head and leaning into my mouth. A cry, unlike anything I’d ever heard before emerged from her lips as I moved my hand lower and pressed between her legs, feeling the lines of her panties through her leggings. Even through two layers of fabric, I could feel how her pussy was hot and throbbing for me and I groaned when she took my hand and shoved it into the elastic waistband of her leggings.
God, just touching her again was almost enough to set me off. The musky, intoxicating scent of her pussy juice filled my nose and I breathed in deep as I pulled my hand free of her panties and sniffed my fingers. I’d missed her smell so fucking much that it almost hurt to experience it again and greedily, I licked my fingers, tasting her, wanting a piece of her inside of me forever.
Jessie gasped and wriggled underneath me, begging for more. She pulled her ruined bra away from her torso, exposing herself completely to me.
“Ben,” Jessie gasped. “Please, don’t stop touching me.”
As always with Jessie, I was powerless not to obey her every wish.
17
Jessie
I couldn’t think about what I was doing – what we were doing – or I knew that I’d come to my senses and push Benjamin away. But he felt so good, so powerful, so strong on top of me that I closed my eyes and surrendered to the intense ecstasy of his hands on my body, his lips on mine, planting white-hot kisses along my nipples and breasts. Ben’s mouth moved lower and he closed his eyes and inhaled again. I blushed hotly knowing that he was enjoying the smell of my pussy and closed my eyes, spreading my legs and arching my back. His muscular torso rippled on top of me and I ran my hands over him without looking, feeling every taut movement, every strain, every push of his body on mine.
My entire body felt like it was on fire as Benjamin pulled the waistband of my leggings down over my round hips, down my calves and yanked them over my feet, leaving my clad only in panties beneath his enormous bulk. He crawled up and over my body, then laced my fingers with his and put my hands over my head. When his lips found mine and kissed me, I moaned loudly into his mouth and nipped at his lower lip.
Ben groaned with obvious pleasure. He took both of my wrists in one of his gigantic hands and held them steady, then moved his free hand between my legs and rubbed gently at my pussy through my panties. His touch was electrifying and I gasped as he pulled the wet crotch of my panties to the side and found my clit with his thumb. He stroked and rubbed me in slow, delectable circles until I was whimpering and bucking my hips, eager and desperate for more pleasure.
“Please,” I whimpered. “Please, please don’t stop!”
Benjamin slid a finger inside of my pussy and rubbed at my G-spot as his thumb continued stroking my clit. The material of my panties tangled and twisted between my legs and I blushed hotly as I felt it rub against the tender bud of my asshole, only adding to the orgasmic sensations that were skyrocketing through my body. Ben took his hand away and I gasped and wriggled my hips towards him, wanting more. My eyes shot open just in time to see Benjamin tear my panties away from my body, leaving me completely naked beneath him. He rose to his knees and we locked eyes as he undid his belt and fly, then pushed his pants and boxers down his body in a single, smooth motion that made my heart leap. When his cock sprang free, I cried out with the sheer force of the desire running through me. He was so beautiful, so tough, so strong that I could hardly look at him without reaching for him and pulling him close.
When our naked bodies twined and tangled together, I moaned into his neck. Ben pushed a rough, hard thigh between my legs and began to rub at my pussy, sending shockwaves of pleasure through my body with every motion of his leg. We kissed hotly, our mouths sealed to
gether as Ben tangled his hands through my hair and pulled my face to his. All I could do was breathe in, inhale the scent of his sweat and musk that filled my senses to the brim.
In all of our years together before, it had never been like this. It was like Ben was kissing a layer of me that had never seen the world before, like he was peeling back my skin and exposing the true me, the real me, the me that I wouldn’t even recognize now. It felt vulnerable and raw but the experience was so intoxicating that I couldn’t stop if, not even if I had wanted to.
I ran my hands over Ben’s taut, muscular shoulders and squeezed his arms as I spread my legs. He shifted on top of me and I felt his cock pressing against my pussy lips, teasing me, threatening to slide inside of me and fill me forever if I’d let him. With a soft moan, I arched my back and opened myself as wide as possible so that Ben could take me and fill me with delicious, heavenly pleasure.
Ben’s cock filled me in one smooth motion, burying himself inside of me to the hilt until I nearly screamed with fulfillment. Damp beads of sweat dripped from Ben’s body to my own and I shivered as the salty drops fell on my face, my torso, my round pale belly between our bodies.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby,” Ben growled in my ear. His hips began to buck, pushing and pulling his cock in and out of me. I rocked my body in motion with his, creating a vicious rhythm that was so addictive I could hardly breathe. As our bodies moved together in perfect harmony, Ben put his hands to my nipples. He toyed with them, pinching and pulling and rolling them in his rough fingers. Hot liquid pleasure rose inside of me like a geyser and I cried out, gasping and trembling and shaking as I buried my face in his neck. His thrusts grew more intense and I wrapped my thighs around his waist, rubbing my clit against his pubic bone in a desperate attempt for even more bliss.
Secret Baby: A Second Chance Navy SEAL Romance (Forbidden First Times Book 4) Page 11
